Before the Dawn
By Atonia
(Picture creations also by Atonia)
"Terry…"
"Did you think I wouldn’t come?" he said against her lips and moved, leaving a trail of kisses across her cheek and down her neck.
"I wasn’t sure." Toni closed her eyes tightly, tears still seeping from the corners. "What time is it?"
"5:00," he lied.
She held him tighter and his lips found hers.
The cottage slept on for another half hour and down the hall in the nursery John Biebe was dreaming; Claire was waking up and he was waiting for Donna to get up and go to her. He turned on the daybed and almost rolled off. Catching himself he groggily moved back onto the mattress and heard a distinct little laugh. He turned, getting his bearings. He wasn’t home. He was in the cottage at Hartley Wintney and sleeping in Maxi’s nursery. Maxi was awake and curious to find John in his room. He’d got himself into a sitting position holding onto the bars of the crib so he could see better.
"Ohf," John muttered and sat up, reaching for his watch. 6:30…the middle of the night. Maxi had something to say about that.
"Mornin’, little fella. What you doin’ up?" John sat there for a minute then went over to the crib and picked him up, He was wet so he found the diaper stacker and changed his diaper. You always knew they were wet when they woke up. "Now what do we do?" It was way too early for this, he thought. Maxi wanted to play.
Connie’s baby radar woke her and she looked over in the bed…no Max, and sighed. Reaching for her robe she opened her bedroom door and glanced down the hall. She could see him lying at the top of the stairs and shook her head. Maxi first. She opened the nursery door.
"John…oh, did Maxi wake you?"
"Hey, Connie. Yeah, but it’s okay. I just haven’t got used to the time difference.
"I’ll take him. He wants a bottle." Connie took Maxi downstairs, sidestepping her husband at the top of the stairs, pausing for a moment, looking at him. He was going to hurt all over today from sleeping in such a position. At the bottom of the stairs she looked out of the window and saw Terry’s vehicle in the drive. "Oh, thank God!" she said quietly. Relief spread all over her as she walked back to the kitchen.
John ambled over to the window and looked out. It was still dark but not dark enough he couldn’t see Terry’s SUV in the drive. "Fucker!" he said under his breath.
Jack left the guest room and found the bathroom at the end of the hall. Doors opening and closing had stirred him from a restless night. He exited a little later, finding John in the hallway waiting to get in.
"Have you seen Max?" he asked Jack.
"I haven’t seen anything this morning. Did he come?"
"Who, Terry? Oh, yeah, he’s here. Max is in danger of sliding down the stairs but I need to get in there for a minute."
Jack walked the hallway to the top of the stairs, leaned over and shook Max. Out…passed out by the smell of him. He grabbed him under the arms and pulled him away from the stairs. Leaning against the wall waiting for John, he hoped maybe they could get him in a bed somewhere. Well, at least when he came to his world would still be intact. He smiled a little, thinking of what Max was going to do. Surprising what he had in him when it came down to it.
"Lend a hand. I think we might get him in a bed." Jack and John lifted Max and carried him to his room and dumped him on the bed. Max roused up a little and turned over in the bed. He wasn’t of any world right now.
"What? Is he drunk?"
"Yes, John, and with good reason. If Terry hadn’t shown up…"
"Yeah, I know. He was sending Connie back today. I know what he had planned to do. Now he won’t have to and I’m glad. He’s got a cute little boy who needs him and a good wife, too."
"Hmm, I wonder what he will feel about it all when he comes to himself? He’s always wanted Toni and now…."
"That depends on what the fuck Terry does next. I’m about tired of his shit."
"I believe a cup of coffee would be good about now." Jack walked toward the door with John. He took another look at Max before closing the door softly. It occurred to him that he couldn’t fault Max for anything. He conducted himself as a gentleman but he knew what was inside the man and it somewhat pained him to know, to carry a love such as he had for Toni with never any hope and he’d been willing to give up everything for her.
"We put Max to bed, Connie," John said, moving toward the coffee pot.
"Thank you. I can’t think why he got himself into such a condition. I know he was upset over Terry and Toni, but…really."
"Yeah, but it looks like the crisis is over. He’s with her now." John stirred his mug and found a seat at the little table.
Jack poured a cup of coffee, walked to the back door and looked out at the garden. He wasn’t so sure it was all over. There was still the matter of the child Toni carried…his child. That would have to be resolved and soon.
"I don’t know what to do!" Connie walked back and forth in the lounge. "My flight is at 11:00 and he won’t wake up!"
"Cancel it. That’s what I’d do," John said.
"But…I called my Dad and he’s so looking forward to seeing Maxi."
"Well, if you think that’s what you want to do, I’ll take you to the airport. I guess I can figure out how to drive on the wrong side of the road. That is if you don’t mind me driving your car," John offered.
"Oh…" she ran her hands up her arms, "okay. That’s what we’d planned to do. It won’t be a surprise when he wakes up. I’m really put out with him right now."
John looked at her but said nothing. She had no idea about Max. He left with her for the airport and thought he’d make his own flight arrangements. He was ready to go home…where life was less complicated. He knew who he was and where he belonged.
It was nearly noon. Terry had been in the shower and with a towel draped around him he came back to the bedroom.
Toni had made up the bed, showered and half dressed. "You didn’t bring any clothes?" she asked.
"Um, no, I didn’t."
"I guess it doesn’t matter. We’ll go home today, won’t we?"
"Yeah…we’ll go home. I guess I should tell you. I was late this morning, five minutes late."
"Why did you lie to me…not like I would have carried out my …Terry…"
"It took me that long, Toni, and I’m still not sure this is the right thing to do. When you left me yesterday I felt totally empty, a shell of a man."
Toni finished buttoning up her blouse. "So you came down here for a refill? Is that it?"
"No, I came down here for you. You took my soul a long time ago. I’m nothing without you, Toni, luv. I don’t want to be without you but what I said yesterday I still believe."
"Forsaking all others…."
"Yes."
"Goes for you, too."
"I know."
"You said yesterday neither of us could be trusted. How did that change overnight? All of a sudden I’m trustworthy? What about you? You don’t trust yourself. How am I to trust you? I’m not sure what you mean about forsaking. I don’t have to sleep with your brothers ever again, but love…I will always love them."
Terry tucked in his shirt and zipped up his pants. "I need to talk to Jack about the baby. He’ll want access to it I’m sure. We’ll have to work something out."
"You haven’t finished talking to me yet. Terry, talk to me."
"I thought we might go to Virginia, less temptation. We were happy there, Toni."
"You weren’t really happy there. That’s why we’re here. That’s why I wanted to move to England…for you. You think temptation lives in England?"
"It lives in this cottage, down the hall. I know that for a fact. He was going to take you if I hadn’t come this morning."
"Is that why you came; to stop him?"
"No…maybe I shouldn’t have come after all."
"Don’t say that…Terry…." He left the bedroom, closing the door behind him.
Toni picked up a pillow from the bed and threw it at the closed door. She
sat on the side of the bed and cried out her frustration.
Part 2
Terry went downstairs and, finding the house empty, then made himself a cup of tea and went out of the back door. Jack was in the garden.
"G’Day, Jack." He took a sip of his tea.
Jack looked at him a minute. "Hello, Terry. So you came."
"Yeah. I’m not quite the cold-hearted piece of shit you think I am."
"I don’t think I would have described you that way."
Terry glanced at him. "Where is everybody?"
"John has taken Connie and the babe to the airport. She had a flight out at 11:00."
"Max go with them?"
"No Max is still abed. You must have seen him when you came in."
"Yes I did. What was he doing asleep on the stairs?"
"He was under a lot of pressure yesterday."
Terry drank his tea.
"Pressure you put upon him."
"I did nothing of the kind. I asked nothing of him."
"What did you think he would do if you abandoned Toni?"
"I haven’t abandoned her. I thought I might take her back to Virginia."
"But your work is here in London."
"I can work from home. It might eliminate some of the pressure that seems to be on everyone."
"Pressure…what is this pressure you speak of…something you have put upon yourself and Toni?"
"Well, I think you might have had a hand in that. What are your plans for the child?"
"I would like to see her as much as possible and the babe when the time comes."
"Do you plan to take the baby back into your world? Will Sophie accept it?"
Jack stared at him. "No, I had not planned for that."
"You expect me to father it, then?"
"Yes, I do expect you to. It’s Toni’s baby, too. I would not ask her to give up her child…unlike you who had no problem with that action, no thought for her feelings."
"You think that was easy for me? I have no desire to hurt Toni. I love her, but she has some decisions to make about how she wants to live. She’s my wife and we aren’t at the House of Four Seasons any longer. She has to decide what’s important to her and who is important. She may have to give up something yet."
"You’re talking about her seasons…."
"She doesn’t have seasons any longer, Jack."
"She will have seasons for the rest of her life and beyond…for eternity. Lest you forget where you came from."
"That’s not the way it works. She chose me and took me out. Neither of us thought to see any of you again."
"It is your own fault that you have, your own need, your own weakness. The day I came to you in London, you wanted to talk, needed to talk to someone. I was there for you. Max was there for you. God help me, but you are an ungrateful son of a bitch."
"I know what you have done for me and for Toni and what Max and John have done. It’s enough. I’ve tried to live with ‘seasons’ and what they mean to her. She’s not wholly mine. I never know from one day to the next who’s in her bed."
"That is a lie. Don’t stoop to lying to make your case. If you feel so strongly…why did you come? Why didn’t you make that clean break you spoke of?"
Terry couldn’t speak.
"May I tell you why? You love her deeply. You are bonded with her in a way that cannot be wholly broken. Whatever you may do to each other, that fact remains. You would take away her seasons, the child she carries? What sort of man are you to possess such a love? Who are you to dictate who she can love? You, who have not been true to her, would punish her for loving? I think not."
Terry looked at Jack and dumped out his tea, turning for the door.
"You must think hard, long and hard about what you do. Would you destroy us all…tear the family apart for your own gain, and what would you profit, Terry? Do you think cocooning her up in Virginia will lessen the threat you feel? You have created this crisis out of nothing. Except…perhaps a sense of guilt, your own."
Terry opened the back door and left him.
Upstairs, Max had come to and wandered over to the window, daylight pouring in. He had no idea what time it was when he pulled back the draperies and blinked, light rays sending their spikes through his eyes into his head. The window was opened and he heard Jack’s booming voice in the back garden. He leaned a little forward but couldn’t see who he was talking to.
He went into the bathroom and took a shower, hoping to actually come alive. It came to him about Terry and he went across the hall to the nursery and looked out of the window. His vehicle was there. He breathed a sigh of relief and then felt a pang of regret catch him around his midsection. He noticed John wasn’t in the daybed and Maxi’s bed was empty. Squinting without his glasses, he deemed it to be something thirty and went back to his bedroom and found his robe. He really needed something on his stomach. He couldn’t remember the last time he ate.
It was too quiet in the house. Where were Connie and Maxi? He walked to the back door…Terry and Jack having a heated discussion apparently. He couldn’t deal with that yet. Maybe a cup of tea…some toast.
Toni had been standing at her window upstairs, hearing part of the conversation down in the garden. She’d heard enough and went down the stairs, finding Max in the kitchen trying to fill the tea kettle.
"Max…are you ill?" She took the kettle from him, filled it and plugged it in.
"Self-inflicted, love. What, um…where is Connie?"
"I don’t know. I just came down myself. Did she go to France? I know you made reservations. She told me so."
"Bollocks! I’d forgotten I was supposed to take her to the airport…but Terry came…there wasn’t any need for her to go."
Toni plopped two pieces of bread in the toaster for him. "Why is that? I don’t understand what you’re talking about, Max. You’re not making much sense."
"Ignore me. I’m not quite…John must have taken her. Bloody hell! He can’t drive over here!" He ran his hand over his face.
"He’s a sheriff. He can do anything. I wouldn’t worry." Toni placed a tea mug in front of him.
"Ta, love. What’s up with Terry out in the garden?"
"I don’t know exactly. He and Jack seem to be having words. Jack’s laying into him hard about something. I couldn’t’ hear it all." She was worried. Was this about the baby?
"You’ve been eavesdropping. Shame on you." He sipped his tea and closed his eyes for a moment.
"Do you need something for a headache?"
"Transplant." He looked up at her with a crooked grin. "Ah, toast! We’ll see how this goes down."
A few minutes later Toni had a cup of coffee and Terry came in the back door and stopped, looking at her for a moment.
"I’m going back to London. You’ve got your car down here. When you’re ready…." He noticed Max seated at the dining table, looked back at Toni for a moment then walked out of the kitchen for the front door.
Toni ran after him. "Terry! Terry, wait! Why?"
"When you’re ready…let me know." He was out the door.
"Terry!" she called out, opening the door and running out, but he was in his vehicle and he never looked back. "Ohhhhhh!" She balled her fists and struck the door.
Part 3
Max leaned his head over on his shoulder. It wasn’t over yet. He saw the tension between Toni and Terry and he didn’t like the way Terry talked to Toni.
"He’s left then…well." Jack came in still angry.
"What is going on now, Jack. I thought…."
"I really don’t know but I’ve had enough of him. He means to take away her seasons, and even suggested taking the child she carries from her. I won’t stand for this. If I have to take her myself, I will. I’d rather not take her back into my world because of the things she will lose, but I can do it and see to it that she lives as well as I’m able to provide for her."
"He’s lost his bleeding mind!" Max put his face in his hands. "I hear her now. She’s crying again. You’re right, Jack, enough is enough." Max looked at his watch. "What time did John leave?"
"About a quarter to ten, I believe. What time is it now?"
"Half past twelve. He should be back by now." Max went upstairs to find his cell phone.
Jack went into the lounge to find Toni doubled over, crying on the sofa. "Oh, Pet!" He took her in his arms.
Max tried John’s phone and got his voice mail. He tried Connie’s phone and it rang and rang. He called the airport and found out the plane took off on time. He was really beginning to be concerned about John. He thought about calling Terry and asking him to be on the lookout for Connie’s car should John be on the side of the motorway somewhere with a breakdown. The truth was he really didn’t want to talk to Terry right now.
He went into the lounge where Jack had Toni in his arms, rocking her, calming her down. "Jack, I think, um, I’m going to have a ride out to the airport and see if I can find John. He’s not answering his phone. You, um, have Toni so…"
"She’ll be fine. Go."
Max went upstairs and dressed, still feeling the leftover effects from the drink the night before and his neck didn’t quite sit right on his shoulders. But the worry that had taken root in his chest fuelled him on.
"Toni, you have your phone? I’ll call if I find him…or don’t."
Toni was now trying her best to straighten herself up. "Okay. Let me know and be careful, Max."
Toni didn’t understand exactly what was going on with Terry. She’d told Jack and he’d told her what Terry said about giving up her seasons.
"How can he think I don’t have my seasons anymore? He’s one of them. Has he forgotten where we all came from?"
"No, Pet, I don’t think he’s forgotten but he’s moved well beyond that. He sees himself like any man on the street.
"But, Jack, he’s not. He is what he is no matter what he thinks. He’s not been the same since he came back from Bolivia. You know I took him to the House of Four Seasons to heal, but there’s something broken inside of him. He even went to a psychiatrist for awhile until she started bringing up things he couldn’t answer. Every time I think we’ve gotten past something, then there’s another hurdle. Now he’s had a lover. He’s found out I’m not the only one he can have sex with. I’m not so special to him anymore. He says he loves me and I believe he does. I know he does, and I know what he’s doing is hurting him, too. Why is he doing it? He said when I was ready to let him know. Ready for what, to give up you and Max and John?"
"That’s what I understood. He wants to take you to Virginia to live."
"I know and the reason we live here is because this is where he’s most comfortable. He’s at home in London. So tell me how that makes sense."
"It doesn’t. I think he’s afraid of something. Fear drives men to do strange things. Perhaps he is afraid of losing you."
"He’ll never lose me. Aside from getting pregnant with you, I’ve done nothing different. He accused me of Max again today. I haven’t been with Max."
"No, but you love him."
"Yes, I do. I love you, too."
"I know you do, Pet, but not the way you love Max."
"Terry and Max are close. They care for each other. You can see it. I know how it is with Max and so does Terry. He’s always known. Nothing has changed except Terry. He told me he had changed. I…I can’t stand much more of this."
Traffic was backed up in all lanes on the M3 and Max was making little headway toward the airport. He wondered if Terry was up ahead of him somewhere. He put aside everything and called him.
"Yeah, Max, I’m crawling toward an exit and I’m going to get off when I can."
"Can you see anything? I’m actually out looking for John. He went with Connie to the airport and hasn’t returned. He’s been gone since about a quarter to ten."
"From all the lights flashing I’d say an there'd been an accident ahead. Must have been a bad one, fire trucks in the center lane, wreckers crossing over, but I’m not close enough to see."
"I’ve got a bad feeling about this. John’s not responding."
Terry tried, too. "He’s alive. Hell, he may be in traffic somewhere."
"For three and half hours? He’s not answering his phone either."
"Have you tried Connie’s?"
"She’s in flight. I tried but no answer. Probably hasn’t turned her phone back on."
"Max, what time does her plane set down in Provence?"
"Um..she should be there by now. I called the airport, you know, thinking he might be waiting with her, but the plane took off on time. Terry, I’m going to hang up and call Aubrey Duncan…just to make sure she made the flight."
"Max…let me know."
"Aubrey, Max here. Has uh Connie’s plane landed yet?"
"Hello, Max. Yes, I was just on my way to the desk. She wasn’t on it. Thought maybe I got the time wrong or something."
"She wasn’t on the flight?" Something cold in his stomach began to move.
"No. Something wrong, Max?"
"Um, no, not that I know of. I’ll um call you." He hung up, fear beginning to take hold of him. He called Terry back.
"Terry, she wasn’t on the flight. I think…oh, bloody hell, I can’t think!"
"Max, I’m about a car-length from exit 3. I’m getting off. What do you want me to do?"
"I don’t know."
"Okay, I’m going up the ramp now. I’ll find out something. Anyway you can turn around. Where are you?"
"Four lanes of traffic, I’m in the middle. It’s a damn car park! I’m between 4 and 3."
"Sit tight. I’ll get back with you."
But Terry found himself locked in traffic on the exit ramp. Max’s unease had transferred itself to him. Connie didn’t make her flight. He called Wyatt, who had the contacts with the police, and let him find out what had happened on the motorway. He waited, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, moving forward one car length at a time.
"Terry, there was a six-car pileup, two caught fire, three dead on the scene, and the rest taken to area hospitals. Eight people were transported to an emergency center in London. I’ve got the name here. I’ll call and find out who’s there. Where are you?"
"Sitting on exit three. Wyatt, get me some names."
A few minutes later, Wyatt said grimly, "Connie Skinner and John Biebe are at Mercy Hospital."
"What about the baby? There was a baby in their car."
"Don’t have it there."
"Wyatt, Max is locked in traffic somewhere between Exit 3 and 4. Can ya get him outta there?"
"Yeah, uh, see if he can make it to the emergency lane. You want a pick up, too?"
"If you don’t mind, yes. Ah, shit!" he said aloud and called Max.
"Max, can ya make it to the emergency lane? I got somebody coming to pick you up, mate. There were six cars involved, one of them was Connie’s. She and John are at Mercy Hospital."
"Oh…Terry, no…no! Maxi?"
"Don’t know. He’s not at Mercy. They took some to area hospitals, Max….Max?"
"Yeah, I’m, uh…here."
"I’ll call Toni if you want me to. She’ll find Maxi."
"Yeah…." Max dropped his phone in his lap. He was coming apart in the middle of four lanes of traffic.
Part 3
They arrived at the hospital fifteen minutes apart. Terry found Max wandering around in a daze in the emergency room.
"What do you know?" Terry asked.
"Surgery, Connie’s in surgery. I didn’t ask about John…Terry…"
"Hold up, man." Terry patted his shoulder and went to the desk. He was back in a few minutes. "We’re on the wrong floor. Let’s go up to the waiting area. John’s in recovery now. Banged up a bit, broke his arm."
"Connie…they said…"
"I know, come on." Terry led him to the elevator and to a waiting room.
"Maxi?"
"Toni found him in Woking. She’s going to get him. He’s okay."
It was only a few minutes before they came for Max and not long after they came for Terry.
"What happened?" Terry asked. The doctor had just left but a hospital employee was still with Max.
"Mr. Thorne, I’m sorry…Mrs. Skinner didn’t make it. Should I bring a chaplain?"
"No…no, I’m with him." Terry sat down by Max and put his arm around his shoulder. Max was sobbing. Terry looked around. They were in a chapel. Unaware of his own tears, he felt a weight fall onto him. He didn’t call it by its name but he recognized it all the same. Max had straightened up, blown his nose and he wiped his eyes.
"She’s gone. My fault…."
"No, it wasn’t your fault, not your fault at all. She wanted to see her father."
"I have to call him…Penny. Oh…Terry…!"
"Where can I take you?"
"I don’t know." Max looked at him. "The flat."
"Are you sure? I can take you home with me."
"No…I just…need to be by myself for awhile."
"Not sure that’s a good idea, but I’ll take you there. Do you want to see John before we leave?"
"John…yeah, before we go…John."
John was still a little woozy. A nurse was holding a cup so he could sip some water through a straw.
"Max…what?"
Terry shook his head.
"Oh...shit! Oh, no!" He raised a bandaged hand to his face.
"What happened, John?" Terry asked.
"We were the second one hit. Cars just goin’ everywhere, knocked us sideways and we flipped. I think we were hit again. I remember the car spinning around. Oh, God, Maxi was crying and Connie…oh, Max, I’m sorry!"
"Who was driving?" Terry asked.
"Connie. I was gonna drive back. Oh, fuck all!"
"What happened to you?"
"Ah, broke my left arm and cracked a bone in my neck, some cuts…nothing. How’s Maxi?"
"He’s okay. Toni’s gone to get him. They took him to an emergency center in Woking to check him out."
"You need to get him out of here, Terry." John thought Max might pass out he was so pale.
Max looked at him. "I’ll be okay. Get well, John."
"Yeah…somebody call Donna for me?"
"Sure, I’ll make the call," Terry said, touched his hand, and guided Max out of the room.
After a near altercation with the hospital staff Toni finally had Maxi in her arms. It was only when it was evident that Maxi knew Toni and Jack that she was allowed to take him.
"It’s all security," Toni said as they walked to her car. Jack opened the door and she placed him in Jacky’s car seat. He began to cry when he was buckled in and Jack slid in beside him.
"Poor little tyke, we’ll be home soon." Jack tried to pacify him while Toni drove them back to the cottage.
Not knowing when he’d last been fed, Toni went to the kitchen and made him a bottle. She took him into the lounge and rocked him and fed him. Her cell phone was ringing in her purse on the sofa and Jack dug it out. He walked out of the room with it, speaking softly in the hall but when he came back, the look on his face…
"Jack…who?"
"Connie…she didn’t make it. John’s had surgery on his arm."
"Oh…nooooo!" She held Maxi close and closed her eyes. "Oh, Maxi, little baby." She cried and rocked. "Where’s Max?"
"He’s at his flat. Terry is with him."
"Oh, Jack!" She looked up through her tears, meeting his gaze.
Part 4
Terry made the phone calls and Max talked briefly with Aubrey Duncan. He and Penny would be flying over. Terry asked them to stay at his house. He called Donna, who was making arrangements for her children and would come over as soon as she could get a flight out. Max had been quiet most of the evening, letting Terry make the tea, drinking what was put in front of him. Terry knew he was grieving and left him alone. He was carrying his own grief.
Later that night he called Toni, closed his eyes at the sound of her voice.
"Terry, how is Max? Are you still with him?"
"I’m at his flat, Toni. He’s quiet…just quiet."
"I want to come home."
"Um, I think it best you stay in the country. I’m going to send Anna to you…with Jacky."
"With Jacky? For how long?"
"I don’t know yet…awhile. I’m going to be busy. There are arrangements to be made for Connie and Max is…I don’t think he’s able right now. I’m going to stay here tonight."
"Why won’t you let me come home?"
"There’s no need for you to, luv, and you’ve got Maxi now. Anna will help you with him, too."
"Terry…"
"Aubrey and Penny are flying in tomorrow. I’m going to let them stay at the house. I’ll let you know about the arrangements, the service. Do you need anything, anything from the house I can send with Anna?"
"Will she bring you?"
Terry was silent.
"Terry?"
"G’Night, luv."
Max was carrying a lot more than grief. He blamed himself for Connie’s death. He’d come so close to telling her he was leaving her. If Terry hadn’t shown up it would have been over for them. If he hadn’t planned to leave her, the flight would never have been booked and she would be alive. If he hadn’t got so drunk the night before he would have stopped her from going to the airport, but he’d slept through her departure.
He heard Terry on the phone most of the evening. Phone calls had been made, Aubrey Duncan broken. Look how many lives he’d touched and destroyed today.
"Max, I’m ordering some food. Anything in particular you want?"
"No."
"You need to get something on your stomach, mate."
"I’m full."
"Full of what?"
"Guilt."
"No, that’s my gig. You can’t do guilt."
Max looked up at him. "I bloody well can."
Terry sat with him on the sofa. "Don’t blame yourself. This was set in motion a long time ago. I did it. I put it in play. Nothing you could have done would have changed anything. I mean to put it right and salvage what’s left of us. Don’t fight me. Let me carry it."
"Your shoulders aren’t broad enough to carry what I’ve got."
"Yes, they are. I know what you’ve got. I put it there. I’m taking it back. Grieve, Max, but don’t blame yourself."
"Where’s Maxi? Is he all right?"
"Toni has him. He got a little bump on the head. That was all. He’s fine. She has him at the cottage."
"Terry…I loved Connie."
"I know you did. It might surprise you to know that I did, too."
"Toni has Maxi. She’s sick in the mornings. She won’t be able…."
"I’m sending Anna to her with Jacky. Anna will help with Maxi, too."
"Terry, what are you doing…Terry?"
Terry got off the sofa and walked out on the balcony. Max looked at his back, leaning on the railings smoking a cigarette, and he knew what Terry was about. He couldn’t think about that now.
"Terry…sushi."
Terry turned around. "Sushi? You’re kidding me, right?"
"Would I kid you?"
At the service for Connie that Terry and Penny had arranged, Toni came into the chapel and sat by Terry. She had handed off Maxi to Max, their eyes meeting briefly, and she’d laid her hand on his arm, saying nothing. Terry watched her and made room for her on the pew. He took her hand and held it throughout the service, his eyes soft when he looked at her. She could feel the love and intensity coming from him. This was the first time she’d seen him since he left her at the cottage.
Afterwards they were all standing around in the courtyard of the chapel talking. Donna was there and had picked up John from the hospital that morning. His arm in a cast and his neck in a brace, he said he felt good. Toni’s eyes kept following Terry, who now had Jack off to one side talking to him. Aubrey Duncan and Penny were with Max, Aubrey holding his grandson. Toni smiled a little and wondered how soon Max would be returning to France, because that’s what she thought he’d do, take his son and go home. She thought she would miss little Maxi. She hadn’t really got to talk to Max. He’d been staying at his flat in London. He looked good, maybe a little gray around his eyes. Amazing what the body can take. It had been three days since the accident.
Anna had let Jacky loose and he ran over to his father. Terry picked him up and hugged him, saying something that made him laugh. Toni kept waiting for him to come and say to her ‘let’s go home’.
Penny walked over to her and hugged her. "Hi, Toni."
"Penny, I’m so sorry."
"It was quite a shock. Dad’s doing a lot better than I thought he would. Gosh, I was hoping to see everybody in June but…we’re not going to have the big wedding now, just something quiet. I hope you’ll still come."
"I’ll try. I’m not sure what’s going on here right now."
"I know it must be terrible for all of you. I’ve got to get Dad going. We’re flying back this afternoon. Toni, take care of Max. He’s going to need you."
Toni’s eyes widened. "I will. Have a safe trip home."
There was something going on. She could feel it. Terry was now talking to John. She only half-listened to what Donna was saying, something about shipping something. "Sorry, what did you say?"
"If we’ve left anything, just ship it, Toni. I tried to gather up everything of John’s I recognized."
"Of course. When is your flight?"
"At six. We’ve got to be going here in a minute. I really love the cottage, Toni."
"Yes, it is lovely." What did that look from John mean?
Toni went over to say goodbye to Aubrey Duncan and waited until they were in their taxi. She turned and Jack was by her side.
"I’ll be leaving you now, Pet. I’ll get back when I can. Take care of yourself and our child." He kissed her.
"Jack…I’m going to miss you."
"And I you. You will be fine, Toni." He hugged her and left, walking down the street. She smiled to herself. He’d just walk back into his world somewhere down an alley.
John came over, hugged her and kissed her. "Best of luck, Toni. Remember I’m here if you need me. I love you." He held her close for a moment with his good arm.
"I love you, too, and be careful, John." She hugged Donna and they got in their taxi going to the airport. Max was handing Maxi off to Anna and took Jacky from Terry.
Terry walked to her, took her face in his hands, and kissed her deeply. "Good bye, Toni."
"Wh…what?"
"I’m leaving tonight for Mexico. Dino’s got a job. I’m going back in the field. You go with Max. It’s how it should be, how it has to be, but I’ll always love you, Toni, and, um, I’ll see you. I’ll be back in London and I’ll call you."
"Terry…no!" she cried. "No!"
"Take good care of my son. Now you go to him and don’t look back…go..go..now." He turned her around and he walked across the street and got into his vehicle.
Toni couldn’t move. She couldn’t believe what he’d just done.
Terry couldn’t believe he’d got through it but he had. It was done…he was moving…moving ahead. He’d tried to put it right…make it up to Max…give back what he’d taken away from him…years ago when he’d filled Toni with his fire. It was the only way to keep them all intact, to keep them from destroying one another. He slowed at an intersection and reached for a cigarette, his hands shaking so he could hardly put flame to the end of it. Traffic lights a blur when he looked up, he blinked it away…Mexico. He had a plane to catch.
Part 5
Max helped Anna load the two boys in their car seats and she pulled away from the curb. Toni still hadn’t moved. She was shaking in silent agony.
Max stood quietly a few feet from her. He smiled, "Toni…let’s go home, love."
She moved the six steps to him and he took her in his arms. There were tears in his eyes, too.
"You knew, you knew what he was going to do…?"
"I didn’t know how he was going to do it, but I knew."
"God help us, Max!"
"We’re going to need it. Where did you park?"
"Park?"
"My car is still in the impound. I rode with Terry and the Duncan’s. Keys?"
Toni felt in her purse for her car keys and handed them to Max. They were both quiet on the ride back to the cottage, Toni still trying to digest what had happened in the courtyard of the chapel. She rested her head in her hand. She would grieve now…for Terry.
Anna had the children in the kitchen, feeding them their supper. Toni couldn’t think about food. She went into the sitting room and sat in a chair. Just like that Terry was gone from her, and this time he wouldn’t be coming back to her. It was too much. She stumbled toward the stairs and went up to her bedroom.
Max put her car away in the garage and came inside, dropping her keys on a table. He asked Anna where she was and came up the stairs.
"Toni." He said her name softly as he came into her room and sat on the bed. "I know you’re going to need some time…so am I. It’s all hitting too fast, Terry, Connie and you. I can hardly swallow it all. I want you to know I’m here, I’ll always be here for you."
Toni turned toward him, reaching out for his hand. "I’m here for you, too. You’re right. It came too hard and too fast. I don’t know what to do with it. What will we do?"
"I don’t know yet. Nothing for awhile. There’s a lot to think about, where you want to live and…I never wanted it to come to this, not like this for either of us. As much as I want you I never pictured anything like this."
"He gave me Jacky back."
"He’ll want him back when he returns. We’ll have to share him."
"We…?"
"Yes…we. It’s you and me now."
"He wouldn’t even talk to me about what he was going to do. Should I look for divorce papers in the post?"
"No, he won’t divorce you. I wouldn’t let him anyway. No more marriages. He couldn’t talk to you. Don’t think ill of him, Toni. This wasn’t easy for him but it was something he thought he had to do and he knows…there’s no going back. I told him that. He didn’t want you to suffer any more because of him. He’s put you through a lot. He’s put me through a lot, too. That’s all over now. It’s going to take us some time, I know, to get over what we’ve lost, but we will, Toni."
"It’s all so fresh right now. I’m still bleeding…."
"So am I."
"I hate it for you, Max. I never got the opportunity to say anything to you about Connie. We just don’t ever know, do we, how quick it can all be taken away. I’m so sorry."
Max lay down beside her. "How fast our lives can change. But no more. We know what ‘s coming, Jack’s baby. We’re going to have a house full of children."
"You told me once you’d fill the house with children...remember that when we were in Boston?"
"I remember. I wanted to do so much for you then and couldn’t. Oh, Toni! It will be good for us again. I’ll make it good."
"It’s already better just being here with you right now, quietly talking. Do you want to keep Anna? She’s been with Jacky since he was a baby and she’s really good."
"I think so,. You’re going to need some help. Um, is there anything you want from the house in London? I do know he sent some things down here with Anna, Jack’s clothes and a few of your things he thought you’d want. I’ll buy you anything. Don’t worry about spending money."
"We have such a lot to think about, don’t we?"
Max placed his hand on her face. "Yes, but we have time to figure it all out. I do love you."
"Is that enough for you…love?"
"Toni, we’ve known each other for a long time, and known each other well. It’s enough."
"It wasn’t enough for Terry."
"I’m not Terry. Don’t ever mistake me for him. I could never do to you what he did today, and I know that’s not going to go away overnight. I know you still love him."
"I always will and I know you loved Connie. Oh, Max, here we are after all these years, torn, tattered, battered and hurting, thrown at each other. We’ve got to find our feet."
He rolled over on his back. "It may take us a while to get our bearings. We’ve never lived together except at the House of Four Seasons. Now we have no choice, not that I mind." He turned his head and smiled at her.
"It’s all too much right now."
"Yes. I know this is going to sound a little crazy coming from me, but we’re both…we’re not ready."
"No, I’m not. Let’s don’t force it. Let it happen naturally and it will because I love you, Max."
"Do you mind if I sleep in the bed with you? It’s not good alone after…ahhh!" He put his hand over his eyes.
"I don’t mind at all but only if you’ll let me hold you." She wanted to hold him, comfort him. He needed it. He never was good a hiding his emotions.
Max moved his hand from his eyes and looked at her. Moving his hand to the back of her head, he pulled her to him and kissed her…naturally.