"She teased him and ran a hand over his chest. "I didn’t really mean that. You are never gray but I think I am sometimes."

"Toni, everyday can’t be jumping up and down fireworks. We’d soon tire of that too. There are days of sunshine and clouds. This just happens to be a cloudy day."

She rolled over on her back and closed her eyes. "Too many cloudy days lately."

"What can I do, do you want to go somewhere warm and sunny?"

She turned over and put her hand on his face, "No, no darling. I’m okay."

"Well you aren’t." he turned on his back. "Who is it this time; is Terry after you again?"

"No, he isn’t." She laughed a little. "No one is after me but you."

"I can see where that might be a problem…gray days and such."

She pulled the hairs on his chest. "You being such a gray day."

He looked at her and raised a brow.

"Are we childless?"

"It would appear so, where’s Rose?"

"Ludivine took her. You left the boys?"

"Did I? Oh dear, I knew something was missing."

"I love you because you make me smile." She kissed his bare chest.

"I’m a regular comedian."

"You’re my sunshine on a cloudy day."

"Think you could put that to music?" He laughed.

"So, I’m not original."

"There was a time you liked winter."

"John."

"Why doesn’t he ever come to see you, Toni?"

"He’s afraid."

"Wimpy ass."

"I think he’s pretty smart. He knows Donna wouldn’t put up with it."

"I would if I were in his shoes. I’d have business in Paris."

"What kind of business would a sheriff in Belfast, Maine have in Paris?"

"Monkey business." He goosed her and made her giggle.

"Oh, Max, you should be glad he doesn’t come. I see how happy you are to see Terry or Jack."

"I am always glad to see them…go."

"Um hum."

"There’s nothing stopping you from going to see him."

"I’m afraid my boots don’t reach to my hips. It’s deep and cold in Maine. I’ve seen enough snow this year. Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"No, love, not at all. I was just thinking of you."

"Think warm tropical breezes then."

"I could take you there."

"No…no."

"The doldrums – no breeze, not enough to dry the sweat from your brow. The water is still like glass. The heat so intense tar melts and drips over everything.　 We’ve made a bath out of canvas for the non- swimmers where at least they may wet themselves. It’s dipped into the still water and pulled up so danger of hungry sharks. I am not so tasty a morsel and they leave me alone but I am wary of them. Oh, for a wind and cool English air."

 

Toni sat up in the bed quiet and still. That was Jack’s voice in her head.

"What is it, love?"

She shook her head slightly. "Nothing." A channel had been opened between them. She got up and went to the bathroom and leaned on the door.

She waited to see if he would answer but nothing came. Had she imagined it? No, no it was too real he had touched her mind. Did he know how she longed for him?

She washed her hands and splashed her face. Looking into the mirror at her dripping face it came again.

"Spring," she said softly to herself and then frowned. It was only February. Already she had spring fever for that’s what it was.

"Are you okay in there?"

"Yes, Max," she answered and dried her face and hands. She couldn’t tell him…wouldn’t tell him. "I’m going to take a bath."

"I’m going to forage in the kitchen then."

She filled the tub and let herself down into the steaming scented water and closed her eyes. Water…at least she was close to him when wet. She closed her eyes and let her mind wander over the times she was with him at the House of Four Seasons. His first visit in season and the way he’d come to her. Not as a captain, but simply as Jack Aubrey. She’d been so nervous but time put her at ease with him. Time was not her friend. Why oh why had she waited calling him as her season?　 It was all over too quickly.

Max sliced up a ham and made a huge sandwich. Carrying it and a half bottle of wine he went into the den to turn on the TV. He noticed the DVD player light was on. Sitting down on the sofa he took a drink from the bottle and looked at the little blue light dancing on the machine. What had she watched? Who? It wasn’t John or she might have said. Terry was out because she would call him if she wanted to talk to him.　 He eliminated himself so that left Jack. He half smiled. He should have known where her mind was.

He could fight off anything except Jack. He took a bite of his sandwich and chewed rather viciously. He loved her and so he would do anything for her but he didn’t have to like it and the sandwich went down thudding into his stomach as he thought what he might could do. Would it be possible to borrow a little magic time for her and Jack? They never spent much time together.　 Unlike Terry who seemed to pop up regularly. He was inclined to be a little more accommodating for Jack.

Of course anything he might plan for Jack was tentative. The man did his own thing. He munched across his sandwich. He could show up tomorrow and whisk her off to God knows where. That little magical travel operation he had going was about as unreliable as the weather. Look what happened at New Years with himself and Terry and Toni. He’d probably take her to that little cottage he had. The one with 1805 accommodations. He frowned.

He pushed the sandwich down his throat with a good drink. If he bought her ticket to Boston she could go to the House of Four Seasons. Surely Jack would come to her there. She’d be safe and get her Jack fix. He looked at his watch it was February 22 in one week it would be spring as far as their seasons went. Still something in him hated the thought of putting her on a plane by herself for Boston. What if something went wrong and she never made it? He could escort her but he sure didn’t want to be there when Jack arrived. Why couldn’t Jack escort her? Why couldn’t he meet her plane? Just because the bloody sod didn’t drive didn’t mean he couldn’t get himself to an airport.

There had to be a way.

Part 2

The first of March was kid switch time. Tuppy was back from her two week break and Toni and Max left Rose with her and took Maxi and Jacky with them to London. Terry asked if Maxi could stay with Jacky for awhile maybe the whole month if it worked out for Maxi. Max reluctantly agreed. He didn’t much like Maxi being away from home for a month. Maxi could care less because he was with Jacky.

The boys ran off to Jacky’s room with Toni and Max went down to the kitchen.

"Something smells good…take out?" Max asked.

"No, I made spaghetti." Terry replied and offered him a beer from the fridge.

"I am impressed with your culinary skills, Terry." Max accepted the beer.

"I thought the boys would eat it. What’s up with you anything going on?"

"Not much this time of year, you know."

"Yeah, waiting for warm weather."

"Waiting for Jack." Max took a long drink.

"Jack? Is he coming?"

"I have no doubt of it."

"Here?"

"Who knows where?" Max walked over looking in the pot of sauce.

Terry took a drink from his bottle and smiled a little at Max’s answer. "March begins the spring season for him. You’ve heard nothing I suppose."

"No but that doesn’t mean anything. He’s not one to communicate with me."

"Or me."

"I thought it might be a good idea to send Toni to the House of Four Seasons with him but I’m having second thoughts about that. The only reason was because at least I’d know she was safe and then the comforts there outweigh his little rustic abode."

"Why second thoughts? It’s about the best place she could go."

"I don’t know. I have this fear that if she goes there with him she won’t come back. You know how it is and she’s been through a down time. I’m not sure it’s depression but something close to it. She wishes she was back there rather often."

"I know she does. When we were there in December it was like coming home. Everything was out of whack with the seasons but still it was home for me too."

"It’s been six years since we left the House and still its hold is as strong as ever."

"Strong for you too?"

"Yes, though I don’t admit it to her. We have a life…a good life together. If I never saw the House again I would be okay with that. You were that way."

"I still am but in the back of my mind I know it’s there. I wonder if John ever feels that way. Do you ever talk to him?"

"We email back and forth over his finances but a conversation…no."

"We’ve let him slip to far out of the fold."

"I think you’re right. He’s gone about his life as if he wasn’t one of us and he is. I asked Toni why he never came to visit her and she said he was afraid of Donna."

"I don’t believe that. John is afraid of himself." Terry turned the fire down under his pot of sauce. "He likes to think of himself as a settled family man, sheriff and all that but deep down he knows who he is. He just suppresses it."

"Hmm, like compressed air, he may explode someday."

"I expect he will. Me I’m open about what I want…there’s not a suppressed bone in my body." Terry smiled at Max.

"I can think of one." Max smiled back.

"Think of what?" Toni came down the stairs.

"What you might like to go with the spaghetti," Max replied.

Terry still smiling opened the fridge.

Max and Toni shared a bottle of wine in his flat overlooking the nightscape of London.

"What do you want to do, love, stay in London for awhile or go back home?"

"I wouldn’t mind staying here for awhile. A few days."

"Okay, there’s no hurry. Do you think he’ll come?"

"Who?"

"Ah, let’s see…Cupid’s come and gone so, uh, St. Patrick is probably heading out to America, um…who usually comes in spring?"

Toni looked down into her glass, "he’ll come."

"Why don’t you go to the House of Four Seasons?"

"You don’t want that."

"You’re right I don’t but I also know what you need right now. That outweighs anything I might want."

"Am I that transparent?"

"No, my love, you are very complicated but I know you. I wish it wasn’t this way and I never had to deal with anyone except you. I wish I didn’t have to worry about who was claiming your attentions but our lives aren’t like that. I tried to fight it, tried to keep you to myself. I never thought I’d share you but I was wrong. If things had worked out differently with you and Terry then we wouldn’t be having this conversation. It would have been you and Terry and the rest of us would have been in limbo or in the never ending merry-go-round of our movies."

"I know. I could choose one and go out into the real world. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I’m not sorry it has. I wouldn’t have you if we’d played within the rules."

"Terry said something tonight about still being drawn to the house. We all are still connected there somehow. That’s why I suggested you go there. It’s safe and I don’t have to worry…much." He took a drink from his glass.

"I wouldn’t mind it now because we are not confined as we were. We can stay away for as long as we want or stay there. I’d like to go back there with you when we aren’t having broken legs and kidnapping and carjacking."

"Trouble seems to find us no matter where we go."

"You wouldn’t mind if I go there for a week or so?"

"No, honestly if Jack is coming to you I’d rather it be there. Simple as that."

"Then that’s what I want to do. I want to go to the House. I know he’s coming."

Max hugged her close on the sofa and tucked the blanket around her. "I’ll get your plane tickets."

"This feels very strange."

"It is but I don’t know what else to do, Toni. I want you safe and comfortable and not stuck out in the middle of nowhere without any conveniences or medical help or proper food."

"I’ve never gone wanting with him."

Max lay his head back on the sofa, "I don’t want to think about him."

"I know you don’t but you have to understand he takes care of me, Max."

Max didn’t bring up the trip down the Seine, the mistaken trip to Ashgrove, the wreck of the carriage. He kept quiet remembering his own trip to see Jack and his misstep into a war zone. His embarrassing appearance in the bedroom of the current residents of Terry’s old house.

"I don’t need much when I’m with him."

That did it. Max unfolded from the sofa and got up to find his cigarettes. Toni watched him on the balcony outside. She ached for him. He was trying so hard to do for her, to attend all her needs. What about his own? This wasn’t easy for him that was evident. Had she pushed it too far?’

Toni opened the door and came out underneath his arm. It was cold out on the balcony and she’d trailed the blanket with her.

"I love you, Max."

"I know and that’s what keeps me going." He put his cigarette out in the sand filled planter and kissed her.

Part 3

When Toni arrived in Boston it was still winter. Snow was on the ground and a stiff wind blew her hair around and froze her ears before she got her rental car. It was gray, gray as any day she’d experienced in Provence or London. Terry and Max both went to the airport to see her off. She knew neither of them wanted her to go. Now that she was here she hit the familiar track to the House.　 Snow lay on the hillsides and thick under the trees. It wasn’t raining more of a frozen mist she drove through. It kept her windshield wipers going and the heater felt good around her legs. Not often did she get away on her own and she was feeling her wings begin to spread.

She stopped in Salem at the familiar coffee shop and got a large coffee to go. Looking around she half expected to see Andy but that had been a long time ago and she no longer needed a guide. That naïve young woman that needed a guide was long gone. She felt the weight of the life she lived as she turned onto the private road just before Gloucester. Up the winding hillside until it finally leveled out and the gates came into view. They opened at her approach and there was the House. She paused in the drive and took it in. The mist was all around the house but she could see lighted windows. From out of nowhere tears formed in her eyes and trickled down her cheeks. She was home.

The weight she’d felt earlier was gone from her shoulders as she took up her bag and ran to the front door. It had dressed itself with a wreath of pussy willow defying the snow that still lingered. Inside was warmth and love and it enveloped her like a warm blanket. There was a moment before she heard the music drifting from the den. She dropped the bag and curiously walked down the hall. The room was softly lit and a fire blazed in the hearth.

"Jack!"

He barely had time to sit up from his reclining position on the sofa before she fell into him. "Hey, Pet." He wrapped his arms around her.

"But…what are you doing here?"

"I arrived yesterday." There followed a long kiss and much touching of faces and hair.

"You knew I was coming."

"Yes. I’ve been getting strong vibes from you and Max and now Terry."

"Vibes," she smiled.

"Is that not the correct term?"

"I believe it is. You must have been getting them from me for awhile. I’m so glad to see you."

"And I you, Pet."

"I can’t believe you’re here. This is perfect."

"It is now." He traced her cheek with his fingers. "What made you decide to come here?" he asked.

"It was Max that suggested it."

"Did he? Well, he has come a long way in a short time."

"So have you. Doldrums?"

"Ah, I have the advantage of magic."

"Whatever it is you have I need it. I need you."

He held her tightly, "You have me for as long as you need me here."

"How about forever."

He placed a finger on her lips and slightly shook his head. "You know."

"I don’t want to know.　 Here in this place anything is possible."

"Not for us, Pet. If I took you with me from this place you could never return. You see me more now than you would in my world. Months, years can pass and then only for brief moments. I can’t do it."

She laid her head on his shoulder. "None of this is real is it? As much as I want it to be…but here now you are with me and that’s all that matters. I love you, Jack, like no other."

"There are times I wish I’d acted differently but I didn’t and so this is what we have."

"There are times I wish it too. I don’t think you would be happy here in this century. You could probably find something to do with ships but the things that you live for, the adventure and danger and fighting would be lost to you. It could only work if I went back with you and lived in the cottage."

Times like this he was tempted. He could take her and Rose to the cottage and provide for her there. Nothing like she lived now, no luxuries. It would be hard on her. He would drive himself mad between her and Sophie.　 In the end she would suffer and he couldn’t bear it.

"I could not allow you give up your life for me. Believe me I have gone over every conceivable way and it’s not possible, Pet."

"I would though." She sat up. "I’m sorry; I’m just throwing myself at you. I should be embarrassed."

"But you aren’t and neither am I. We’ve always been able to talk about anything between us there is no embarrassment. We are here now together on magic time for spring. Let us not waste a moment of it on what might have been."

"We have the whole season?"

"Yes, is that not why you came?"

"I came for you. I didn’t know I would be so blessed as to spend that much time with you."

"I’m the one that’s blessed," He smiled. "There’s coffee though it might be a little strong for you."

The coffee service on the table by the sofa still held an ever hot pot of coffee.

"Oh yes I remember your coffee. I’ll take it with plenty of milk and sugar."

Jack got up and poured them out a cup each and sat down beside her. "You’re looking well. How’ve you been, Toni?"

"Up and down mostly down lately. I can go months and I’m fine and then it hits me and I don’t know what to do with it. Max worries and tries his best. He’s very good to me better than I deserve."

"Why are you low?"

"I have everything I could possibly want, Jack. I have a loving husband and three beautiful children, a house of my dreams, trips to London…"

"And yet you brought Terry here not that long ago."

"Yes I did. We needed some time together but it went all wrong. The House tried to heal my heart not knowing it was a permanent break. It messed my mind up and I was confused. I seemed to forget anything outside of this place and Terry. Then double disaster followed but it turned out okay. I’m not to use the magical transport again."

"Nothing ever seems to go smoothly does it?"

"Not with us. I don’t know why that is. I told Max I’d like to come here with him without car jackings and broken bones. "She looked up at him. "It sounds like I’m trying to recapture this experience doesn’t it?"

"Are you? It is past history now, Pet."

"But I can’t seem to get past it. As the season’s change I…well I’m here with you now in spring."

"I think our situation is a bit different don’t you? You see Terry and John and live with Max."

"I don’t see John. Not that I wouldn’t like to."

"You should see him."

"It’s not that easy for him. Donna and I are good friends, Jack. I don’t want to do anything that might cause problems between them."

"I’m not suggesting you break up his home, Pet, but a visit now and again. He’s still part of us whether he thinks himself that way or not."

"You’re right. I’ve left him alone probably for too long. You don’t forget your first love. You see that’s my problem. I still love all of you. Max knows and I think he understands how it gets to me now and again. I just think I shouldn’t be this way. He gives me everything and I feel I give him only a part of me."

"He hasn’t been complaining has he?"

"No, no he hasn’t and he wouldn’t. He thinks I should start writing again."

"Why don’t you? God knows you’ve had enough experiences in the past years to write a book."

"Who would ever believe it? I couldn’t write about my loves because then my secret would be out."

"You don’t have to name us."

"No but if it got any recognition at all then Max would be the first to be recognized."

"I recall you used to write wonderful little romances."

"Yes…long ago and far away and you read them. That surprised me that you would read something like that."

"It shouldn’t."

"No it shouldn’t. You are a romantic soul underneath all that sea salt."

"And I believe so are you which is why we are suited to one another."

"I think I could write them again if I can make you my hero."

"You can make me anything you wish."

"I’ll make you my lover."

He sat his cup down on the table, "That I already am."

He took her in his arms and kissed her. "I think you spend too much time worrying about life. Let it take its course. You have good guidance in Max. Let him guide. And now, Pet, I’m going to guide you right up the stairs to the end of the hallway."

"Into your room."

"If you please."

Toni entered his room remembering the first time she’d been with him when it was his season. It wasn’t as though they’d never made love but it was different. He was different…he’d claimed her as his own. He had indeed guided her and taught her how to love him. Now she needed no guidance in that direction.

His room, elegantly simple, held his scent. It was a scent of far off places, of cool blue water with a touch of lime. They undressed each other slowly touching and enjoying the feel of each other and all the while the fire was burning hotter and hotter.

Part 4

The first few days they stayed close in. The weather was cold and windy and not good for walking or doing much of anything outside. They did put on boots and warm coats and walked up past the stables but once out in the open away from trees the wind was too much for Toni.

"This is the worst spring weather I can remember," she said looking out of the back door towards the sea. It was foamy with windswept waves and a mist hovering over the water like smoke.

Jack came up behind her and slipped his arms around her waist. "Perhaps there is a reason for it."

"What do you mean?"

"We are no longer residents of this House. We’ve moved on, Pet."

"Jack do you not want to be here?"

"That is not what I said. If you will remember when we were here as residents the weather was not always perfect, there were rainy days and cold days around early spring but…it is different now. You must feel it too."

Toni did but didn’t want to admit it. She wanted this time so badly with him. "I really suppose I shouldn’t ever come back here again. Aside from coming here for magical healing purposes it hasn’t been the same. It’s like there is nothing else the House can do for us."

Jack lifted his head and looked out to sea. What she said was true. He hesitated a moment and then asked, "Would you like to leave and go somewhere else?"

"Where?" She tried to turn in his arms but he held her in place.

"Anywhere you wish."

"I have the car but it’s probably the same or worse wherever we could drive. I should have stayed in England then I could have met you at the cottage. That’s where I want to be with you…in your world where you are comfortable and…why is everything so difficult." She held her face in her hands.

He turned her around then and lifted her chin. "You would tempt fate?"

"Fate? Jack, you’ve taken me there before and brought me back. Are you afraid I won’t want to come back is that it?"

"You’ve already said as much."

"No, no, the cottage is for us and for Rose as she grows older and can come on her own. I know I can’t stay there. I can’t stay but I can visit. Why is this bad idea?"

"Max wanted you to come here. He has his reasons, Pet."

"He thought it would be the safest place for me. I’d be on magic time and-" The full picture of her situation came down on her. She stepped back from him and wrapped her arms around herself walking over to the kitchen sink, touching the center island and around the fridge.

Jack watched her aware of her feelings.

"This is our time…we both wanted it…you did didn’t you?"

"Yes, Pet, I’ve been thinking of little else for some time."

"You didn’t just come here because I summoned you or something?"

"You did not summon me."

She was quiet for a moment. "This isn’t…we shouldn’t have come here. I would go anywhere with you, Jack. I put my trust and faith in you to see me home when the time comes."

"The time may come too soon if we do what you are thinking. Here at least time doesn’t matter. It is only a cold and windy day. It will pass and the sun will come out. You are getting yourself all worked up over nothing. What is it you want?"

She bit her lip and her eyes stung, "I want what I can’t have."

His eyes locked with hers, "You tempt me, Toni. I have thought of it many times and more so recently. I cannot do it. I will not take you from your children, your home and from Max. We made our choices long ago and they cannot be undone. I love you perhaps even more today than I ever have but we must live the life we have chosen. I am not so free, Pet."

That was a fact she didn’t like to think of. He was married and she’d met his wife and children. "How selfish of me."

"No, not at all. It is me who wants to have it all. I want you and yet I have a family. We both have. We decided to be lovers if you recall."

"Yes, we did many years ago. I also remember the day you married me…magically of course. This is the ring you placed on my finger. For eternity. You took me way out in the sea away from the House. Of the four rings this one is the most special to me. Tell me why that is?"

Jack smiled and walked over to her placing his hands on her waist. "Because we love…deeply…truly love each other. It is hard enough for me to say no to you. One of us has to have a little sense about our situation. It is a dream that we share but it is a dream, Pet. We are bound together for eternity. Nothing can come between us or part us except that which we allow. We have allowed certain things…marriages and children. Do you not know that if I did not love you so Rose would never have been conceived?"

"She is a link between us that can never be taken away no matter how many others are in our lives."

"That is true and more than that is the bond between us. That cannot be taken away by time or man.　 Come to me, Pet, and let us enjoy what time we have together. Think of this…you draw a circle and within that circle is what you control like your children, your home and Max. Outside of that circle are other circles and these are the things you can influence such as Terry and John and me. Beyond that you have no control and there lies choices we have made and must live with. The things we cannot change or influence."

She slipped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his chest, "I can influence you?"

"You certainly can."

"Let’s get out of here for a few days. I don’t care where we go. This House has lost its magic for me right now. I was so happy to get here and now I see what it’s done to me and I want to be away."

"All right have you a map?"

"There should be maps in the library."

They spread out a map of the north east and Jack, as she expected, traced a line along the coast. She smiled as he looked over the unfamiliar map marking roads instead of shoals.

"Have you ever been to Bar Harbor?"

"Once with John and Donna."

He looked up at her, "We could stop and say a hello to John."

"He will be surprised won’t he?"

"No doubt he needs to be surprised. Tomorrow we’ll make our move. It is not so long a drive and I am sure we can find accommodations along the way."

Toni ran a hand over his back, "You really should learn to drive."

He looked around at her and raised a brow. "My dear, I can steer a ship through a hurricane but to place myself behind a wheel of an automobile going fifty miles per hour would scare the life out of me."

"I don’t believe that nothing scares you, Jack."

He straightened and turned around, "You scare me."

She kissed him. "I mean you no harm."

"That is precisely what scares me." He pulled her down on his lap. "We should let Max know once we leave here."

"Why?"

"Because he asked you to come to the house and as you’re about to leave it, he should know. I’ll contact him if you’d like."

"That might be better. I feel so guilty where he’s concerned."

"We talked about that once before."

"Yes, I know."

"Perhaps it is good that you feel something. I, however, have no guilt where you are concerned. You are separate and apart from anything else in my life."

"I wish I could get to that point."

"Try, Pet, try."

"I will, I’ll do anything for you."

"You see why I am scared? You don’t have to do anything for me other than what I ask and I do ask things of you."

"I know you do and I love that. Well…you and I have never taken a trip together other than the float down the Seine. I’m looking forward to it."

Part 5

The next morning the House had their bags packed with what it thought would be appropriate for a trip to Bar Harbor, Maine. The bags were waiting at the door and after a good breakfast they set off in what was the best weather they’d had since arriving.

Toni started the car and drove through the gates. "We won’t be on magic time now will we?"

"No, Pet." Jack was busy watching the curves and keeping a white knuckled hold on the arm rest and the door. He rode for miles this way closing his eyes as she passed slower vehicles and biting his tongue when she came up close behind another.

Toni was aware of his grip on the car and tried to stay off the interstate highway and on the coast road as much as possible. Still there was traffic and curves. She rode slowly through the little towns so he could see. They stopped and picked up tourist maps and booklets and he was able to release the armrest now and read. They stopped in Portland for coffee and a snack. A cruise liner was in and he was struck dumb at the size of it.

"That’s nothing. There are much bigger ones on the seas now. They’re like a city on the water."

"More like a small country. I am amazed and you say there are larger ones? The sea must look like your roadways."

Toni laughed at the mental picture she had of busy sea lanes.　 "Everything is bigger and faster now."

"Do you think that is a good thing?"

"Not always. Whizzing down the highway you miss a lot of the scenery. We’re in no hurry to get anywhere and yet we have to keep up with the traffic or be run off the road."

"Yes and the noise." He turned as a car pulled to a stop light with its radio blasting.

"The whole vehicle vibrates." He shook his head and crossed over the street with her.

On up through Rockland and Rockport she drove stopping at Camden for lunch. A great little seaside restaurant offering clam chowder bread bowls sounded good. A hollowed out round of bread filled with delicious clam chowder and a bottle of beer filled them up along with a slice of blueberry pie and more coffee.

"We are not that far from Belfast now," Jack observed looking at the map.

"Did you contact Max?"

"I did right after we left the house," he grinned, "a little mental communication for him I said we were on the move toward Bar Harbor and did not wait for a reply.

Toni glanced at him and quirked her mouth, "Probably a good thing I don’t think the reply would have done us any good."

"He would have been wanting to know why and I didn’t think it was any of his business," Jack stated.

Toni smiled to herself and got back behind the wheel. She pulled back onto the road and began thinking about John and Donna.

"I don’t want to spend the night at John’s. I think we should get a hotel room somewhere. John may be surprised to see the two of us but I hate to think what Donna would make out of it."

"I see your point, no need in making anyone uncomfortable."

"Donna would be uncomfortable."

"She must understand about us, the four of us and I am including John."

"I think she does but it’s different with John. He was hers before he was mine. She’s not so open minded she would mind if he came to me. She was really jealous of that crazy woman that became obsessed with him last year."

"Then it’s up to him to find a way and he must, Toni."

"He doesn’t and I don’t ask."

Jack looked out of the window with his own thoughts on that. If he could come half way around the world surely John could fly to France or to England. "It is the same now as it was before when we were all at the House. You were unbalanced then and are now. I think that is the root of much of your melancholy. It would be different if we all were not out in the world but we are at least I am part of the time. You say you are still pulled by the seasons and there are four not three. Do you understand what I mean?"

"Yes, Jack, I do. I brought Terry to the House in winter and it went all wrong."

"It should have been John."

"Yes, I suppose it should have been but it was Terry I wanted."

"It was Terry that wanted you and you were never one to deny him anything."

"What a mess I am."

"A lovely mess." He placed a hand on her thigh.

"We’re coming into Belfast what should I do?"

"Find a public house."

Toni found a pub and pulled into the parking lot.

"Call him and tell him we are here and he can meet us."

Jack went to the bar to order drinks and Toni called John.

"Toni? Is everything all right?"

"It’s all just fine, John. I’m in Belfast."

"Maine?"

"It’s not Ireland." She smiled.

"What are you doing here?"

"Ah, just traveling about with Jack. We’re at Weathers can you come?"

"Uh, yeah, I’m coming. Be there in a minute." He hung up and wondered what she was doing traveling around with Jack. He left his office and walked over to the pub. It didn’t take long to spot them in a dark corner.

Toni stood up and received a tight bear hug and a kiss from him. He shook Jack’s hand and sat down to the pint Jack had already ordered for him.

"How are you, John?" Jack asked.

John looked at him with his proprietary arm around Toni’s chair. "Oh, I’m good. I see you’re okay."

"I’m very well. It’s spring though no one bothered to tell Mother Nature."

"It’s not spring yet…not by the calendar but I know what you’re talking about." He glanced at Toni over his glass as he took a drink.

"Jack and I are spending a little time together. We’ve come from the House, John."

"Oh, I see."

"How are Donna and the kids?"

"They’re fine."

"We thought we’d ride up to Bar Harbor for something to do."

"You couldn’t find anything to do at the House?"

"Depends on what you mean." Jack answered him.

"Well," John looked to the side, "I’m not going to get into a contest with you, Jack."

"Why so hostile, John?" he asked.

"I guess the last person I expected to see her here with is you. Where’s Max?"

"At La Siroque." Toni answered. "He knows where I am…this was his suggestion."

"I’ll just bet it was."

"Might I remind you of who you are talking to?" Jack said.

"I don’t need a reminder." John took another drink.

"We just wanted to stop and say hello since we were here. If that’s a problem with you, John, then we’ll be on our way. Why are you mad at me?" Toni asked.

"I’m not mad at you, Toni. I don’t think I’ve ever been mad at you."

"Don’t be mad at Jack either."

"I’ll keep that in mind."

"What is all this nonsense? No one is mad at anybody. Toni and I needed some time together and Max suggested we come to the House as it was the safest place he knew. However," he looked at Toni, "the House was not enough and so we are on the road."

"Where are you stayin?" John asked.

"I don’t know yet. There should be a hotel or motel or something around here where would you suggest?" Toni said.

He thought about it a minute and like Toni knew he couldn’t ask them to his house.

"There’s a nice motel just over the bridge and a little ways down on your right."

"That’s close to you isn’t it?" she asked.

"Not far, just past our place. I’d ask you to stay but…"

"I know," Toni put her hand on his. "It’s okay and it’s better this way."

He looked down at her hand and turned his over absently thumbing her palm.

"I shall look for the gents." Jack rose and moved around Toni’s chair running his hand over her neck as he passed.

"Think he did that on purpose?" John looked up at her.

"Yes. Are you okay, John?"

"Um, I suppose I am. You and Max all right? Everything between you okay?"

"Max and I are fine, boys are fine, and Rose is fine. Everybody’s fine," she smiled.

John chuckled, "Now that we got all that out of the way what are you doing here with Jack?"

"He said it, John. We needed some time. It happens, you know. It’s spring and my thoughts turned to Jack."

"Is that the way it is?"

"That’s the way it is. I’m still drawn by the seasons. Winter was a rough one." She looked into his eyes.

"Toni…I…I just ain’t worth a shit."

Toni smiled a little. "Yes you are. I love you, John, just as always."

"I love you to but I don’t show it do I? It’s not easy for me, Toni."

"I know that and that’s why I don’t bother you."

"You ought to bother me."

"So I’ve been told by Jack. Does that surprise you?"

"No, not really. He always had an inside track to you. Speaking of the salty dog here he comes."

Part 6

Jack quickly looked from one to the other and back at John, "May I buy you the other half?"

"Ah, yeah." John quickly downed the rest of his beer.

"Is Donna coming to pick you up?" Toni asked him.

"No, why?"

"The Sheriff of Belfast drinking and driving."

"I’m not going straight home. I’ve still got stuff to do at the office and I’ll catch a bite to eat."

"You don’t eat at home?"

"I’m on call tonight."

"You love it don’t you?"

"I wouldn’t be doin’ the job if I didn’t. I wouldn’t have risked my neck and all asunder to run for office if I didn’t. It’s what I do."

Toni smiled enjoying talking with him in his own lair. "I’m proud of you for who you are and what you have done with your life since you left the House."

He looked around, "It’s okay here. I’m at home, you know, yeah."

Toni grinned, "If I wanted to, um, bother you where would be the best place for the bother to take place?" She took a little sip from her glass.

He blinked a couple of times, "Not here."

"I didn’t think of here."

"I don’t know…the House?"

"It’s not good there, John. That’s why Jack and I left. We’re no longer residents. It might be okay for a night or two but not for a season like I thought we’d have."

"I don’t know what you mean?"　 He shook his head slightly. "What’s not good about it?"

"You know how the weather was always just like it should be? Jack got there a day before me and the cold rainy mist never let up. We spent four nights there. It was like the middle of winter like the elements of magic weren’t working.

"I still felt the warm welcome and so did Jack. The love was all around us but we were confined to the house for amusement. We couldn’t even walk and taking a boat out was out of the question."

"Well…maybe you were supposed to stay inside with each other for awhile. It’s nice today even up here."

"It’s been nice all the way."

"Ah, I think you just didn’t give it enough time. That House doesn’t change maybe you have changed." He raised a brow.

"Maybe." She looked up as Jack was returning to the table with two more pints.

Jack settled in and took a drink from his glass. "How is the business of sheriffing　 going, John?"

"Busy, I stay busy. How’s the Captain business going?"

Jack smiled, "Hard on as always."

"What’s wrong with the House?"

"I’m not sure anything is wrong with the House." Jack glanced at Toni, "Perhaps the residents or non as the case may be. It is impossible to go back and relive what has passed. We are somewhat different people now."

"Yeah, we’d have to be. We aren’t, uh, illusions anymore."

"Correct. Our lives have taken many turns since those carefree days. You may think I am not affected by it but I am, living as I do between worlds. Still in this world our main focus should be Toni. Regardless of what else may be attached to us."

"Now you are talking directly to me. I know what you’re saying, Jack. I don’t do my part, hold up my end of things."

"If it were a square table with Toni in the middle of it and we were attempting to move it with three men on three legs what do you think would happen to the fourth? It would tilt and that’s where she is. Three of us put together cannot make up for you. You are as important as any one of us."

John ran a hand over his face. "I understand."

"How you go about it is up to you but this year when winter is upon us…it’s your leg."

Toni nudged John’s knee under the table with hers. He didn’t blink an eye but his hand went under the table.

"I promise you this year will be different. Somehow I’ll make it work come winter."

"That is all we can ask. May I propose we drink to four seasons?"

After that drink was finished they went outside with John giving them directions and the name of the motel. He gave Toni a proper hug and a kiss, "Don’t make any plans for winter."

She smiled, "Okay."

Jack shook his hand and slipped his arm around Toni as they walked to the car. It wasn’t a Jack thing to do but she didn’t say anything. He wasn’t usually one for public demonstrations of affection of any kind but she noticed how he’d held his arm on the back of her chair and now the arm around her waist. She didn’t know if it was for John’s benefit or if he really was feeling that affectionate toward her. All doubts were erased when they got in the car. Before he buckled up he took her face in his hand and kissed her.

"I love you." He said softly.

She smiled and touched his face. That flutter in her chest was back.

He was feeling very warm towards her. Whatever happened beneath the table was all it took to turn John around. He loved her for her human fragilities for her emotional outbursts, for her sense of fun, and for the love she had for the four of them.

The motel wasn’t anything special but their room did overlook the bay where John lived. It seemed strange to be that close and not at his house. Toni would have liked to see Donna but it wouldn’t do for her to turn up with Jack. They checked in and went down for an early dinner. Jack ordered a bottle of wine which they shared. Later they crossed the street to a club the waiter mentioned as having a live band that night.

Jack was curiously taking the place in. Their drinks were delivered to the table and about half way through their drinks the band began playing music Toni wanted to dance to.

"Dance with me." She cocked her head sideways and looked at him.

"Toni…I don’t do this kind of…I couldn’t possibly."

Yet she noticed his fingers moving on the table in time with the beat. "You have music in your soul, Jack, and all you have to do is just hold me and kind of move from side to side."

He grinned, "That I might could manage." He took another good swallow from his glass and rose taking her hand led her out to the floor. He’d watched the other dancers to see how it was done.

"This should be accomplished in the bedroom." He said against her ear as he drew her to him.

"You don’t dance in the bedroom." She answered.

"You never asked," he replied.

She smiled and put her arm around his shoulder resting her hand on the back of his neck.

The song that was playing was You Make Me Feel　 Brand New

The words of the song seemed to be written for them and she thought he must know for he held her a little closer as they moved around the floor. She couldn’t look at him when the song finished; so full she might spill over.

They finished their drinks and sat through a few more songs before they left holding hands and crossing back over to the motel. They made love way into the night and fell asleep in each other’s arms.

Part 7

In the shower she placed her hands on his chest as the water poured over them he moved his to her hips. She looked up at him and for a moment they looked into each other’s eyes. These were moments she pressed into her memory to last forever. He began kissing her slowly pressing her against him and lifted her around his waist.

The plan was to visit the Arcadia National Park and then drive into Bar Harbor for the afternoon. They got a late start but fortified with a large breakfast they made the drive up Cadillac Mountain the highest point on the eastern coast. It was cold and windy when they got out of the car but the view was breathtaking. Looking down at Frenchman’s Bay and out at the string of islands Jack said, "I could almost live in this world."

"Almost."

"Yes, almost." He hugged her inside his jacket.

She wished with all her heart that he did but the upheaval it would cause would never go away.

They climbed around the rocks for awhile and Toni took pictures with her camera. He never liked having his picture taken but for her he turned once to the camera while she snapped away.

"Have you seen enough?" He asked.

"I’m cold enough to have seen it are you ready to go?"

"If you are."

"I’m glad we came up here such knowledge might be useful some day."

"How do you mean?"

He only smiled.

"You’re not thinking of attacking Maine are you?" she grinned.

"Not I."

Somewhere along the way he’d gotten past his white knuckled approach to the passenger seat and was taking in the scenery on the drive down the mountain. They were both hungry and thirsty by the time they got to Bar Harbor. Toni found a parking space and they walked up and down the sidewalks reading the menus posted outside eateries until they found one they liked.

Thick steaks, baked potatoes and crisp salad suited both of them. They lingered over their meal finishing off a pot of hot coffee before hitting the sidewalk for a walkabout the town. Toni was in and out of the shops while Jack loitered in the doorways. To make up she walked to the harbor with him for he was always interested in boats.

It had been a full day and Jack asked her if she’d enjoyed it.

"Yes, I have. I think it was a good idea to get out of the House. It’s been good hasn’t it, Jack?"

"Indeed it has. I believe this is the first time you and I have taken a trip together in this world. You are a fine traveling companion."

Toni smiled, "So are you. Nobody would ever know you were an eighteenth century man. You’re very modern in a lot of ways."

"I’ve learned to adapt to the circumstances pray do not tell anyone I was actually on a dance floor last night."

She laughed, "But you did very well."

"It was your guidance, Pet, that saved me."

It had been an incredible night all around she thought as she unlocked her car. He had the curiosity of a child about everything and she loved explaining things to him. When she didn’t know exactly how something worked like the power plant they passed he resolved to look it up in the encyclopedia back at the House. He told her they had such books but they were woefully inaccurate and wanting.

As she drove back to the motel she thought about him and what he knew and wondered how he could go back to his time with that knowledge. But then she thought about how cleanliness was important to him and though he ate what she considered to be strange foods they were well cooked or he sent it back. He was healthy and fit considering the life he led. She didn’t doubt but that some modern thinking went back with him.

Another night in the motel in Belfast and they were back on the road south. Jack planned the route as he was now familiar with map reading. He wanted to visit some of the old seaports along the way. The travel brochures had hooked him. Though much of the flavor of the old ports was missing with tourist storefronts lining the streets and pleasure boats in the bays there was enough history there to keep his interest.

They ate lobster in Rockport and tried to stay out of the L.L. Bean traffic. Toni had to explain what that was and he thought it was ridiculous. All in all it was a leisurely trip back with no hurry to be anywhere. They spent the night in Portland and stuffed with lobster rolls and local beer they slept soundly.

The weather had been perfect for their little trip　 and still it held the next morning when they set off for Gloucester. Toni was reluctant to return to the House. Being with Jack away from it opened her eyes to the man he actually was. It wasn’t all about sex although he claimed her nightly and sometimes in the morning, it was the easy compatibility between them. They were comfortable together and enjoyed the same things. Even as she knew it could never be the idea that she could live with him forever was never far from her thoughts.

"There it is," she said as they pulled into Gloucester. "Are you in a hurry to get back to the House?" she asked.

"Not at all I believe there are parts of Gloucester that I am not familiar with. We should have a tour."

Jack had been getting little pings from Max for the last few days and he’d ignored them. Now when they were walking around Gloucester he relented and told him where they were and that all was well. Too soon this time with Toni would be over and they would part again for some unknown length of time. The thought caught in his chest and he’d been unprepared for the pain it caused. For the first time he began to doubt his own judgment in the choices he’d made. He could live in this world. He could live with Toni and Rose there would be some kind of work he could do. He looked out at the lobster boats and the fishing boats in the harbor. He then thought of Max and Terry and the boys. No, it could never come to pass for he would have her if he were to cross over for good. The four of them would probably never speak again.

Jack had been quiet for some time and Toni slipped her arm around him as they stood near the harbor looking out with the wind lifting his hair. He looked down at her and smiled resting his arm around her shoulders.

"I imagine a man could make a living fishing for lobsters."

"Many do," she answered, "it’s a hard life and a dangerous one."

He smiled thinking she had no idea what real danger was.

"They filmed a movie here called The Perfect Storm. We might watch it tonight if you’d like."

"I would like. I do realize the dangers of making a living from the sea."

"Oh, yes I know you do" she chuckled. "How silly of me."

‘There is nothing silly about you, Pet. I’m beginning to feel a little sharp set should we go on to the House?"

"You know, I’m very reluctant to bring our trip to an end."

"Yes, I do know." He hugged her close.

Part 8

The House welcomed them with warmth and love sensing immediately that whatever was wrong before they left was put right again. A full meal waited them in the dining room lit with candles. They dropped their bags in the entryway knowing they would be spirited away, clothes cleaned and put away and anything they brought back with them would be put aside in their rooms.

This is where time stood still. Where days and weeks and years could pass unnoticed in the outside world. It was a place where they could if they desired live forever and they were both aware of it. It was their sense of honor, of commitments made to others, of a life that must be lived outside of the cocoon of magic that prevented them from even discussing such a thing. Magic had its price.

With a full stomach and a good bottle of wine to finish they moved to the library. The day had disappeared into nightfall. Later they retired to her room to watch the movie she’d suggested. He was caught up in it knowing all too well what it felt like to be in the midst of a storm.

"I have no way of knowing what elements I have passed through be they a perfect storm or merely hurricanes, which I believe to be one of the worst passages around the Horn that I have made. I do love a good blow but this kind of weather shakes one’s soul up and spews it out."

Toni reached for his hand. He didn’t like the way it ended but such things happened all the time.

"I’ll wager there are as many ships beneath the sea as sails upon it."

"You make sure yours stays above the waves, Jack Aubrey."

"That I do, Pet."

"I know the scars on your body and I’m afraid more are to come. I do worry about you, you know."

"Wasted time I will not perish."

"It’s not wasted. I think of you often and wonder where you are and if you’re safe or bleeding."

He turned to her, "I think of you too and I wonder where you are. If I think hard enough I can get an idea of where you are. That is how I knew you’d been here in December."

They were on the big sofa in her room and he reached for her and pulled her against him. "This is where I want you…in my arms."

"I fit perfectly."

He smiled and kissed her.

They spent a week at the House walking on the beach when weather permitted and making trips out to Gloucester for drinks in the pub and fish and chips. He brought his violin out several nights and played for her and that always brought tears to her eyes but she hid them from him. The music he played stayed with her throughout the nights.

All the sadness and melancholy had left her. Jack could do that for her he’d always been able to bring her around. She was happy and laughed readily at his wit.

They were in Gloucester one day and she saw a newspaper and noted the date. She’d been gone for two weeks and knew she needed to go home to Max. It was a difficult decision to make. She turned to Jack.

"I’m going to have to go home."

"Yes, Pet, Max needs you."

"Have you been communicating with him?"

"Somewhat," he looked up at her and smiled.

"I think I’m ready. Once again you have put me back together."

"You were never apart."

"Oh, you don’t know how near I was to being shipped over here in pieces like a puzzle."

"We’ve had a good two weeks of spring. Let that keep you until we can meet again. I think in late spring, perhaps the end of May I will come for you and Rose. I’d like a week at the cottage with you if Max will agree and he should."

"And if he doesn’t"

"We will have a week at the end of May…do not worry about that."

Toni leaned into him and smiled. She didn’t doubt they would have that week.

She booked her flight and Jack accompanied her to the airport in Boston.

He came into the airport with her and waited while she checked in. They had coffee waiting for her flight.

"What will you do when I leave?" she asked.

"I shall find a place where I might simply disappear without any bother."

"I didn’t know you’d come to the airport with me. I never thought…"

"It is my duty to see you safely aboard your flight. That much I will do for Max because it affords me a few more moments with you.

"Did I say I love you?"

He smiled, "Several times this morning."

"Did you say you love me?"

"You have to ask? You know I love you. You take my heart with you, Pet."

He held her there in the midst of the crowd of fellow travelers and kissed her good-bye. She hadn’t expected it and it was almost her undoing but she kept herself together and walked through the security gate with her head held high holding her breath. She turned once but he’d been swallowed up in the crowd behind her perhaps already on his way back to his world.

Max sat up with a start. "She is away." The words were clearly spoken in his mind. Jack. He fumbled for his glasses and looked at the bedside clock. Already his sleep fuzzed mind was calculating the time she might be arriving. He found his phone and called the airport to check on incoming flights from Boston. There was only one. She was coming back.

The relief and the joy that filled him threatened to overflow but he blinked it away. He’d been so afraid she wouldn’t come back to him. He was well aware of her strong feelings for Jack. It was something he couldn’t compete with and didn’t try. Jack had communicated with him a few times letting him know where they were and that all was well. He should have known he hadn’t intended to keep her or he probably wouldn’t have contacted him at all. Still there was that fear that knotted up in his belly and wouldn’t go away.

Now he had something to do. First order of the day, which was technically still night outside, was a large pot of coffee. With the caffeine kicking in, he showered and dressed. The sun was up and soon Tuppy would be up with Rose. Ludivine would be coming in the back door with croissants for his breakfast. He nervously paced around waiting.

He was waiting at the gate for her when she came down the ramp into the airport.