The House of Four Seasons: A Fortnight
By Atonia
Part 1
Max and Toni planned to spend a month in the cottage after Rose’s birth. Tuppy was with them to help with Maxi. It was February and Jacky’s birthday was just around the corner. Toni’s body was still trying to put itself back together and she didn’t feel much like making a party for Jacky, but Terry said he’d bring him down and Tuppy agreed to bake a cake. Max had taken himself out to do a little shopping, Toni made a list for him of things she needed, things the baby needed and a few things for Jacky and Maxi. Although it was Jacky’s birthday she wanted Maxi to have something too.
Toni had just finished feeding Rose up in the bedroom, changed her diaper and dressed her in a sweet little outfit; what hair she had was golden blond and her eyes still in that newborn shade of gray-blue. She was a perfect little baby, and Toni was thinking her little ears lay against her head like shells. She wished her father could see her and hold her. She looked up to see Tuppy in the doorway.
"What is it, Tuppy?"
"Well, there is a…gentleman downstairs who wishes to see you." Her eyes were wide and blinking rapidly.
"Who is it?"
"A Captain Aubrey, ma’am"
"Oh!" Toni let out a squeal , "Why are you standing there send him up."
Jack in full dress stood in her doorway unable to stop smiling. "Well now, Pet, what have you there?"
"Jack," Toni’s eyes stung. "Oh, Jack."
He removed his coat and went over to the bed and leaned over and kissed her and then rested his eyes on the baby in her arms. "Rose...it is ain’t it?"
"Yes," Toni smiled, "Rose Aubrey…meet your Papa." She handed the baby over to him. He sat awkwardly on the bed with her in his arms.
"She’s much to small, only a handful."
"She’s only two weeks old."
"Is she?" he looked up his eyes alight.
"I was just wishing you here."
"Ah well, I myself have been wishing it for awhile. Oh ho she has me." Rose had her fingers around his. "She is a beauty, an English Rose…skin like a petal."
"A perfect little baby girl.
"And you, Pet, how did you fare?"
"I did just fine, I’ll be back to normal soon. Terry was in the delivery room with me, he helped."
"Terry, umm you’ve made your peace with him?"
"Yes, at last I have I’ve forgiven him, I understand his thinking, wrong though it was. I would have forgiven him his lapse and he would have forgiven me mine. He acted too quickly."
"And Max, where is he?"
"I’ve sent him shopping, I think he was quite happy to go, nothing but babies and nannies, nappies around here," she grinned.
"I can understand that; I was never much use at home with babies myself."
"How is your family?"
"I shall soon find out, I came by coach to the end of the road out front and stepped over to see you and the babe."
"Tell me it’s not waiting for you?" She couldn’t stand the thought of him leaving, he’d only just arrived.
"No, it will be along again in a fortnight. I hope that will not be inconvenient for you?"
"Of course not. We’ve plenty of room…you’ll be here for Jacky’s third birthday."
"Right I will, how is he?"
"Changing rapidly. Terry and I have worked out a sharing of him, one month with me and one with him."
"Seems a shame to divide the boy that way he should be with you until he’s older. He’s too young to be separated from you."
"I feel the same way but there are Terry’s feelings to consider, Jacky is all he has right now and he is a big part of Terry’s life. Did you see Maxi?"
"No I only saw the woman…"
"That’s Tuppy the nanny."
"She wasn’t going to let me come in and I assured her I was a relative."
"Probably because you don’t look like one," She grinned looking him over.
"I had no opportunity to change into modern attire. How old is Maxi now?"
"Fifteen months, he’s running about now, climbing on everything and fascinated by Rose."
"So am I," he looked up at her, eyes very blue. "And her mother as well."
"And I am and have always been captivated by you." Toni leaned over and kissed him.
He looked down at the sleeping baby in his arms and touched her cheek with a finger.
Later Max came home and bounded up the stairs, "Oh, it’s you, I was told there was a strange man madam’s room. How are you Jack?"
"Very well, thank you."
"What do you think of your daughter?"
"She’s a beauty like her mother."
"Yes she is…I think I got everything on your list love, but you’ll have to come and check behind me. Maxi’s having his dinner with Tuppy."
"Oh…dinner…"
"I’ll um, whip something up," he grinned.
"I’m sorry darling I should have thought…"
"No spend the time with Jack." He paused at the door and looked at the three of them on the bed. He was glad to see Jack here with his child.
Max went downstairs to see if he could trade with Tuppy, he’d finish Maxi up if she might help with dinner.
Later they were down in the sitting room. The weather had turned nasty, rain and a cold wind. Max built a fire in the fireplace. Toni was on the sofa with Rose and Jack on the floor playing with Maxi.
Max turned and looked at Toni, "Do you remember when we put this place together, about the fire?"
Toni shook her head slightly, "That was nearly a year ago and here we are in front of the fire…together."
He moved over and leaned against the sofa by her, "I would never have thought this would ever come to be. You and I…" He looked up at her and she kissed him softly.
"Me either," she smiled as Maxi came over and climbed on Max to see the baby on the sofa. Tuppy came in to get Maxi ready for bed, he wasn’t happy about having to go up and Max promised to read him a story when he had his jammies on.
"One day, love," he said getting off the floor, "you and I are going to have an evening with no children…alone."
Toni smiled, "I’m looking forward to that myself."
Jack settled in a chair after Maxi went upstairs. "I wish there was more that I could do for you, Max. I know it’s asking a lot for you to take on my child."
Max smiled a little, "It isn’t really…it isn’t the children at all, we all have them now. You know I’ll take care of her, she’ll never want for anything, Jack."
"I know that, Max. I think perhaps you would like some time with Toni, you haven’t had that have you since you came together, just the two of you?"
"We had two weeks in the South of France alone…well we weren’t really alone she was pregnant with Rose."
"We’ve decided, Jack there aren’t going to be any more children. I wanted to have one with Max but he said no, he couldn’t stand to see me go through that again."
"There are three now and that’s enough," Max said moving toward the stairs, "And one I have to put to bed with a book."
Jack got up and poked at the fire. Toni looked at his broad back, his blond hair caught at the nape of his neck. He turned slightly and looked back at her and for a long time their eyes held. He set the poker back in its place and came over and took the baby from her and kissed her, his eyes saying more than he was willing to.
"Jack," she said softly and he shook his head slightly and walked around the room with his child.
Toni folded the baby blanket she had on her lap, it would never be over with Jack…not ever. Two years, ten years, two months…if he came for her she would go and he knew it. She wondered what that said about her…that she loved him, that he held a special place in her heart and always had. That she had once recklessly abandoned everything for him and he carried the results in his arms. A child…a special child conceived in 1808 and born more than 200 years later.
Part 2
Terry came down on Friday afternoon with Jacky. He was glad to see Jack had made it and congratulated him on a beautiful daughter.
"Thank you, Terry I believe she has the look of her mother."
Terry peering over his shoulder at the baby, "I think she does too, amazing how fast they change, I was there when she was born."
"Yes I know, Toni told me you coached her through the birth, considering the circumstances…I am in your debt."
"There are no circumstances any more, Jack. We’re all in this together you know. She was mine for awhile, she’d been yours and now she’s Max’s."
"She’s very content with Max."
"I know…I see Jacky’s found Maxi," he smiled at his son talking to Maxi who starred up at him in wonder, another little person to play with. They soon had the toy box emptied and were playing in the lounge. Tuppy found a chair to sit in with her knitting to keep an eye on the boys.
Toni came in to collect Rose for a feeding, "Hello, Terry." She kissed him. "What do you think of our little Rose?"
"She’s a beauty, like her mother."
"Jacky had time for a kiss and a hug and I see he’s found Maxi to play with."
"Maxi’s getting to be a big boy,"
"Yes he is, I’ll take her now." Toni took Rose into the sitting room to feed her. Max was in there building up the fire."
"How’s the wood situation?"
"I think we’ll get though the weekend. Did you see Tuppy’s cake?"
"Yes, I think it needs something…frosting perhaps." Toni smiled.
"I can’t help you there love."
"I know, I’ll take care of it before tomorrow."
"This is too much for you, too many people to cook for."
Toni smiled, "Who said I was going to cook? I’ve got Rose to feed. I’m sure between the three of you something can be put together."
"Surely you don’t think Jack cooks, however I do know Terry can when he wants to."
"Yes he does a mean barbeque, but it’s too wet outside for that, he can manage the broiler. But tomorrow for Jacky’s party…maybe you could go down to the bakery and pick up some pies or something."
"I can do that. How long is Jack staying?"
"A fortnight, he said the carriage will be by for him. Sorry I know you’re anxious to get home."
"It can’t be helped I suppose."
"Darling…life will return to normal."
"Normal?" he grinned and took himself off to the kitchen. Max was standing in the pantry…normal what was normal…he didn’t know anymore.
Terry wandered in, "looking for something?"
"Dinner but it hasn’t appeared yet."
"Oh for the days at the House of Four Seasons when we didn’t have to think about it. What can I do to help, Max?"
Max moved a few packets around, "It always amazes me how Toni can come in here and out of a few packets and boxes and tins put together a meal. I’m standing here looking at the same things and …nothing."
"I can make a stew if we’ve got beef and potatoes and carrots." Terry moved over behind him.
"Ah…potatoes, onions…" he began pulling out vegetables from a bin.
Terry found meat in the fridge and they began peeling and chopping.
"Your nanny doesn’t cook?"
"No…nothing edible I asked her to make a cake for Jacky’s birthday and that’s the result over there under that glass. She told me I hired her for Maxi…"
"She does feed him?"
"Yes but I think he eats a lot of scrambled eggs and toast. Once we’re home Ludivine will be there. You’ve still got Wiggins I suppose…you should have brought her."
"I didn’t know you were cookless, Max."
"Toni gets in here but I try and make her rest as much as possible. She’s up and down all night with Rose."
"It was the same with Jacky when he was born, she breast fed him too."
"Maxi wasn’t…Connie tried but there was a problem so she switched him to formula. We are beginning to sound like two old women here, Terry."
Terry chuckled, "Now we know what they talk about in the kitchen."
"There you are," Jack came into the kitchen carrying his violin.
"If you can’t cook get out of the kitchen." Terry looked up at him.
"He could serenade us, play a little fiddle." Max said.
"What are you doing?"
"Preparing dinner, Captain any special requests tonight?"
Jack had a look at the potatoes and carrots, "I don’t believe so, looks like you have it well in hand."
"Who are you going to saw that thing for?" Terry asked.
"Your son, he’s asked for it…I may teach him to play when he’s older."
"Jacky?"
"Yes are you surprised?"
"No not really, he has drums at home that he beats on and a toy guitar that he beats on, might as well add a fiddle."
Toni had moved into the lounge with the children and Jack, who brought his violin in to entertain them for a little while. Jacky watched him play while Maxi danced. She had to bite her lip to keep from laughing out loud. Maxi had the biggest smile on his face. He loved music and danced to commercials on TV, her music box or anything to do with music.
Toni looked over at Tuppy who seemed to be awestruck by Jack. She sat with her knitting in her lap and a rapt expression on her face. Well who wouldn’t be fascinated by him…a man of many talents. She wondered how Tuppy would react to see him with a bloody sword in his hand as she had in Rome. Jack now had Jacky on his knee letting him pass the bow over the strings. Maxi had stopped dancing and found a train to push around.
Part 3
Saturday and it was Jacky’s birthday. Saturday was also Tuppy’s day off, she had Saturdays and Sundays unless something special was in the works, like Toni and Max being out of town. Today Tuppy had taken herself off on a bus tour.
Toni had just finished up Jacky’s cake and placed a big number 3 candle in the center. His presents had been wrapped at two in the morning when she was up with Rose. Max had Maxi duty and he came into the kitchen with Terry.
"Terry’s going to the bakery is there anything you need love?"
"The pies…" she looked at Terry.
"I know which ones, I’m taking Jacky with me he’s pretty good about picking things out."
"You’ve had him there before?"
"Yeah, he likes the jam tarts. The ones with the plastic clown in the center."
Toni smiled, "I know he used to pick those out. It’s been a long time since we were here."
"Last summer," Max said and shifted Maxi in his arms.
"Do you want me to take him?"
"No, he’s too heavy for you I was looking for his cup."
Toni filled Maxi’s sippy cup with juice and brought it to him. "He’s happy now."
Max smiled and took him back to the lounge where Jack was entertaining Jacky.
"Need any bread or anything?"
"Yes, you can pick up a loaf." Toni met Terry’s eyes and he held hers, she couldn’t look away.
He moved to her and put his hand on her cheek and kissed her softly, "We won’t be long." He turned and left, calling Jacky.
Toni touched her lips with her fingers. She went to the sink and turned on the water…his eyes so full of everything he was. She took a deep breath and began washing up the frosting dish. It had almost been a year now…it didn’t get any better…it didn’t go away. Blindly she put the dish down and went into the pantry holding the towel to her eyes. Max found her there a few minutes later.
"What is it, darling?" Max took her in his arms.
"I’m just too emotional right now…"
"I think that’s supposed to be normal after the birth of a baby, or so I’ve read…" he turned her around. "Is it Terry?"
She nodded her head, "I’m sorry."
"He didn’t say anything….?"
"No…no Max he just is. I can’t help it…sometimes I look at him and I almost forget what happened to us, but I know…and I wonder if it will ever go away. I should be past this now." She put her arms around his neck. "I take two steps forward and one back, one forward and two back I’m not moving on."
"What can I do to help you, love?"
"Just love me." She looked up at him, "You have the ability to make me forget everything but you."
Max kicked the pantry door shut. "I can’t do what I want to with you now…but I’ll do what I can." He kissed her and she felt herself being lifted up swirled around and in his arms, loved and warm and safe. There was a deep longing inside her for him but it would have to wait until her body was ready to receive him again.
Jacky had his birthday and they all sang and he blew out his candle and opened his gifts. He and Maxi were busy with the new toys. Toni and Max were in the lounge with the boys. Jack and Terry in the sitting room with Rose in her basket.
"Three years, it’s hard to believe it’s been that long." Jack remarked throwing a log on the fire in the sitting room.
"I remember it like it was yesterday and you were there, Jack."
"Yes and the hospital room," he smiled at Terry, "Remember all the roses, I could hardly find her. So much has happened since then." Jack poked at the logs, "not all of it good."
"No…but most of it was."
"It’s not good what you are doing to Jacky…I’m sorry, this is my own opinion. A child that young belongs with his mother…perhaps when he is older and at school he could live with you but for now he is still a babe, Terry."
"I’ve thought about it, and Toni and I have talked about it. He’s all I’ve got, Jack. He’s why I come home from work each day. Weekends we do things he likes. I take him to the zoo, to the airport to watch the planes. He has Anna during the day but at night I look after him and weekends it’s just the two of us. I’ll never be his mother but I’m trying to be as much a part of his life as I can."
"I don’t fault your efforts or your abilities as a father. Perhaps I am old fashioned in my thinking…I come from a different age but young children need their mothers."
"She’ll have him next month."
"He holds a special place in my heart, I think you know this. It is only my concern for him that bade me speak at all."
"What will you do about Rose, how will she know who you are?"
"A most difficult situation. She will of course live with Toni and Max. Max will be her father as far as the world is concerned if indeed it concerns itself with her at all. I shall be her Papa and when she is old enough she will be told. I will take her into my world and introduce her to who I am, what I do and how I live."
"How will you explain that to her?"
"It is by magic that we live at all. A child is more open and ready to except things that cannot be explained otherwise. A trip into a magical world…should be a treat I would think." He cocked a brow and smiled a little.
Terry smiled back, but he wondered too what effect that would have on a child.
Rose was coming awake and Terry picked her up and held her. "You should go wash your hands, you’ve been handling firewood."
Jack looked at his hands and at Terry but he left to go wash them.
Rose began rooting around on his chest and he got up with her, "I think you need your Mummy."
Toni met him in the hall, "Is she awake?"
"Um hm, and hungry I think," He handed Rose over to her and she took her upstairs. Terry went into the lounge with Max, who he found lying on the floor with trucks parked across his back.
"Car park?"
"Have you come to save me?"
"No."
"Then go away." Max rested his head on his hands.
"What are you doing, Jacky?" Terry squatted down beside him.
"Trucks goin’ up Pennines."
"Ah, Max you’re the Pennines"
"See motorway…" Jacky raced a car up Max’s leg.
Terry grinned as Max’s shoulders bunched and Jacky carried on his explanations.
Max mumbled something…
"What was that…?" Terry tilted his head.
"I said…why aren’t you down here."
"Doesn’t appear to be room in here for two mountain ranges. What’s that you’ve got Maxi?" Maxi brought him a crayon. "Uh oh, where did this come from…he’s writing on the walls."
Toni finished feeding Rose and changed her diaper. She felt so happy to have the three of them there to help and they did help, cooked and looked after the boys. She knew Jacky was enjoying his birthday, he had Maxi and his uncles to play with. For a moment she thought how it would be if this could continue. All three of them living together with her. A fantasy…something she could never have, but there was Max, her anchor in the storm of her emotions. He’d always been there during Terry’s ordeals, he was the first to come to her and support her and love her. She smiled and picked up Rose and went back downstairs.
Terry left with Jacky on a rainy Sunday afternoon. He’d hugged and kissed her along with Jacky who she didn’t want to let go of. She went upstairs to her bedroom, not wanting to talk to anyone for a while. She felt raw and emptied. It would have been better she thought if she’d never seen him again, if when he’d left her that day at the chapel he’d never returned. Not that she wanted anything horrible to have happened to him…but it was painful now for both of them. Like taking a thing that wants to be whole and repeatedly tearing it apart leaving fresh scars to be healed time and time again.
She cried herself to sleep only to be awakened in less than an hour by Jack who’d brought Rose to her for feeding.
"Are you not feeling well, Pet?"
"Oh, I’m okay," she brought the baby to her breast.
"I think you’re tired and need to rest."
"Yes."
"That’s not all of it is it?"
"No."
Jack looked at her a minute and then looked out of the window where the rain had obscured the garden, it was already growing dark and not yet 4:00. "Perhaps you shouldn’t see him at all." He turned back to her, "That is the problem is it not…Terry?"
"You’re very perceptive," She looked up at him. "I can’t seem to get to that place…I think I am and sometimes I’m okay with him and then comes days like today. Max says it will take time to heal but I think if you keep tearing open a wound it will never heal. He comes to us in Provence and he and Max are back where they used to be…they’re close you know. I’ve forgiven him for what he did to us but…"
"Have you truly forgiven him…you are not at peace in your heart. He loves you still I know and you will never be free of each other. You have a son together and it’s all right to love him but if seeing him and spending time with him causes you such pain then it’s not worth it Pet. Have the woman bring Jacky to you."
"I’m trying to be an adult about this, Jack. I’m trying to be strong and…"
"Forget all that, protect yourself; Max should not allow this and I shall tell him so."
"No please, I don’t want to stir anything up between them. Maybe it’s because I’ve just given birth…I’m feeling a little blue right now. He was there with me when Rose was born, holding my hands, breathing with me, pushing with me…a part of me, Jack." Tears began down her cheeks. "Oh God…he saw her before I did…I can’t help it I still love him. And Max has been so good to me even through his own loss, he’s so patient with me…he knows how I am…he’s my anchor. I am such a mess, Jack, there are times I think I would be better just to step across with you and leave it all behind me."