"Wherever we end up."

"Okay." She kissed him and swung her legs off the bed, tugging him to get up.

Max turned on the seat to make sure she was comfortable before she donned her helmet. They both hated them and never wore them at the House of Four Seasons but here in Provence it was a different matter. There were other people on the roads. The roar of the bike and then they were off. Toni placed her faith and trust in Max as they sped along the highway.　 She always thought there was something very sexy about riding behind him. She was thinking about the first time she ever rode with him at the House. She’d never been on the back of a bike before but she trusted him and hung onto his waist for dear life. He stopped at the crossroads and asked which way. She shrugged and he bent over and picked up a leaf and tossed it in the air. It went left and so did they.

The last time they’d done any serious riding she’d been pregnant with Rose. Had it been that long? She thought about John and his snowmobile. Did he still ride…was there enough snow in Maine? Sometimes her past came whirling about her with images scattered like leaves. If she were to only pick one, a whole scenario would unfold before her. A day in the life at The House of Four Seasons.

Provence was at its autumnal peak. The weather was perfect and the long road stretched out before them. She realized after awhile that he was headed for the coast and wondered if he had in mind an overnighter. Conversation was impossible along the road and so she let her mind wander as she looked out over the fields they passed. Lavender. She could still smell it in the air after it had been harvested months ago. Fields of sunflowers were still standing, though on their last leg. These had been left for the birds, she thought.

She remembered how the House had decorated itself for the seasons. Fall would have been Terry and pumpkins, brightly flowering mums and the scent of spices in the air. Suddenly she felt homesick for the House sitting on its cliff above the sea. She closed her eyes and mentally entered the front door. Terry…

Terry was in the park with Jacky. It was windy and cool and the leaves were whirling about in mini whirlwinds. Jacky was playing with some other kids from the neighborhood.　 He found a seat on the park bench where he could watch him. The weather was changing, and as he looked up he could see the sky really wanted to be gray and not the brilliant blue seen in patches. Autumn and his thoughts turned to Toni. That excitement that used to build inside of him as he would near the House, always running toward her. Always knowing he would find her in his bed, warm and waiting for him. The warm feeling he would get when he entered the House. It enfolded him, loved him and gave her to him.

Mostly he tried not to think about the House. He tried not to let his senses and his mind flow in that direction. As wonderful as it was it brought him to the present and his circumstances. That empty part of him that remained as though some vital part of his body had been ripped away. It scabbed and scarred over with time but he would forever feel the pain and know where it had lain within him.

Max slowed the bike at another crossroads, waiting for the traffic to clear. He indicated a village high atop a hill. She nodded her head and smiled. It was about time for tea and a bit of something to eat. She hadn’t said a word in over an hour but he could feel her behind him. He could feel her inside of him where love lived. He wound the bike up the hillside to the walled village. Thank goodness it wasn’t market day and you could see the town square, well as squared as the French were going to get. He smiled a little and found a place to pull his bike off the main road.

They took off their helmets, gloves and unzipped their leather jackets. The cobbled street felt good under Toni’s feet though her thighs still vibrated from memory of the ride. They found a little café and ordered tea and soup and split a ham sandwich. Just the sort of thing she wanted today. Nothing fancy, just vegetable soup. She remembered the smell of it simmering on the back of the stove in the cozy kitchen at the House, and the smell of fresh baked rolls. She smiled up at Max, biting into his sandwich, and wondered why she was so far away in the House today when he was here and now.

"Have you figured out where we’re going?" he asked, finished with his soup and pushing the bowl away.

"Have you a plan?" she laughed. "I think we’re headed for the coast."

"Right, we are and, no, I haven’t a plan. I’m just going where the wind and road takes me."

"I like that." She sipped her tea. "Too much of our life is planned out."

"That’s true but then it has to be. There is more than just the two of us involved."

"I know. I’ve been thinking about when there wasn’t anything else, when I was still at the house."

It came to him that it was fall and fall always triggered his leaving and Terry arriving. He pushed his napkin around on the table and looked away toward the line of shops up the street. Was it Terry that she was thinking of today?　 He sighed and reached for a cigarette. He still hadn’t quit, though he’d cut down. Terry had to quit smoking so what was his excuse, what was he waiting for…some dreadful happening to make him see the light? No, it was the inner insecurity that he still carried and couldn’t find a place to put down. He lit the cigarette and inhaled. For awhile it calmed him and smoothed out the ripples.

He knew it was ridiculous. She was with him, proof enough that she loved him and he never doubted that it was that she loved Terry and Jack more. He’d tried but he couldn’t shake it. If it had been her decision to leave Terry to begin with it would have made all the difference but as it happened, she hadn’t a choice in the matter. And then there was Jack, who represented something to her he could never match and never hope to surpass. Something otherworldly, romantic and mysterious.

"Having second thoughts about coming out today?"

"Oh, no…no, not that, Max. I suppose it was the motorbike. We did a lot of riding over the hills and dales and forest paths."

"Yes, we did." He blew out a stream of smoke. "But we never got anywhere, did we? I mean we rode for miles and it was a big loop, a road to nowhere."

"I don’t think we were supposed to go anywhere. It was all about us being together and so it didn’t matter. I don’t know, maybe it’s the weather, fall."

He stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray. "I wouldn’t know about fall. I was summer." He put away his cigarette lighter and felt for his wallet. Time to pay up.

Toni caught the edge to his voice and looked at him until he looked up at her, his eyes dark and distant.

"Don’t, Max. You are on a road to nowhere."

"You’re probably right but it looks awfully familiar."

"That’s because you keep trying to go there." She stood up with him.

They walked across the square arm in arm and as they reached the corner where his bike was parked, he pulled her around and kissed her. "I never stopped loving you. Through it all I loved you and wanted you so bad it hurt sometimes."

"Max, don’t ever doubt me. Please, please don’t. I see it in your eyes and it hurts. I don’t know how to make it go away. I love you and if I didn’t feel the way I do about you I wouldn’t be with you. Yes, I did love Terry. I still do and I could go to him today but I don’t. I don’t because it’s you, Max, that has all of me. You give me everything I need and more." She took his face in her hands and kissed him.

There was a young couple waiting to pass them by and they smiled when Max looked up and moved Toni out of the walkway. It was France. The couple turned back to look at them and slipped their arms around each other. It was a day for lovers. Max looked back into her face.

"I don’t know why I insist on doing this to myself. I know the truth of it all but…"

"There are too many other things rolling around inside of you. Your guilt over Connie…oh, yes, I know you professed to love her and maybe somewhere inside of you that was true for awhile."

Guilt, yes, that resided inside, too, but not the way she thought. She still didn’t know what he had planned to do the day Connie was killed. He could never tell her that he’d planned on walking out of his life with Connie, giving up everything so that he might have her. His brothers knew and condemned him for it except for Terry, who understood.

"I suppose it’s true. I do carry too much baggage around. What say I place one right here?" He pretended to place a bag on the sidewalk. "This is Connie guilt." Could he do it? He could only try.

"We cannot ever come to this corner again."

"No need for it. Plenty of other villages and corners to stop and kiss a pretty lady on."

"There you go again," she hugged him.

"What do you mean?"

"Glossing over, like Ludivine and the varnish. Varnish covers everything. You do that with humor. It’s a masking technique."

He looked around and back at her with an amused look in his eyes. "A street corner analyst now, are we?"

"Pass my palm with silver and I’ll tell your fortune, too," she laughed.

"I don’t want to know it. Just give me a good day today." He kissed her again and led her to the bike.

Toni picked up a little round pebble and turned it in her hand. "Max, what’s wrong with us?" she finally said.

He crumpled up the bag and stuck it in the pocket of his jacket. "Do you believe there is something wrong with us?"

"I asked you that question."

"I’m not sure I have an answer. There shouldn’t be anything wrong between us."

"Something is there, though," she said and ran a hand through her hair, letting the breeze take it from her face. "We both know it and I think it’s time we settled it. Words of love flow between us like honey and are slathered over everything we do or say. I love you doesn’t seem to suffice." She bit her lip.

"I know it should, Toni, but you’re right, it doesn’t. I suppose I have a lot of doubts about you. Maybe that sounds crazy, but it’s true."

"What kind of doubts, where have I failed with you?"

He picked up a handful of pebbles and began tossing them one by one. "Do you remember the second summer we had together? It was all fun and games after the initial upset and magic rules changing and all that rot. We went down to Boston to pack up your things and clear out your apartment. You were so excited and happy. I was too dumb that day to realize why you were in such a state. It was all because you would see John again. It was all about John coming back in Winter. Before he showed up fall arrived in the form of Terry. Another player in the mix. I wasn’t jealous and unlike Bud, at the time, I wasn’t resentful of your other seasons. It was a lark for me, although I’d fallen in love with you by the second summer."

"What are you trying to say?"

"It was all about John…until Terry came. That second fall with him and he had you. When he disappeared we all feared for your life. Even Jack couldn’t squelch the fire Terry lit in you."

"Max, I loved you. You know that."

‘Yes, I know you did but I have wondered sometimes what it must have been like for John coming in right after Terry left you. Did he still feel the heat left behind?"

"It wasn’t like that, Max. I loved all of you. John was the first and you were the second."

"No, Jack was second…see how easy it is to forget."

"Where are we going with this?" she asked.

"That last year. Had you decided to take someone out while you were with me in Summer?"

"No, no, I didn’t make that decision until Fall. It was only that summer that I found out what was to come next for me."

"You and I never discussed it."

"I know we didn’t but Terry did in the fall."

"He wanted you to make a decision right then."

"No, he didn’t. He told me to take my time and…oh, I know what he did, Max. He set me up and it was okay that he did. It was okay with me because I loved him. I wanted to be sure I was doing the right thing for me."

"You knew by spring. Maybe you even knew by winter because John knew it wasn’t him."

"John had a choice to make and he made it."

"So did Jack. That left me and Terry. We never got to summer. You knew when Terry left you at the end of November. He had it all worked out and I hadn’t a clue you were ready to do something like that."

"Max, this was five years ago. Why are we still having this conversation?"

"You and I haven’t settled it satisfactorily."

He’d raised his voice and his words carried off on the wind. Oh, what was he trying to do, drive her away? Why couldn’t he let it go?

Toni rested her head in her hands. "Let’s settle it once and for all and leave it here."

"You never chose me…ever…for anything. I’m what you’ve got, what’s left for you after the others stepped away. John to Donna, Jack to his Sophie and Terry to insanity. Everybody’s said it was meant to be, it was right, it was what should have been. But it wasn’t and wouldn’t be except for Terry’s moment."

Toni stared at him open-mouthed. That he could think that she took what was left. This was insane. She shook her head slightly.

"It’s true. If Terry had come to his senses you’d still be with him."

Toni got up and walked to the water’s edge. What he said was true. If Terry hadn’t rejected her and given her away she would still be with him. Life wasn’t always smooth running with Terry because they were both volatile. But, God, they had loved each other. Yes, she would still be with him because she wouldn’t have left him as he had left her. She would still be living in London with him and Jacky. They would still be a family together and not cut up. Tears stung her eyes. Max would have been alone with Maxi. How would that have…oh, it wouldn’t have done at all. No. Fate had stepped in or magic.　 She’d always rejected the notion that the Magic had a hand in Connie’s death and that had been the catalyst. Terry gave her away the day of the service. It connected somehow. She never understood it.

"Toni." Max had silently moved up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders.

"What you said was true. I can’t deny it, Max. But life didn’t work out that way. Something else brought us together. Maybe something more intelligent than us." She turned and looked into his eyes. "I don’t regret one minute standing here before you right now. You’re…" she put a hand on his face, "all I will ever need for me."

"Now that isn’t true. Let’s do be truthful here. You will one day have need of Jack and he of you. You may have need of Terry and he of you or even John. We can’t pretend that isn’t a fact. It bothered me that you never chose me for anything and I had to tell you."

"I chose you to be my summer. I know Jack suggested you but after that first year, Max, you would always be my summer love. I choose you now…today by le mer. It’s still autumn and you and I are still together. Over a year now and we fit, don’t you think?"

"Yes, I think we fit. We are mostly a perfect fit. I can’t imagine life without you. I know I get caught up in winemaking or banking from time to time but it’s you, love, who is my main focus."

She knew what he said was true. She was his main focus. It had never been that way with Terry. If she had been, he never let her know. His work was important to him and it caused problems between them. Ah, there really was no comparison between them. What had she done to cause Max such distress?

"Have I ever done anything to make you feel you are less important in my life than the others?"

"No, I can’t say that you have since we’ve been together. I think it was the total rejection at the House when you chose Terry. When you called me in and told me and I saw what he’d done about the money."

"It was never about money."

"No, I don’t believe it was. It was foresight, comfort, caring that he’d laid in for you. He was showing you that he cared enough. I was completely asleep at the wheel."

"Not now you aren’t. That is all over now. Everybody’s true colors have come out. We all know who we are, don’t we?"

"Yes, love, you and I know who we are. I’m sorry I brought all this with us today."

"Me, too," she smiled. "Let’s leave it all here on this rocky beach like we left your Connie guilt behind in Goult."

He took her in his arms and kissed her. They walked back to the village street and found a little café for coffee and later a bottle of wine and a dish of mussels in tomatoes, garlic, herbs and white wine over pasta. Pots of chocolate with whipped crème for dessert. Food for lovers and they were. They left the café late. Too late to be riding about the countryside.

"I’m not sure I want to stay in this town." Max looked around as they strolled back to the bike.

"It’s a summer place, summer resort and already closed for the cold weather."

"Resort," he snorted, "not my cup of tea. What do you want to do?"

"I’m not sure I know where we are, Max."

"Near Toulon. We could go to Aix. Road’s not bad in that direction."

"All right." She turned in his arm. "Thank you for talking to me today and for clearing the air. There shouldn’t be anything hanging between us."

"You’re right," he smiled and kissed her. "Thank you for putting up with me." Another kiss. "Just between us…I love you, Toni."

Terry quietly slipped out of Jacky’s room. He’d gone to sleep on chapter two. Now there was the evening to fill. He checked his watch and went down to the den and picked up the remote. A plate of Jacky’s chips still sat on the coffee table and he sat down and absently ate them cold while channel surfing. Finding something reasonable, he tossed the remote onto the coffee table, picked the plate up and took it into the kitchen, rinsed it and stuck it in the dish washer. He thought about a beer but didn’t.

A few minutes passed and he was in his recliner with the remote in his lap, reaching for a book on the side table. He checked his watch again. Two hours, he’d give it two hours and then go up to bed where he’d toss and turn for another hour until his body became resigned and he would sleep. After all this time he still reached for her in the night and, finding no comfort, hugged the extra pillow to his chest.

Toni kissed Max back. The words ‘I love you’ did suffice now. Simple and from his heart. She repeated them back to him. On the back of his bike feeling the warmth from his body through his jacket. He felt good to her, alive and intense. She rode behind him to Aix where they found a room for the night. They would love each other and sleep until dawn.

Ludivine would be surprised to hear the bike out so early in the morning when she came over. They would come in the back door of the chateau, stripping off leather jackets, laughing and hungry.

It made her happy to see them so in love.

Toni went up to the nursery for Rose. She shared their breakfast, sitting on Max’s knee. She called Aubrey Duncan to check on Maxi. Soon their little family would be back together. Maxi would be home by lunchtime.

Whatever had stirred up past wrongs and hurt feelings had been settled now. Max and Toni　worked as a team, partners for life and lovers for eternity. It would be awhile before she thought about Terry again, but she would think of him.