Chapter 1

Terry arrived at La Siroque about 3:30 in the afternoon. Out in the courtyard Jack Aubrey sprawled in a chair watching Rose with a doll house she was arranging. He had a book upturned on the table and a tall glass of something cold. It was such a peaceful looking scene he hated to open the back doors and unbuckle the two boys, Maxi and Jacky.

Within a few moments  Rose was screaming and her carefully arranged rooms with squat little people and animals was overturned. Tuppy came out to see what was causing the ruckus and both boys went to her for a hug. Jack had Rose on his arm, walking around with her and showing her Duflot on his tractor spraying a noxious looking blue smoke onto the grape vines.

Terry admonished the boys and made them set her little house back up and put the things back inside it. It wasn’t long before she wanted down from her father’s arms to run with the boys. Little house forgotten, they disappeared into the big house.  Ludivine’s high-pitched voice was greeting the boys in French and music was drifting out of the opened door.

Jack picked up the house and set it on the table. “How are you, Terry?”

“I’m good. Any word from, ah...?”

Jack smiled, “Yes and no. Max has Toni and the last I got from him he was looking at London Town.”

“So he took her to London…to the flat?”

“That I do not know. One would presume so.”

“I appreciate your letting me know where she was.” His tone was sarcastic.

“I did let you know but it was Max’s call. He went to the Southend, to Leigh on Sea.”

“Back in time. I know how he hates that.” Terry winced a bit. “So, how long have you been here?”

“I am currently babysitting my daughter and have been for a week now. It’s good to spend the time with her. You’ve had both boys for a month?”

“Yes.”

“I should like to spend some time with them. I only get a day here and there.”

“Let me know where you’ll be next month and I can arrange that.” He smiled and Jack chuckled.

“Not even I know where I’ll be.”

“You looked awfully relaxed when I drove in.”

“I was, Terry. This is a very comfortable place. Too bad it’s in France.”

“Well, you’re in no danger from Napoleon’s forces here.” Terry yawned. “You spent some time with Toni, didn’t you?”

“I did spend a little time with her. She was right when I left her. By that I mean her thoughts were on the right track. She’d  done her penance. I had a talk with Max and put him straight about many things.”

“Good. I know he was angry with her when he left the House.”

“I believe we were all a little angry and upset with her and with good reason. I don’t see it happening again.”

Terry kept quiet. He wasn’t so sure, given the opportunity with the right person…would she?

“What is it you do, Terry. Drop the boys off and leave?”

“Not always. I’ll hang around for a few days. I wouldn’t want to leave you with all three of them.”  He smiled a little. “Toni and Max should be back soon.”

“You can do that? What about SI? Do you not work?”

“Of course I do but I have some very good people working for me. I’m no longer parachuting out of airplanes, Jack.”

“I thought of that myself the other day. I remember it well. Toni was beside herself that day over you.”

“I left you babysitting Toni.”

“Pleasant work, I assure you.”

Terry glanced at Jack then looked back toward the vineyards. “Probably a mistake. I made a lot of mistakes.”

Jack’s turn to glance over the table. “Leaving her with me was never a mistake. I will tell you the same thing I told Max. As much as I love her and would love to be with her all the time, it is impossible. I am married. My family lives in another time and place. I cannot leave them there and cannot bring them here. Whatever fears you or he may have about me are unfounded. The most I can ever hope for is a day or night here and there and that…I will not relinquish.” He stood up and walked to the wall overlooking the vines.

There was heat in Jack’s tone that was not lost on Terry. It must be very frustrating for him, he thought. He moved to Jack’s side.

“I never asked you to relinquish anything. When Toni slipped off with you when I was in Australia, I was angry with everyone but mostly with myself. Don’t take it to heart, Jack. I don’t blame you for our breakup.”

“You had a beautiful thing with Toni and you threw it away. That is something you have to live with, not I. It turned out for the best. She’s happier with Max than she ever was with you. That may be hard for you to bear but you know it is true.”

“I know. There was a lot of tension between us. I don’t think Toni and Max have ever had an argument.”

“That would be near impossible. If they do, it is of little importance to them.”

Terry’s phone rang. “It’s Max…Hiya, Max.”

“Hi, Terry. Um, we’re going to be leaving London tomorrow and wondered if you’d like us to take the boys with us?”

“Ah, well, I’m actually at La Siroque…with boys.”

Max pushed his mute button and looked over at Toni. “He’s at La Siroque with the boys. Where in the world would you like to go? Germany? Italy?...” He raised his brows.

Toni laughed, “I suppose we’d better go home.”

Max sighed and un-muted his phone. “Jack still there?”

“Yep, gang’s all here.”

Mute button again. “Jack’s still there…still want to…?” He spoke to Terry again. “Well, good. We’ll be in around 2:30 if you can pick us up at the airport. Everybody okay there?”

“Yeah, far as I know. I just got here about an hour ago. I haven’t even been in the house yet. Want to talk to Jack?”

“No, no, I don’t think that will be necessary. I’m sure he’s got everything under control. So, until tomorrow, bye.”

“Why did you ask me if I wanted to go to Europe?”

“It was just a thought,” he grinned. “We just left the, ahem, family a few weeks ago.” He shifted on the sofa and took Toni’s feet in his lap.

Max had been a darling and had not once mentioned the reason they’d been with the ‘family’ since he came for her at Jack’s cottage. Toni had wanted to talk about it at first but he silenced her. It was over and didn’t need to be rehashed. Max had a temper. He was quick to anger and slow to get over it but he’d had a couple of weeks to do just that before he came for her. It was not often he felt anger toward her and this instance was tinged with hurt and betrayal. Jack had helped him get his mind straight and to put things into perspective.

Toni was genuinely sorry she’d caused such an upheaval in the family. Her quick affair at the House of Four Seasons with John Brennan should never have happened. She knew it and blamed herself for it. Jack had convinced her to let it go. It was over and not to be repeated. So she buried her memories of him at Leigh on Sea. Max deserved better and although she was trying to make it up to him she had to be careful. He was too smart by half and would immediately pick up on anything out of the ordinary.

Still she couldn’t help but carry a sense of guilt around with her. There were no secrets to keep. It was all out in the open. As Jack said to her, she’d had a public flogging and it was over now but the knowledge didn’t just go away.

Max played with her toes and looked over at her. “Will you be all right with Terry?”

“I’m all right with you, aren’t I?”

“That’s not what I asked. Of course you’re all right with me. We’ve weathered another storm. We’re strong together, you and I.  I love you, Toni, and I have to trust you. You know me. I don’t trust many people, brothers aside. I am completely yours and I have to trust you to take care of me.”

“And I didn’t…I let you down.” This was the first time he’d talked to her like this.

‘Yes, you did, Toni, but the sum of us is much larger than bits and pieces. We’re all right, you and I. Aren’t we, love?”

“I hope so. I want us to be all right. I couldn’t stand it if we weren’t. I was afraid you were painting over it all, like the damp in the still room.”

“No, no, I scraped the surfaces. This paint job is real.”

She sat up. “So is this one. I’ve never come so close to losing everything. It scared me. I slipped in a bad way but I’m back. All I can say is I’m sorry. I’m better than that and I know it. Everything I could want or need is right here in you.”

He looked at her a moment and then slowly smiled. “That last bit isn’t true and you know it.”

Toni blinked. “If I’d never known three other seasons, Max, it would be true. If they disappeared off the face of the earth…”

“Ah, now, you’re backpedaling. I know what you meant. I was only teasing you. You don’t have to prove anything to me. Only be true to yourself and the rest of us.” He made a little face. “I know how it is and I don’t fault you for it as long as you come home to me.”

“Always…always.”

Chapter 2

Terry was there to pick them up at the airport. Toni hadn’t given much thought to Terry since she’d been concentrating on Max and making sure all was well between them. She should have given a thought. His eyes, when they flicked over her, held mixed emotions. She sat in the back seat and looked at the back of his head, at how his hair waved down to his collar. Now and again she caught his eye in the rear view mirror. The banter between Terry and Max was light and mainly about the kids. Toni had little to say. She had fences to mend with Terry. It saddened her to think he thought ill of her.

Jack gave her a hug, holding her for a minute before letting her go. He was happy for her, happy that she and Max were together again. She soon was surrounded by her children and sat on the steps and talked with them.

Jack met Max’s eye for a moment and nodded. It was all right.

“We left the cottage as battened down as we could, key under the brick. I watched a fleet sail out…amazing to think no one alive today has seen such a thing…well, except for you, Jack.”

“You are right, of course. Impressive, wasn’t it” Jack smiled, feeling proud of the Royal Navy.

“How’s Toni?” Terry asked.

“She’s fine.” Max looked around at him. “You probably need to talk to her, Terry. Clear the air…she’s where she needs to be.”

“Yeah, I’ll do that before I leave.”

Max recognized Terry’s detachment. He might appear laid back about it all but he wasn’t.  He knew from personal experience with him. He was more likely to hide his feelings than any of the rest of them. With Jack you knew straight away where he was and how he was thinking.

Max sighed and took a deep breath. He could smell fertilizer and got up and went to the wall looking over the vineyard. Duflot in a cloud was dutifully feeding the grapes.

Jacky found his boat and came running with Maxi and Rose behind him. “Can we sail it, Uncle Jack?”

“Of course we can down at the lake.”

“Oh, don’t take Rose.” Toni came up behind them.

“Do not fret yourself, Pet.” Jack stood up, holding the wooden boat he’d brought him a couple of years ago. “I’ll look after her.”

“Not Rose,” Maxi frowned. “She can’t go to the lake.”

“Indeed she may, young man.” Jack scooped her up and the three of them headed down to the lake.

Toni stood against the courtyard table. “None of them are allowed down at the lake unless an adult is with them. Rose, however, is too young to understand that. We’ll have to keep an eye on her constantly now.”

Terry looked up at her. “You’re a good mother, Toni.”

“You’re a good father,” she smiled.

“We need to talk.”

“I know.” Toni looked around. Max was heading down to the vineyard. “I’d suggest a walk but the air is not good down there.”

He stood up suddenly and took her hand. “Come on.”

He took her down in the wine cellar. “Max’s private stock.” He turned a few bottles, looking at the labels, chose one and opened it with an expert twist of his wrist. Toni took two glasses from the old cabinet.

She waited, tasting the wine and looked up at him. “Is this a private chastisement?”

“Assume the position.”

“I will not.”

“You test me in so many ways. I didn’t want to leave you at the House.”

“Fear I might call him back?”

“No, no, I think you’re beyond that. I just don’t know where you are.”

“I’m where I should be. I’m at home and I’m with you right now. I’m sorry, Terry.”

“Are you? The last time I talked to you remorse was missing. You weren’t sorry at all except that you were caught.”

“That’s not true.”

“If you’d figured out how to send him back on your own you wouldn’t have told anyone what had happened between you and John Brennan. You shake your head but I know you, Toni. If you hadn’t become pregnant with Rose, I would never have known you’d gone off with Jack. I would have come home spilling my guts about my indiscretion and you would have kept silent about your own.”

“Whether I say anything or not makes little difference to you. I don’t have to say anything because you all know…you know. Max knew when I went to you in Paris. You have some kind of inner detector or something.”

“No, we don’t.  We know you or at least we thought we did. We can sense things about you and each other. I thought, well, at least he’s a brother even though he’s out of our circle. Then I wondered if you’d do it again…someone different…someone not of us.”

“You don’t trust me at all, do you?”

“I’m struggling with it.”

“What do I need to do, draw a scarlet letter on my forehead?”

“You can stop being a smartass. I want to trust you because I love you, Toni.”

It was almost the same thing Max had said to her. She sat down on a stool and placed the glass of wine on the tiled floor. “I knew it was wrong from the beginning and yet I did it anyway. That doesn’t speak well of me and I realize that. I can blame the House for its contribution but it was my own weakness. I wasn’t sorry, not for a while. I was sorry that I’d caused such grief.

“I spent some time alone thinking about everything. For a long time now I’ve wanted to be back at the House…the way it used to be. I…I don’t want it anymore. This is my life and I love it. It’s hard sometimes and I carry a load of guilt around with me. But I can’t imagine not having all of you in my life. I love you all. Honestly, Terry, I wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize our life. When I say it won’t happen again, I mean those words.

“I was happy living at the House of Four Seasons. I wanted children by each of you and that couldn’t happen. That was the only drawback of living there. When I look back now, it was like a dream. Everything was so perfect.”

“It was too perfect, luv. When real life came hitting us in the face, it wasn’t pretty anymore.”

“I know and bad things happened to you. You, the man I love. I guess it was a form of escapism to want to go back there. It’s not the same anymore when I go and this last time…I won’t be going back there ever again.”

“You can’t say that for sure but for sure you won’t be going alone.”

“Terry, I know trust is so easy to lose and so hard to regain. Give me time and I hope you’ll come to realize just how much you mean to me. I can’t hurt you again…it’s not in me to do that.”

Terry set his glass on the little table and lifted her from the stool by her hands. “You know, it’s not like we haven’t been here before. It took a while but we got past it. I learned a few things from that fiasco and I know without a doubt that you and I love each other. If you can forgive me for what I’ve done to us then this is nothing…it’s nothing.”

He held her close for a moment and kissed her. “I’ve been such a fool,” she said against his neck.

“Yeah,” he held her back a bit. “But such a delicious little fool. I’d already forgiven you for this little slip-up. Just don’t do it again.” He popped her ass, bringing her against him.

“You are the…oh, Terry.” There was no doubt what his intentions were.

Later she was rubbing the side of her skirt. “I’ll never get this off. What is it?”

“Um, looks like old wine sludge or something.” He grinned and buttoned his jeans.

“I’m going upstairs and change.” She stopped and kissed him, looking into his eyes. “Love you.”

Terry followed after a few minutes with the open bottle of wine.

Of course the rest of them would know he’d had her. He’d lied about the little extra sensory perception thing they shared. The thing was he didn’t think they’d care and damn them if they did.

He met Max in the hallway coming in from the kitchen. “There you are. I was wondering what happened to you.”

Terry handed him the open bottle of wine.

“Ah,” Max adjusted his glasses looking at the label. “Was it good?” He looked in the bottle.

“Damn good.” Terry grinned a little and walked past him.

Max smiled to himself and bounded up the stairs carrying the bottle.

Jack, with his hair in some disarray, put Rose in a chair and told her not to move. He then began removing her wet shoes and socks. Both boys were wet to their waists and now were pushing the boat around in the fountain.

“Boat,” she said, frowning and looking at the boys.

“Yes, it is indeed a boat to be floated in water. You, however, are not a boat and you do not as yet float.”  He pulled her little shirt over her head and stood her up. “God in heaven!” he said and stripped her bare of her wet clothes.

Terry stood at the kitchen door, grinning, watching him.

Jack glanced back at the boys and headed for the back door with Rose. “Here,” he handed her over to Terry and went back for the boys.

Terry took her upstairs to the nursery and woke Tuppy, who’d taken the opportunity for a nap.

Two little boys naked from the waist down came running through the house, giggling and hiding from Terry as he came back down the stairs.

“All right, come out of there. What the devil have you been up to?” He saw their state of undress.

“Rose went in the water and Uncle Jack had to go and get her. We were going to help him but he…yelled at us,” Jacky explained.

“Up to the nursery, both of you…baths…NOW!”

Jack had removed his shoes and socks. He was wet to his thighs when he came through.

“Having fun, Papa?” Terry laughed and ignored the glare he got from Jack.

“I hear squeals of delight,” Max said, took a drink from the wine bottle and handed it to Toni.

“I’m not sure that’s delight. Must be an early bath.” She stood up from the bed, walked to the door and listened. “I’ll bet they were in the lake.”

“I’d place money on that.”

She turned the bottle in her hand. “It’s so good to be home again."

She’d changed her clothes and had on a long, flowing cotton halter dress. Max lay rumpled on the bed. He knew about Terry though neither of them had mentioned it. Strangely enough he didn’t care. It was all right because now they were all settled again.

She took a pendant Jack had given her and tried to fasten it around her neck. Max offered to fix it for her.

He fastened her chain and pulled her back against him, kissing her neck and slipping a hand inside her dress to fondle her breast.

“Are we getting drunk?” She looked up at him and smiled.

“Not me. It’d take more than this plonk. Are you feeling lazy?”

“Umm. It’s been an emotional time lately. I’m coming down now. Umm, don’t stop doing that.”

He grinned and continued on. “It’s all good now.”

“Yes…all good.”

Chapter 3

The pace slowed as the day flowed into evening. Ludivine had been over and brought a cassoulet for dinner. Toni made a salad and Max made the dressing. It was the last evening they’d have for awhile. Jack was going to leave later that night and Terry was leaving the next day. They ate out in the back courtyard where Max normally had his breakfast. Toni lit a thick yellow candle and placed a glass hurricane around it.

Leaning back and looking at the stars, she said, “Bliss…oh bliss has found me and I do not want.”

“I think someone’s been in the wine today,” Jack smiled across the table at her. She found his knees with her bare toes.

“You’re a good thinker, Jack,” she smiled back at him.

“Why not wait until morning to leave?” Max asked Jack.

“I need to go.” His eyes were on Toni.

“I do, too. I need to get back to work and see if I still have a company to run.”

“But you have people to do that for you.”

“I do, Jack, but it’s still my baby…mine and Dino’s.”

“How’s Dino?’ Toni asked, breaking eye contact with Jack.

“He’s fine, sends his love whenever I talk to him.”

“He sends it through you?”

“Um hm.” Terry’s eyes glinted in the candlelight.

“Tell him…I got it.” She sat up straight and smiled around the table.

Max leaned back and looked at the stars, too. Counting them as if they were  hours when the house would empty of those who did not live here. He didn’t mind them…not really for they were all in it together…whatever it was…life…yes, life.

“Are you dreaming, Max?” Toni leaned over to him.

“As a matter of fact I was.”

Jack chuckled, “I can only imagine.”

“I imagine you can,” Max grinned and picked up his wine glass.

“Well, I shall take my leave of you good folks.” Jack stood and picked up his blue coat. He was in his uniform tonight.

“Nooo.” Toni stood up too.

“I must. History awaits me. Walk with me a little?”

She walked with him down to the formal gardens. They were quietly talking on the way down the hill.

Jack stopped and took her in his arms and kissed her. “I shall miss you, Pet.”

“Not as much as I’ll miss you. Don’t leave it so long next time.”

“I come when I can.” He stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers. “You behave yourself. No more of this House business.”

“Absolutely no more.”

He smiled a little, looking at her lips. “You stay with Max.”

“I will. Why do you say that?”

“I have no idea.” He looked to the side for a moment. “You and Terry.”

“No…it’s me and Max. That’s what it is, Jack.”

“Good. Watch Rose. She’ll be in the lake now. Sorry about that.”

“Don’t worry. Oh…Jack!” She clung to him and he held her and let out a breath.

“Pet, don’t make it any harder than it is. Go now…go to Max.” He released her and turned her around. “Go, Pet.”

She ran towards the hill, unaware Jack had called for Max to meet her at the top of it. She ran straight into his arms.

Max caught her and held her. He watched the mist form around Jack and like so much smoke it all disappeared in an instant. Max picked her up, carried her back to the table and sat down with her on his lap. She was wiping her face and trying to straighten up.

“Jack get off?” Terry asked.

“Yes, he did.” His arm tightened a little around Toni.

“I think I’ll go up to bed and try and get an early flight out tomorrow. Night, Toni.”

“Good night, Terry. Sleep well.”

“You okay?” Max looked down at her.

“Yes, sorry.”

“It’s okay…sweet sorrow.”

“Yeah, it is. Max, thank you for being you.”

“I can’t be anybody else but me…you’re stuck.”

“I want to be stuck with you. I think I’m tired.”

“All right, let’s go to bed.”

Max helped Toni out of her dress and covered her up. She went out like a light. He kissed her softly then walked over to the window and looked out. A last look at the stars. “Thank you, Jack,” he whispered to the night. Then he opened the window and pulled the drapes closed.

The next morning Terry was up, showered and shaved and down the steps with his bag. He left it by the door and went in search of coffee or tea. It didn’t matter to him as long as it was caffeinated.

“I didn’t know you were up.”

Toni pushed her hair out of her eyes. “I’m waiting on this slow coffee pot. You’re all spiffy for so early in the morning.”

“I’ve got a 9:30 flight.” He leaned on the counter. You know, I’d like it if you’d come and see me sometime. Anytime you can pop over to London.”

“I don’t just pop over to London.”

“You could if you wanted to.”

“No, no ,Terry, I couldn’t. My life is here.”

He placed his hands on her shoulders. “I understand that, luv, but sometimes I think you and I could…we could make it happen again.”

“Why do you do this? I’m happy here with Max. I love you, Terry. We had our chance and blew it. Leave me alone now and let me live in peace here.”

He hugged her. “Sorry. I have to keep asking.” He dropped his arms and stepped back. “The invitation is still on the table. I’m not taking it off…ever. I know how you feel about me, at least I think I do.”

“You know.”

“Coffee’s ready.”

“I’m glad you live in London because if you lived in Provence we’d burn each other up.”

“Heat seeks heat.”

She turned around. “I’m seeking coffee at the moment. Want a cup?”

“Yes, thank you.”

Toni took another cup down and poured out three cups.

He watched her for a moment. “Coffee in bed?”

“Um hum."

Terry remembered those days. 

Toni kissed him and stopped at the kitchen door  “Have a safe trip home.“

Home…he turned to the breakfast room and walked to the French doors. An empty house awaited him and sometimes he could hardly bear the thought of it. He had half a cup of coffee before he pulled out his phone.

“Hey, Dino.”

“Tio, what the fuck do you want?”

“A month in the sun.”

“You comin’ over?”

“Yeah, I think so. I’m in Provence right now but if I can make the connections today…yeah, I’m coming over.”

“You okay?”

“Oh, yeah, just not looking forward to going back to rainy London today.”

“Okay, come on then. I’ll air out the sleeping bag for ya.”

Terry grinned. “You’re an ace, Dino.”

He left a note on top of the coffee pot: Gone to sunny Florida-TT

Max found the note an hour later and frowned. Florida? He shook his head slightly and opened the cupboard to gaze at the row of cereal boxes.

Toni had the boys seated in the breakfast room with a bowl of cereal in front of them. She confiscated two little cars and an airplane and stuffed them in the pocket of her robe.

“Terry say anything to you about going to Florida?” Max asked, picking up a piece of toast.

“No, I thought he was going home.”

“Don’t blame him, really. He’s free to go where he pleases. It’s probably raining in London or about to rain or has just stopped raining.” Max thought about Terry’s flat in Battersea and rain. “No, don’t blame him.”

“I wanna go to Florida.” Jacky piped up.

“Sorry, old sport, you missed the plane.” Max smiled at him and ruffled his hair.

“Awfully sudden, wasn’t it?” Toni picked up her teacup.

Chapter 4

Toni took the boys into Bonnieux. Max couldn’t go out and about during tourist season. He seemed content at La Siroque but she knew it bothered him.  They were shopping for new dog collars and food dishes and giving Max a break. The boys were 4 and 5 now and Max said the level of noise seemed to increase with age. Tuppy had Rose in the playroom/nursery.

Max settled down at his desk to get some much needed work done. But it was not to be.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Max, are you busy?”

“Ah, well, no…I can’t seem to get that way. What’s up, John?”

“Um, I don’t know really. Ah…how’s ah, Toni?”

“She’s fine. How’s the family?”

“The family’s doing just fine…so fine Donna says she can do without me.”

“What?”

“She’s not happy and it’s all my fault for moving her to Belfast, for taking her out of the movie, for…whatever.”

Max sat back in his chair and rubbed his eyes. “Bollocks! Haven’t you been there before?”

“Yeah, we have. It comes in cycles like a fifth season or something. I got a couple of week's vacation coming and since we aren’t having a family vacation this year…I thought…do you mind if I come over?”

“John, you can come over anytime you bloody well please. Toni’s taken the boys into town right now. Terry and Jack left a few days ago so, yeah, come over when you can.”

Max stared out of the window. Now what? He sighed audibly…never a moment’s peace…never.

“Gaaah!” Toni wailed, dropping packages as she went.

Max had come down for a drink. “All done. Dogs will be happy.”

“You wouldn’t believe the crowded streets. I didn’t know the square could hold that many people. I forgot it was market day on top of everything else. Are you making tea?  Gosh, I love you.” She smiled and flopped down in a chair.

“I’ve got a bit of news. John called and is coming over. He’s got a two week holiday it seems and no family to celebrate it with.”

“Elaborate please.” Toni lifted her chin with a little smile.

“John and Donna are on the outs again.”

“Ah, crap.”

“My sentiments exactly.”

“What is wrong with that woman?”

“That’s a rather sexist  thing to say. How do you know it’s not John who’s causing the problems?”

“Because he’s John.”

“Mummy, can you ?” Maxi  had his dog by a hand full of fur, dangling his new collar in the other hand.

Toni attached the dog’s new collar and gave him and Maxi a pet. “Where is Jacky?”

“He’s doin’ it by himself.”

Toni stepped out to the courtyard where Jacky had a squirming dog between his knees, trying to fasten his collar. She stood by him a moment, smiling at his determination.

“Need some help, little man?”

“I can do it.” He sounded so much like his father she bit her lip.

“I can help hold Sandy for you.”

“Okay.”

“Uncle John’s coming to visit.”

“Josh and Mikey, too?” Jacky asked.

“No, just your uncle.”

“Thank you, darling.” Toni took her tea and sat down at the table in the breakfast room. "He didn’t say what the problem was?”

“Not really. He threw out a few things but I couldn’t say, Toni.”

“I hate it for him. He tries so hard.”

“Well, he’s done a few wonky things this past year, running for office and THAT woman.”

Toni wouldn’t hear anything bad about John. He was good and honest and…earth. Solid and true. “He wanted to be sheriff. That’s what he knows how to do. He always comes when we need him now it’s our turn. He needs us or he wouldn’t be coming.”

Max raised a brow. “I doubt he needs me for anything.”

“You’re wrong there, Max. John doesn’t have anyone close to him over there in America. You’ve got Terry and Jack. He’s all alone.”

“It’s hard to be alone in a house full of kids and a wife. I speak from experience.”

“You know what I mean. I know you talk to your brothers and he doesn’t. Max, he needs to come back into the fold.”

“Good gracious, who is this? Boy, you’ve grown a foot.”

“Uncle John!” Jacky squealed and came running.

“Maxi, you remember Uncle John.” Toni urged him toward John

John took Maxi on one knee and Jacky on the other. “Maxi, you’re gettin’ heavy. Gonna be big as your daddy one of these days.”

“That’s my daddy.” Maxi looked over at Max, a little unsure of John. He didn’t remember him.

“My dad’s in Florida.”

“Florida? Well, now, I’ll bet he’s getting a sun burnt nose right now.”

“Yeah,” Jacky grinned.

John turned to Max. “I don’t see these boys often enough, you know.”

Max turned his palms up. “They are available for let.”

John chuckled, “Your rents are too high.”

“We’ve got a sister but she’s a baby,” Jacky informed him.

“I know you do but she’s not much of a baby anymore. Where is she?”

“Sleeping.”

“She’s down for a nap, John,” Toni said.

“I could be down for a nap myself. Never could sleep on planes.”

“You’re a sheriff.”

“Yes, I am, Jacky. You got anybody needs to go to jail?”

“My daddy does,” Maxi spoke up.

“Why does your daddy need to go to jail? What’s he done?”

“He won’t swim.”

“They wanted to go in the pool and I said wait awhile.” Max widened his eyes at Maxi.

“I tell you what. Give me about a half hour and I’ll go in with you. How’s that sound?”

“Can you swim, Uncle John?”

“Like a fish.”

“YAY!” Jacky yelled.

“Okay, boys, give him a half hour…go find something to do where we can see you, okay?” Max said.

John came out of his jacket and laid it across a chair. “It’s good to be here.”

“Would you like some iced tea?”

“I’d love it, Toni, thanks.”

Toni went inside for a tray. Max crossed his legs. “Well, it’s good to have you here. Toni said we don’t see you often enough and she’s right.”

“Yeah, I know. Too many miles between us...damn ocean.”

“Why don’t you just relax for a few days? Time enough to talk about what brought you here.”

“Sounds good to me. I’m tired, Max, just…tired of it all.”

Max glanced over at the boys and their dump trucks. “I prescribe good wine, lazy days and intelligent conversations.”

John grinned, “With those two I guess.”

“You’d be surprised at the conversations we have."

“You said Terry and Jack had just left. Sorry I missed them.”

“You know where Toni went, right? Jack came and stayed with Rose for a week and then Terry showed up with the boys. So we had them both for a couple of days after we got home. “

“You went after her, didn’t you?”

“Yes, I did.”

“I’m glad. You and Toni have got something special, Max. Don’t ever let it go.”

“I don’t intend to let it go. I count my blessings every day.”

“Ahh, thank you, Toni.”

“Rose is awake so she’ll be out here in a minute.”

“Been awhile since I’ve seen her. This is no good, Toni. I feel like an outsider.”

“That’s something we need to fix, John.”

“Yeah, I know. That’s why I wanted to come here.”

“You should think of La Siroque as your home in France. We’ve got plenty of room here. Make use of it.”

“I’m gonna do that, Max. Right now I’d better find my swim trunks.”

“What do you think?” Max asked Toni when John had gone inside with his bag.

“He needs a little TLC from both of us. What I said about bringing him back into the fold…you see how he is. He needs it, Max.”

Max shrugged, “Of course, I’ll do what I can.”

“I’m going to get the boys into their swim suits. It wouldn’t hurt if you did the same and helped him out in the pool with them.”

“But, darling, you look so much better in a bikini than I do.”

Toni grinned at him. He was already getting up to help. “I need to see about what’s for dinner. Ludivine’s visiting her sister today.”

John took his bag up stairs. Nobody said which room so he took the first guest room he came to. It turned out to be Terry’s room. He almost left it but changed his mind. He wondered if Jack had a room here, too. Hell, it was the House of Four Seasons all over. But the view…oh, man! He stood at the window for some time, looking over the vineyards and beyond. Roof tops in the distance and everything green and tended to. It was quiet, too, except for a dog barking somewhere. No sounds of highways or sirens to intrude on the idyllic setting.

“I could get used to this,” he heard himself say out loud. He ran his hand through his hair, letting out a long breath.

He unpacked his bag, pushing Terry’s things to the side in the closet. Dressed in swim trunks and a tank top, he went back down the stairs, pausing in the entry room and looking around. Timeless, that’s what it was. Nothing new but everything in good order. It was a lived-in house not a museum for its age.

Max came down the stairs in his swim trunks and carrying a stack of brightly-colored towels.

“Toni’s getting the boys ready.”

“You, too, huh?”

“Yeah, not right to dump those two water monsters on you today.”

“Max, I really appreciate your letting me come over like this.”

“John, brother, don’t give it a second thought. No one else does. Why should you worry about it? Eh? You’re one of us.”

“Yeah, but damned if I feel like it.”

“That’s your own fault, you know. You chose to locate yourself away from the rest of us.”

“Well, Max, I’m not a Englishman like you and Jack or an Australian like Terry. I’m an American. I live in America. I left Alaska because the Alaska I knew, Mystery, didn’t exist in the real world. I’m not unhappy about where I live or how I live. The problem is at home. And the problem with me is I don’t spend enough time with you guys. You’re right I can do it. I just don’t.”

Max placed a hand on his shoulder. “Now’s your chance but I’ll warn you, it’s not always pleasant.”

“I’m aware of that, Max. Maybe I can help.”

Max smiled. Maybe he could and maybe not. It depended on how Toni took it. Could he be opening a door that was best left closed? Time would tell.

Chapter 5

“I’m always surprised at how beautiful this place is, Toni. But I wonder sometimes if you miss living in America?”

Toni and John had gone for a walk while Max took the boys over to Aubrey Duncan’s place. Penny was down for a few days and wanted to spend some time with them.

“There are some things I miss, like convenience. Shopping here is an adventure. Sometimes I get frustrated with the language. I speak French but there are different accents around and when people speak too fast it’s hard to understand them. TV…it’s different, you know.” She thought about it for a little while.

“I wouldn’t live anywhere but here, though. I love this place and Max is here.”

“You and Max do okay, don’t you?”

“Yes, we do. I know he has a hard time with me sometimes.”

“Because of Terry?”

“Terry and Jack.”

“You know, I was really surprised to see you with Jack in Maine.”

She looked sideways at him. “Why?”

“I don’t know. I always thought it was Terry but it isn’t, is it?”

“I can’t really answer that. I love them both. They mean different things to me, John.”

“You don’t have to answer this but what do I mean to you now?”

“You’ve been here for three days and you’ve reminded me why I fell in love with you to begin with. I don’t ever see you, especially alone. There’ s always someone else around. We never have any time to spend together or to talk. You don’t even call me. I might ask you the same question you just asked me.”

“You remember the day we got married? It was a wedding, Toni, not just handing you a ring. It was a wedding with all the trimmings. You were my wife at the House. I left you high and dry. I’m not meaning to bring all that up again. It’s almost like we divorced or something. I went back to Donna and when we came out into the world it’s like you and I were separated. I couldn’t have two wives.”

“You loved her and your children. You couldn’t leave them behind. That’s why they came out with you.”

“I realize that. I never stopped loving you. There are times now that I walk outside, usually down to the dock, and I think about you. The desire to be with you is really strong some nights, especially in winter time.  I’m still connected to you even though I’m not here. I live a pretty conventional life in Maine and you’re thousands of miles away. I think it has to be that way. It seems almost like a dream to me. I find myself sometimes fighting to get back into that dream…and I can’t.

“They’ve all been all over me about not spending anytime with you. I don’t see how I can with so many miles between us. I feel like I’ve been left behind. I can’t move to Europe…what would I do with Donna?”

Toni took his arm as they walked. “You’re not the kind of man to have a mistress and that’s what I’d be to you if we lived closer together. Donna and I have become good friends. We email back and forth a lot.”

“I know you do and I think that’s great. She doesn’t tell you everything, though. She’s jealous of you and that’s part of the problem we have with each other. I can’t help what I am or what I feel for you. The time I took away from her and my job when you were at the House with Brennan caused a big argument. Like you were more important than anything else. I tried to explain to her what the situation was and how we were all there.”

“Well, that surprises me. When we’re all together she’s not like that. We chat about everything like good friends. I know there was a time she didn’t particularly like me…early days that was. She thought I was a threat to her. I can’t take you away from her and I wouldn’t even try. I can’t take Jack away from Sophie. Some things can’t happen.”

“Would you, if you could take Jack away?”

“That decision, like yours, was made a long time ago and made by him. I respect him for who he is and what he is. The same goes for you. You were pretty jealous of her in Mystery. If I remember correctly, she said the only reason she stayed in Mystery was for you.”

“Well, she ain’t in Mystery anymore.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“We argue, Toni, all the time. Over stupid stuff, kids, money, the hours I work. I’m tired of the drama every time I come into the house. I’ve started going out with the lobster boat. I ain’t much of a sailor but at least I’m not listening to how hard she works and how she’s underappreciated.  I haven’t changed, at least I don’t think I have. I’m the same guy I’ve always been.”

“John, what does she want?”

“Change, I think she wants change and I don’t know what to do. She talks about our life in Mystery and I know and she knows it was only a movie. This is what we got now and it ain’t enough for her. She thinks you guys are living glamorous lives, flying all over the place and doing exciting stuff. I guess she wonders why she’s stuck in Belfast, Maine taking the kids to school and making cookies for somebody’s birthday.”

“There’s nothing glamorous about how we live. Right now and until late September Max can’t even go into Bonnieux. We drive out of here in a vehicle with heavily tinted windows. Duflot had to run a carload of tourists off the property not long ago. They’re looking for Max. At least you’re pretty much anonymous where you are. You aren’t stuck in Belfast. You could live anywhere.”

“I know we could. We both fell in love with that area of the country and with the property we bought. I really like New England. I became acquainted with it when we were at the House of Four Seasons. She’s a small town girl, you know. Most of her life revolves around the kids.”

“It sounds like she’s bored, John. I’ve an idea…why don’t you take your family to England to the cottage we’ve got in the country. Spend the summer there. She might be ready to go back to Belfast in the fall.”

“Well, I’d love to do that, Toni, and I appreciate the offer but I got a job to do. I’m the sheriff of Belfast County.”

Toni stopped and looked at him. “We all thought that was a mistake when you ran for office. You put yourself out in the public eye. It almost caught up with you once and it may happen yet. I understand why you did it, I think, but it’s not a good thing.”

“What am I supposed to do with myself? I can’t sit in an easy chair all day.”

She understood but she didn’t have an answer for him. “I wish I knew, honey. I wish I knew.”

“I could slink off to some tiny little town in the middle of nowhere, a place where people don’t even go to the movies. You think Donna would be happy there? Hell no, she wouldn’t.”

“I wouldn’t be happy there.”

“Where would you be happy with me?” he asked suddenly, looking into her eyes.

“Anywhere.”

“Not so. I once asked you if you’d move to Canada or Alaska.”

Toni grinned a little. “Almost anywhere. I’m not a cold weather person. But I’d go anywhere in the lower 48. It was you…you were the center and nothing else was that important to me. I moved to England with Terry. I’m here in France with Max. My world revolved around them. You asked me if I missed living in America. In a way I do. I spent two weeks with Munchie in Virginia. That’s still my childhood home. I have history there. Max has history here and his is much more important to me than mine. I’m not crazy about living in France. In Provence…it’s different from Paris or any of the larger cities. I’ve adapted because this is my home now.

“I really liked living in England. I Iove the cottage…Max and I decorated it together. It holds too many bad memories now and I don’t go there much anymore. Max doesn’t care to either. Think about it, John.”

“I think you just hit on something there. You said your life revolved around Terry and Max. Donna’s life does not revolve around me. Not anymore, not since we left Mystery.”

“What if she thought she was going to lose you?”

“I don’t see that happening. We’ve got three kids and I’m not about to break up my marriage.”

“I know that, but she doesn’t."

He narrowed his eyes at her. “What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”

“Do you think you could get a leave of absence from sheriffing for awhile, a couple of months…say?”

“I might be able.”

“Call her and see if she’d be interested in the country cottage.”

“All right, I’ll give it a shot. I don’t know what you’re planning, sweetheart.”

“You and I are going to have an affair. If she hates me for the rest of my life and it restores the center of her life then it’s worth it.”

“Does Max know about this?”

“No, not yet.”

“It’s a crazy idea, honey, I know you mean well but Max is not going to go along with this.”

“I think he will. Besides…it’s only pretend.”

“You cannot be serious.” Max looked across the table at Toni. They were on the back patio for lunch.

“I told her it was a crazy idea.”

“She’ll never speak to you again…I’ll never speak to you again.” He took a drink from the tall glass of beer.

“Oh, Max, it’s a game. John takes the cottage and I pop over to London to the flat. We can have our little liaison there.”

Max gave her a dark look.

“It’s not for real, darling. You know John and I…don’t. We can spend the day sightseeing and stuff. He goes home and I come home on the morning flight.”

“You were right, it’s not for real; it’s not going to happen.”

“Think about it, Max. John needs to be the center of her life. If she thinks she might lose him, she might think about it.”

“She might divorce him and then we’ll have another…”

“No, no, there won’t be any divorcing,” John said. “I’m with you on this, Max.”

“Well, there you are, love.” A large bite of his sandwich. He chewed a moment. “The cottage is a good idea, though.”

“Yeah, I’m kinda leaning toward that if I can get a leave of absence.”

“It sits there moldering away and suffering from rising damp.”

“I thought we got that fixed?”

“So we did. Still it’s a waste of real estate. At one time we thought it was ideal and it is a nice little cottage. Too much happened there…it hangs on the walls like old portraits.”

Chapter 6

Toni had got it wrong. Max did not go along with her idea of a pretend affair with John. He thought John was a stand up guy and for all these years he’d resisted her charms. It was Toni…he didn’t completely trust her. He didn’t tell her that, of course, nor did he do or say anything that would let her know his feelings. Thoughts of John Brennan danced around in his head like falling fireworks. It might begin innocently enough but fire is fire and if you play with it somebody’s going to get burned.

John had somehow managed leave of absence time without pay. He didn’t need the pay anyway but it was something he threw at the mayor and the mayor bit. At first Donna had refused but having second thoughts, she agreed. The burden of getting the kids to the airport and flying with them all the way across the ocean fell on her and she complained about it. John refused to fly back just to fly back again.

Toni found a local woman to clean the cottage and have it ready for them. She’d engaged her for the summer so Donna wouldn’t have to spend time scrubbing up after her kids.

John was leaving for the airport. He’d said his farewells to Max upstairs in his office.

“Toni, thanks, sweetheart, for everything.”  He hugged her and kissed  her. Then he turned around and kissed her again. “Had to do that. You know I love you.”

“I know. I love you, too, John. Call me, please.”

“I will. Promise I will keep in touch with you.”

“Good luck.” She walked with him out to his rented car. “Sure you’ve got it all coordinated right?”

“As long as the planes are on time, yeah, I should have. I’ll see you soon, baby.”

“I wish you didn’t have to go.”

John sat down in his vehicle and looked up at her. “Give me time to get my shit straight. I’ll call you.”

“I’ll come running,” she said and then laughed. Why had she said that…oh, John.

He looked at her a moment and then smiled as he keyed the ignition. “I’ll remember that,” he said as he turned his head to back out.

Toni watched his car go up the drive towards the gates. She held herself with her arms crossed over her middle. How difficult it was to love someone you couldn’t have.

Max watched her from the balcony off his office. Toni finally turned around, swinging her arms, looking up. “Hi.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Come on up.” He disappeared into his office.

Toni slowly made her way up the stairs.  Max was seated on the edge of his desk.

“I want to talk with you a minute.”

“Am I in trouble with you?” she asked.

“Do you want to be?” he smiled.  “No, love, you aren’t in trouble. Not that you wouldn’t like to be, Oh, I know you so well.”

“And you are so right. I can’t help how I feel.”

“No, I understand that. You can help what you do about it. John’s not part of our little ménage a trois. He doesn’t want to be.  He has enough problems without that and so do you and I.”

“I’m well aware of that.”

“You already tear yourself apart over Terry and Jack. Really…you don’t need a third.”

“I already have a third…you.”

“I’d better not find any rips and tears about you over me. We understand each other, don’t we, Toni?”

“Yes, we do.”

“John’s trying to save his marriage. You don’t help him, Toni.”

“I want him to be happy, Max. I’m not trying to cause any problems for him.”

He looked down and smiled a little. “You don’t have to try to cause problems for him. I admire his fortitude. I’d last less than five minutes.”

“You don’t have to last.” She moved over to him and took his face in her hands. “You’re the best, the absolute best. I love you, Max.”

He pulled her to him and held her tightly.

“Just be careful there, Toni love.”

“Don’t worry…you don’t have anything to worry about.”

“Right…” He said it under his breath. He  released her and held her arms. “John and I had long brother talks. Your name did come up. He doesn’t want to start something with you that has nowhere to go. He’s aware, Toni. He knows. He’s vulnerable right now and he knows it. He’s got to patch things up with Donna. That’s the most important thing to him right now. I hope you understand why I put a stop to your little plan. It wouldn’t work…it wouldn’t be pretend, honey. You can’t go there.”

“What’s the difference in John and Jack or Terry?”

“The difference is it would tear his world apart. Do you want to be responsible for that?”

“No, no, I don’t. I know John is very much married.” She dropped her head and leaned on his shoulder.

“He’s married with children and regardless of what’s going on right now he loves his wife. We’re not talking Jack here, who has you in this world and his family in another. They’re just down the street, so to speak.”

“You’ve made your point.” She sighed and looked up into his eyes. “I’ve given you enough trouble for awhile. No more…no more.”

“What time is it?” He glanced at his watch. “Penny was going to bring the boys back at 3:00.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t been over there…with John here…I...”

“It’s all right. She knows we had company. You should, um, plan something with her while she’s here. She’s decided to stay for awhile and help Aubrey out. John Paul is off somewhere doing something dangerous.”

“I will. I like Penny.”

“Is it all right if she...?” Tuppy stopped  in the doorway with Rose.

“Of course it is. Let her down.” Max held his arms out for Rose. “How’s my girl, eh?”

Rose was just up from a nap and wanted a cuddle with her daddy.

Mentioning the boys brought to mind that Jacky would only be there for another week. Toni resolved to spend that week with her son. So often he and Maxi were lumped together and in truth they’d rather be that way. This time when Terry came he’d only be taking Jacky home. Max didn’t allow an every other month thing with Maxi.

Toni went down to the laundry room and thought about their children, including John’s. No…no, she could never do anything that would disrupt the lives of his children. It was hard enough on her own with three fathers and three children.

Terry arrived two days early while Toni was out with Penny. Max filled him in on John’s problems…all of them.

Terry looked over at Max with an amused look in his eyes. “So, it’s John now. Bloody hell.”

“Not necessarily. I had a talk with Toni about him.”

“Oh, well, nothing to worry about.”

“I didn’t say that. This is Toni we’re talking about.”

“Yes, I know. I was being facetious. “

“So far she hasn’t bought a plane ticket.”

“How’s, um, his problem with Donna?” Terry picked up his beer glass.

“He says it’s leveling out. She’s enjoying her stay at the cottage and they’ve been out and about. He’s called here a couple of times. He’s called Toni, too, so maybe there’s nothing.”

“I’m glad they’re making use of it. It’s good to see John branching out a little. I may stop in and see them.”

“You should, yes, you should. Keep his arse busy for the next month.”

Terry laughed. “My own arse is going to be busy for the next few weeks.  Dino and I picked up a new client while I was over there digging in the sand and applying sunscreen.”

Max looked at him a minute. “You actually work? Well, I may take Toni and the kids to the seaside for a week. She loves the beach.”

“Good timing, Max.” Terry looked over the courtyard where Maxi and Jacky were playing in the fountain. “Where’s the little princess?”

“With Toni and Penny. Maybe I don’t have anything to worry about.”

“You know, Max, it hasn’t been that long ago that you and I and Jack were all talking about John and how he needed to spend some time with Toni. What changed your mind?”

“John. I agree he needs to spend more time with all of us but the thing with Toni would only cause problems for her and for him. He’s married and very much so.”

Terry grinned, “So am I.”

Max let out a breath. “Don’t you see it, Terry?”

“Yes, Max, I do and I totally agree with you. I’ll stop at the cottage before I go home. I’ll be good and invite them to dinner at my place.”

“Thanks, Terry.”

“What are you thanking me for? It’s my turn.”

“I actually thought we’d have them all here for a couple of nights before they go back. Donna wants to be a jet setter. Now’s the time to show her how much fun it is.”

“They’ve got all three kids with them?”

“Yes,” Max winced.

Terry made a little face, too.

“Another beer?”

“Sure, why not.” Terry took off his tie and jacket and unbuttoned his shirt. Max went in the house for the beers.

“Hey, Maxi, does your mum let you play in the fountain?” Terry asked the little boy.

“Non,” he replied. Terry smiled, he didn’t see why not. The water wasn’t deep and both boys were contained…at least for awhile.

“Max, want me to have a word with her, too?”

Max handed him  a bottle of beer. “Would you mind terribly?”

Chapter 7

Terry was nursing a bottle of wine. Toni did the bath time and Max had now gone up to read the kids to sleep. Toni finished loading the dishwasher and tidying up the kitchen.

“Quit with whatever it is you’re doing and come talk to me,” he called from the breakfast room.

“I’m finished.” She sat down at the table and he poured her a glass of wine.

“How’s Dino?”

“Dino is a man on fire. I never realized how much he wanted a piece of the company. He’s doing well, Toni. Max told me about John.”

“Did he? I’ve talked to him a few times since Donna came over. I think they are patching it up…again.”

“Toni, luv, you don’t want John single. Hey,” he held up a hand to silence her, “it wouldn’t be good for him or for you. You can’t get in there and mess with his mind right now.”

“Terry, I wouldn’t. I want him to be happy, that’s all. Max and I have already had this conversation.”

“It bears repeating.” He sat up and leaned his arms on the table. “When you and I were married, living together, Max was married to Connie. You couldn’t stand it. You used to complain about the way she treated him. You were there to hold his hand and other parts when it was possible. This is a little different, maybe or maybe not.  John is not Max and his marriage came before you. Believe me, he doesn’t want you available to him.”

Toni felt a flush rising to her face. Terry had embarrassed her.

“He’s not like the rest of us. Keep that in mind, luv. With John it’s all or nothing. That’s just how he is. Think about that. You want to give up Max and what you have with him to go live in Belfast or beyond?”

“No, no, no. It’s not like that. I love him and I want what’s best for him. I know  he loves Donna. His family comes first…not me.”

“You’d blow his mind apart, Toni. It ain’t worth it, luv.”

Toni laid her hands flat on the table. “All right, I’ll be honest with you. Yes, I want him. I love him. He was the first and the reason you and the rest are here now. I love him because of who he is and I know who he is. I’d like nothing more than to lay beneath him. Does that shock you? I’m not stupid, Terry. I know he and Donna are meant to be together, else they wouldn’t have come out with him. I’m not about to put myself in the mix and risk everything and everybody. I look at my children now being shuffled around and God knows what that’s going to do to them in the future. No way would I put John and Donna through that. I love him enough to let him be. But I’ll tell you one thing. If he came to me I wouldn’t turn him down. The fact is he won’t and so you’ve nothing to worry about.”

“You were doing just fine there until that last bit.”

“I’ve made a fool of myself in front of him. All has been forgiven but I haven’t forgotten it. I won’t go there again with him. I’m available if he wants to talk and he does. We’re friends, John and I, no longer lovers…friends.”

Terry believed her up to a point. He thought he’d have a word with John on this same subject. “Okay, so no one has any cause to worry about you and John? Why is Max still worried?”

“I don’t know. Please, Terry, I’m not going to break up John’s life.”

He sat back in his chair and reached for his glass of wine. “No, I don’t think you will.”

Toni felt a little angry. Why was everyone so sure she was out to seduce John? “I’m getting a little tired of this.” She reached for her glass, too.

“So am I.” Terry felt the tension in the room. They enflamed each other. It had always been so between them. He wanted to take her and kiss her senseless but he couldn’t. Not here…now now. He couldn’t really compare John’s situation with Max and Connie. Something else was in the works there and he’d been the instigator of it. But he knew what she was capable of. She had seduced Max long before it all came apart for them.  She wanted them all, all four of her seasons, for herself.  Yes, he would have a talk with John.

Toni went up to bed after Max came back down. He and Terry walked outside so Max could smoke.

“Does this bother you?” Max asked, lighting up.

“Sometimes. I’m not infallible. I have on occasion bummed a fag.”

“You had a talk with Toni?”

“Oh, yeah, she says she’s not out to seduce John but if he came to her she wouldn’t turn him down. So…make of that what you will. I’m going to have a talk with him.”

“Good, no need to bollocks up his life anymore than it already is. Is this what we get for trying to bring him back into the fold? You think he wants this kind of shite?”

“I don’t think he does, Max. I’ll talk to him and lay it out.”

Terry drove down to the cottage instead of going straight home. It was good for Jacky since he’d had to leave Maxi behind. He’d get to spend a little time with Claire.

Donna invited them to stay for dinner and the night if they wanted to. Terry opted to drive home after dinner. He and John were out in the back garden with the kids.

“Josh and Mike really like the stream. They’ve been fishing off and on.” Right now they were up in a tree house John had constructed by nailing boards to an old tree.

“How do you like it here?” Terry asked.

“Love it…really I do. Donna likes it, too. You know we usually stay in a hotel or condo or something and this is great cause the kids can get out and play.”

“How’s things between you and Donna? Get that fixed?”

“I think so, Terry. Who knows. Right now it’s good. We sorta patched it up, you know.”

“That’s good, good, John. I got a question for ya…it’s about Toni. What’s going on there?”

John looked at him a moment and then looked back over the garden. “Nothin’s going on there. I love her, you know that’s a given. She and I talked a lot when I was at their place.”

“Well, I’m just going to throw it out here. Talk between the two of you is good, anything else…bad. Bad for all concerned.”

John looked at him. “That’s all there is, Terry.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“I know for a fact nothing else has happened and if it had it’s none of your damned business.”

“Well, now that’s where you’re wrong. It would be and it would most definitely be Max’s business. He’s worried about it. It wouldn’t be good for either of you to start something like that.”

“Max and I talked, okay. That’s not where I am. I love her to death. I’m not going to say if the right time and circumstance happened that it wouldn’t go beyond a good friendship. I don’t see the circumstance arising. I’m trying my best to keep Donna happy right now. The last thing I’m looking for is to complicate my life any further. What brought this up?”

“I guess Toni did. She denies anything is going on between the two of you. I want to believe it but I’ll let you in on something. You need to beware of her. I’m just saying…be careful there.  She’s open just like you are. We’ve already had one blow up in the family and we don’t want another.”

“You don’t trust her, do you? We haven’t been fooling around, not since we came out from the House. I’ve been tempted, I’m human, but I’ve got something else to think about and that’s Donna. She’s my number one, not Toni.  I know it was different for you guys but I ain’t like that.”

“All right, John, I had to say something. I talked to her last night. We all know her and that’s enough to put you on your guard. She may not do anything at all intentionally.  Just be aware.”

“Yeah.” John didn’t like Terry talking to him this way. It didn’t set right with him. “I’m more than aware of her, Terry. I love her but I know I can’t spend much time around her. There’s a strong, very strong pull towards her. Why do you think I don’t  stay over here? I can keep a lid on it in America. I get lonely sometimes and I think about her. I think about you guys, too.”

Terry smiled a little…‘guys’. “This cottage is empty most of the time. Why not use it?  It’s good for the kids, too. They need to know each other. We’re like an hour and a half away from you. Come and see us.”

“We’ll do that. I didn’t mean to raise my voice to you, Terry. But you all seem to think I’m a total plank. I’m not…I’m well aware of the potential dangers of involving myself and my family in your lives. Don’t be offended if I don’t.”

“Doesn’t offend me. I understand it, John.”

Terry jumped up and ran over to the tree house. Jacky was half way up the ladder and he didn’t know what was up ahead of him.

“What are you, son, a monkey?”

He protested. He wanted to climb up with the older boys.

“If you fall out of this tree your mum will have my arse on a stick.” He carried him back to the table and sat down with him until he stopped crying and had his face right again.

“Claire wants to go down to the sweet shop. Think you can help her pick out something for dessert tonight?” Claire was hanging on her dad’s knee and looking at Jacky. It was nice for her to be able to communicate with him and her uncle Terry. She and her father shared the mental ability to speak without words.

Jacky jumped down and leaned on Terry’s knee.

“Okay, let’s go for a walk.” Terry and John rose and with their two little ones headed for the village square. 

Donna had sent Claire out to ask John to go into the village. She leaned on the counter with a cup of tea. Coming to England had been a change for her. At first she wasn’t sure it was a good idea. She and John were still…but now it was different. He was different here. Something that she’d known for a long time had surfaced again. They weren’t like other people and living as they did in Belfast was a strain on both of them. She’d tried to ignore it when their neighbors and kids school mom’s talked about their families and grandparents, etc. They hadn’t a past at all. Her boys vaguely remembered living in Alaska now. She didn’t know what the answer for them would be. Not sure she could settle in England but it was a start. Just being away from everything right now was good. It was good for both of them. He wasn’t pulled away to the sheriff’s department. He was there where she needed him to be, helping her cope, helping with the boys  and paying more attention to her.

There were times she felt totally abandoned at home. She’d tried to blend into the local scene, was involved with the kids' school and after school activities but for herself she felt alone. Her only outlet had been e-mailing back and forth with Toni and even then she was hesitant to say anything, not sure who was reading her emails.

Toni was a part of this whole magical thing, too, but it was different for her. She knew her place and had accepted the fact she had to live a little apart from the rest of the world. Donna’s problem was that she didn’t know where that place was. It came to her that what she’d really like to do was to sit down with Toni and have a long talk. She’d like to sit down with her without the men and the kids around.

When John and Terry came back it was Terry she asked. “Terry, I want to ask you something. Do you think it might be possible for me to fly over to Provence and see Toni? Just for a day and a night. Do you think they’d mind?”

“They wouldn’t mind at all. What brought this on?” he asked suspiciously.

“I need a girl talk with her. She’s the only one that would understand where I’m coming from.”

“Okay. Give her a call.”

Later he went to John. “Have you said anything to Donna about Toni?”

“Nothing except it was her idea about us using the cottage for the summer. Why?”

“She wants to go and see Toni…have a little girl talk.”

“Fine with me. I’ve got nothing to hide, Terry, nothing.”

(Bonnieux)

Chapter 8

“Provence is about perfect, isn’t it? I remember when John and I came and stayed with you.”

“It is, Donna. We’re very happy here.”

Toni drove through the gates at La Siroque and waited, making sure they closed behind her. She’d been surprised and a little apprehensive when Donna called wanting to come and talk to her. She still didn’t know what prompted it and was wary.

Max had taken Maxi and Rose over to Chambord for the day so they could have some time alone to sort out whatever it was they needed to sort out.

“Where’s Max?” Donna asked when they pulled up at the chateau.

“He’s taken the kids to their grandpa’s over at Chambord. He can drive there without going out on the main road.”

“I see what you mean about tourists. Must be awfully confining.”

“Well, they want a tour and a peek and we just don’t allow it. I don’t think anyone knows about our connection over at Chambord. Aubrey has wine tastings and tours. He sells our wine and it’s snapped up like something special which it isn’t. Inside or outside?”

“Um, inside. Maybe it’s cooler.”

Toni led the way inside where it was cooler. There wasn’t any air conditioning at La Siroque and on hot days the house was completely open. I imagine it’s warmer here than the cottage. Was everything okay there?”

“It’s wonderful, Toni. I really appreciate the opportunity to stay there. The kids love it and John’s built them a tree house.”

“Really?” Toni smiled. “How neat. How is John?” Toni went about pouring glasses of iced tea.

“Better, I can say he’s better now. You probably wondered what this girl talk is about. I’m sure he’s told all about our problems and we do have them. I guess everybody does but ours are a little unique, I think.”

Toni handed her a glass and  sat down. “He said you weren’t happy.”

“How do you do it, day to day, how do you live knowing what you know?”

“Ah…well, you mean about Max, John and all. We stay pretty much to ourselves here. We’ve got the Duncan’s and Penny’s over there now. Other than that…no close friends or allies other than each other. That may change when the boys start school and Jacky will start in the fall here in Bonnieux. I doubt we become involved very much in whatever there is to become involved in, at least Max won’t. He can’t.”

“You just stay here at the chateau?”

“Um, mostly. We’re going to the beach next week. And we go to London a few times a year.”

“I suppose this is different, living here. For one thing it’s a huge estate. Lots to do…”

“We stay pretty busy.”

“You see, Toni, the problem I have, knowing what I know, is that we seem to be trying to live like everyone else. We move along like none of this matters. It might be okay for John. I’m sure guys don’t sit around and discuss their grandmas. It’s different for me…too many questions come my way that I can’t answer. I feel…I don’t know, like I’m not real…none of this is real. I’m lost most of the time and most of the time I’m alone or with the kids. John works crazy hours. Sometimes he works all night and sleeps all day so we’ve got a few hours there to try and see each other. The change in both of us since we came over to England is noticeable.”

Toni realized she was having the same identity crisis that Max had gone through. “I know some of what you’re talking about. Have you ever tried to find out what was real in your past and what wasn’t?”

“In Alaska? It was a daily thing when we were there. And for awhile I didn’t know what was happening. Stores weren’t there, the name of the town was different, the kids' school…I nearly went mad until John explained it to me. Remember we went to the House? That’s when we decided to move away and ended up in Belfast, Maine. It was what we could afford at the time and I really don’t mind it that much.”

“But you do mind it?”

“I suppose I do. I’d like to move and live in a nicer house. John doesn’t seem to notice or care. He’s got his lobster boat to play on when he wants. We no longer rent out the cottages…it was too much of a hassle for me. We don’t need the money so why do it? We sure don’t need the tourists there.”

“Donna, when did all this start up between you and John?”

“Oh…when he ran for office, when he was elected sheriff. It put his face out there and I live in fear that some notorious crime is going to be committed in Belfast and his face is going to be on TV. What would we do if he’s recognized? I see how it is with you and Max, blacked out vehicles and security gates.”

“True and people don’t know for a fact that he’s here but if he’s ever seen here then…I don’t know what would happen. A Good Year is what people come looking for. It’s a good thing that ya’ll left Alaska.”

“I think it was although it was all I’d ever known. You see…I don’t know, I guess what  you live and what I live is different. I’m like the rest of them, no past, nothing to fall back on. All I’ve got is John and the kids and honestly, Toni, he’s not there for me.”

“Ah, Donna, he and I talked a good bit when he was here. He thinks he’s not important to you anymore. He’s not the center of your life. He says you’ve centered around the kids.”

“What else have I got? He’s not there. I’m telling you this job he’s got is feeding him. I love him, Toni, and I know he loves me but it’s like he’s moved out of the circle. You know what I’m saying?”

“All he knows is to be a small town sheriff. That’s what he was and that’s what he is.”

“It was different in Mystery. He had time for us there.”

“Real life is different, Donna. There’s not a preset pattern to it. No script to follow…it’s wide open. All of them have stayed with what they knew. Terry’s still in the K and R business and Max is still making money and making wine. Maybe you’re in the wrong place.”

“We’ve talked about moving to Alberta, Canada. You know the movie was shot in Canmore and we’ve looked it up. Not much there, unfortunately. It’s only about 50 miles from Calgary. We thought at least it would be familiar. But I don’t know if it would be worth it to pull up everything and move.”

“You won’t know until you try. Canada isn’t the United States and I don’t know how he’d feel about that.”

“I don’t think he’d care as long as he can get into some kind of law enforcement.”

“It’s so far away, though.”

“I know…I wish we lived closer together. Honestly, you’re the only friend I’ve got that I can talk to.”

Toni looked down at the table and felt a pang of guilt. “I’m probably not that good a friend to you. Not what I could be.  I’m selfish when it comes to my seasons. You should know that. I love John, too. I love who he is and what he is, the kind of man he is. You’re a very lucky woman, Donna.”

“I know I am. I know he loves you, too, and sometimes that bothers me. I realize it has nothing to do with me and if it weren’t for you none of us would be out in the world. We wouldn’t have Claire. Love is a pretty powerful thing. I don’t fear you, Toni. I used to but I don’t anymore. I know John and I know where his heart is. You’ve got more than enough to cope with.”

“That’s true enough.” Why did that hurt so? “He once asked me if I’d move to Alaska or Canada and I said no. I’m a warm weather girl. You have to go where he wants to go. I’m here in France…a long way from Virginia. I don’t regret it one second. I’d do it all over again. I go where my man is and my life revolves around Max. He’s number one with me and he knows it. We have children, two are here now and the other will be back next month. I love my children but Max is number one. All else flows from that one thing.”

“You think I’m not putting him as number one.”

“I don’t know. I only know what he said to me. He doesn’t feel that way.”

“Well, first he has to be there.”

“You want him to quit his job?”

“Yes, yes, I do. I know he has to work. That’s just him but not this job. It’s all consuming. Belfast is not Mystery when it comes to the sheriff’s job.” Donna was quiet for awhile, finishing her glass of tea.

“I didn’t come over here to complain about John. I came to find out how to live out here in the world. You do it so well, Toni. I can’t seem to find my place.”

“Your place is by John’s side. You don’t have to do anything else. Maybe that’s not enough for you. What is it you want?”

“I just want to be a wife and a mother but I’m not like other people. We go to functions, stuff with his job and stuff with school and the kids. I look around at the other women and they know who they are, where they’ve been and where they’re going. I don’t know anything except what’s happening right now. I’m from a place that doesn’t exist. None of my memories are real.”

“Donna, you should talk to Terry. When Max came out he was as lost as you can be. He was alone and that was a lot for him to deal with. He had this house and in this house he found his past. Terry had nothing, except a flat. He found out his son was real and that he had an ex-wife. He put it all aside and started out new. He’s a realist, not a romanticist. It is what it is with him. He can guide you better than I can.”

“I don’t know him well enough to talk to him.”

“It’s time you did. He’s only a little over an hour from the cottage. He’s good and he’ll set you straight. He does me to this day…sets me straight about a lot of things. Call him. He’ll be glad to meet you somewhere.”

Toni’s phone rang. “Hey.”

“Hi, love. Is it safe to come home?”

Toni grinned, “Yes, come home, love.” Her eyes lit up. “Max is coming home.”

Maxi and Rose came bounding in with dogs in tow to tell about what Grandpa Duncan was doing.

“Say hello to your Aunt Donna,” Toni admonished them.

They both went shy. Rose waved and Maxi smiled a little.

“This is your uncle John’s better half.” Max leaned over and gave Donna a kiss. “How are you, love?”

“I’m okay ,Max. It’s good to see you. Last time was Thanksgiving.”

“Right, Thanksgiving in Virginia.” He remembered it well. “I’ll be out of your way. Just need a drink. What are you having?”

“We had iced tea and you are not in the way. In fact you might be of help. Donna’s having a bit of an identity crisis. You went through that.”

“Hmm, well, let’s dispense with the kiddies…playroom for you two. Where’s Tuppy?”

“Upstairs somewhere. She was going to turn out the nursery today.”

“They are so beautiful, Toni. Terry stopped by with Jacky and he and Claire were playmates. He wanted to run after Josh and Mike. It won’t be long he’ll be right in there.”

“I know. They grow so fast.”

Max came back down sans kids and opened a bottle of cool, crisp chardonnay from the wine cooler under the cabinet.

Donna watched him move around. It always fascinated her to see the other brothers. He was nothing like John. A resemblance in the face, of course, and because he had a beard there was more of a likeness than with Terry. He moved differently…and the accent.

“Oh, I can add to this.” Toni got up and prepared a plate of salami, cheese and thin wafers to nibble on.

“So, don’t know who you are, Donna?”

“I don’t, Max. You’re lucky you had this chateau to attach yourself to. We don’t have anything.”

“It was like a puzzle and still there are many pieces missing. We found a box at the flat over New Years with evidence of an earlier flat. When we went out to have a look I remembered living there. Now I will say I’ve read the book and know the movie so, I’m not always sure if it’s memory or something else.” He took a drink from his glass.

“Mystery doesn’t exist so there’s no going back there. It’s difficult for me.”

“It doesn’t bother John, does it? I’ve never heard him say anything,” Toni asked.

“It didn’t until he ran for public office. He had to make stuff up for that.”

“Oh…the public figure,” Max frowned.

“Donna wants him to quit his job.”

“Rightly so. He should never have run for office. He may as well have painted a target on his chest.”

(Terry’s Building in Battersea)

Chapter 8

Max drove Donna to the airport the next morning. “The thing is, Donna, don’t let it dominate you. We don’t live in the past; we live in the here and now and in the future. We’re making memories every day.”

Donna rested her elbow on the window. “I know, Max, but sometimes I feel like an amnesia patient.”

He smiled over at her. “That’s not such a bad thing, you know. Some people have terrible memories of growing up. I’d rather have none than live with that.”

“You and Toni have been such a help to me. Just being around you kinda puts it all in perspective. It’s not that important after all. Our kids were so young they won’t remember Alaska anyway.”

“What are you going to do about John and his job?”

“I’m going to ask him to quit. It’s not going to go down well. I already know that.”

“Do it whilst you’re in England, near enough we can come and rescue you.”

“Oh, I will. I think that would solve a lot of our problems.”

“I hope so, Donna. It sounds to me like you’re both suffering from the same illness. He thinks he’s not high on your list and you feel the same about him. Maybe you should stop and turn around and look at each other.”

“We’ve got some work to do before that can happen. Toni said I should talk to Terry because he’s a realist.”

“He is and sometimes he sees things a little differently. Here we are. Got your ticket and everything you need, passport…?”

“Yes, thanks.” She leaned over and kissed him. “You’re a good brother-in-law, Max.”

“Good luck, Donna. You know where we are if you need anything.”

Max waited until she went inside the airport before turning out of the drive.

“Hey, baby.” John hugged and kissed Donna. “Everything okay?”

“I’m fine, John.” They walked together through the airport. “Where are the kids?”

“I left them with the housekeeper. She’s nice and said anytime we needed a babysitter to let her know.”

“Oh, okay. Well, since we’re in London, do you think we might visit Terry?”

“He might be working, Donna.”

“Can we find out?”

“What’s this about?”

“I just want to talk to him about things.”

“Okay.” He turned away from her and looked for his car.

Terry was in his office but only until 1:30. He’d be glad to see them and gave them directions to his flat.

“We got time to stop for some lunch. Pub okay with you?”

“Sure,” Donna replied.

All during lunch she was distracted, thinking of what she wanted to ask Terry. Max was easy to talk with but Terry had always seemed a little intense to her.

John didn’t have a clue what was going on. He was just trying to do what she wanted.

Anna was just leaving when they arrived. “Come in, come in. You haven’t been here before, have ya?”

“No, Terry, we haven’t.” John walked in with a nervous Donna.

“Good to see you here, Donna. Have, um, you had lunch?”

“Yeah, we stopped off at a pub,” John answered.

“I haven’t and was about to find something.”

Jacky wormed his way over to John. “Hey, boy, haven’t I seen you somewhere before?”

Terry was a little curious as to why Donna wanted to talk to him. “John, if you want to, there’s a park across the street. Maybe you could take Jacky over there for a little while?”

“Wanna go to the park, Jacky?”

“Please.” Jacky grabbed John’s hand.

Terry closed the door on them. “Do you mind if I forage while we talk?”

“No, not at all.” Donna followed him down the steps to his kitchen.

Terry opened the fridge door. “Want something to drink?”

“I just had a beer.”

“Have another one.” He handed her a bottle of beer. “Glasses are to your right if you’re a sissy.”

“I’m a sissy,” she grinned.

He pulled out sandwich makings and spread it over the island. “What is it we need to talk about?”

“Toni suggested I talk to you. I’m, um, having problems with the fact that prior to a few years ago I didn’t really exist. No past…nothing. It’s hard for me to…to go about living normally,  knowing what I know and don’t know.  Does that make sense to you?”

“Um hm. My own past is very thin. I’m Australian, right? So I go to Australia and I meet a woman there who says we once had a thing going. I haven’t any memory of it. She shows me where I lived and all this time I’m trying not to tell her anything. I used memory loss or some bloody thing. Anyway, I haven’t any memories of Australia and very few of London outside of my movie. I had a flat but my office didn’t exist. The flat wasn’t even in the movie. Back story, I think they call it. It was a very confusing and frustrating time.

“Once I established myself again I let it all go. It wasn’t important and didn’t have anything to do with the life I had to live. Now Max has been digging around for years trying to find evidence that he really lived. It’s bullshit. He didn’t and neither did I or you for that matter. We are what we are.”

“Don’t you ever feel like you’re missing something?”

“No, and I don’t think about it. I think about Jacky and whatever it is I have to do that day. Why worry over something that has no answer other than the one you know to be true?” He pulled up a stool and settled down to eat his sandwich.

“That makes sense.” She moved down his counter top, running her fingers over the granite. “It’s just hard when I’m around other people. They talk about their families and ask questions about mine. I’ve even lied on occasion. John’s lied.”

“John had to pull a big one out when he put himself up for election.”

“That’s the other thing. I want him to quit his job.”

“Whoa, that’s a big thing.”

“I know but it’s the cause of a lot of our problems. He’s gone all the time and I feel like I’m floating without an anchor. He evidently has been complaining that I don’t give him enough attention. I don’t place him above anything else. It’s hard to do that when I only see him for a few hours a day. The kids are there all the time, demanding attention. I don’t know what to do.”

“How often do you go out together, just the two of you?”

“Hardly ever.”

“Did you ever get a nanny?”

“I did for awhile but she wasn’t suitable.”

“Find another one. When Jacky was born I insisted on a nanny. Toni was…is …my wife and I wanted her to myself. That’s not saying we weren’t good parents because we were. We still are. She still has one that Max hired.  It’s who we are. We can afford the help. I made a point of taking her out at least once a week. Max does a better job of that when he’s in London than I did. You have to be adults together, not just parents. You have to be lovers.”

She met his eyes for a moment.  “We haven’t been lovers for a long time. It’s just…I can’t believe I’m telling you this. I don’t even know you…really.”

He smiled a little. “You know me.”

“You’re too sexy for your shirt.” She clamped her hand over her mouth. It had just popped out.

Terry laughed. Donna turned bright pink.

She took a long drink from her glass. He was sexy. That was the thing about Terry. That intense…sexiness. Oh, God! She ran a hand over her forehead.

“I’m sorry…I..."

“Hey, I take that as a compliment.”

“That’s something I don’t feel anymore.”

“You are a very beautiful, sexy woman and why you don’t feel that is beyond me, luv. John needs his arse kicked.”

“Maybe we both do, you know?”

“Find yourself a nanny. Tell John he’s got to do better. Hell, I’ll tell him that.”

“He’s going to be upset with me about the job.”

“He might surprise you, Donna. How do you know how he feels about it. Has he said? No…well, he’d be the last to admit he’s bitten off too much. I personally think he has. He doesn’t need to be in public office with that kind of exposure.”

“Toni was right about you.”

“What did she say?”

“She said you were a realist and that you’d set me straight. She said you set her straight.”

“I have to. She’s as crooked as a fish hook.” He smiled and pulled her close to him. “There’s nothing wrong with you and John that can’t be fixed. He’s a good guy but maybe I need to set him straight as well.”

“Would you?”

“Yeah, I will give it a go.” He kissed her softly. “Let’s go find his arse.”

“Terry, I just want to say that for the first time since we came out, I feel like part of a family. Toni and Max  and you. I feel like I matter…I’m not just a blank page attached to John. People actually care about me as a person.”

“Ah, Donna,” he hugged her, “of course we care. You don’t come around often enough. You’re a part of us and I’ll admit we sometimes forget that because we don’t see you. Do better.” He patted her behind and released her.

Smiling broadly, she backed away from him.

 (Eros at Piccadilly)

Chapter 9

John checked his watch again. He was squatting down by the pond while Jacky fed the ducks. Someone had left a half loaf of bread on a park bench. Donna had been in there with Terry for an awfully long time, he thought. What did she want to talk to him about anyway?

Finally he caught sight of them. Terry had slipped his arm around her while they crossed the street. At first it didn’t register with him. There seemed to be a lot of familiarity there. What the hell? They were holding hands. Fuckin’ Terry.

Donna went directly to Jacky and they began discussing the ducks and what kind they were and how hungry they were. John stood up, looking at her while she ignored him. He turned to Terry, who’d paused on the walkway.

Terry waited until he was close. “You have a beautiful wife, John.”

“Yeah…I know. So what took so long in there?”

“We just talked.”

“Right.” He’d noticed the flush in her face when she sat down with Jacky.

Terry grinned a little. “What do you think happened?”

“I don’t know.”

The grin grew broader. What a touch of irony. He was jealous. “I’d hardly send you across the street with my son to have a go at your wife. Give me some credit, John.”

“I wouldn’t put anything past you.”

“Oh, come on!” Terry laughed a little. “We talked about you and that’s hardly conducive to anything remotely romantic.”

John blinked. That stung a little.

“Let’s walk,” Terry suggested.

Around the park they walked and Terry filled him in on the points of their conversation. He’d let Donna fill in the details.

“She’s going to ask you something serious, John, and before you answer her stop and think. Think about the big picture there.”

“What…what is she going to ask?”

“I’ll let her break that one open.”

“I know I don’t spend any time with her away from the house and kids. You’re right we do need somebody to help out. A nanny.”

“You’re in prime nanny territory right now. Find someone that might like to relocate to the States.”

“Yeah.”

“Think about moving out of Belfast. Move down to Boston or somewhere near there where you can have a life. Belfast is rather grim as I remember.”

“I have to live in Belfast County.”

“Maybe not. Think hard, John. Donna needs you more than you need anything in Belfast. You need her.”

“You’re right about that.”

“Buy her a nice house. Treat her special because she is a very special lady.”

“Did Toni’s name come up?”

“Not the way you think. Why, has it come up in your mind?”

“No.”

“Put her out of your mind. Donna is who you need to concentrate on. Make her your lover.”

Terry took Jacky back home and Donna walked up to the sidewalk with John. Her eyes were bright and expectant.

“I guess we need to talk,” John said.

“I think we do.”

It was now the middle of August.

Max got off the phone with John and went to find Toni. She was outside working in a flower bed.

“News,” he said, going down on his knees beside her.

“What news?” Toni wiped her damp brow with the back of her gloved hand, leaving a swipe of dirt.

“John and Donna. I just got off the phone with him and he’s going to quit his job and look for a house in Boston. He says a more populated area is easier to get lost in. He’s right, you know?  And they’ve acquired an English nanny who will live with them.”

Toni sat back on her heels. “He’s quit his job? Well, that’s what Donna wanted. Oh, my, what will he do?”

“He’s not worried about it. He said he’d find something in Boston. They’re cutting their holiday short and leaving tomorrow.”

“I hope it all works out for them. John said she wanted change and it sounds like that’s what they’re going to get. So they’re not going to stop by here on the way home?”

“No, no, he’s, uh, in a hurry to get things rolling. It’s probably for the best, Toni, don’t you think?”

“Yes, I’m sure it is. I’m really glad for them, Max. I like Donna and I’m afraid I haven’t been exactly fair to her. I need to touch on her more often. She’s the only female friend I have and I’ve neglected her.  If I was honest with myself I’d say it was because I resented her. I wanted John and she is between us.”

Max rubbed the dirt from her forehead with his thumb. “You don’t always get what you want, Toni.”

“I know.” She grinned and began to sing the old Stones song. “You don’t always get what you want, you don’t always get what you want… but you get what you need…”

Max joined her and, laughing, they both went down in the flower bed, crushing her just-planted flowers. But she didn’t care…nothing mattered except Max. Her playmate, her lover, the center of her life.

“Hey, luv, what are you doing?”

“I’m painting my toenails.”

“Umm, I’m getting a visual.”

“You’d better change the channel.”

Terry laughed. “The Biebes got off this morning.”

“Everything go okay?”

“Oh, yeah. John called me from the airport and thanked me for whatever it was I did.”

“Donna talked to you?”

“Yes, she did. Did she tell you?”

“She called me.”

“She’s a sweet, sexy girl and at the time underappreciated.”

“I think that might have changed. I knew you’d be the one to say the right things. You always do.”

Terry sighed, “Not always. So…Jacky starts school when?”

“Two weeks. Will you come over for that?”

“I’ll have to if you don’t mind.”

“I’d like for you to be here. Moral support.”

“You’ll have Max for that. I’m the one that may need support. Our boy’s growing up.”

“Too fast. Life goes by too fast. Sometimes I think I can’t keep up.”

“I love you, Toni. Now go finish your nails.”

Toni smiled, “Good night, Terry.”

John officially resigned his position. It wasn’t an easy thing for him to do but once it was done it felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He’d proved something to himself. He could do it and having done it he was willing to let it go.

He sold his lobster boat and they put the house on the market. With three kids and the new nanny, Christie, they set off for Boston. He’d rented a condo until they could find a suitable house. Spending a little time at Terry’s showed him how he could live in such a place. Terry’s nanny, Anna, had helped them with the new hire.

“You know, Donna, I always thought that staying away from my brothers across the pond was a good thing. I looked at their mixed-up lives and I was afraid it would affect us if we got too close. We got close and look what’s happened.”

“Are you having regrets, John?”

“None and I can say that honestly. We needed them, you know?” He looked over the balcony down at the city lights. "This might not be an easy transition for us.”

“Think positive thoughts. We’ll get over the hump, find a nice house…a big house with grounds.”

“Grounds?”

“Yeah, gardens and a pool.”

“Not sure they have chateaus in Boston, Donna.”

She smiled and slipped her arm around him.  “Any old estate will do. It’s time we started living like the rest of them do.”

“You’re right. We’ve got the money. It’s hard for this old skater to realize what the possibilities are. It’s all going to fall into place. I don’t want to be in a hurry now.”

“Oh, no, we want to do it right and we’ll know when the right place comes along.”

He turned her to face him. “I don’t know how I let things get like they were. Not for the world would I do anything to cause you stress. I love you. I’m sorry it took a trip to England to show me what an ass I’ve been.”

“It wasn’t all you. I had my own problems to come to terms with. I don’t regret a moment of our trip to England. In fact, I want to go back again next year. I love our family here and the one in England and France. We’re all a part of each other. That’s something I learned. We aren’t in this alone.”

“Lessons learned.” John hugged her and  looked down again at the city. “You can’t see it from here but I know a great place for lobster. Toni and I once went there. You should go…we should go there.”