That, For Me, is You
by Marilyn
Chapter 9
Looking back I see how what I did, didn’t really make any sense. But then to make sense of it you would have to apply something rational to something entirely irrational. War is by its very nature methodical, unmerciful and irrational.
I wanted to spare her. When I found out I was being deployed to Iraq I decided it would be better if she didn’t know than to have her care for me and have something happen. So I stopped writing. Once I was deployed mail didn’t follow me and it was easier just to leave things alone. Eventually I stopped writing everyone even my family. Turns out a lot of guys do that. Just cut all ties, easier that way. Easier to stay sane. Easier to focus on the task at hand and make it through when you don’t have to worry about people back home worrying about you.
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I kept the letters though. I kept her picture too. I slept with that picture under my pillow every night from the day she gave it to me until I rotated back to the States maybe even a little while after I came back. She was with me the entire time I was overseas both in Iraq and Korea. I still have it. I keep it in a safe place. I wonder if she ever thinks about me from time to time. I imagine she is married and has a couple of kids by now. Heck it has been nearly 17 yrs since I last saw her…held her. I wonder if I had done things differently if we would be together today. And if so would we be married, then her kids would be ours…
I have loved other women but to me Renee will always be my First Love.