The Price of Peace
By Atonia
(Picture creations also by Atonia)
Part 1
After the decision was made to move to La Siroque it took two weeks for them to get there. Max closed out his banking career with enough daring moves to warrant a large bonus and with that he quit, feeling as light as the air he represented as he walked out of the bank. He spent a night in his flat closing it down, put his car in the lock up and took the train to Hartley Wintney.
The next morning they drove to the airport in Toni’s car, leaving Anna’s locked in the garage at the cottage. Max had arranged for Toni’s to be picked up and taken to the same lock up as his. Max had tried to contact Terry to let him know they were leaving the country and taking Anna, who was still in Terry’s employ, with them but he was unavailable. At least he’d made the effort and left a message with Wyatt.
Two cars were leased at the airport to transport them and all their clobber to La Siroque. Max pulled up in the drive and looked over at Toni. She had a smile on her face as she opened the car door and took a deep breath, walking over to the stone wall and looking out over the vineyard. This was Max’s home, and now it would be hers too.
"What are you thinking?" he asked, coming up behind her and slipping his arms around her waist.
"I was thinking about the first time we came here. I was pregnant with Jacky and we’d come to see if this place really existed. You were like a child at Christmas." She leaned her head back on his chest.
"I still feel that way every time I come home." He reached down and grabbed Jacky’s shirt. Jacky had run over and was trying to climb up the wall.
"Jacky, no!" Toni said and Max picked him up.
"You have a little Terry here."
"Don’t I know it! We may have to Jacky-proof this place."
"No, we won’t. He’ll learn. Won’t you, Jacky?" He set him down to run to Anna, who was waiting with Maxi. "Shall we go inside?" Max took her hand and walked her to the door.
"I feel like I should be carrying you over the threshold or something." He looked down at her with a little grin.
"How about we just walk in together, save your back?" Toni squeezed his hand and walked in with him.
Max smiled. He couldn’t help himself. He was filled with joy bringing her here with him. That familiar scent of lavender, lemon oil and beeswax filled his senses. He was home again.
Toni noticed the scent, too. "I love this place." She passed by the round table, trailing her fingers across the polished wood. "Ludivine’s been in…Max, what will she think of me coming here so soon after…?"
"Darling, this is France and Ludivine is very French and…it’s not her place to think anything."
Max went through, opening windows and doors and on to the kitchen. "Lovely," he said, noticing the round of cheese, bread and wine left on the table for them and a little note of welcome.
"You know we’re going to have to do something about the nursery. We can move Maxi’s crib or buy another one, but Jacky needs a toddler bed." Toni followed him to the kitchen.
"Why can’t he sleep in a real bed?"
"Well, I suppose he could."
"I’m sure I never had a toddler bed. Upstairs in the attics is what Uncle Henry once told me was a nursery but it’s never been used for that. He didn’t need one but there’s plenty of room for whatever clobber they require."
"That might be a good idea. Room for Anna, too?"
"Lots of room." He moved over to her, lifted her chin and kissed her. "There’s room for a large family here and we’ve got the makings of one."
Toni widened her eyes. "You mean MORE!"
While Anna got a room squared away for her and Jacky, Toni and Max took the children outside in the back. Jacky went off to find the fountain and the pools where he could toss rocks. Max followed him at a little distance, letting him explore and letting him know what he could and couldn’t do. Toni had Maxi on her hip and found a chair to sit in with him. He was getting to be a heavy little boy.
She leaned her head back, looking up through the trees, feeling so at peace and at home here. She wondered just how they would manage when Jack’s baby was born. It was going to be a busy household, for sure. Three children, three of her loves. Yes, she would want to have Max’s baby but not for a while. She was now two months pregnant. It was the beginning of June and that reminded her of Penny’s wedding coming up in a week. She would have to see her about that, find out if there was anything she could do.
Thinking about Penny led to Jean Paul and he led her to thinking about Terry. She could think about him now without dissolving into tears. Max had succeeded in putting out his fire inside her. She remembered the last time she was here at the chateau when he’d arrived by parachute. They had sat around this same table, all of them, and she’d been on fire for him. Would they ever be able to do that again, gather around a table in friendship and love?
She was with Max now and her life was different but she still thought about Terry and worried about him and loved him. She had only to look at Jacky and see him. She was in danger of producing tears so she got up and went into the kitchen. Anna had brought the baby’s food in and she found him a biscuit to munch on with his four teeth. She sat him on the counter, bushing back his dark curls. He was as much hers as Jacky now. He would never know another mother but her. She placed a soft kiss on the top of his head and turned to see Max in the doorway watching her.
"What did you do with Jacky?"
Jacky appeared between Max’s legs with something in his hand, grapes.
"He’s been testing the grapes and found them not to his liking. Bitter, aren’t they, Jacky?"
"Yah!" He made a face.
"That will give him a tummy ache."
"Then he won’t be eating them anymore." Max directed him to the trash bin so he could throw them in. "You have to be prepared, Toni. This is Terry’s son. No is only a suggestion. He has to learn things for himself."
"Don’t you think there might be a little bit of me in there somewhere?"
"That combined with Terry has produced this. Need I say more?" He empted Jacky’s pockets of things he’d picked up, saving a special rock. Max was very attached to Jacky and likewise Jacky to him.
Anna came and collected the boys for a nap, taking them upstairs.
"Penny’s wedding is next week. I really need to go shopping," Toni said, finishing up the biscuit Maxi had started.
"That you can do." Max washed his hands. "Come. We have wine and bread and cheese to eat."
They took their repast outside. "In fact, I think you should do what I do, have a wardrobe at each place we live. That way you don’t have to trundle luggage around along with children and their belongings."
"I’ll do that but I don’t know where to shop here."
"Penny can direct you, or you could wait until we’re in Paris and shop there."
"That’s cutting it close but I’d love that. Do you know what you‘ve done for me?"
"Umm…"
"Given me peace."
Max tilted his head a little and smiled.
"I felt it so strongly a little while ago sitting out here with Maxi."
"I hope you remember that next week. Terry is going to be there, Jean Paul’s best man."
"Is he…?"
"I wanted to ask him back here but that’s up to you. Aubrey told me he’s flying to Paris this week sometime. I know he’ll want to see Jacky, maybe take him for awhile. I would if it were me."
Toni sighed, "Oh, Max."
"You knew it was going to happen sooner or later. He’s part of us just like John and Jack."
"He may not want to see me."
"He doesn’t have a choice, does he?"
"No," she sat up straight and reached for her wine glass, "he doesn’t. As long as I have you he can’t hurt me again; he can’t touch me."
"He won’t hurt you again. I can guarantee you that and he won’t touch you, either, at least not in the way he might want to." He took a drink from his glass. "Give him a chance, Toni. I really think it would be good if the two of you sat down and talked this thing out."
"He won’t talk to me. When it was all falling apart…he wouldn’t"
"He might be in a different frame of mind now. I’m trying to be fair about him. The two of you shared a life and have a child together. There has to be contact. You’ve just got to find that common ground together."
"You know the last time I was here, when we were all here, we sat around this table…if there’s any way we can do that again…. We’ve all been so close. I don’t want to lose that."
"It’s all different now, isn’t it?" Max looked off to the side. "I had Connie and you had Terry. Connie was pregnant."
"It still hurts, doesn’t it?"
"She was a part of my life and we had a child together so I understand where you are. But Terry is still with us. He’s still a part of us."
"I can do it, Max. We can have him here…we, you and I."
Max cut her a piece of cheese and popped it in her mouth. "Don’t worry. I won’t let him get close enough to you to burn you."
Part 2
Max and Toni had been in Paris for two days. They were staying at King George V as was the rest of the wedding party. The first night they had gone out to dinner with Aubrey and Penny Duncan, Jean Paul and his parents. The next day Max treated Toni to a shopping extravaganza like she’d never known. She’d also had her hair cut and styled and her nails done. She felt like a million dollars.
She was standing in a salon with Penny having a dress altered. Penny had asked her to be her maid of honor.
"It was going to be Connie," she’d said, "but I’d like for you to stand with me."
Toni hugged her and said it would be an honor. She really liked Penny. She was open and honest and funny. Not quite as reserved as her older sister had been.
"Are you nervous, Penny?"
"A little. I think the worst part is over. I met his parents. They’re nothing like Jean Paul."
"I noticed that at dinner but still they were very nice, especially about the language barrier. I really need to brush up on my French."
"Oh, it will come to you. I only had high school French when I came here. I took Spanish in college. Oh, Toni, that dress…."
"It is beautiful, isn’t it?" Toni smiled, fingering the pale watered blue silk.
Later she was back at the hotel with Max, who was on the phone when she came into the room.
"That was Terry. He’s downstairs and would like to see you."
"Now?"
"When you’re ready, love."
"I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready." She stood up and moved around the room. "Okay, he’s down there now?"
"Waiting in the main lobby." He came over, put his arms around her and kissed her, sending her a little rush.
"Max," she blinked.
"Fortification," he grinned. "You’ll do fine and you look lovely." He had been amazed at the transformation. Surprising what a new hairdo and makeup and different clothes had made in her. She looked very chic, very Paris.
"Thank you." She kissed his cheek
Downstairs in the lobby Terry nervously paced about, sitting down getting up…moving. His phone went and it was Max telling him she was on her way down. He wasn’t sure she would even see him and now that she was coming down on the elevator his heart skipped a beat, several in fact.
Oh, my God, he thought as she walked toward him in her sleeveless black shift, high heels and her hair pulled back. Max’s influence but she looked so good to him.
"Toni…."
"Hi, Terry." She’d pushed down the instinct to run to him and tried to be very casual, but her eyes told a different story.
"You look beautiful."
"You look good, too. No bandages this time?"
"No, not a scratch."
"When, ah, did you get here?"
"Yesterday. Long flight from Mexico."
"Dino’s okay?"
"Oh, yeah. He said to tell you hello. How’s Jacky?"
"Oh, Jacky’s having a great time. Duflot let him ride on the tractor with him."
Terry smiled, "Did he?"
"Yeah, he’s got another tooth, too. You’ll want him, I guess."
"I would like to take him for awhile. I’ll need Anna but if it’s a problem then…."
"No, no, um, Ludivine helps with Maxi." She could tell he was nervous, too.
"Would you like to, um, take a walk, get a drink or a coffee or something?"
"A walk and a drink sounds good." They just stared at each other for a moment then Terry moved around the little table and came to her side. A new expensive scent caught his senses.
She was a little different. He could feel it especially when he took her arm as they left the hotel. Max had taken her as his own. She wasn’t his any longer. He hadn’t expected that it would affect him so. He’d tried to rid himself of her after that long torturous flight to Mexico the day he left her, tried to convince himself he’d done the right thing for her and for himself
"A lot different from the last time we were here," Toni said as they walked to the corner.
"Yeah, no crisis. I’d say you’ve been shopping. You look very smart."
"You’d be right," she smiled and gave him a quick glance. "Penny’s asked me to be her maid of honor. I said yes."
"That is an honor," he smiled at her and took her hand as they crossed the street.
The warmth of his hand was almost her undoing, remembering the last time he’d held it at Connie’s funeral. She wished she’d brought her sunglasses. He didn’t release it once they were across the street and headed for a little park. Once there they walked in silence for a moment then stopped.
He raised her hand and looked at it a moment. "You aren’t married anymore."
Toni looked at her ring finger with Max’s ring. "I guess not. You didn’t want to be married to me."
A pained look went across his face.
"We need to talk about that," he said softly.
"It seems to me the time to have talked about that was before you left me standing in the courtyard of the chapel with my mouth open and my heart broken in two."
"You’re absolutely right…but I couldn’t. I didn’t stop loving you, Toni, but I had a debt to pay, one long overdue and compounded by Connie’s death. When I realized what he was prepared to do for you and the cost to himself…and then the loss he suffered, I thought that was enough hell to put anyone through. I’ve put you though hell, too. It’s been one thing after another ever since we left the House of Four Seasons. It was time to call a halt to it all."
"I thought it was all about fidelity and trust. That’s what you told me."
"That, too. I was angry, not so much at you, but with myself but I transferred that anger to you, blaming you."
"Jack was my fault. I could have stopped that from happening. I could have said no."
"But we don’t always say no, do we?"
"I didn’t. That’s what brought it all on, wasn’t it, and it ended with Connie’s death."
"No, don’t you even go there, Toni. It started when I used my element…fire on you at the House. I broke an unwritten rule. You didn’t even know it was happening because I did it gradually. Not consciously at first, but I knew what I was doing, especially there at the end. I wanted you."
"That was the thing that hurt the most to think you didn’t want me anymore. But I’m at peace now. That fire is gone from my veins. I’m happy."
"I’m glad to hear that. I want you to be happy and I know Max can do that for you."
"What about you? Why didn’t you divorce me?"
"I have no intention of ever marrying again. It was a piece of paper. Jack was right about that. The magical marriages we made are bonds that cannot be broken. As for wanting you…." He met her eyes and didn’t have to finish. It was all there.
It was in her, too, but she broke eye contact with him. "Max said we might ask you to La Siroque after the wedding if you’d like to come."
"I would like. Look, I know this is difficult and it’s all too fresh."
"Not as fresh as it was and I don’t want to worry an old wound. I don’t want to open it up again. I’m not sure we can be friends but I’d like to be. This was good today…talking."
"Yes, it was. I was afraid you wouldn’t see me and I wouldn’t have blamed you if you hadn’t."
"I have to see you. We have a child together and, more than that, we are a part of each other…two souls…"
"As one…."
"Yes. I should be getting back now. There’s dinner and I think Max is going with you tonight, taking Jean Paul out for his last shout." She smiled a little, using his Australian expression.
Terry smiled, too. Oh, fuck! He still loved her. Nothing had changed there except everything.
Part 3
Max came down in the lobby to meet Terry and Jean Paul. Aubrey Duncan said he’d go along for a little while but as yet the only two were Max and Terry. Toni had told Max that she and Terry had talked in the park.
"Hello, Terry." Max gave him a brief hug. "So you made it back in one piece this time?"
"Yeah, no problems. How are ya?"
"Very well and your son is also very well. We’re teaching him to fertilize the vineyard. Much better than jumping in the pool after a ball. He came up, though," Max grinned.
Terry grinned, too. "I should hope so. You’ll have to get Jack to teach him to swim."
"Yes, haven’t seen or heard from him lately. Are you doing okay, Terry?"
"Yeah, I guess so. I’m headed home after this so I’ll find out then. Toni said something about stopping by La Siroque."
"Um, yes, thought you might want to take Jacky for awhile."
"I’d planned to. Thanks for the invitation."
"Aren’t we formal now. You think you need an invitation to come visit?"
"I don’t know. Do I?"
"No. If you can take it we can. Toni came back unscathed, no tear tracks, so I assume you two have found a common ground."
"I think we have." Terry ran a hand through his hair. "Not so easy."
"I’ve been there. Believe me I know where you are."
"Shoe’s on the other foot now. Is that what you’re thinking?"
"You put it there."
"Yes, I did at that, didn’t I, mate?"
"She’s blooming, happy and I love her dearly," Max smiled.
"I know you do and you’re right. She is. It’s all over her."
"Not having regrets, are you?"
"All the time." He looked at Max. "Every day for the rest of my life."
"I knew you would, but there’s no going back. We agreed on that. I expect you to keep up your end of it."
"Here comes the rest of our party. Max, you don’t have to worry about me."
Max eyed him a moment and turned to greet Aubrey and Jean Paul.
"You’re back early." Toni kissed Max as he came in, dropping his tie and kicking off his shoes.
"Am I? I consider myself late." He came over and sat at the little table where she’d been looking at a magazine and sipping on a glass of wine.
"I thought you’d be out to all hours of the night. How’s the groom?"
"Getting gassed. I’d had enough, besides I had you here to come back to." He smiled sweetly.
"What have you been up to?"
"Moi? I’ve had a few drinks and thought I’d better start back while I could still speak speakable French. Have you been in all night?"
"Penny and I had a drink at the bar downstairs. A few of her girlfriends have taken her out."
"Aubrey and I came back. Jean Paul and Terry are still at it. I talked to Terry a little tonight and, surprise, surprise, he has regrets now."
"He should. He threw a life away, our life. I wouldn’t change anything now, Max. It’s been five weeks, not long at all. I’ve only had a taste of life with you and I love it and you." She got up, went around the table and hugged him. He pulled her into his lap and kissed her.
"Umm, you smell good." He buried his face in her breasts.
"You always smell good." She ran her fingers through his soft hair.
"I think you should put me to bed."
"PUT you to bed?"
"Um, hm. Then you can have your way with me." He looked up and grinned.
Max and Toni arrived at the chapel for the wedding. Max spotted Terry and Jean Paul and walked over. Aubrey and Toni were at the door talking to someone. Terry turned and saw her in the pale blue dress. God, but she looked beautiful.
"So how’s the groom?" Max asked with a twinkle in his eye.
"The head, the head!" Jean Paul put his hands on either side of his face.
"You should have left when I did. Terry keep you out all night?"
"Not all night," Terry smiled and turned.
Max looked over his shoulder and Toni gave him a little wave and disappeared with Aubrey in one of the little rooms at the entrance.
"Last chance." Terry cocked a brow at Jean Paul.
"The chance for me has come and gone. I know what I want to do…marry this girl."
"Smart man. They don’t come around like that very often," Max said and laid his hand on his shoulder. "I suppose we’re to be family of sorts. Aubrey has adopted me."
Jean Paul smiled, "Ah, a brother…of sorts."
"Of sorts." Terry wondered if Aubrey Duncan would have adopted him had he known he was about to leave his daughter for Toni. He sighed. But that never happened and there was no need for Duncan to ever know.
The ceremony was carried out in French and Toni couldn’t understand what was being said. She mostly kept her eyes on Penny or the priest but now and again she glanced opposite her where Terry stood. She felt his eyes on her and, of course, he understood the language. She supposed they were saying their vows now, repeat after me. She remembered saying hers on the deck of Jack Aubrey’s ship, Jack on her left and Terry holding her hand. Forsake all others, cleave only unto. Neither of them had done so and that’s why his ring was in the music box at the chateau instead of on her finger.
Whether or not he’d used his element of fire and wiped out Max at the House of Four Seasons, it could have lasted between them. It could have been different. She knew that, standing there opposite him. He was so still. Was he thinking the same thing? She passed Jean Paul’s ring to Penny. She looked up at Terry, her husband legally, and she carried Jack’s baby inside her and lived with Max. She felt unworthy to be here in this holy place.
Terry followed the ceremony, hearing the familiar words. He’d said the same thing years ago. He had not honored her. He’d caused her pain and sorrow. When he looked back on what they’d been through in the past three years…how had they survived at all, why had she stayed with him never knowing from one week to the next if he’d be kidnapped, injured, dead. He thought the worst was when he’d lost his memory of her. But through all that she’d stood by him and loved him and he had betrayed her.
How could he fault her for Jack and for Max? He’d given her to them, shared her. He’d done that himself, not because she’d asked but because he knew they needed her, too. What right did he have to bring up that to her, throw that at her now that she carried his brother’s child? He was unworthy of her and didn’t deserve her. Did any of them? He looked past Jean Paul and could see Max sitting beside Aubrey. He did…Max, who would have given up everything he held dear for her.
Weddings, Max didn’t like weddings. What did they mean, anyway? You could love someone without all this. How long was this ceremony going to take? Toni must be tired of standing in those shoes. She wasn’t used to heels but had wanted them. He smiled a little, thinking of her trying on shoes. Had they got past the vows yet? Yes, they were kneeling now. His wedding to Connie had been a civil affair, short and sweet. Had it been sweet…sometimes…a lot of times. She’d loved him and given him a child. He loved her, too, in his own fashion, but never the way he loved the woman in blue silk.
She was as much a part of him as his right hand, always had been and forever would be. It made him angry when Terry had confessed to him what he’d done at the House of Four Seasons. If he’d known then, he could have prevented what happened. But Terry was paying for it now. He didn’t feel sorry for him. How long had he stood on the outside looking in? Too long, but no more. He would never set her free as Terry had done. It wasn’t in him to hurt her, only to love her. Aubrey shifted beside him. He wondered if he was ready for this to be over, too. He’d said last night he’d gained two sons and lost two daughters. Only one…Penny was still here.
Aubrey Duncan was getting restless. Why didn’t they just say I do and be done with it? Surely everybody in the chapel was asleep. He turned his head to verify and saw his brother and his family a few pews back. Nice of the old fucker to show up. He didn’t come for Connie’s funeral and he wasn’t going to forget about that. Ah, Connie! Awful, it was just awful what happened to her and he hated it for his son-in- law. Still thought of him that way. He guessed Max was lucky to have another family to turn to but, damn, what a complicated set that was. There was his brother and his wife right up there at the altar, but the wife lived with Max. What did he do, just hand her over? Of course it wasn’t his business, but still made a man wonder what kind of a brother Max had. He liked Jean Paul, down to earth guy. Of course he played in a band and sang but he made his own way in the world. SI must pay him good. Sure didn’t get rich singing in clubs. His family was something else, looking down their noses at Americans. Fuck ‘em.
Part 4
The last night in Paris and Max took Toni out to eat and then they walked for awhile. "The city for lovers, a good place for us." He pulled her close.
"I’ve loved it, Max, and being here with my lover made it even more special."
"Do you want to make it more than that? It would involve a divorce."
"You mean marriage, but I thought you were against that again."
"I would if you wanted to."
"No, it’s enough…what we have. It wouldn’t change anything. I couldn’t love you more. I’ve had a wedding and so have you. Besides, you married me a long time ago."
"Yes, I did, on our anniversary…rose petals."
Toni smiled, "There were lots and your Vegas-inspired, heart-shaped bed. It was wonderful. How could we ever top that?"
"We slept outside. You could hear the ocean below. No, we couldn’t top that." He found a bench and sat down, pulling her onto his lap and kissed her. "That was our wedding night and it was grand."
"All our times were grand. All my time with you has been special." She kissed him.
"I hope I can make the ones to come as special for you."
"Yesterday, today and tomorrow." She kissed her ring.
"Speaking of tomorrow, we’ve much more luggage than we came with, thanks to you. Do you still want to fly? We could rent a car or a van," he grinned.
"A van, ha, ha! I guess we should fly since Terry’s coming but a road trip sounds good sometime. I’d like to see all of Provence."
"We’ll do that one day. You’ll see why I love it so and why I wanted you here with me. You’re sure you’re okay with Terry coming?"
"Yes. Jacky will be so glad to see him. It will be good for him to take Jacky for awhile. He’s too young to understand. I guess he thinks we’re just visiting."
"We’ll leave it to Terry to explain to him why his mummy and daddy don’t live together."
"Have you got a problem here, Max?"
"My legs are going to sleep and something else is waking up. We need to get back to the hotel before I’m totally useless."
Toni kissed him again for a long time, making him suffer because he did it so well.
Jacky was out in the garden when Toni and Max arrived from Paris. Max went out to see him, thinking he was going to miss that little boy when he left for Terry’s.
"What happened to your hair?" he asked Jacky
"Cut," Jacky replied.
"I see that. Who cut your hair?" Toni would have a fit, he thought. All Jacky’s curls were gone.
"I cut it," he grinned.
Anna came over to tell Max that, indeed, Jacky had cut his hair with a pair of scissors he found in the sofa and so she had to take him to the barber’s in Bonnieux to have it put right.
Max laughed and scooped him up. "Did you like the barber’s cutting your hair?"
"No, it pulls it out."
"Well, you’d better leave scissors alone then." He looked Jacky’s hair over. He looked older now, more of a little boy than baby.
Toni came out with Maxi and they switched children. "Oh, Jacky! Where are your curls?"
"Cut off," he said, proud of the fact.
"I saved a curl for you, Ma’am," Anna said.
Max walked out into the garden with Maxi and Toni told Anna that Terry was coming and they would be going back to London for awhile. She hugged Jacky and told him his Daddy was coming. Jacky wanted to get down and go find him, so she walked with him through the garden and out to the front of the house, explaining that he wasn’t there yet. She watched her son concentrating and smiled. He was trying to contact Terry and she hoped he had that line of communication open.
Terry had, in fact, just landed in Marseilles and as he stood on the tarmac he knew Jacky was contacting him and he opened his mind to him. It caught him in the chest, wanting to hold that little boy close.
He let him know he was only a couple hours away and would be there soon to take him home. Home, he thought. What would it be like without Toni? He dreaded walking though the door. Something else bothered him, too. Jacky was old enough to want to know why his mother wasn’t coming with them. What could he tell him, that he’d given her away? He thought about what Dino had said when he told him what he’d done. He’d just looked at him for a long time and said, "You’re one stupid, fucking bastard and you’re going to be sorry for the rest of your life." And he was, he thought.
He collected his luggage and went to pick up the car he’d leased.
Max was out front, sitting on the steps watching Jacky when Terry arrived. He’d picked up a few toys in Paris for him and brought them out with him from the car. Jacky ran to him and was taken up in his arms and given a big hug and a kiss. Then it was all about the bag of toys.
Max watched the two of them together for awhile, thinking he’d be glad when Maxi got old enough to do things with. He wandered over to the wall and leaned against it.
"I could have just sent a bag of toys," Terry said, joining him.
"You could have," Max grinned.
Jacky came over to show his Uncle Max what he had and he commented on it.
"I hope it’s not going to be a problem taking Anna back to London."
"No, I don’t think so. Ludivine helps out some. She’s the official Nana around here. She and Duflot never had any children so Maxi is doted upon, and so is Jacky. They are not treated differently here. I’m going to miss him." He ran his hand over Jacky’s short hair. "Gave himself a haircut this week."
"I noticed. Looks like he’s grown a foot."
"We may have to do something later about another nanny with the baby coming. Got to move the house around some, too. I’m thinking about refurbishing the attics. It was a nursery and playroom at one time in the past."
"Jack’s baby…how’s she doing with the pregnancy?"
"She’s doing well, no problems at all. It’s Toni’s baby and will be mine as well when it’s born. Jack won’t be around that often. She’s a good mother to Maxi and Jacky. Being pregnant with a baby to care for already is quite a job but she’s taken it on without question."
"She had no choice, did she?"
"No, but I don’t think what you did would have made a difference to her. She would have taken him regardless of whether she was with me or you. I wonder if you would have taken my son as I’ve taken yours in."
"Of course I would have, Max."
"But not Jack’s?"
Terry sighed, "I would have…."
"But you didn’t. Well, that’s all water under the bridge now. How long do you think you’ll keep him?"
"As long as I can. You’re welcome to come and visit anytime. I know she won’t want to."
"No, she won’t…there’s the cottage. She’s mentioned Virginia but I think we may give that a miss this year, at least until the baby’s born."
"We were supposed to go this summer." Terry looked out across the yard.
"Nothing stopping you from going, is there?"
"It’s Toni’s house."
"Do you really think she’d mind, Terry?"
"Probably not. Where is she?"
"She was feeding Maxi when I came out. Jacky wouldn’t stay in because he knew you were coming."
"Okay if I…."
Max smiled and chuckled, "Terry, go in and see her. I’ll watch my little buddy here."
Part 5
Toni was spooning baby food into Maxi’s little mouth while he banged a spoon on the high chair tray. She sensed she was being watched and turned her head, expecting Max. It was Terry who stood in the doorway.
"Hi," she said and smiled, her attention being brought back to the baby.
"He sure has changed. How old is he now?"
"Seven months next week. Did you just get here? Where’s Jacky?"
"Out front with Max,. Yeah, I’ve been here for maybe thirty minutes. I brought Jacky some toys so he’s busy. Where’s Anna?"
"We gave her a break. She’s gone into Bonnieux. I imagine she needed it after a week with these two. How long are you staying?"
"Just until tomorrow. I made the fight arrangements before I left the airport."
"You haven’t been home since…."
"No. I’m not sure it’s still home. That’s something I have to deal with."
"I haven’t been there. Max offered to take me but I said no."
"So all your things are still there. What do you want me to do with them?"
"You sent me a case full of my treasures and things I’d want. There’s nothing else. Donate them to charity or something."
"I’ve got to talk to Jacky. I’m sure he won’t understand why you aren’t coming with us."
"Better you than me." Toni stood up and got a wet towel to wipe Maxi’s face and hands. "Sorry, I don’t mean to be like this but there it is." She looked up at him, anger swelling up. "Tell him his mother’s a slut and you can’t live with her." She pulled Maxi out of his chair.
"Toni…."
"I’m sorry, Terry, but now that the initial pain is gone I alternate between anger and self pity. I will never understand what you did and I will never forgive you. Thank God for Max, who loves me regardless of what I am."
"You are a beautiful woman inside and out. You were a loving wife when I didn’t deserve it. You’re a good mother and I am a fool. Go ahead, throw it at me. I can take it."
Toni had to sit down. "Oh, God, Terry."
He realized what he’d said and bit his lip. "I’m sorry."
"No…it’s okay. I, uh…need to, um…." She felt it coming. She had to get out of there.
"Let me take him." Terry took Maxi from her. "I didn’t mean to open that up. It just came out. I don’t need to stay tonight. I can go into Bonnieux…Toni…."
She took a breath and raised her head. "I’m okay. No, you stay tonight. We have to look this thing in the eye and deal with it. It’s not going away. There are going to be things daily that come up. I just have to…."
Terry walked to the back door and closed his eyes. Deal with it. Well, he had to deal with it, too. He remembered that thing they used to say to one another just before they would come together. Could he take it now? That was a question he didn’t have an answer for.
"Jacky’s going to need some things. He’s grown so. I, ah, bought some things in Paris for him but shoes. I needed him with me for those so you’ll have to see about shoes and, um, he’s wearing pull ups now, not diapers, so you’ll have to get in a supply of those. I thought we might start potty training soon. I bought him a potty but only Joe uses it."
"Joe, his monkey," Terry smiled a little. "I guess I’m going to get reacquainted with Jacky. I’d left so much to you and Anna. I don’t think I’ve ever taken him shopping before. That should be a trip. Toni, I’m so sorry for everything."
"I should heat up dinner. Ludivine’s left something lovely in the oven. I’m sure Max is starved."
"Who is starved?" Max came in. "Me?"
"Yes, you," Toni said. "Jacky?"
"Making mountains and valleys with the hall rug for his trucks to ride over."
Toni wondered how much he’d heard of the kitchen conversation but it really didn’t matter. He would have stepped in if he thought he needed to. "I’ll leave you two to babysit," she smiled and went over to the stove.
Max had heard Terry say he was sorry for everything, and well he should be, he thought. "Do you want me to take him?" he asked.
"No, he’s good. Healthy boy." Terry patted Maxi’s back.
"He’s a little porker, likes his food. Toni, has Jacky eaten?"
"No, he’s going to sit at table with the big folks tonight and hopefully show his father that he knows what to do." Toni thought it would be good for Terry to take some hands-on training with Jacky and not leave it all to Anna. That was one thing she worried about with Jacky going with him.
Max shuddered. He’d seen what Jacky could do with food. "Maybe I should eat first."
"That bad, is it?" Terry asked.
"You’re in for it, Terry. That’s all I’m going to say. We’ve had the benefit of Anna, however with two here, we’ve had the benefit of Jacky, too." Max smiled and picked up a tomato from the table.
"Don’t eat that now," Toni said. Placing plates on the table she took it from Max and put it back in the bowl.
Jacky called his Daddy to come and look and Terry walked into the hallway with Maxi. Max came over to Toni and put his arms around her while she stirred something on the stove. "Are you okay?"
"Yes, I can look it in the eye. Sometimes it stares me down but I get back up."
He kissed her neck. "You’re a strong woman. Don’t ever forget that, and I’m here for back-up, more if you need it."
"I always need you." She put the spoon down and turned in his arms.
Terry had just walked to the door and seeing them, he turned, wanting to run, run as fast and as far as he could. He went into the living room with Maxi and sat down on the sofa. She was happy with Max. Why shouldn’t that make him happy, too? He should be happy for her and he was…he was. Coming here to the chateau had been a mistake. He knew that now. He should have just gone back to London and let Anna bring Jacky over. What made him think he could bear to see her in Max’s arms?
He shifted Maxi, finding a toy on the floor, and gave it to him to play with. He thought about the time they were all in Virginia for Toni’s grandmother’s funeral. She’d been with Max then. It was summer and his season but he’d wanted her, could hardly sit in the car with her for wanting to touch her. He’d already been using his element on her, putting fire in her veins, fire for him. He didn’t see it now, though. Max had taken care of that, but then he told him he would…and she was at peace.
"Terry, dinner’s on the table!" she called down the hall.
"What time is your flight?" Max asked and lit a cigarette for Terry.
"Early. We need to be out of here by seven in the morning. I shouldn’t have come, Max, should have just gone onto London."
"You haven’t been home yet, have you?"
"No."
"After Connie died and the funeral and everything that happened after that, a week later they called me to come pick up her ashes. I had to drive them in the back seat of my car. I called Toni and we talked, but I came over here alone with the ashes because Aubrey wanted to bury them and I wanted to…to enter the house alone. I had to lay her ghost. I wanted so much for Toni to be here with me but this I had to do alone.
"As I went through the house I didn’t find anything of Connie. You see Ludivine and Penny had been in and cleared her out. All her things were gone. There was nothing to say she’d been here except the nursery. You might think that made it easier but it didn’t. I wanted to...bloody hell…to grieve, to feel the loss when I went about the house to see things that she’d placed but there was nothing. Nothing but emptiness, a hollow feeling, nothing of her except the box of ashes on the hall table."
"You think I should go home alone? Toni’s things are still there. She said she hadn’t been back to the house in Battersea. There was nothing she wanted from the house."
"I can’t answer that for you, Terry. I know had I walked in here and found Connie’s gown across the bed, a hairbrush, I probably would have come apart for awhile and then I would have picked myself up and got on with it. There wasn’t the opportunity to gradually let go. Just like her death it came hard and fast. It will be different for you."
"Yeah, it will be. I may not want to purge the house of Toni. There’s Jacky to think of. He still has a mother who’s very much alive. But she won’t be living there. He’s too young to understand. I think I will tell him she’s going to stay with his Uncle Max and look after Maxi. Later when he’s older I’ll try and explain."
"I’d like to hear that one. How do you tell a kid you gave his mother to your brother?"
"Christ, Max…it wasn’t quite like that."
"No, I understood your reasons for what you did, but I think you did it in the heat of the moment. If you’d thought about it, used your head instead of letting your emotions drive you, you would never have left Toni and sent her to me."
"You’re right, mate, I wouldn’t have. But it’s done." Terry stamped out his cigarette.
"Yes, it is done and don’t ever think for a moment that I’ll send her back."
"I wouldn’t expect you to. She’s content. I want her to stay that way. What will you do about Jack?"
"Do? I don’t expect to do anything. He can see her whenever he wants to and the baby is his. I won’t deny him that. He loves her as you do, as John does, but I won’t make the mistake you did and share her around."
"I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I think I might take that early flight if you’ll give me at least 24 hours to come to terms with what I’ve got to face."
"Take as much time as you need. There’s no hurry. I can make sure Jacky and Anna get on a plane when you’re ready."
"Peace…Toni said she was at peace." Terry leaned his head back and looked up at the stars.