By the time Jack came upstairs to find me Alfred had been and a fire was burning nicely in the fireplace. Alfred was an elderly man and like Uncle Charles, much scarred about his hands. Another man of the sea.

Jack came in and looked around the room and then came to me and took me in his arms and kissed me. “I love you.”

“I love you too. I’m beginning to wonder if this is all a dream

“No dream, my dear. This will be your life here.”

“I don’t know if I’m up to it. I never expected anything this grand.”

“It’s only a house. We’ve never been much for formality here.” He took a breath, “This was my grandfather’s room.”

“Is that him over the fireplace?”

“That was his father.”

“Your parents never lived here?”

“My father did. He grew up in this house….My mother was here but a short time.”

I caught something there. “You’ve never talked to me about your parents, about your father.”

“You’ll probably hear it anyway. My mother was married to Uncle Charles. He was away at sea most of the time. My father…ran the estate. They fell in with each other. Uncle Charles was of a mind to kill him and he fled with her to America. Uncle obtained a divorce charging her with adultery. They married a year before I was born.”

“We all have our families don’t we?” I pressed my hand on his arm.

“I was reluctant to marry, Ellie, for fear a wife could not stand the strain of being alone so much of the time.”

“You weren’t exactly reluctant with me. Arranged it all and then told me. I was shocked, Jack.”

“It was only a matter of convenience at the time. I fully expected you to divorce me.”

“Too bad, you’re stuck with me.”

He smiled and pulled me to him. “I don’t mind at all.”

“That story you told me about a lost love, was it true?”

“It was true.”

“I can’t imagine it. What was her name?”

“Ellen Martin. She married him in the end but was much tore up about it. He took her to America. He was a Stanley, James Stanley.

“James Stanley.” I moved away from him suddenly cold.

He stared at me. “How do you know him?”

James Stanley was…however many greats ago…my grandfather. Oh, dear God, I’m my own grandmother.”

He shook his head and pulled me back. “It is not possible.”

“I stood at that garden gate in Savannah and looked through time at you. I connected with you. I felt your loss, your unhappiness, your aloneness. I was sad for you and in my own life I too was sad and unhappy and felt alone. Jack this is…mind bending. Two hundred years from now I won’t exist.”

“Ellie, you are here now in this life with me and our son. There is no other life.”

“I’m not so sure of that,” I smiled faintly. “I wouldn’t trade this one for any other, Jack. This is where I belong I know it now more than ever.” I kissed him and he held me closely.

I’m not sure he understood the full implication of what had been discovered. It was time I put 2011 firmly behind me. This was real…now…there was no other reality for me. I could forget man walked on the moon that horrible wars lay ahead. Forget the internet and cell phones. This was my life.

Jack took Molly, William and I on a tour of the house, past the numerous bedrooms, the sitting rooms and library, great dining room and the smaller family dining room. It was not all red and pink. Only the one reception room. The rest of the house harkened back to an older era.

The rain that had dampened us with its mist earlier in the morning now came down in earnest. The house provided enough rooms to find your own special space. Mine came with the second floor sitting room. Poor Alfred had followed us around waiting to see where he was to build another fire.

Uncle Charles had his bedroom moved to the first floor so that he might not have to navigate the steps. He spent much of his time in his own study by his fire with his great and aged dog. He said it was of indiscriminate parentage but I thought it might have some wolfhound in it somewhere along the line.

Molly was still in awe of the place and more so to find she was to be waited on by the servants. There were two young women I’d seen besides Maggie and we hadn’t been to the kitchen where the cook and kitchen maids resided. Later I would find they were all related to Maggie and that Alfred was in fact Maggie’s husband and Uncle Charles’s steward.

To be honest I have no idea what I’m supposed to do. Lady of the house could mean anything. The house seemed to run itself but I know this is not the case. I hope to make a friend of Maggie who I know can help me. Molly was just as lost as I was; never having stepped foot in such a house before. Chastain would prove to be the link because they all were taken by him.

In the pouring rain late that afternoon, Killick arrived with the wagon full of our belongings. A more bedraggled lot I’d yet to see.  Jack went to direct them with the trunks and I was left alone in Uncle Charles’s company.

“How did you marry him?”

“It was his idea.”

“Never thought he would. You’ve made a fine son with him. Where are ya from?”

“South Carolina.”

“You talk funny, odd…different.” He holds me with those piercing eyes but there is softness to them.

“You don’t mind me staying on here?”

“No, of course not. It’s your home.”

“It’s Jack’s home now. I just live here…me and dog.”

“What’s his name?”

“Dog.”

I smiled a little and looked down at the enormous stretched out sleeping animal.

“He didn’t turn out to bad, did he?”

“Jack?”

“Of course, Jack. I haven’t turned out anything else. I keep up with him and his exploits. He’ll make admiral one day…yes he will. You won’t keep him on land, you know that don’t you?”

“Yes, I know. I sailed across the sea with him. I know what he is.”

“That might make all the difference. You understand how it is with him and the saltwater.  You’re a comely young woman. I’ve congratulated him on his marriage and on the birth of his son.

“Tell me about your woman, Molly. Is she of good family?”

“Her family were fishermen out of Boston. I believe her husband was too before he got caught up in the war.”

“Is she much attached to that boy of hers?”

“Well, yes, of course she is, he’s her son.”

“One does not always follow the other. You ever wonder why Jack was sent to me at twelve years. He had two sisters and his mother didn’t have time for him. His father was worse. The lad needed guidance, discipline and purpose and he needed a proper education. His father owed me a debt and he paid it with Jack.

“You’ve married into a family of blackhearts, thieves and gypsies, my girl and heaven help you.”

“Have I got the best of the lot?”

“Ah, ha, ha, that you have. But Chastain may be the best yet.”

Uncle Charles held real affection for Jack. I liked him.

He shifted in his chair and rubbed his knee. I thought the rainy weather might aggravate his stump. What came next nearly floored me.

“I’ve a mind to do something about the lad, William. Jack thinks highly of him but he’s handicapped with his birth. The lad wants to be an officer…wants to follow in Jack’s footsteps. I’ve talked with him and find he’s an intelligent young man and a quick study.

“I propose to adopt the young lad…give him my name, take on his education…make an Englishman out of him…give him a gentleman’s place in the world. He won’t be satisfied with anything else. His ambition will twist him and won’t bear fruit. What do you say to that?”

I digested it a moment. “I think you’d better talk to his mother. She may have other plans for him. I know he wants to go to sea with Jack and she has more or less accepted that. Whether she wants him to bear your name and give him up to you is up to her.”

“If she does care for the boy as you say then what objection could she have? He’ll come to nothing but a common seaman as he is. Jack’s already started him on the course by putting him in school. He has his own son now.

“I know about boys that age. I’ve guided and near raised a hundred of them during my day.”

I know he means well and it is a very generous thing for him to offer. I can’t imagine what Molly will think of it.

Chapter 2

Molly came to me in my sitting room a day later red faced and visibly upset.

“The nerve of him.” She fumed and flounced about. “I know we’re not but common folk but to...to presume to take my son away from me. I’ve never heard the like. He even offered me coin for him…can you believe it?”

I winced, that was a bad move. “Is this about the adoption?”

“You knew and you never said?”

“He did mention to me that he’d like to give William a chance in the world. To educate him and by giving him his name then William could become an officer and you and I both know that’s what William wants. He wants to be like Jack.”

“Yes, I know he does and a finer example he won’t find but his uncle…Oh.”

“Did you have words with him?”

“I had my say.”

“He knows what he’s about, Molly. I know you want the best for William and so do I.”

“You’ve taken his side then…against me?”

“Not against you, Molly, you know I’d never do a thing like that. I’m thinking of what is best for William. It’s not like he’d be taking him away from you and sending him off cutting all communication. You’re still his mother and always will be. Hadn’t you rather see him in school than in service here at this house? He’s had a taste of it in Halifax and he’s hungry for more.”

She crossed her arms and went to the fireplace.

“Is it the name…is that it?” I asked.

“He’s all I have left of his father. God bless him he’ll turn in his grave at the thought of it.”

I went to her and slipped an arm around her waist. “Well, Molly, you don’t have to do it. This is all rather sudden, I think. How did you leave it with Uncle Charles?”

“Not very good, I’m afraid he may toss me out of here.”

“He won’t do that…he can’t.”

“I’d like to talk to the Captain about it.”

“Of course.”

I didn’t say anything but Jack and I had already discussed it. He was trying to stay out of it but he agreed with his uncle’s idea. He’d like to see William have the opportunities that the Treadwell name would open up for him. Something else he said:

“He doesn’t have anything, Ellie. He’s no longer able to command a ship. He hasn’t any family except me and I’m pretty well finished. It would breathe life into him again to have a lad he’s responsible for and William would benefit.”

All that said I understood Molly’s pride had been bruised.

In the end, Molly did not agree to the adoption but she did allow Uncle Charles to educate him.

In less than a week, Uncle Charles, being himself, took the boy to Bristol and enrolled him in school as William H. Treadwell. Apparently no one questioned his name and Uncle was satisfied for now.

The day Uncle and William left for Bristol; I took my canvas bag of tulip bulbs outside to find a place to plant them. Jack came with me into the gardens. It was the first time I’d been able to explore the grounds due to daily rain.

There was a formal garden near the house but haphazardly tended. A knot garden filled with herbs and medicinal plants. Jack said I could plant anywhere but these were special bulbs to me and I wanted a special place for them.  What had begun as a joke was a joke no more. I was putting down roots.

Beyond the formal garden was a walled garden and in the middle of it was a shallow pool gone dark green with years of debris. The garden hadn’t been touched in decades. The bones were there and still visible. I looked up at Jack.

“I’ll plant them here and next spring this is where you’ll find me but one thing I’ll ask you to do…remove the gate.”

He looked down at me with a smile, “That I will do.”

With his help we cleared out an area around a small statue of a little girl and I put in my bulbs.

With William away in Bristol, Molly was a little bereft. She helped me with Chastain but I noticed she spent a lot of time staring out windows.

“Molly, you’re not happy here are you?”

“Oh, no, Ella, its a perfect place in’t?”

“It is for me but I wonder if it is for you?”

“Ah, I feel useless. There’s nothing for me to do. They won’t have me in the kitchen and they hide the dusters.”

I grinned at her, “You’re a lady now, Molly.”

“Is this what they do?”

“I wouldn’t know. I’m still feeling my way around too.”

Killick was here looking after Jack’s clothes and waiting table for him. I could understand Molly’s dilemma. She and I had worked together at the house in Halifax doing the cleaning and cooking. I’d put her in charge of the herb garden but in November there wasn’t much to do.

As the clouds parted one day there appeared in the drive a man on horseback. Molly and I were curious since he was the first visitor we’d had.  Jack invited him in but he wasn’t taken to the reception room, he was taken to Jack’s little office where he conducted the estate’s business.

We left my sitting room and contrived to have ourselves in the vicinity of the front door hoping to find out who he was. Dressed warmly we went out to the drive where he’d tethered his horse. I had Chastain and was showing him the horse when Jack and the man came back outside.

Jack made the introductions and he turned out to be Jack’s overseer or estate agent. He looked after the farm and the livestock. His name was John Coleman.

I’ll describe him as best I can. I’m sure Molly could do a better job of it. He was a few inches shorter than Jack and probably a few years older but not much. He wore his auburn hair long and tied back with a leather strap. Hazel eyes and dark brows in a tanned, squared face marked with a ready smile on his full lower lip. He was powerfully built and his brown leather breeches fit him well.

He doffed his hat and bowed slightly to us. I couldn’t help but notice his quick assessment of Molly. That unmistakable up and down glance men do so well. It hasn’t changed in 200 years. He spoke well but with a different accent from Jack’s. I would find out later he was Scottish.

Jack took Chastain from me and we started for the house. Molly lagged behind casting another glance over her shoulder. He sat on his horse watching her and gave another little dip of his hat before he turned and rode off.

Of course we pumped Jack dry for information about him. He wasn’t married as far as he knew and that was the most important thing…it really was. Jack raised an amused eye at Molly who turned scarlet.

Over the next week John Coleman found he needed to discuss business with Jack several times. Each time Molly would make sure she was somewhere near; whether passing him in the hallway with a smile or even opening the door for him. She kept her thoughts to herself but they were written all over her. She’d begun to do her hair up in a different manner and pay particular attention to her appearance.

“Is there something wrong on the estate?” I asked Jack one evening as we were getting ready to retire.

“No, why do you ask?”

“Well…your overseer has been here three times in as many days and we didn’t see him for two weeks when we first came here.”

“He wasn’t aware I was here. There are things we need to discuss. He’s dealing with me now instead of Uncle Charles.”

“Oh, I see.”

Jack moved over to unfasten the back of my dress. “I don’t suppose you are aware that there is a budding attraction between him and Molly," I said.

“I am not aware of any such thing.” He pushed my dress off my shoulders and reached around and cupped my breasts sending an electric shock all the way to nether land. I leaned against him letting him explore at will. Molly and her would be suitor were soon forgotten.

He did reveal to me much later that John had asked about Molly. Now why couldn’t he have said something? He knows how I am and Molly would surely want to know about that.

One cold day at the end of November John showed up at the door, not for Jack, but for Molly. I stood on the staircase with Chastain. She had her landsman. It would only be a matter of time now.

“Do y’know,” she says later, “he asked the Captain if he might call on me. You’d think he’d have the decency to say, wouldn’t you?”

I laughed, “Not Jack, that man can keep a secret.”

He might be good at keeping some secrets but he wasn’t very good at keeping things from me. I noted how he prowled around the house on sodden days. He was restless and my heart pained me to think of what was going to come. We’d been together for two months now. It was the longest we’d been together in a single stretch since we married and I’d gotten used to him being there.

The news of the war was as distant as smoke on the horizon. I was not reading the news as carefully as I had been in Halifax but I did read that British forces had invaded France. This coming on a defeat of Napoleon in October at Leipzig would mark the beginning of the end for Napoleon. In America there was much victory and defeat evenly distributed. There was already talk of sending the Royal Navy fleet to America to put this war to rest. I carried that around inside of me like a wound that wouldn’t heal.

The first week in December, Stephen arrived to spend a few days with us. I soon found out he’d come for Jack. I’m not aware of Stephen’s connections in London, what they may be or who with. I do think he’s more than he appears. He’s a first rate surgeon and I can attest to that. However, I’ve been a privy to his conversations around the fire with Jack for some time. I just may be possible that he’s involved in some sort of intelligence work.

I still think if Molly’d set her cap for him, she’d have him.

We were at the dinner table.

“Admiral who did ya say?” Uncle Charles asks.

“Admiral Cockburn, Sir,” Stephen answers.

Uncle turns to Jack, “Ain’t he the sonovabitch that give you that old tub Leonard?”

“Yes, he was.” Jack reaches for his glass.

“He’s become fat in London. Ain’t been to sea since he got a splinter in his foot off the coast of Africa.”

Jack and Stephen exchange an amused look.

“I’ll write him a letter…no more Treadwell’s for the Yanks to butcher up.”

“I’m not sure that’s necessary, Uncle.” Jack gives him a steady look.

“I’ll decide what’s necessary.” Jack gets one steady look back.

Chapter 3

Stephen and I finally found a corner where conversation was possible.

“How are you keeping here, Ella?”

“I’ve fallen into it rather quickly you’d think I was to the manor born.” I chuckled.

“I believe you could get on most anywhere. How’s ah, how do you get on with Admiral Treadwell?”

“Very well, Stephen, I think we took each other’s measure right of the bat. We get on fine. Jack gave me plenty of warning about him. I find if I don’t back down and look him in the eye he appreciates it. Molly’s learned to do the same with him.”

I told him about Uncle’s plans for William. “He wanted to adopt him but Molly wouldn’t agree. He’s enrolled him in school under the name Treadwell.”

Stephen laughed. “He’s a stubborn old salt, Ella. How is Molly taking to Seacroft?”

I smiled a little, “She’s coming along nicely. She’s met the overseer…a landsman, as she calls him. He comes over frequently to see her.”

“Good, that’s good for her.”

“Just out of curiosity, Stephen, and it’s none of my business but…had you ever any thoughts for Molly?”

He sighed, “Thoughts…well…yes.” He smiled broadly. “Truth, Ella, I am too much caught up right now to be thinking of anyone like Molly.”

I looked across the drawing room where Jack sat near his uncle who had Chastain on his lap. Molly was ready to take him upstairs and waited patiently for Uncle to release him.

“I don’t suppose you can tell me where Jack’s going?”

“I don’t suppose I can. He’ll go back to London with me and receive his orders and a ship. He’ll tell you when he can.”

“Will Uncle Charles letter writing make a difference?”

“None.”

My heart sank.

“Napoleon is on his way out…in America they are still hotly slinging bullets and cutlasses. I guess I know where he’s going.”

“Don’t be so sure.” He said quietly and stood up to have a go with Chastain before Molly took him upstairs.”

Upstairs I’d helped Jack take off his boots. “You don’t have to be so happy about it.”

“I’m sure I don’t get your meaning.” Thump the boot went.

“Oh, the quick step, the light in your eyes at the mere thought of a ship.” Thump went the other one.

“That’s all for you, my dear.”

“You lie so well.” I step between his knees. “Maybe I should sprout sails.”

“And where would you sprout…here?” He grabs my bottom. “Or here?” Breasts next.

“In the middle of my back to leave my good parts free.”

He falls back on to the bed bringing me with him. “You don’t need sails, Ellie.”

I look into his eyes. “Ride me like waves.”

His eyes widen. “By God, I will.”

He knows his seas; he knows just how to guide the prow to get the most out of his ship.

He know how to set his sails, when to turn the wheel.

He knows when it’s beat to quarters, when the time is near, when the fuse is lit and when the cannon’s hot…let fly.

Jack and Stephen left for London two days later with Killick in tow. I had expected his sea chest to go with him but it remained for now.

We were now two weeks from Christmas and I began thinking what we might do. I explained to Molly about how we celebrated Christmas by decorating the house with greenery and about a Christmas tree. She’d never heard of such a thing for trees would not be used until Queen Victoria sat the throne. I thought I might be pushing it with a tree but with the help of John Coleman we went about the property in an open wagon and gathered up greenery.

Of course Maggie was aghast at me bringing in branches and trailing vines into the house. Uncle Charles wanted to know what the Hades I was doing. Decorating, I told him.

I loved the smell of fresh cut cedar, pine and ivy. Huge vases of holly with red berries adorned the tables. Uncle Charles asked if we were dropping back to medieval times and was I going to put rushes on the floor.

“Only in your quarters, Admiral. The scent would be an improvement.”

He cackled and poked the fire with his walking stick.

I was beginning to worry that Jack would not be here for Christmas. William was home for two weeks and what a change in him. He was quite the gentleman, attending us ladies, speaking properly and discussing science and astrology with Uncle Charles. I could see right away this would be an educational holiday for William. But William needed it; he needed all that could be crammed into his head and digested in quick time. He was down for the Naval College in Portsmouth as soon as he passed his examinations.

As I said there was a change in William. He’s a quick study and in other times I could imagine he’d make a great actor. He had adapted the ways of the boys he was in school with and his speech definitely had a clipped edge to it.

Molly glowed around him. “He’s a proper gent in’t he?”

John Coleman was at the house at luncheon one day. He was invited to join us in the informal dining room by Uncle Charles. Uncle was familiar and comfortable around John due to years of association. Molly introduced William to him and he was civil and guarded.

Later I asked William what he thought of John Coleman.

“He’s a landsman isn’t he?” That seemed to sum up his opinion of him.

“He and your mother have become quite good friends. How do you feel about that?”

He looked across at me, “She’ll do as she wants.”

It simply did not matter to him. He was scheduled for the wide blue yonder and could hardly wait for it to come. I knew one day I’d be looking across at him in a blue coat and white trousers of the Royal Navy. I still remembered the little boy in the too-small boots with the toes cut out. William Hutchins was fast fading and William Treadwell was taking his place.

Chastain was crawling and trying to pull up. He was most successful at the bottom of the stairs where he would stand up and before he could get a knee up someone would whisk him away to find a better place to explore. Uncle Charles said to let him crawl about at will and we did but always either Molly and I or one of the maids would be following him to make sure what he found in his explorations was safe.

Jack arrived home on Christmas Eve. I’d given up on him making the holiday. It was well into seven o’clock in the evening.

Stating the obvious I met him in the hall and grabbed him around the neck in his blue cloak.

“You made it, you made it home for Christmas.”

He kissed me, his lips cold from the wind howling outside. Stephen came in behind him and I hugged him too. I was overjoyed as it looked as though we’d have a real celebration. A feast was planned for the next day.

Killick took their cloaks and Jack picked up Chastain and carried him to the drawing room. William was there and shook their hands. I hovered about wanting him all to myself but I really need to grow out of that. Uncle Charles came step-clumping into the room and loudly greeted him He wanted to know if he’d got a ship and where he was going.

“I will tell you later,” Jack put him off.

“You’ll tell me now.” Uncle would not be put off.

Jack was standing in front of the fire with Chastain and he looked at me a moment.

“I’ve got the Phoebe. She’s in Portsmouth. Came in September from Halifax and has been refitted.”

“Phoebe…well, a much celebrated ship. She was at Trafalgar with Nelson. A 36 gun fifth-rate frigate. Where’re ya bound for?”

“Um, patrolling for now.”

“Ah, well, England I hope?”

“Yes, Sir, for now.”

Twice he’d said it. “Jack, they’re not sending you back to Halifax are they?”

He shook his head. He was being awfully cagey and I knew there was more but he didn’t want to say. Uncle knew it too and let the matter drop. He greeted Stephen and the conversation turned to other matters.

A yoke of fear wore heavy on my shoulders.

Maggie served a late dinner as we were all going to the village church for midnight services.  As we walked to the dining room Jack noticed the greenery draped around portraits and up the banister and around mirrors.

“Is this your Christmas?”

“It’s our Christmas. It’s how it will be.”

He looked up at a portrait of his grandfather in his naval uniform with a sprig of holly crowning his head and smiled. “Ours…yes it is.”

After dinner I took Chastain up to get him ready for bed and to get myself dressed in warmer clothes for the trip to church. Jack followed me and lay down on the bed while I changed Chastain into his night clothes and diaper.

“What is it you can’t tell me?” I asked.

He was playing with Chastain making a job of the changing. “I will be patrolling until a convoy is ready.”

“Ready for where…where is this convoy going. It’s not like I’ve got anyone to tell is it?”

“Don’t mention it to William. He’s a schoolboy and will talk.” Chastain now diapered was standing up pulling at Jack’s hair.

“Brazil and the East Indies.”

I sat down on the side of the bed. “That’s on the other side of the world. You won’t be coming home for lunch will you?”

“No, my love, I won’t be coming home for some time.”

“Define…some time.”

“I cannot say exactly. My final orders will be opened when I am well on my way.”

“Hazard a guess…month, two…year.”

“Maybe as much as a year.”

The breath went out of me. I dropped my head onto my chest.

He sat up with one arm around Chastain and the other he put around me and held me to him. “It is the nature of the service.”

“Nature of the beast.”

“Yes.”

“I can’t bear it.” But I would bear it. I, like hundreds of thousands of service wives through the decades who watched their men walk away, would still stand. It hurt.

“You won’t mind then if I attach myself to you while you’re here.”

“No, I won’t mind, Ellie.”

“How long?”

“Two days. I’m to board a schooner in Bristol and meet up with Phoebe in Portsmouth.”

“I can come to Bristol.”

“You can come to Bristol, Uncle Charles can accompany us. It’s not easy for me to be separated from you. I love you, Ellie.”

Chapter 4

We had Christmas and it’s a good thing I’d planned it all out beforehand because I wasn’t worth a plugged penny for anything. I couldn’t have planned a trip to the next room. We had our fest at 4:00 and afterward Jack and Stephen provided the entertainment. Stephen had a cello stored at Seacroft. His sea chest had already gone to Portsmouth direct from London.

I couldn’t look at him playing his violin for a long time. I watched William and Molly. I watched Uncle Charles who closed his eyes while he listened. When I did look up Jack played staring at the floor and occasionally closing his eyes. Music took him somewhere else above the rest of us, away from the pain of separation, away from the gory of war to a place of joy. I wanted to go there with him.

While they were playing Maggie showed John Coleman into the room. William thoughtfully got up from the settee where he was sitting by his mother and John sat down beside Molly.

The next piece they played was a little more lively. I was glad for it because I was very emotional. I had a river full of tears dammed up in my eyes. The little dainty handkerchief I had tucked up in my sleeve had been damp all afternoon. What I needed was a roll of paper toweling and a private corner. That would come later…without the paper products.

It was a moment before I realized Jack had spoken to me and the music had stopped. I too had closed my eyes trying to get to that place of joy.

“Ellie, you play piano…play something.”

Play something? Oh, good gravy…now? In my state? I sat down at the piano and tested the keys a little. What could I play…it was Christmas Day. I played Silent Night. I went through it once and then began to sing the words I knew so well. Jack picked up his violin and began to accompany me and Stephen soon joined in. A song they’d never heard…music that was strange to them. I continued on playing every carol I knew how to play. It was a release I needed. I finally hit on something they all knew; Greensleeves. Even Uncle Charles hummed along.

A musical evening at Seacroft. It went well.

The room began to break up. Molly and John went to the reception room. William upstairs to read a book Uncle had lent him. Stephen went up with Jack and I to my sitting room carrying his cello. Jack poured us a glass of port.

“As Christmas’s go I’d say this has been the most enjoyable I’ve ever had.”

“I agree,” Stephen accepted a glass. “I didn’t know you were musical, Ella.”

“I’m no anywhere near where you and Jack go. I play for fun.”

“So do we.” Jack sat beside of me.

“I’m glad it all turned out well. It really has been a good day.” I took a good drink from my glass.

“The Admiral used to play violin didn’t he?” Stephen asked.

“He did play but his hands have become so stiffened now he can’t play. Shame really for he enjoyed it so.”

Jack felt for my hand and laced his fingers with mine. We played hands while we talked. The port was warm in my throat. I began humming a tune.

“What’s that?” Jack asked.

“It’s called the Christmas Song.” I began to softly sing it:

“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…”

Stephen picked up his bow and began to quietly play along. Jack watched with a little smile on his lips and a soft blue gaze for me. When I finished he kissed me.

“Well done, Ellie.”

“Well, I’ll take that as my invitation to leave you two alone. Good night, Ella.” Stephen kissed my cheek and left closing the door behind him.

“You sing very well.”

“I don’t, I can barely carry a tune. I’m all over the place.”

“You have a beautiful voice, soft and genuine.”

“Genuine.”

“You sang that for me.”

“I did.”

“I can hardly believe it sometimes. Believe that you…and where you came from…that you came to me. I can’t believe you’re mine.”

“You made me yours from the first time I saw you. I think sometimes I love you too much. It makes me afraid.”

“No…no fear. We cannot be afraid. Do not fear it.”

“I think…it’s time we sent Dotty on her way upstairs and claimed our bedroom.”

He smiled, “I think you are right.”

Chastain is a good baby boy. He sleeps soundly.

The next morning when he woke Jack reached over and put him in the bed with us. We lay there for quite awhile as Chastain crawled over his father and played with him. Precious moments.

We have a hip bath in our bedroom behind a curtain. Hot water was brought up by Killick while I still lounged in the bed. Jack got in the bath with Chastain. I sat with my arms wrapped around my knees and watched my men bathe. I supplied towels and took Chastain and dried and dressed him. I would have liked to do the same with his father but he’d already told me not to start.

I got in and took my bath and dressed for the day. Jack had taken the baby with him downstairs and was in talking to his uncle when I came down. I joined Stephen in the small dining room for breakfast. Molly joined us too and I noticed something about her. She was about to burst with something.

“What is it, Molly, I know something is up?”

“Oh, Ella, I shouldn’t say.”

“Shouldn’t say what?” Stephen asked.

“It’s just that…now is not the time.”

“All right,” I put down my knife and fork. “Out with it.”

“John’s asked me to marry him.” She spit it out in one word.

“That’s rather sudden,” Stephen said.

“I suppose it is but, well, it seems right somehow. It’s as though we’ve known each other for a long time even if it’s only been a month.”

“Congratulations, Molly. I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you, Ella. I knew you’d understand.”

“Does Jack know?” I asked.

“Well, John told him he was going to ask me and he seemed to think it was all right if we wanted it.”

“He never said a word to me…Oh!”

“Never said a word about what?” Jack breezed in and planted a kiss on the top of my head before heading for the sideboard.

“That John was asking Molly to be his wife. Now he’s done it.”

“Did he?” Jack turned and smiled at Molly.

“Yes, Captain, he did and I said yes.”

“I will say this about John; he doesn’t waste time when he’s made up his mind about something. He’s a fine fellow.”

I sat back in my chair. It was a morning like any other. Chatter around the table, Molly’s good news, Maggie refilling the dishes on the sideboard, laughter, and upstairs Killick was preparing Jack’s sea chest, laying out his coat and ironed shirt. I swallowed it down with my coffee like bad medicine. I had to.

Breakfast was over and Jack spent some time talking with William. They talked of his school and of the academy in Portsmouth. Jack told him a little of what to expect there. Should he acquit himself well he should be at sea by the age of 15. A good age for a midshipman.

Stephen borrows a horse to ride into Bristol. There’s a stop he wants to make. We say good bye.

Jack glances at me and then goes upstairs. He’s going to change his shirt, put on his neck cloth and his coat. Killick has already loaded his sea chest in the boot of the carriage that Alfred has parked out front. I pick up my cloak from a bench in the hall and then put it back down. I can’t go up there and keep my composure. Uncle Charles comes from his rooms. He’s dressed in his uniform. It transforms him. I can imagine him as a young man. He stops and stares at me for what seems like a long time.

“He’s going,” he says.

“Yes,” I answer simply.

“There won’t be any hysterics will there?”

“No…not right away. I may wait until I get back here.”

A smile plays around his mouth. “Good woman.”

I don’t want any sympathy, any coddling, any comfort and he doesn’t offer.

Killick comes down carrying Jack’s cloak. I pick mine up again. I’m not sure what to do. Uncle Charles takes it from my hands and spreads it around me fastening the clasp at my neck.

“He won’t be standing around when he comes down…best be ready.”

He says good-bye to Chastain and to Molly who stops at the head of the stairs. Quickly now he descends the stairs rejects the cloak Killick is holding and comes to me taking my hands, looking over my shoulder at his uncle.

“We’re away.”

He sits beside me in the carriage. Uncle is across from me. My shoulder pressed against him. A reverberation between us passing from one shoulder to the other…like a heartbeat. I stare out of the window. It’s a fair day…a good day for sailing. He takes my hand and I look back at him but we can’t look at each other. Oh, God, let his leaving be over.

His uncle asks about the prior captain’s of the Phoebe and they converse about the ones they know. I can’t hear the words only the vibration in my shoulder, the pulse of his hand in mine. It takes an hour to get to Bristol but once we are there at the docks it all goes very fast.

He steps down and hands me down from the Carriage. He accepts the cloak from Killick, looks around for someone to come for his chest. He’s back to me now, a long look, our lips touch. “I love you.” He says against my mouth.

I can’t bear it…yes I can. “I love you…hurry time.”

He steps back to the carriage and says good bye to Uncle Charles and tells him he’s leaving me in his care.

Killick has found seamen to take the chest to the ship. I see it out there now waiting for him. No more touching, he’s drawing away as he must.

“I’m away.”

“God go with you.”

I don’t know when Uncle got out of the carriage but he’s here now guiding me back to it.

“Do you want to stay and watch her sail out?”

“No.”

“Take us home, Alfred.”

Alfred recognizes the horse tethered near the docks and stops, tying it to the carriage. Once we are out of Bristol and on the lane. I turned to Uncle Charles.

“I want to ride. I want to ride the horse back to the house.”

He looks at me. Does he see how it is?

“Alfred, hold up. Ella’s going to ride.”

I didn’t have on a riding costume and my dress hiked up to my thighs but I covered myself with the cloak. I couldn’t get lost…there was only one road and I hoped the horse would understand. I cried aloud all the way to the second bridge and I let the horse run as fast as he wanted to. Once I saw the house I reigned him in and walked the rest of the way. I was spent and so was he.

Chapter 5

(The following events occurred, however, I have skewed the time frame for my story)

In late December Phoebe captured two American schooners. One was the Vengeance, an American letter of marquee and Hunter a privateer schooner.

A few days later, Phoebe was sailing in company with the 74 third rate HMS Elephant under command of Francis Austen, brother of the novelist Jane Austen. Together with Hermes. They captured the American privateer Swordfish out of Gloucester after a chase that lasted over a 100 miles.

Uncle Charles reads the paper to me. He sends Alfred into Bristol for it. I would like to say that he treats me with the utmost respect. He never said a word about my wild ride from Bristol back to the house after Jack left. I beat him home by at least twenty minutes and by then I was in the house and upstairs with Molly insisting I go to bed. I didn’t. I washed my face and changed my clothes and was down for supper.

“You’re all right, Ella,” he said to me.

I nodded in his direction.

At first I got several letters from Jack but it’s been awhile now. It’s almost better not to receive them because then I start waiting for the post each day. Getting my hopes up to have them dashed. They sailed out on 13 March from Portsmouth.

The banns have been posted. Molly and John Coleman are to be married 10 May.

On 6 July Phoebe, the sloop of war, Cherub and Raccoon sailed from Rio de Janeiro around Cape Horn to the Juan Fernandez Islands. There, Raccoon continued on to the fur trading outpost of Fort Astoria. Phoebe and Cherub remained to search for the 36 gun USS Essex. They were under orders to capture Essex “at all costs.”

Did I say…my tulips bloomed and they are love-red? I’ve spent the spring working in the garden. Molly comes over and helps when she can. I miss her terribly. Maggie has rounded up a spotty young relative of her’s to help me in with the digging and weeding.  We’ve cleaned out the pool and it’s still green. Pearce, the spotty young man, suggests we put fish in there to eat the algae. I’ve left him in charge of fish.

Chastain toddles around after me in the garden. I must say if it weren’t for this garden project I don’t know what I would have done with myself. The days are long. Uncle Charles clumps out here from time to time to check the progress. I seem always to be muddy and up to my knees in muck. I hardly look like the lady of the house.

I have a letter; he is in Valparaiso which is a neutral port. The Essex and her prizes, the ex British whaler Atlantic and her tender Essex Junior are anchored there and they are waiting for her to come out. It is 10 November and the letter is two months old.

I can’t say what his letters do to me. It takes me a while before I can read parts of it to Uncle Charles.  I write to him almost daily and send it off once a week. I have no idea when he receives them if he does at all. He has not said.

Napoleon has abdicated and the fleet has gone to America.

Having trapped Essex in the Harbor in Valparaiso the Cherub and Phoebe waited six weeks for her to come out. Every effort by her Captain Porter to escape was thwarted. Eventually he tried to break out of the harbor and a squall took off his main topmast. He attempted to return to the harbor but Phoebe and Cherub drove the Essex to a nearby bay and defeated her in a short intense engagement. They also captured her tender, Essex Junior and her prize Atlantic.

Phoebe had four men killed including her first lieutenant and seven men wounded. Cherub lost one killed and three wounded including her captain. The Americans reported a higher number of casualties than the 24 killed and 45 wounded reported in British papers.

Lieutenant Pearson of Phoebe commanded the prize crew that would sail Essex back to Britain.

“Does this mean he’s coming home?” I asked Uncle Charles.

He folded the paper and set it down on the table in the informal dining room.

“Couldn’t say. His orders have been fulfilled now. I imagine he’ll be heading home.”

I stirred my coffee cup.

“Ella, I’m not given much to praise. I’m sure you know that by now.” He fussed around his plate. “You’re a good wife for a sailor. You take it as it comes and go on. That’s the way it has to be. You don’t go about in tears and hysterics like some do. You’ve got spirit and stand up strong. You have to be, I know, but you have to be for him as well. He has a job to do and he does it damn well. He impresses me beyond all expectations. If he don’t get a promotion out of this I’ll be damned and shot.”

“Thank you, Uncle, but keep in mind that looks can be deceiving. I’m not all that strong. I need him. It’s his strength that sustains me while he’s gone.”

“Call it as you will. I know what I see.”

Christmas was upon us again and I went through the motions. It would not be the celebration we had the year before. Molly came over to help me decorate. I invited her and John for the Christmas feast. Can I say, Molly, is glowing. She is a far, far cry from the woman who showed up at Mrs. Chambers begging for kitchen scraps. She and John make a handsome couple. I am jealous because I’m alone.

I say I am alone but I’m not really. I carry Jack inside of me and have imaginary conversations with him. Chastain is talking. He calls Uncle Charles, Unny. I’ve taught him to say Dada although he has no idea who or what that is. Uncle Charles had a wooden horse made for him that rocks. He calls himself Chas.

“Chas, ont’s”

In January, Uncle Charles companion, Dog, passed in the night. He was much cut up about it and I left him alone in his rooms. He was a quiet man for a few days. He’d had Dog from a pup and he was 15 when he went.

William passed his examinations in January and after a brief visit home he left with Uncle Charles for the Naval College in Portsmouth. Molly came daily to see him while he was here but he did not go to her farmhouse but a mile down the road and up by the horse pastures. He thinks of Seacroft as his home. He’s William Treadwell now.

I got a letter from Jack and he was in Rio again taking on supplies before setting out for home. No word as to when we might expect him. The letter was dated 15 December. He mentions the Christmas we shared and longs to be home.

Molly is pregnant. I go often to see her. She’s having a bad spell with morning sickness. Oh, I remember it so well.

Chastain has had his second birthday. Hard to believe what has transpired since first I felt his movement in my belly. I was beneath Jack at the time. I want to be beneath him again…feel his weight on my body. I want him home.

We are in the garden, Chastain and I. I’ve made him a little garden of his own and he takes an old trowel and digs his holes and plants pebbles from the walk. Pearce, my no longer spotty, young helper is putting up a fence around the pond to keep Chastain out of it. I sit back on my heels and look up at the azure sky. Never are there any vapor trails. The only thing that flies are birds. It’s so peaceful here and quiet except for the noise we and nature make.

“That’s got it.” Pearce says.

“Oh, by the way, I asked my husband to remove the garden gate and he hasn’t done it. Would you mind since you’ve got the tools out?”

“I’ll do it, Ma’am.”

He gathers up his things and goes to the other side of the garden to the gate. I move to the little girl statue and notice sharp blades of tulips are pushing their way out of the soil. I’m thinking of the day Jack and I planted these tulips. I’m come all over with melancholy and sink down to my knees running a hand over the little girl. I take a corner of my gardening apron and wipe my eyes.

“This is not getting it done.” I tell myself and rise from the tulips.

Chastain is standing on the walk pointing. “Man.”

“That’s Pearce removing the gate.” I can hear him banging away at it.

“Man,” Chastain insists. I move around the pond to where he’s standing.

The gate goes flying away.

“Ahhh, ohhh…JACK!