Chapter 1

I had something to tell him and I was as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. I watched for his ship all morning and it was noontime before I saw it coming slowly into the harbor. I’d changed clothes twice and done my hair up rather fetchingly. Molly couldn’t stand my hopping about and finally left with William, complaining hotly, to go and pick the last of the windfall apples from the field. The dark threatening clouds above didn’t deter her. Better I suppose than watching me flit about. It was 3 October only one day after he said he’d be back.  It would take awhile before he came up the hill. I hoped the rain would hold off.

It was going four when he came up the hill alone. I didn’t wait to see Killick and help farther down with sea chests. Down the steps and out onto the road in front of the house. It was windy and my fetching hair went flying away tumbling down my back. It nearly reached my waist now. I could see his smile as he walked toward me and could stand it no longer I ran to him.

He caught me up and kissed me. “You shouldn’t be out here in the cold.”

“I couldn’t wait.”

We went upstairs and after the sea chest business was over and we were at last alone I got a proper kiss. The rain had started now, blowing hard against the windows. The room was cozy with the fire and I lighted my candles and lamps. Jack produced a good looking bottle of wine and poured out two glasses and invited me to sit and stop running about.

“You are even more beautiful than I remember.” He said.

I hoped he still felt that way after I told him my news.

“I have something to tell you. I’m…um…we…ah,” I took a breath and it all came out in a rush. “We’re going to have a baby. We’re pregnant.”

He looked at me a minute while it sunk in. “You are with child?”

I nodded. He smiled and looked away and then looked directly at me with love and he raised his glass. “Well done, Ellie.”

I could breathe again. I raised my glass to him. “Well done, Jack.”

He set his glass on the little table and held out his hand. I went to him and sat on his lap and he kissed me.

“Are you very much afraid?”

“I am, yes. I know it’s the most natural thing in the world to occur but it’s my first.”

“It is good you have Molly to take care of you.”

“At least she’s had one. Do you mind it, Jack? I know this is not a particularly good time to be having a baby.”

“Mind it? No, Ellie, I do not mind. When does he arrive?”

“HE?” I smiled and touched his face. “I’m thinking March. I can’t know for sure. I believe I got pregnant in June.”

“Well, that is some time away.”

“Yes.” I placed his hand on my stomach. “He’s not moved yet at least I don’t think so but it’s there…someone we made.”

He caressed me and his arms went around me and he kissed me deeply leaving me near breathless. I don’t know when I ever loved him more. I’d been so afraid he wouldn’t be pleased about a baby here…now, in this place. He took me to bed and loved me and while I still bore his weight I felt the baby’s first fluttering movement. Did he know his father was here?

So many times I’ve gone over our meeting in his Savannah garden. What if I hadn’t gone back for that last look? I was compelled to…I had to and look what it has brought. Would I go back to my modern world? Never.

Stephen received the news of our impending parenthood with an amused smile. 
“Well, it is a large cabin. If you give up your own privy we might be able to fit a cradle.”

Jack chuckled and said not likely would he need to. “However, I may have to look out other accommodations.” He looked over at Stephen. “We may be here for awhile.”

“Oh, what have you heard?” Stephen asked.

Jack looked at me for a moment and I knew he hadn’t told Stephen. “I suspect this war isn’t going to be over anytime soon. The Americans are seriously building ships, and fine ships they are too.”

We were tucked up in our room with Jack and Stephen facing each other at the fire and I sat at our table sipping watered down wine and working on a fine piece of embroidery work if I do say so myself. This would become a regular visiting time in the evenings after dinner. I loved to listen to their talk grown from long years of association.

I realized Jack was talking to me and I looked up. “Sorry, what did you say?”

“I asked what you were doing. You are very quiet and concentrating.”

“Oh,” I shrugged as if it was no big deal. “I’m working on a jacket…a bit of stitchery.”

“She couldn’t sew a stitch when I met her.”

“Does this mean you’ve become a sewing instructor now, Jack? Among his many accomplishments he sews a fine seam.”

“You sew?” I looked at Jack in amazement.

“Any seaman worth his salt sews or they’d have no clothes after awhile. Not many shops at sea.”

“There is so much about you I don’t know. But it was Molly who taught me, Stephen.”

“Except for your accent one would never suspect you for anything else but what you appear to be.”

“I don’t think much about it anymore…my other life. I had a moment when I found out I was pregnant and I don’t suppose it’s going to be a picnic having a baby here but other women do it and so I can too.”

“She’s a strong lass,” Jack smiled and stretched a little. I had to smile back because I knew he was thinking about me pinning him to the bed. Of course he’d let me.

What would you be doing if you were in your other life and pregnant?” Stephen asked.

“I was never pregnant there but I do know that I’d be going to the doctor once a month for a check-up. He’d be listening to the baby’s heartbeat, checking my blood pressure and my weight. They’d do some blood work and put me on vitamins. I’d be getting plenty of exercise and eating right.”

“Not much that can’t be done here, eh, Stephen?”

“If you will allow me to examine her from time to time. There’s not much to do until she’s ready to have the baby. I may inquire about a midwife.”

A midwife! I didn’t want to think about it.

“Of course, Stephen, she should have the best…she’s a very special lady.” Jack gave me a long look and I wondered what he was thinking. Most of the time I’m attuned to him but he has a way of looking at me that I can’t read. I’m comfortable with his love for me. I believe it goes deep.

It was a busy week for Jack. He brought in a prize he’d captured on the way back to Halifax and one he hoped would be attached to him. They were waiting on Vice Admiral Sawyer to come in and then the court martial of James Dacres would take place; scheduled for the 6^th of October. Captain Dacres should be in luck, I thought, because Jack would be sitting in judgment of him along with others. Jack told this little story about Captain Dacres:

“Before we arrived, 3rd Lt. Read was sent over on the Guerriere and asked for Captain Dacres, Captain Hull of the Constitution was anxious to meet him. ‘Commodore Hull’s compliments,’ he says, ‘and wishes to know if you’ve struck your flag?’

“Captain Dacres coolly looks up and down and dryly remarks, ‘Well, I don’t know; our mizzen-mast is gone, our main-mast is gone, and, upon the whole, you may say we have struck our flag.’ Ha, ha, ha…there wasn’t timber left upon which to raise a flag to strike.” Jack laughed.

He seemed not to be worried about the court martial. “Jack, you don’t seem to be taking this very seriously.” I remarked.

He glanced over at me, “He won’t be found at fault. It comes to you sometimes that the only thing left to do is to give up your ship. I’ve had to do it and I’ve survived a court martial. I suppose it gives you a start when you walk in and see your judges for the first time. You always hope for a friend amongst them.”

James Richard Dacres.

“You’ve been court martialled?”

“Well not…I was not found guilty.” He grinned, “I’m afraid, Ellie, you have married a bit of a scoundrel.”

“Every day is a new chapter,” I replied and it was.

We never spent enough time together for me to know all there was to know about him; not that I ever hoped to know all but our time came in days and weeks. I knew some of his habits, some of what he liked to eat, nothing of what he liked to do other than sail and his music which was still a bit of a mystery to me. In other words…I knew he was good in bed and little else. Shameful, I know.

If Jack left the house it was with William at his heels. Molly despaired over the boy but Jack encouraged him. I had a feeling when he was old enough he would go to sea with Jack. I don’t think Molly will be pleased.

I’d been teaching William his letters and how to sound them out and he could recognize some words but he was a long way from being literate. He could copy though. If I gave him something to write down he could write it but without any idea of what he’d written. He had some lead pencils and spent more time sketching than writing. Stephen’s influence.

Chapter 2 (The Constitution and the HMS Guerriere above)

Following is Captain Dacres written statement:

(Author’s note: As I’m writing historical fiction I’ve taken liberty with the actual facts that occurred when the Guerriere was captured and burnt. In my story Jack rescues the Captain and wounded from the Constitution. In fact Captain Dacres and his crew were taken aboard the Constitution and returned to Boston. Captain Dacres was then paroled and went back to Halifax where he did stand for a court martial. The idea of Jack’s rescue came from Captain Hull of the Constitution who says in his statement to the American’s that a strange sail was spotted and that he’d prepared again for battle but the ship wore off. For my purposes I’ve made Jack and James Dacres friends)

Captain James R. Dacres, Royal Navy, to Vice Admiral Herbert Sawyer, Royal Navy

Boston 7^th September 1812

Sir,

I am sorry to inform you of the capture of His Majesty’s late ship the Guerriere by the American Frigate Constitution after a sever action on the 19^th of August in Latitude 40.20N and Longitude 55.00 West at 2PM being by the wind on the starboard tack, we saw a sail on our weather beam, bearing down on us. At 3 made her out to be a Man of War, beat to Quarters and prepar’d for action. At 4, she closing fast wore to prevent her raking us. At 4.10 hoisted our colours and fir’d several shot at her. At 4.20 she hoisted her colours and return’d our fire. Wore several times, to avoid being raked, exchanging broadsides. At 5 she clos’d on our starboard beam, both keeping up a heavy fire and steering free, his intention being evidently to cross our bow. At 5.20 our mizzen mast went over the starboard quarter and brought the ship up in the wind. The enemy then plac’d himself on our larboard bow, raking us, a few only of our bow guns bearing and his grape and riflemen sweeping our deck. At 5.40 the ship not answering her helm, he attempted to lay up on board at this time. Mr. Grant who commanded the forecastle was carried below badly wounded. I immediately order’d the Marines and boarders from the main deck; the Master was at this time shot thro the knee, and I receiv’d a severe wound in the back. Lieutenant Kent was leading on the boarders, when the ship coming too, we brought some of our bow guns to bear on her and had got clear of our opponent when at 6.20 our fore and main masts went over the side, leaving the ship a perfect unmanageable wreck. The enemy shooting ahead, I was in hopes to clear the wreck and get the ship under command to renew the action but as we had clear’d the wreck our spritsail yard went and the enemy having rove new braces &c, wore round within pistol shot to rake us, the. The ship laying in the rough of the sea and rolling her main deck guns under water and all attempts to get her before the wind being fruitless, when calling my few remaining officers together they were all of the opinion that any further resistance would be a needless waste of lives. I order’d, though reluctantly, the colours to be struck.

The loss of the ship is to be ascribed to the early fall of the mizzen mast which enabled our opponent to choose his position. I am sorry to say we suffered severely in killed and wounded and mostly whilst she lay on our bow from her grape and musketry, in all 15 kill’d and 63 wounded, many of them severely; none of the wounded officers quitted the deck till the firing ceas’d.

The Frigate prov’d to be the United States Ship Constitution, of thirty 24 pounders on her main deck and twenty four 32 pounders and two 18 pounders on her upper deck and 476 men-her loss in comparison with ours was trifling, about twenty, the first Lieutenant of the Marines and eight killed and first Lieutenant and Master of the ship and eleven men wounded, her lower masts badly wounded and stern much shattered and very much cut up about the rigging.

The Guerriere was so cut up, that all attempts to get her in would have been useless. As soon as the wounded were got out of her, they set her on fire, and I feel it is my duty to state that the conduct of Captain Hull and his Officers to our men has been that of a brave enemy, the greatest attention being paid to the wounded who through the attention and skill of Mr. Irvine, Surgeon, I hope will do well.

I hope though success had not crown’d our efforts, you will not think it presumptuous in me to say the greatest credit is due the officers and ships company for their exertions, particularly when exposed to the heavy raking of fire of the enemy. I feel particularly obliged for the exertions of Lieutenant Kent who though wounded early by a splinter continued to assist me; in the second Lieutenant the service has suffered a severe loss; Mr. Scott, the Master though wounded was particularly attentive and used every exertion in clearing the wreck as did the Warrant Officers. Lieutenant Nicoll of the Royal marines and his party supported the honorable character of their Corps, and they suffer’d severely. I must particularly recommend Mr. Snow, Masters Mate who commanded the foremost main deck guns in the absence of Lieutenant Pullman and the whole after the fall of Lieutenant Ready, to your protection he having serv’d his time and received a severe contusion from a splinter. I must point out Mr. Garby, acting Purser, to your notice, who volunterr’d his services on deck, and commanded the after quarter deck guns and was particularly active as well as Mr. Bannister, Midshipman who has passed.

I hope in considering the circumstances, you will think the ship entrusted to my charge was properly defended; the unfortunate loss of our masts, the absence of the third Lieutenant, second Lieutenant of the Marines, three Midshipmen and twenty four men considerably weakened our crew. And we only muster’d 244 men and 19 boys on coming into action; the enemy had such an advantage from his Marines and Riflemen, when close and his superior sailing enabled him to choose his distance.

I enclose herewith a list of killed and wounded on board the Guerriere and have the Honor to be Sir, Your most obedient &c.

Sign’d J.R. Dacres

Vice Admiral Sawyer

Commander in Chief

&c&c&c Halifax

Captain Dacres statement was read to the men sitting around the perimeter of the Captain’s cabin on board the HMS Africa. He sat quietly and at ease trying not to look at any particular one who sat in judgment of him but he was acutely aware of Captain Treadwell seated on a much too small chair for his size. Jack, who he’d known since they were mid-shipmen and had served together twice in their career was giving the little chair a fit.

Indeed, the chair creaked and groaned every time he moved. Stephen stood at the back of the cabin near the door with Lt. Pullings. They’d bet a flask of ale whether the chair would last the court martial hearing.

Several other statements were given by Captain Dacres’s officers. It was then everyone was asked to leave so the evidence could be considered. Stephen and Lt. Pullings both took part in the rescue of the Guerriere’s crew and were well known to Captain Dacres. He stopped to chat with them when he came out on the deck of the Africa.

“The real question of the day is will Treadwell’s chair last the course.”

Stephen replied that a pint of ale rested on the chair’s demise

This was all relayed to me by Stephen that night in front of our fire. Jack was not amused.

“And did you collect your pint of ale?” Jack lifted his chin looking down at Stephen.

“Well, no, not until the evidence is put before me.  A chair round will do.”

“Damned embarrassing and arranged purposely I don’t doubt.”

I smiled broadly, “Did it break? Why do you think it was done on purpose?”

“Obviously to make me look a fool since Peake was there instead of Broke. He’s well aware of my prior history with James.”

“What sort of history do you have?” I asked.

“We served together on the Lively and also on the Boadicea, along with Peake.”

“The Boadicea, wasn’t that the one where you were flogged?” Stephen asked.

“Flogged! Jack…you?”

“Oh, yes, and rightly so. I was a lad of sixteen and contrived to hide a woman aboard ship. James knew of it and so did several others but it was Peake who thinking to advance himself told the second lieutenant and it went straight to the captain who turned me before the mast. Twelve lashes I got…I was slated for twenty-five but I fainted after twelve and they cut me down.”

“Oh my God.” I covered my mouth thinking of the barbarity of it.

“Fainted like a girl,” Jack mused.

“Was she worth it?” I asked him with a little smile I couldn’t conceal.

Jack looked over at me, “Well, I don’t know I never got the opportunity to find out.”

Stephen laughed and then sobered a bit. “Captain Dacres is a cool one not too concerned about what may happen tomorrow.”

“That’s his way, Stephen; he’s that way under fire. Cool head always and of course there is always the off chance but I don’t believe he will be charged.”

He wasn’t charged; the court found Captain Dacres was justified in surrendering his ship to save the lives of his remaining crew. The court also found that the masts going overboard were due more to their defective nature than the fire of the enemy.

On hearing this news the next day when Jack returned I remembered something.

“This may be nothing at all but when Molly and William and I went down to see the Shannon and were walking back up St. George Street I saw the two men who are boarding here in an alleyway with the shipwright Slade. I knew I’d seen him before on the Nymphe and someone called out his name…Slade.”

“Really…you went down to the docks?”

“It was perfectly all right. We met Captain Broke and Sir John Sawyer and he graciously sent his officer to give us a tour.”

Jack looked at me and blinked a few times. “I’ve asked you to stay off the docks unless you are with me.”

“Yes, I know you did but William was in a state to see the Shannon and Molly was with me.”

“Two women and a ten year old boy…”

“What was it the two men said they did…supplies or coordinating supplies?”

I was grateful for Stephen’s question. It drew Jack away from his displeasure with me.

“Hmm, something like that but I had the distinct impression they were lying.”

“I thought they might be spies which is why I tried so desperately to stop your tongue.”

“It’s a known fact that the repair work we receive here in Halifax is far below the water line. I think a word in the right ear might spark an inquiry. You know I’ve already brought up our masts as being ready to fall at the sight of a 24 pounder.”

So, small and seedy were up to no good but it wouldn’t do for me to start blowing my own horn at finding them out…no…best be quiet and not wake Jack’s anger again. I don’t know that he was that angry. More like he was exasperated with me. I do that to him.

Chapter 3

I was on the deck of the Nymphe one day with Jack when he spotted the sails of the Shannon coming into Halifax Harbor. He cast a gloomy eye toward her when he also saw she had a ship in tow. The Shannon had been sent to rescue the crew and money carried by the Barbados that had wrecked on Sable Island and never missing a chance he’d come upon a privateer and captured her.

It was the prize money that Jack coveted. If I ever asked about money he said we were well set up, whatever that meant, but he did itch to get out there and pirate about. He’d been hugging the coast with the blockade as I mentioned before. Perhaps it was the extra mouth to feed and he was thinking ahead. He was a good provider and I never wanted for anything.

After the court martial James Dacres was given the Tiber and down the harbor he was taking on provisions. Jack was too, but there was something to do with his orders that kept him on shore. That suited me.

However he wouldn’t be on shore much longer. Sir John Warren went to Bermuda and left Captain Broke in command of the Royal Navy Squadrons in Nova Scotia, New Brunswick and New England. He attached the Nymphe to his squadron.

Jack had his orders now and three days left with me.

“Jack, you said something about finding a bigger place to live. Do you want me to go house hunting?”

“I’ve already put word in with someone at the admiralty to look out for something suitable for us.”

“Oh.” I supposed I wasn’t capable.

“There are a number of new houses going up off St. George Street. It might be nice if you were closer to the center of town.” He looked up at me and smiled.

“That’s very thoughtful of you.” And it was thoughtful. A new house…oh the possibilities.

I backed up to him so that he might undo the buttons on the back of my dress. He did and placed a kiss on the nape of my neck.

“Do you know the shipwright you saw in town, Slade, worked on the Guerriere and also the Belvedera? I’ve had the main mast replaced on the Nymphe. Inferior workmanship from a master shipwright is suspect. He has been let go along with his gang.”

I turned and looked up at him. “What…is he being paid off do you think?”

“I don’t think…that is not my job to secure shipwrights and they are wanting here in Halifax. The station at Bermuda is coming along, however, and we may be forced to put in there for major repairs. Especially in the winter months.”

“Are you telling me that you won’t be back this winter?” Fear crawled all over me.

“No, not at all, but winters are especially harsh this far north. The harbor is deep and will not freeze. I think it will depend on where I am at the time…should major repairs be necessary.”

“You’re going out with Captain Broke and he looks for fights, Jack.”

“And usually wins them.” He reminded me but I wasn’t comforted at all.

“You know,” he said removing a long wavy tendril from my forehead. “I have said I have you to come home to. Do not ever doubt that I will keep that in mind for I do not. You are my anchor and though I may be far away and the anchor chain taunt at times; I know where it leads and I will follow it home to you.”

I just fell into him.

Mornings were still a problem for me and Jack let me sleep, sending Molly up with toast and an herbal tea Stephen had recommended, while he had a hearty breakfast. I would slowly consume the toast and if that stayed down then take small sips of the tea. Molly would wait with a basin ready if needed.

“I never thought I’d say of an Englishman, but your Captain is a gentleman and I find I like him very much.”

“I’m glad you do, Molly. It’s war, you know, and I’m sorry your husband fell into British hands just as I would be if someone I know fell to the American’s.”

“Do you still think of yourself as an American?”

I looked down into my teacup, “I’m not sure what I am anymore. I’m Jack’s wife and my loyalty is with him not a bunch of talking heads in Washington or London.”

“I’m the same…I mean my loyalty is with you and the Captain and William’s is too.”

I smiled and squeezed her hand. “William has taken up Jack’s shadow I hope you don’t mind so much.”

She looked away a minute. “No, if it be anyone but the Captain I think I might. He’s learning a lot from the Captain and even takes up his manner of speech.  He’ll be a toff if I don’t watch out.” She laughed.

“A toff?”

“Yes, Ma’am, your Captain is a gentleman, no common seaman like my husband was. He speaks proper.”

“He’s been educated.”

“Well he would be wouldn’t he?”

I didn’t know. “You mean like Upstairs Downstairs…like he’s upper class…gentry?”

“Well o’course he is. You should know that for yourself.” She widened her eyes and took the unused basin away.

How very true. Even Molly knew more than I did.

He came back to tell me he was going down to the ship and I caught his hand.

“Jack, you have a home in England tell me about it.”

He smiled a little, “It’s a house, Ellie.” Then he looked away toward the window. “It sits on a little hillock overlooking the River Avon. You can follow the river down to the sea if you’ve got the time. It’s a farm with sheep and pigs and horses. My uncle has put in a plantation of trees.”

“When was the last time you were home?”

“Three years and some.”

“Are you…titled?”

“Titled,” he smiled, “no, my darling, sorry to disappoint you. My uncle is a Rear Admiral and sorry to say that title is not passed down. I shall have to earn it on my own. Do you need anything before I go down?”

“Only you.”

“Ah, well, you could have had me had you not been green at dawn.” He bent and kissed me.

I lay back in the bed to wait for ten o’clock the magical hour when the morning sickness seemed to leave me. I thought about his home and tried to picture it. It sounded wonderful but I’d forgotten to ask where it was. A farm house didn’t sound too pretentious.

I was frustrated with my morning sickness. Why couldn’t it go away while he was home? The first morning he was here I’d tried to get up and was nauseated. He’d left the room and sent Molly in and she was followed by Stephen. I threw up in the basin time and time again until Stephen gave me some kind of hot tea that settled me down a little. That’s when the toast came in. I needed something solid on my stomach first thing in the morning.  Molly said it would soon pass, I was already four months gone into my pregnancy when was soon?

It’s near dark when Jack returns. He comes in from the cold wrapped in a great blue cloak with his hair whipped around his face from the wind. His color is high and his eyes bright blue. Sometimes I can’t believe it…my good fortune in finding him. His face is cold when he kisses me but his hands are warm on my back. We have tonight for I will be useless in the morning.

In the morning he sits on the side of the bed, already dressed. His sea chest already gone. He holds my hands making slow circles with his thumbs and wants to say something but what words are there? He gives me that long look again a look that comes from deep within.

“Take care of yourself, Ellie, keep Molly near. I cannot say when I will return.”

“I know…you take care of you. You carry my heart, you know, I don’t want it bashed and bruised and poked about with a sword.”

“He smiles a little, “No, I will not let that happen…it keeps my own heart company. Well…I love you, Ellie.”

A soft sweet kiss with a taste of tongue.

“I love you, Jack.”

And he’s gone….now I can cry.

Holding my stomach with one hand and the glass with the other I watched them sail out. The Shannon, the Bream, The Nymphe with the Lynx, The Curlew and the Tenedos. It was a beautiful sight but they were sailing outward instead of home.

On 31 October Broke’s squadron captured the American privateer, Thorn, and sent her into Halifax. She was sold as a prize and renamed The Sherbrook.

On 6 November they recaptured The Friendship a brig previously captured by the Thorn along with the Hiram. These two ships were loaded with flour, salt and bread. The Hiram had a safe-passage license from the British and was let go on its way to Lisbon.

I watched in vain as the prizes came in for Jack was not with them.

The HMS Macedonian was taken by the United States.

I’m almost afraid to read the Halifax Gazette. I did notice this little clip. Jack told me Parliament was up in arms over the losses to the Americans of the Royal Navy’s frigates and that morale was very low. Perhaps that is why the Guerriere was not listed as taken either that or the fact that it’s captors burnt it to the waterline and there was nothing left to take.

I’ve never in my other life been political and cannot claim to be now in this life but I have a horse in this race…so to speak and so I must take sides.

Thanksgiving has come and gone and no one was thankful. I forgot this wasn’t America and the holiday wasn’t celebrated.

Chapter 4

10 November, 1812

“My Darling Ellie,

I hope this missive finds you well, my love, for it pains me to see you ill. All is well here including me.

We have done well here at least one a day and sometimes two. Captain Broke is a man o’war and I am privileged to follow him. We are still blockading along the coast close enough at times to see snow has fallen inland. For us it is the wind and the rain.

I think of you by the fire warm and I am warm.

20 November, 1812

I still find it hard to believe that I am to be a father. You give me joy, Ellie. You give me life beyond anything I have ever known.

Gale force winds today have strained our muscle. Still cruising with the squadron.

28 November, 1812

Had hoped to get in but new orders have come down. Still with Shannon. I hope you are well and please do not fret over your writing. It is from your hand and therefore I love it.

These are excerpts from his letters. I’ve had two packets from him and I hear he is now with Shannon escorting a convoy across the Atlantic. December is gray and cold and we have had snow twice.

I seem to have blossomed. My baby bump now is very noticeable beneath my clothes. Jack would not recognize me. My health is good and the morning sickness left me in November. Molly and I have sewn a wardrobe for the baby from fine Irish linen. It would appear that HE will be dressed in dresses.

Small and seedy left at the end of November. I was glad to see them go for after my little discovery they were not very kind to me. Even Mrs. Chambers cautioned them at dinner one night over their remarks about Americans. Not that I took it personally because I no longer think of myself as American. The America I knew is now beyond me. It’s out there somewhere in the future and I am content here and now. I would be more content if my reason for being here was…here.

I miss him terribly and with the weather too bad to get out anywhere I am mostly confined to this house. If not for Molly and William I think I’d go crazy. William can now read and write illegibly. I’ve started on math with him and he picks it up quickly.

I dreamed I was in Savannah with Jack and stepped through his gate out onto the street and couldn’t get back to him. I will never go to Savannah again in my lifetime. Maybe it’s an irrational fear of losing what I have but I’d never take that chance. I didn’t write anything to him about it he has enough on his plate.

Its 20 December and I do not believe Jack will be home for Christmas. I can’t say what that does to me. I know it’s silly of me. I’ve written him a long letter and told him about Christmas; the way it was celebrated in my other life. I don’t think there will be much here. Mrs. Chambers says we will go to church. Christmas trees are unheard of. Next year, God willing, it will be different. If we can find a house then I can do as I please about holidays. Santa will come and see little…whoever.

The HMS Java was taken 29 December by the Constitution. Can no one put that ship to the bottom of the sea?

10 January 1812

My dearest,

I have been half way to England and around the Azores and am now within sight of Bermuda once again. We had a good blow that has kept us at bay with many repairs to be made. We will sit out here for awhile until we are seaworthy again.

I long to be with you, Ellie, and think of you constantly. Stephen has asked if the midwife has been to see you. Molly knows who she is if not.

I find your idea of Christmas interesting and pray next year will be different.

The midwife came on a cold blustery day in January with a foot of snow on the ground. Tall and spare but clean, she went about her business of examining me. A lot of poking about but everything looks good and she predicts March 20. So we’ll see. I can no longer see my feet and Molly buckles my shoes on. I look as though I swallowed a whole watermelon, heavy, ungraceful, miserable.

I spend a lot of time wrapped in shawls, several of them, in front of my fire. This house is cold and Mrs. Chambers complains about the wood I use but I ignore her. We’ve paid for it. She only warms the rooms she stays in and so the front parlor is unheated. Molly’s pulled her bed next to the chimney in the attic and says it’s quite warm. I haven’t been up there since the watermelon ripened.

Bermuda. I’ve been to Bermuda and found it beautiful. The sand is pink from ground coral and the water is turquoise and clear. The houses are all low to the ground with white roofs and each with their own cistern. They are responsible for their own water which falls as rain and therefore the roofs are kept sparkling white. I doubt it looks like that now but I will tell Jack about what I know.

There are so many things I want to share with him but it’s so difficult at present. I write him long letters and get them off and two days later I get one answering what I wrote a month ago. He does write frequently and tells me there is a band of sorts that he and Stephen sit in on and play their stringed instruments.

He’s in Bermuda with the pink sand, that can’t have changed, and playing his fiddle while I sit here freezing and fat. I can’t even fit in my tub anymore.

I no longer sit at the window with my glass. I don’t think he is on his way home and the traffic in the harbor has dropped off considerably with the weather. This has been one of the longest winters I’ve ever experienced. I want a house of my own. I just want it to be over. I want my husband home and this baby to be born.

Captain Oliver has arrived on the Bermuda Station with the 74 gun third rate Valiant and taken over command from Captain Phillip Broke. Jack is no longer on the station but I don’t know where he is. In a moment of insanity I made him a sappy Valentine out of a scrap of red velvet, lace and paper and sent it off. I hope he opens it when he’s alone.

For exercise I walk up and down the stairs as many times a day as I can. I need to build up fortitude for the coming ordeal. Molly says I’m strong and healthy and shouldn’t have a problem delivering this baby into the world. I suppose I’m a coward. Natural childbirth sounds very natural but I want a hospital with drugs.

On the morning of 10 March, a day I will never forget, I woke with a hot band around my back. It nearly took my breath as I heaved myself to the side of the bed. I sat there until it eased off and as I was in the habit of doing I moved to the window and picked up my glass. Out in the harbor I saw a sail, not the Nymphe, and I sighed heavily. But upon looking a second time I recognized it as the Lynx…Jack’s consort.

“Molly, Molly…the Lynx is in.”

Molly was outside the door trying to open it with a bucket of hot water to dump into my pitcher. “Is it the Captain?”

“I don’t know.” Again that band tightened in my back and I bent over rubbing it with my hands.”

“What is it, Ma’am, is it the babe?”

“Backache…bad.” I reached for the chair by the window and sat down.

“Does your belly get hard when it hurts?”

“What? I don’t know.”

“I’ll make your coffee.” Molly ground the beans and poured boiling water over them to steep.

I looked again and the Lynx was coming in slowly soon I could only see the top of her masts when she berthed. I raised the glass to look out farther in the harbor but no more sails were to be seen.

“I don’t understand why,” The hot bands were back doubling me over again and Molly came to me. “I’ve…oh I’ve wet myself.”

“Ah, you’re going to have a baby at last.” She pulled me up from the chair and brought me a clean nightgown. “You’re to get back in the bed, Ma’am.”

“No, not until I know why the Lynx is in. Jack may be aboard.”

“Well, if he is he’ll be up the hill shortly and there’s naught you can do if he in’t.”

I took another look down the hill before she propelled me to the bed. Murky early morning fog and drizzle.

I had my coffee and still nothing coming up the hill. Molly with the glass now. I don’t know why I thought she couldn’t see I once again got to the side of the bed and rolled myself upwards.

“Let me.”

“You’re not to be up…you.”

“I’m all right, Molly.” I took the glass from her and strained my eyes down the hill. “Something down there, some movement. I can’t make out...oowwwwwow.”  dropped the glass and she grabbed me and very firmly put me in the bed.

“I’ll sit on ye if need be. You’re laborin’”

Oh, and I was and I breathed whoo-whoo-whoo with the pain.

Molly had the glass again looking down the hill. She went to the door and called for William.

“Go down and see what’s about.” She’d tried to keep it quiet but in my pain downtime I heard her.

“Molly, what do you see?” I’m on the side of the bed again.

“I’m not right certain, Ma’am. They’re carryin’ somthin’ heavy.”

“Is it Jack’s chest?”

“I can’t make it out.”

I took the glass from her again. “It’s a man…oh GOD!” I was away from the window and made it to the top of the stairs before I doubled up again.”

“Get back here, Ella.” Molly called and caught my arms. “You can’t go down the stairs…they’ll bring him up.” She said softly.

Chapter 5

I began a strange kind of cry kind of an unnnh, unnnh, strange to my own ears. I couldn’t believe it was me making that sound. I couldn’t believe it was Jack on a stretcher they were bringing up the hill. Oh, I knew it was him…William, breathless running up the stairs, didn’t have to tell me.

Mrs. Chambers still in her night dress held a candle at the door peering out. The wind caught it and blew it out and her nightdress billowed like a sail. Another pain hit me hard this time and I cried out.

“She’s having the babe, Mrs. Chambers, and the Captain he’s not walking.”

“Oh, dear all at once?” She held the door while the seamen carried the stretcher into the house. Killick was there and Stephen.

I’m hanging over the top banister. “Stephen?”

He looked up at me, “He’s alive.” The two words I wanted to hear. I sank to the floor. Molly and William trying to get a hand under my arms to get me up. Strong arms now pulling me up and half carrying and walking me into the room. I could hear voices around me and then Killick’s raised voice and the bumping of the men coming into the room.

“There, put him down there on the bed and let’s get him off the rack.” Killick’s voice again. I’m in a chair by the fire. Stephen’s voice beside me.

“Carefully now.”

I gripped the arms of the chair and let out a whoosh, oh, it hurts. “Ste…Ste…”

“Ella?” Then to Molly, “Have you got the midwife?”

“No, hasn’t been time. William go and fetch Miss Moss.”

“Jack?”

“He’s taken a shot in his arm. I’ve given him laudanum to keep him quiet whilst we moved him. He has a fever and is very sick but he’ll be all right, Ella.”

“Mmmm, unnnh.” I looked toward the bed where they’d put him. Without a shirt and his arm bandaged to his body, his hair loose on the pillow and his face very pale. “No, no, noooooo.”

Killick proceeded to remove his boots, his stockings and his pants and covered him up with the quilts. Stephen was trying to explain about Jack but I was insane and couldn’t understand. My body was gripping me and torturing me to the point I couldn’t focus. Jack, Jack.

I was a sopping mess and didn’t care. More embryonic fluid was flooding the chair, I was crying. Molly’s voice about a bed…get her to bed…coming quick for a first one.

Stephen’s voice “Put her in my bed.”

Molly said something about clean sheets…going to need a stack of ‘em.

Mrs. Chambers at the door…water on to boil.

“We’re going to stand now, Ella.” Stephen holding me up and walking me across the down the hall.

It was all a dream. I was in a nightmare…wet…cold sheets. “I’m cold.” I think I said. A warm quilt covered me. Pain like I’d never dreamed.

Molly’s voice again, “Have you ever delivered a baby?”

“Yes, I have although it’s been a long time, sailors not given to birthing.”

Mrs. Chambers again, “Moss is here.”

Molly’s voice, “William, get out of here boy. Go sit with the Captain. I’ll go down for Moss.”

Cool towels on my forehead and wiping my face. Stephen’s voice, “You’re doing well, Ella. Won’t be long now.”

I grabbed his arm in a death grip half sitting up. “It’s coming. “  The animal sound I heard couldn’t have come from me.

A woman’s voice, “Push now lady, push…it’s crowning. Push with the next one and let’s have him out.”

OH…I…PUSHED with a scream that woke the banshee’s.

It also woke Jack from his drugged sleep. I heard William’s high pitched voice and then Killick's and then Jack’s. With Killick’s aide he staggered to the door of Stephen’s room wrapped in a quilt.

“What are you doing to her?” He roared.

Stephen steadied him, “She’s given you a son.”

It took him a minute to absorb what was happening. “Ellie,” he went down on his knees by the bed.

I was still panting with my body trying to disgorge what was left inside. My whole bottom end was exposed to the audience. Jack’s good hand on my face.

“Oh, Ellie.” He dropped his head onto my chest and cried. He wasn’t the only one. The baby was hard at it. A good set of lungs like his father. Through my blurred eyes and Jack’s blond hair I could see Molly washing our son from the basin. Miss Moss was somewhere down there behind the quilt.

Mrs. Chambers came running to the door and cleared out Killick and William. Now Stephen had our son looking him over and rubbing his little head.

“Jack,” I managed between parched lips, “you’re hurt.”

I lost track of it all. Somehow I was in my own bed clean and dry with Jack beside me. I held the most precious bundle in my arms. So tiny, red faced with slanting brows like his father. I looked up and smiled at his father. Jack blinked with his eyes glistening.

“Well done, Ellie.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you.” He kissed me softly.

“You should rest now.”

“Your lips are hot…feverish.”

“Ah, damned arm. It’ll be all right. I’m sorry, Ellie, to come home like this.”

“Oh, hush, you.”

Later that evening, for the day was gone, I noticed a large canvas wrapped package pushed against the wall. “What’s that?”

“It’s a gift…for him.”

“What is it?”

“It’s a cradle. Nabb and a few others knocked it together.”

“Oh, oh how wonderful.”

“We haven’t named him.”

“John.”

“Chastain.”

“Treadwell.”

And so it was John Chastain Treadwell and we would call him Chastain because Jack said there were enough John’s in his family.

It was the next day before he was able to tell me what happened to him. I had Chas, already shortened his name, at my breast.

"We were pursued by the President, same ship that once chased the Belvedera. She’s a 38 gun frigate and no match for us. For hours we wore and tacked and at times we were away and then with the winds she would come up on us. She came up within pistol shot but a lucky breeze took us away. Not, however, before I was wounded along with my coxswain. My arm was broken and I wouldn’t mind so much had it been the left. Stephen dug the shot out and splinted my arm. He’s contrived this arrangement to keep me from using it. The ship was shot up in the rigging but all quickly put to rights. After a day a fever set in and I was confined to his butcher’s shop until transferred to the Lynx and brought home. The Nymphe is in Lt. Pulling’s hands at the moment until I get past this fever.”

“You’ll get more than past the fever, Jack Treadwell.”

“Aye, I’ll get my strength back quick enough.”

“Why don’t you take your time, you haven’t been home in nearly six months. I’ve forgotten what you looked like.”

“Have you?”

“I lie, but really, Jack, drag it out as long as you can.  I need you here now.”

“I am here and will be as long as I can.” He had the baby’s little fist wrapped around his finger. “He has quite a grip. Look at his fingernails, ha.”

I looked at Jack’s fingers scarred and stained around his nails and yet those same fingers could finger a violin and create a sound that brought tears to your eyes. He brings me to the brink with those same fingers, a little death, it was called in Victorian times.

He was tired with the fever and soon lay his head down on the pillow and slept. I finished with Chas and lay him between us. We were a family now…a real family.

The cradle was a work of art. Carved on the headboard in an elaborate design was a sailing ship and the edges looked like rope. I often wonder what would have happened had the baby been a girl. Everyone was certain it was a boy; even me.

I was up and around much to Molly’s dismay. I should be in bed for two weeks at least. I laughed and said no, I needed to be up and walking. Though I was sore I felt good. I had the chair I’d ruined tossed out and assured Mrs. Chambers we would pay for it. She said not to bother; taken as she was with Chas. She would come up to our room and knock softly and come in and hold him for awhile.

Molly looked after me, and Killick and Stephen after Jack. His fever would still go up at night but during the day he was losing that glassy eyed look he had when he came home. I was present one day when Stephen unwrapped his arm and changed the bandages. I ached for him. It was all the colors of the rainbow and he had a new angry red scar. Jack complained about being trussed up but Stephen rightly ignored him.

One day Mrs. Chambers brought up a young man from the admiralty’s office.

“Captain Treadwell,” he greeted Jack holding out his hand to shake and then realizing Jack’s condition. “I’ve come about the house, Sir. I think we may have found something for you.”