When it Rains

By Atonia

Part 5

Mark stood outside Rachel’s brownstone and looked up at the façade, this is where his father had lived. He walked up the steps and rang the bell.

“You’re right on time,” Rachel smiled and stepped back for him to enter.

“I have help,” he looked around the entry and was led into the living room, lined with bookshelves, odd looking colored glass orbs. Rachel took his coat and hung it on the coat rack.

“James is in his bath, he will be down in a minute or I will have to go and get him out of it before he prunes up. Would you like something to drink?” He filled the room as his father had but more so.

“Um, no thanks,” he’d moved over to a row of photographs and picked one up of his father and a little boy. “When was this taken?”

“Two months ago, it’s the last one I have of him.”

“He looks well enough,” Mark placed it back on the shelf.

“He seemed that way, he took care of himself.”

“He was fifty-six years old, mind and body.”

“A young fifty-six.” She added quietly.

Mark glanced at her, held her eyes for a moment and moved on to the next shelf scanning the book titles.

Now that he was here she felt a little nervous around him, why had she asked him to dinner?

“I ‘d better go check on James, please make yourself comfortable.” She smiled and escaped to the stairs.

Mark found a chair and sat down taking the room in, the comfortable furniture. He never knew the man that lived here. The man smiling from the photograph with the little boy on his shoulders was a complete stranger. Why had he come, what had he hoped for? He felt like he’d wandered into someone’s private bedroom, he wanted to leave and looked at his jacket hanging on the coat rack. He’d about made up his mind to quietly slip out the door when the little boy came bounding down the stairs dressed in his dinosaur pajamas.

“Hullo,” he stopped at the bottom of the steps, his mother coming down behind him.

“Hi, James.”

“How do you know my name I don’t know yours?”

“My name’s Mark and you mother told me your name.” Mark looked at the short boy with his damp hair sticking out at odd angles, dark blond and his father’s eyes.

He turned to his mom, “Do we know him?”

“We do now, come on into the living room,” she took his hand.

He looked up at his mom again, “He’s not…Dad?” he whispered loudly.

“No, no your Dad’s with the angels, this is um…”

“I’m your brother.” Mark said simply and sat back down in his chair.

Rachel looked at him, “He lives in England,” she said to James.

“That’s where Dad was from, why did he leave you there?”

“Because I was old enough to be left. “ Mark moved over a little as James crawled up in the big chair beside him.

“James, don’t crowd him sit over here…”

“He’s okay…so you’re six years old and go to school, what else do I need to know about you?”

“Um,” he looked down at his pajamas, “I like dinos, I got a lot of them in my room you wanna see?”

“After dinner if he wants to, James.” Rachel said and smiled at Mark.

“Do we have chicken nuggets?” James asked.

“No we have…getti.” James smiled, one of his favorites.

Rachel left to get dinner on the table, she felt comfortable enough to leave James with Mark.

“My Dad’s gone away to live with angels. I wish he didn’t go…maybe he didn’t like us anymore.” James played with a pinky ring Mark wore on his right hand.

“Oh, I’m sure he liked you enough, James I guess the angels needed him for something.”

“Was he your dad if you’re my brother?”

“Yeah…he was.”

“Are you gonna be my Dad now?”

“I can’t be your Dad, I’m your brother.”

“Yeah but…I think I need a Dad too. I pick you,” he grinned and poked Mark in the chest.

“I think your Mom is the one that does the picking.”

“I’ll tell her I already picked so she don’t have to.”

“Picked what?” Rachel came back in the room.

Mark looked up at her and let James answer.

“I picked a Dad cause I need one, I picked Mark.” He poked him in the chest again and grinned.

Rachel’s eyes widened, “I’m sorry, Mark…he…”

“No problem.”

“Dinner is on the table.”  She grabbed James by the arm and led him into the kitchen, “you don’t go around asking for dad’s okay?”

After dinner Mark went upstairs to James’s room to see his dinosaurs and Rachel came with them and told him it was time for him to go to bed.

“I’ll just be a minute to get him settled if you want to go downstairs.”

“No I want Mark to read to me,” he pulled out his book and gave it to Mark.

Mark looked through the book, it was a new version but the same stories, “I don’t mind,” he looked at Rachel.

Rachel moved to the door and stood there a minute while Mark found a story and began to read. The same inflections in his voice that William had, she felt a catch in the back of her throat and turned away and went downstairs. He was so like him and yet he wasn’t him. He was like a younger version…no she couldn’t think that way, he wasn’t him at all.

She had the kitchen cleaned by the time Mark came back down and was folded up on the sofa.

“How many did you have to read?”

“Three, only three.” He ran his hand through his hair and sat back in the chair he’d occupied earlier.

“I’m sorry he’s missing his father, I shouldn’t have let him impose on you.”

“I know what it’s like to miss your father, after a while you think he’s not coming back…ever, and then he shows up one day, sticks around for a few days and then he’s gone again, weeks…months you forget him again and then he shows up and it all begins again, a torture. It’s better for him this way. Maybe not for you.”

“Not for me…it was horrible for you wasn’t it?”

“I have to deal with the final kicker and then it’s over for me. Are you going to be okay, did he provide anything for you?”

“He had an account set up for me with regular deposits. There haven’t been any since…”

“Does Lilly have the account?”

“No, he took care of it.”

“I’ll make sure you and James are well provided for, how about this house?”

“It’s paid for. You don’t have to, Mark I already talked to the firm where I once worked, I can get my job back.”

“I want to, Rachel. That little guy up there…is part of me thanks to his father; not mine but his…I’m not sure they’re one in the same. I honestly…don’t know the man who lived here. I should be going.”

“No…I mean unless you have somewhere to go…stay.”

“It’s not a good idea, thanks for dinner and for allowing me to spend some time with James.” He stood up and so did she.

“Will you come back, will I see you again?”

“I don’t think so, James wants me to be his father I won’t do that to him and I’m not William.”

“No…you aren’t.” Their eyes locked for a moment.

“I won’t live in his shadow, I’m sorry.”

“You cast one of your own.”

“Not here, not in this place I don’t.” he reached for his jacket and slipped it on.

She wanted to cry, she wanted to see him again but he was right of course. It wouldn’t work.

“I’ll be in touch,” he moved toward the door and she caught his arm.

“I’m sorry,” she held her hand up, “I…yes…thank you.”

“You aren’t going to cry?”

“No…”

“Rachel,” he put his arms around her and held her to him. “I can’t do this Rachel, not that I don’t want to,” he lifted her chin and looked into her wet eyes, “I don’t want to take his place, don’t want to be him.” Oh bloody hell, he kissed her and her arms went around his neck. She felt good against him…it would never work for either of them…he broke away.

Out on the sidewalk he walked a few blocks until he found a taxi to take him back to the building.

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