Connecting the Dots
Sunday morning Travis came up to the guest house and knocked on the door, “Hey, you sleep well?”
Toni held the door open for him to come in, “Not very, nothing to do with the bed.”
“Feel up to going for a horseback ride?”
“Oh, yes I guess so, I’ll find my shoes.” Toni went into the bedroom.
“You didn’t come down for breakfast.”
“Um no, there were some muffins in the basket,” She zipped up her boots. “I’m ready.” She came out of the bedroom.
He looked at her for a moment, “I wonder about that…well let’s go get saddled up.”
They rode for quite a while over the property and Toni let herself go, living in the moment, enjoying the ride and his company. He took her up on the ridge, the highest point on his property and they dismounted and found a place to sit.
“You can just about see it all from up here, over the ridge here is the Meridius place.”
“It’s wonderful Travis, it must give you a good feeling to come up here and survey it all.”
“Yeah it does, I’ve never owned anything before except the unit in Sydney. Owning land is different, it’s like I’m a part of something solid and it’s a part of me. I wanted you to see it because this is a large part of who I am.”
Toni moved pebbles with her shoe, “I think you’re a very complex man.”
He turned and looked at her, “Not really, I thought I had it all figured out and then it turned upside down. I’m trying to find my way again, there’s no fitting pieces back together for me I’ve got to start over. Owning this place is good for me, it keeps me grounded keeps me sane.” He tossed a pebble down the hillside.
“I’m beginning to wonder about my own sanity, I don’t know what I’m doing here Travis.”
“You’re taking some time out Toni, trying to find your way just like I am. I’m trying my best not to…put any pressure on you but I think you know what I want. The day you want the same thing is the day I’ll make it happen. You could be a part of this place…our children could grow up here.”
She looked up at him, “You know just what buttons to push don’t you.”
He smiled, “I think we want the same thing; that was the catalyst that brought the whole thing down. Being around Tee made me realize how much I wanted children of my own. Wanting a baby is what tore your house apart and here we are.”
“It would be so easy wouldn’t it just to give myself over to you.”
“Why don’t you?”
“I’m…not ready. I still have this thing inside me that won’t admit defeat. I can’t let go.”
“You still love him don’t you? I love Jan too; I think a part of me always will. When I went to Sydney I had hopes of getting her off the damn pills and taking off on that honeymoon we never had. I didn’t realize exactly what the problem was. I guess I’d closed my eyes to it. She only loved a little part of me not the whole man. It’s hard to let go and admit you’ve failed and to know just being yourself wasn’t enough.”
“I know you’ve been hurt,” she reached out and took his hand. He raised it to his lips and kissed the back of her hand.
“I guess I’m a glutton for it, I’ve laid myself out to you.”
She put her arms around him, “I’m not going to hurt you Travis.”
His hands went up her back and he looked into her eyes, “Don’t.” and he kissed her for a long time.
A little breathlessly, “Wow,” she said against his lips and smiled.
He smiled back, “We’d better mount up otherwise you’re going to have rocks bruising that sweet little bottom of yours. I want you Toni.” He kissed her softly. “But I can wait.”
