Cracked Foundation
When Toni got back home from her cruise with Travis she saw Richie’s car in the drive. It surprised her that he would be home that early, she checked her watch, 4:30, and brushed out her windblown hair and applied a little lipstick before she got out of her car.
Dropping her keys in the bowl on the hall table she walked down the hall to the kitchen peeked in his den and saw the door open to his weight room.
“Hi, you’re home early.”
“Yeah, took the afternoon off. Where were you?”
“I went to Coffs, I had a hair appointment.”
“What happened? There was a call from your hairdresser said she saw you outside the door and then you disappeared.”
“I ran into a friend, got to talking and time just got away from me, I forgot all about the hair appointment, you know how that is.”
He sat up on the weight bench, “payback is that what this is?”
“Not at all, sorry I said that. That was petty; I don’t want to be petty.”
“Listen Toni, there’s something’ I need to tell you before you hear it somewhere else.”
Toni leaned against the doorway, “This doesn’t sound good.”
“It is or isn’t depending on how you take it, I bought a girl a drink in the bar the other night, we were seen together in the bar and now it‘s all up and down main street.”
Toni stared at him, “Okay let’s see what reaction should I have…outraged wife, cry, or is it nothing you do surprises me anymore.”
“That’s all it was Toni…you don’t care do you?”
“Richie there was a time I was crying my eyes out because my father had cheated on my mother, I distinctly remember you telling me you would never do that to me. You did, you bloody well did, you lied then and you’re probably lying now. Do I care? Yes I care but once you’ve been punched in the stomach the next one doesn’t shock you so bad.” She turned and ran up the stairs.
Richie sat there a minute and got up and went after her.
“Toni, we’ve got to stop this shit.”
“Which one of us?”
“Both of us. We both need to stop it. You said you forgave me but you really didn’t, you’re going to hold that over me forever. Everything I do now is suspect.”
“Poor little you, I have no sympathy for you, do you feel guilty do you? I don’t think you really do. Apologies come a dime a dozen, sorry don’t buy shit around here Richie.”
“What do you want Toni, what do you want from me?””
“From you? I want things to be like they were before, before I wanted a baby. When we loved each other, trusted each other and wanted each other.”
“I still want you.”
“No you don’t not really, I could be anybody. You don’t want me to have your baby. What about Michael wasn’t he supposed to come for his vacation? What happened to that Richie?”
“Where did that come from? He’s got some kind of ball camp, football or soccer or something.”
“You don’t know?”
“What the fuck is the matter with you?”
“I don’t know. I would think as his father you’d know what he was doing.”
“I do keep up Toni. What’s Michael got to do with anything going on here?”
“He’s your son. You gave your first wife a son. You won’t give me a child. How do you think that makes me feel?”
“That’s the whole enchilada have a baby and everything will be perfect after that. I wouldn’t want to have a baby in this house right now.”
“No…that wouldn’t solve anything. I think you’re right we shouldn’t even think about having a baby.”
“You need to calm down; your face is too red.”
Toni ran her hand over her forehead, sunburn. “I was in the sun today. Please I don’t want to fight anymore.”
“Let’s make love not fight,” he came around the bed and put his arms around her.
“I don’t even want to do that, I just…just leave me alone for awhile.”
He dropped his arms, “I can do that.” And walked out of the bedroom. He went downstairs and to the fridge for a beer. He was angry with her and at himself. She was never going to get over it; she was never going to let it go. And this business about Michael…okay he didn’t give her a baby…He couldn’t…he didn’t want another baby. He’d said it to himself, why couldn’t he tell her that…what was he afraid of?
She came down in the kitchen a while later and stared digging in the fridge for something for dinner.
“Don’t worry about cooking Toni; we’ll go get something somewhere.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yeah, look I’m gonna be totally honest here…yeah I know…but Toni I don’t want another child. I don’t have it in me…that’s how I feel.”
“Why didn’t you say that when I first brought it up. Look what has happened since then, Ah…Richie.”
“I was afraid, afraid you’d leave me, wouldn’t understand.”
“You should have trusted me a little more. That’s why you haven’t been to the doctor about the vasectomy. I think I knew it, deep down I knew you didn’t want a baby with me. That’s okay, that’s okay I uh,” she was fighting tears. “It wasn’t my fault at all, all of it, the two of us, Jan and Travis, no it wasn’t my fault. I won’t be blamed for any of it.”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m a…going out...going to see my Dad. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” She grabbed her keys and her purse and ran out of the front door.”
Richie ran after her stopping in the drive, “Toni…damn it Toni.”
