Free Fall

Travis had about had enough, he’d spent more time with Dr. Manus than Jan. He was beginning to see where it was going and he didn’t like it. Like it was his fault Jan had a relapse, he’d taken her out of her environment, taken her to the farm, expected her to be a farm wife, produce children. He’d slammed out of his flat and gone down to the docks to the boat he’d bought, the one he’d bought to take Jan on a cruise for their belated honeymoon.

What was so hard about life that you had to drug yourself to get though the day, she had everything he had to give her and it wasn’t enough. What the fuck happened to love, he was beginning to suspect it was all a lie. He went down into the cabin, drink in hand and propped himself on the bed. If he had a crew on board he thought he might just float away.

He lay staring at nothing for a while and felt for his phone, he wouldn’t call…he sent her a text message hesitated a moment and punched send. He rubbed the glass across his forehead, probably shouldn’t have done that, but damn it. What a fucked up world. Three days he’d been in Sydney with Jan and he thought he could count on one hand the conversations he’d had with her, she was away from him, not on the same wavelength, like they were strangers. He was hurting inside a physical pain in his chest that would not go away.

Toni felt her phone vibrate in the pocket of her scrubs, she checked and saw she had a txt message, once she got her patient started on the machines she walked back into her office and sat down at her desk and pulled out her phone. It was a message from Travis; she felt a nervous flutter in her chest. She’d not spoken to him nor seen him since the barbeque, though Richie said he’d called. She looked out at her patient and opened her message: It’s not good here I need you luv.

She took a breath. “You could have had me,” she whispered. She texted him back, “where are you?” She held the phone tightly in her hand for a moment and punched send. She couldn’t think about him, not now she had a patient. She swallowed the nervousness in her throat and went back out into the fitness area. She was finishing up writing the receipt when her phone went again, she smiled at her patient and handed him the reciept and answered her phone.

“Toni…can you talk?”

“One moment,” she opened the door for her patient said goodbye and walked into her office and closed the door. “I’m here Travis, where are you?”

“I’m in Sydney…a cold dark place. What are you doing?”

“Working, but I’m through for the day now,” part of her was glad he was in Sydney, part of her wasn’t. “When did you go to Sydney?”

“Saturday night after the barbeque, I sent Jan here earlier that day, she’s under a doctors care.”

“I’m sorry Travis, I hope things will get better for you.”

“Right now…there’s no light at the end of the tunnel so I don’t know. Looks like everything is my fault.”

“I don’t believe that. It takes two, it always does.”

“How are things with you and Richie?”

“We’ve called a truce.”

“Good, I’m happy for you.”

“Are you?”

Travis stared at the ceiling in his cabin, “I wouldn’t want you to be miserable Toni and if working things out with Rich is what makes you happy then yes. But on the other hand…I wish you were here now beside me.”

Toni closed her eyes she was reacting to the sound of his voice over the phone, “you can’t have it both ways, that’s something I don’t understand about you, it’s a push pull thing I don’t get.”

“Do you want me to pull?”

“If I said yes then my whole world would come down.”

“Fuck it let it fall.”

“I…I’m not there Travis I can’t.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“I’ve never cheated on Richie.”

“I’ve never cheated on Jan either, does that make me a saint, no it doesn’t. I’m not asking you to Toni…I wish I’d met you before we both went and married up.”

Toni sighed, “so do I.”

“Would you tell me, would you let me know when it’s time to pull?”

“Yes.” She heard herself say.

“I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be here in Sydney, it depends on whether anything positive is going to come out of this. Do you mind if I call you, keep in touch?”

“No, keep in touch Travis, I ah need to go,I’m late now.”

“Sure, Toni…I’m tugging on the rope.”

“I know you are, bye Travis.” Her hands were shaking when she ended the call.