Return of the Key

After Richie dropped Libby off he went home pulled off his clothes and fell into the bed. He was exhausted mentally and physically. However sleep escaped him and he lay there feeling like he was drowning in a pool of his own making, unable to reach the edge and pull himself out. After fighting the bed for awhile he gave up and pulled on a pair of shorts and walked into the kitchen and made a sandwich taking it out on his deck he sat down to eat.

He looked out over his lawn, the grass needed cutting everything needed his attention it seemed. He knew he was putting off calling Nonnie and he thought maybe later he’d just go see her and find out where he stood with her.

Libby’s last words echoed in his head, ‘I love you Richie.’ He hadn’t answered her back because he couldn’t. He’d laid himself out to her in Brisbane and the more he thought the more it scared him. She’d been right about the shelf life and he was afraid he was going to disappoint her like he had Nonnie. It had been a bit of a shock to him to recognize his feelings for her. He’d denied it for so long, not recognizing it for what it was and what was it anyway…love? How many kinds of love were there? He finished off the soft drink in his hand and took his plate back inside, cleaned up his mess and went to take a shower.

Nonnie closed the door to her shop after a good day, Cara was proving to be a big help to her. She went about turning off lights leaving certain lamps on for security and also because she liked the look. All day she’d been pushing the thing to the back of her mind. Richie hadn’t called her back she regretted hanging up on him but she just couldn’t talk to him anymore.

Taking the hair clasp from her pulled back hair she ran her hands through it loosening it about her shoulders looked down at it a moment and went to the back stairs that led to her flat above. She poured herself a drink and walked to the front window looking down on the street. She blinked when she saw him walking across the street.

Richie parked n the alley beside his office thought about going in for a minute to see what Miss Peeg had left for him and dismissed the idea, he couldn’t possibly concentrate on work right now. He looked up at her front windows a light was on in her flat so she was home. He used his key to enter her shop and went upstairs. Her back was to him as she stood at the window.

“Nonnie?”

“When did you get back?”

“I don’t know three – four hours ago.”

“Did you find her?”

“Yes, early this morning.”

“You brought her back?”

“Yeah, dropped her off at her house.”

She sipped her drink, “Wel,l so what now?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know anything right now. You hung up on me.”

“Yes I did, I was instantly sorry but you understand my interest in Libby Tyler is very limited,” she turned to face him he was still standing by the railing at the stairs. “I am very aware that yours is not and so I have to wonder what that means for me.”

“I couldn’t let her go off like that…”

“No, no of course you couldn’t. For some reason you’re afraid to approach me, very unlike you so I’m wondering again what that means for me.” She moved over to the back of a chair resting her arms on the high back looking directly at him. “Did you…did you take her to bed?”

“No, I brought her home,” he ran a hand through his hair moving into the room. “I’ve been trying to figure out what this means for me too. I care about her, Nonnie but I love you.”

Nonnie looked into her glass swirling the drink around a little. “I’ve had a feeling something like this was going to happen, even tried to prepare myself for the inevitable and now that it’s here I’m not sure I’m ready for it. Richie I’m not so sure you do love me or if you even know what that word means. I told you when we first met that I don’t share,” she looked up, “I won’t share you with Libby.” She said quickly and took a drink from her glass.

“I know and you haven’t.”

“I haven’t yet you mean because it’s coming oh yes it is. I trusted you…you’re the first man I’ve let get close to me in a long, long time. I think I’m not such a good judge of people…everything that’s important to me gets ignored in the end. I should have known better,” she tossed back the rest of her drink and moved to the drinks cabinet. “Would you like a drink?”

“I would, yes. Nonnie I don’t want to hurt you,” he moved over beside her and took the drink catching her arm as she tried to move away.

Nonnie looked down at his hand on her arm, “Don’t touch me. I can feel the pain coming from your hand all the way up my arm and into my chest. Your very demeanor tells me what’s on your mind. You didn’t come in here and take me in your arms you came in here like a scared little boy about to be found out.”

He removed his hand placing both hands on the glass he held, “I knew you were going to be angry with me. I want you to know my feelings for you haven’t changed. I behaved badly to Libby I had to make it right. That’s…that’s why I went looking for her.”

“I saw Miss Peeg at lunch today she said Mr. Parker had come to see you yesterday before you left. She didn’t know what it was about but said he didn’t look happy. So I thought that’s what prompted you to go after her. I know it bothered you to tell her to leave you alone and get out of your life. I was here, remember when you left her and came up with pizza and beer for our dinner? Later it didn’t seem to bother you so much at least I hope you weren’t thinking about her when we went to bed.”

“No of course I wasn’t. “

“You have that capability don’t you, put her out of your mind when you’re with me so I think it must work the other way too…am I right?”

“I haven’t been with her except in the car and a coffee shop in Brisbane. You’re accusing me of something I haven’t done.”

“Yet…but you will…I know you will and you’ll come back here thinking I won’t know and everything will be just fine between us because you LOVE me. Well I loved you too I gave myself over to you and only you,” she turned back to the window, damned if she was going to cry.

Richie put the glass down on a little table and went over to her turned her around and put his arms around her. “I do love you as much as I know how to love anybody. I can’t change who I am what I am. I’m a fuck up you knew that when you started going with me.”

“I don’t want to change you because you’re what I fell in love with,” she rested her forehead on his chest. She could hear his heart beating and wanted to put her arms around him, she wanted him to love her now here in the floor, on the sofa but she pulled away. “I can’t do it, Richie. I can’t open myself up to that kind of pain.” She put her palms on his chest.

Richie lifted her chin and kissed her, “I don’t want to cause you pain, I want to love you.”

“What kind of love is it that lets you go from one to another and back again?”

“I don’t know the answer to that if I did I’d fix it.”

“You know when a fine piece of crystal develops a hairline crack, sometimes it’s only visible to a trained eye then that piece is worthless because it’s only a matter of time until that crack grows. It’s flawed then and some people have been known to reduce the price and try and sell it on a sentimental basis because it’s original worth is gone. I have never purchased such a flawed piece and tried to sell it because it would be a lie, a deception and I’ve always prided myself in honesty. There is a flaw in our relationship, Richie and I’ve found it. I won’t be deceived. I think you’d better leave.”

“What are you telling me…that I can’t see you anymore?”

“Not now, not for awhile…maybe never,” she pulled out of his arms wrapping hers around her own waist.

“I don’t think you’re being fair about this, I haven’t done anything, Nonnie except to bring her home.”

“If you think I’m going to continue this relationship waiting for you to do something about Libby you are very wrong. You did the right thing in the first place for you and I. But that wasn’t enough you had to go and get her letting her know just how sorry you were about what you’d said. You didn’t mean it after all did you? She was out of your life for less than 48 hours.” She was angry now, “I asked you to leave and you’re still here.”

“All right I’ll go,” he finished the drink in one swallow and set the glass down. “But I’m not giving up on you…you want to see pain have a look at me.” He turned and went down the stairs unlocking the door and locking it behind him.

Nonnie realized he still had her key and she ran down the stairs and opened the door, he was halfway across the street.

“Richie,” she called out, “I want my key back…I don’t want you walking into my life unannounced.”

It hurt but he reached in his pocket and pulled out the key, “Are you sure, Nonnie…don’t do this.”

“I didn’t do it…you did. You couldn’t stand it…you didn’t want me bad enough. That’s what I know, I wasn’t enough for you.” she finally broke down.

“That’s not true I love you.” He was still standing in the middle of the street aware Jessup had come out of his store and was looking around the corner at them.

“You don’t know what that is but I do,” she moved toward him with her hand held out, “I want my key back.”

He placed it in her hand, lights around him blurred with unshed tears. He tried to grab her hand but she was too quick, running back to her door, she never turned around.