Unwanted Knowledge

Now that he knew what was he going to do about it? Travis leaned back in his chair he hurt from the inside out. He got up and went through the house and out of the front door. He pulled his bike out of the garage and went riding over his property. He ended up on the highest point where he could look out at what he had, what he was trying to build on. He could see the men bringing in the equipment for the barbeque on Saturday. He’d almost forgotten about that, this thing with Jan had consumed him all week.

He could look in her eyes and tell she wasn’t there; she was back on the pills. He thought back over the night they came home from the Roberts place, she’d been quiet in the car but once in their bedroom when he’d tried to talk to her she copped an attitude, that didn’t work with him. She’d told him she wasn’t perfect enough for him, like he gave a shit about her limp or her screwed up insides. He’d loved her as she was.

Now his suspicions had been proven true. He was going to send her back to Sydney, she could stay in the apartment until she got herself straightened out and then…he didn’t know. He wondered if Toni had any idea Richie was shagging his wife. He felt for her he really did and that’s why he wasn’t going to do anything about Richie until she told him she was through with him. She’d been hurt enough already. But he was damned sure he was going to let that son-of-a-bitch know that he knew.

He needed, he wanted; he pulled out his phone and called Toni.

“Hey, have you got a minute for me are you busy?”

“Travis…no, I was just about to leave the clinic, what’s wrong?”

“I need to see you.”

“Where?”

“I’ll pick you up in about ten minutes.” He rang off.

Toni stared at her phone, he was picking her up?

In about twelve minutes the bike pulled up in front of the clinic and Toni locked the door and walked over to him.

“Hop on.”

“But…I”

“Please.”

“Just let me lock my things in my car.” She climbed on the back of the bike and held onto his waist.

He took her down the highway past the entrance to Glenridge Station to a dirt pathway that led across fields to a stream that widened out beneath some trees.

“What a pretty place,” she said swinging her leg over the bike.

“Its part of Glenridge, that pretty little stream almost drowned me a few months ago during the flood.”

“That must have been frightening,” she was wondering why he’d brought her here and what was up with him.

“Let's ah sit down over here, these logs washed up from the sluice gate. Toni…I don’t why it is I feel like I can talk to you,” He looked up, “at least I hope I can.”

“Of course you can Travis, say anything,” Toni watched him from her log.

“Maybe it’s because we’re caught up in the same shit, I got some news today that kinda knocked me sideways. Ordinarily I would have come up swinging, it’s in my nature to do that, but…I feel like I’ve had the wind knocked out of me. I wanted to talk to somebody that knows what’s going on and only you and I do aside from our so called spouses.”

“What news did you get?”

She had a right to know but he didn’t want to tell her, “Jan has evidently found somebody’s shoulder to cry on.”

Toni felt cold and went very still, “Richie’s?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“I don’t think you had to, did she tell you?”

“No, I had her followed.”

“What are you going to do Travis?”

“I’m going to send her to Sydney; she’s back on the pills again. If and when she gets herself straightened out we’ll talk. You’re not going to cry are you?”

Toni’s head came up, “No, why am I not surprised at this. I’m so sorry for both of us for this whole bloody mess.” Toni walked over to a tree and began pulling leaves off; the tears were going to come now, “she was my friend.”

“She was and is my wife.” He was behind her.

“I don’t know what I can do, what I can say, I’m no good to talk to what do you want from me.”

“A little understanding, a little honesty, that’s been in short supply lately.”

Toni turned to him, “you’ve got that already. I hurt for you Travis and for me too. I just don’t know what to do. If Jan came to you and said she was sorry what then?”

“If she meant it, if she was honestly telling me she loved me then it would be over Toni, not that I like it or anything but I can swallow it and go on, if she loved me.”

“You aren’t sure?”

“Right now no I’m not. What about you Toni, could you swallow it I think asked you that once before but it s a shitload of stuff now. I don’t know how it got to this place I don’t.”

“I might choke for sure right now Travis. How could he do this to me?” Travis put his arms around her while she cried.

He probably shouldn’t have brought her here, why had he called her, he needed…”Toni.”

Her arms had moved around his waist, he lifted her chin and kissed her longingly and then broke away. “I can’t do this to you.”

“Oh Travis, “catching her breath, “Why?”

“Because you aren’t mine. You don’t know what you want and neither do I.”

She rested her forehead on his chest, “you’re right, this is crazy.”

He lifted her chin again, “but I’ll tell you this, if it all goes down the toilet, I’ll make you mine.”

She didn’t know what to say and so she kissed him again and walked back to the bike and asked him to take her back to the clinic. She didn’t want to fall for Travis but she had a strong attraction to him. This was not the time to think about it because she just didn’t know what to do.