Just Friends?

Richie & Libby

by Atonia & Layne

In the car, Libby said, "I'm sorry, Richie. Things just got- A little uncomfortable with Dan."

“He say something to you?” Richie asked concerned that Dan had upset her.

"He knew about the baby." Libby's voice was quiet. "Said he found out from a nurse at the hospital."

“Libby, it could well have been his, I can understand his concern.” Richie backed out of Ben’s drive and headed for the highway. “What is it you’ve got against him anyway?”

Libby wanted to say, 'He's not you.' Instead, she said, "He used me and then he left me. Isn't that enough?"

“Well I don’t know what he was thinking, Libby maybe you should find out, the guy cares about you.”

"He has a funny way of showing it." She answered shortly. "And I don't care about him. Not any more. I'd rather be on my own."

Her sharp answer brought his head around, “Maybe he needs closure you ever think of that or maybe you don’t care…being on your own and everything.”

She'd never thought about that. What Richie had just said made sense.

"Maybe he does," she said softly. "And yes, I do care. It was just such a shock to find out that he knew. I thought nobody knew except you and Abby."

Her eyes went to him. "I'm not cold and uncaring or anything Richie. It's just- So much has happened lately. I've been concentrating so hard on holding myself together."

“Hey, I’m not tryin’ to get on your case, Libby just sayin’ you know, it’s affected him too. You’re doin’ okay kid.” He reached over and squeezed her hand.

"I am. I will be." She smiled at him, squeezing his hand in return.

"Glad to hear you've decided on a house," she told him. "I've actually narrowed my choice down to two."

“Yeah, good for you let me know about the apartment, I won’t hold you to a lease, Libby. I went ahead and put an offer on the house I told you about after I looked at the inside.” Richie pulled up in the parking lot at Millie’s.

"Well, I won't leave without finding someone to sublease. I'm looking at one house on the same side of town as the one you like and one further out toward Coffs." Noticing where they were, Libby was a little surprised. She'd expected him to drop her off at her apartment.

Richie wasn’t thinking when he parked here instead of next door at his office but he turned to Libby, “Got time for a drink?”

"I'd love one." She smiled, happy the evening wasn't over yet. She'd seen too little of him lately.

Richie got their drinks while Libby found a table, “Thought we could wash down the turkey. Liana made a good meal today.” Richie handed her a drink and sat down.

Sipping from the glass he brought her, Libby said, "Yeah, she did. Those two make an interesting couple. She seems to be trying to make a very traditional family, but Ben's- I don't know, he just seems like one of the most untraditional people I've ever met. I do envy her that baby, though."

“Who, Ben? I think he’s a guy that’s made good and is proud of what he’s got including Liana.” How he’d made good was another story and one Richie hadn’t ever really wanted to know because he liked Wade.

Libby hadn't intended to ask him this question so soon, but somehow now seemed like a good time. If she didn't do it soon, she was going to lose her courage. So, she took a deep breath and waded in.

"Richie- There's something I've been wanting to ask you. A favor. A big favor." She was looking at him, but her hands with her busy with her glass. She took another sip, telling herself she needed the courage. "Probably one of the biggest favors you could ever ask someone." Somehow, she didn't seem to be able to get it out.

Richie looked at her over the rim of his glass and took a sip, “ask away.”

"Before I do, I want you to know that it's okay if you say no. It won't affect our friendship as far as I'm concerned. I mean- I know it's a big deal and I know it's a lot to ask and-"She was talking in a rush, but still wasn't getting things out. She was so afraid of losing his friendship by asking this question that it almost had her petrified. She wanted to be sure that he wasn't going to run the other way as fast as he could.

Richie frowned a little seeing her discomfort, “well just ask, Libby what is it?”

"Well- I want to tell you that I've thought about this a lot. Done a lot of research on it. It's not just a whim and it's not something I'm doing without considering everything. I know you think I should wait, and I know you think I'm skipping a step, but I really want to have a baby."

Libby saw the look on his face. He was about to say something, but she knew that if he interrupted her, she'd never finish this. "Please, let me finish. I'm getting a house. I plan to keep on working and, with the money from my father, there'll be enough to support a child. And I know I can be a good mother, Richie. I know I can. I know how important it is. The thing is-"

She knew these things needed to be said, but she also knew she was babbling. Screwing up her courage, she finally got to the point. "The thing is, this is not going to be an accident like last time--with me not knowing who the father is. I'm- I'm hoping that you'll do me the honor of being the father, Richie."

There, she'd said it. Leaning back, she let out the breath she'd been holding and took another sip of her drink as she watched his face.

Richie was stunned and carefully set his drink down. He began shaking his head, “No, there’s no way, Libby.” What the hell was she thinking, “I can’t have a baby and I don’t want to have one.” He gave her an odd look, “we’re friends…we don’t have babies.”

"Sometimes friends have babies, Richie." She was trying to explain things to him, to explain what she'd been thinking about. "You told me about your vasectomy and I'm not asking you to reverse that. It's still medically possible. A doctor would collect the sperm and I'd be artificially inseminated. It actually gets done a lot. I've done a lot of research, like I said."

Taking a deep breath, she went on, "Women who want to have babies but not get married, or even couples who can't have children--they ask friends to donate sperm. That's what I'm asking. As far as your being a father- You wouldn't have to actually BE a father unless you want to. I mean, I'm not asking you to take on that responsibility unless it's something you really wanted to do. I can support a baby myself, and it's something I want to do."

Before he could interrupt again, she rushed ahead, "If you wanted to be the father, fine. You could see the baby whenever you wanted-anything. But, if you didn't- I would just tell him, at some appropriate time, how he was actually conceived. That it was through insemination. No one would know it was you. I'm prepared to just pick some anonymous donor if I have to, but- I'd rather it be you."

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, “Libby, you’re talkin’ crazy here this is something leftover from losing your baby.” He figured seeing Liana today largely pregnant had brought this on. “I don’t want a kid okay and you don’t need one right now.”

Richie took a long drink from his glass, “if I was gonna do something like that I would have with Toni who wanted to have children. No, Libby you need to get your head straight.” He sat back in his seat and looked at her completely baffled by this.

"I have my head straight, Richie. I really do." She looked at him pleadingly. "You wouldn't even be willing to think about it?"

He didn’t hesitate, “no, that’s stretching friendship a little far don’t you think?”

"All right." She sighed and wiped at her eyes a little. Then she gave him a smile and squeezed his hand. "I told you no hard feelings if you said no and I meant it. Like I said, I know it was a lot to ask." She couldn't help looking disappointed, though.

Tears usually moved him to action but not these, he was still a little shocked with her. He looked in his glass and looked at hers, and decided not to order another drink, he needed to see her home. “No hard feelings,” he said and downed the rest of his drink.

It HAD been difficult for her to see Liana Wade. Lately, every woman in the Glen seemed to be pregnant or to already have a child. She didn't think it would have bothered her at all, if she hadn't lost one of her own, but since that had happened, every pregnant woman she saw was a reminder. She knew Richie didn't really understand that. Didn't understand how it tugged at her heart.

"None," she said, and gave him a wider, honest smile. "I appreciate your being honest with me. I know you think I'm crazy, but I'm not, you know."

“I’m not so sure about that,” he rattled the ice in his glass. “Are you about ready?” He’d lived for months with Toni tearing up every time she saw an expectant mother and now Libby.

He'd had enough of the subject. Libby could tell that he was impatient with her and that he did think she was crazy. She really didn't have any hard feelings toward him--had known before she asked that he was likely to say no. But he'd always been so supportive before. On top of her newfound knowledge that she loved him, his attitude cut her to the quick. She felt an emptiness--a hollow place in the pit of her stomach that she'd never felt before.

"Um-no. I'm really not ready to leave yet. I think I'll stay and have a few more drinks. Don't let me keep you, though." She smiled at him, in spite of that empty feeling.

Richie wasn’t about to leave her sitting in the bar by herself, he looked at her a moment and picked up their glasses and took them to the bar for a refill and came back and sat down.

“You want to tell me what’s going on with you?” he asked giving her a direct look.

Libby met his eyes. "I'm tired, that's all. I've had so many things to be emotional about lately. I'm not used to it."

"And I don't think this friendship of ours has been very good to you lately, Richie. It was supposed to be good for both of us. Since my accident, though, it's like you've been taking care of me. I feel like nothing but a burden on you."

“It’s been almost two months since your accident and you’ve been pretty much taking care of yourself so that don’t wash. You pissed off at me, don’t wanna be friends anymore or what?” He was wondering if it was seeing Dan today or something else, he picked up his drink and sipped it.

"Of course I still want to be friends with you, Richie. I'll always want to be friends with you." She couldn't tell him that losing his friendship might just be the one thing in the world she couldn't bear.

"Okay. You want me to be straight, I'll be straight with you. Lately, I've been wondering if you still want to be friends with me. Until today, you've been kind of avoiding me. Not meeting my eyes a lot when we do talk. And not wanting to sleep with me, either."

She reached out to take his hand. "Listen, Richie, it's okay if there's someone else you're sleeping with. You can tell me if you want the 'benefits' part of our friendship to change. It doesn't mean we won't be friends any more."

Richie looked down at the table he hadn’t expected that, “we had an agreement, no strings,” he looked up, “we had long conversations about friendship. You’re my friend Libby, friend. I am interested in somebody I don’t know where it’s going to go yet but I’m going to give it every chance I can. I’m sorry if you think I’ve been avoiding you I didn’t mean to give you the idea I didn’t want to be friends with you.”

He was beginning to get a little whiff of something, no benefits for her was a problem regardless of what she said. “Being friends doesn’t necessarily mean we have to sleep together every time we see each other and that’s the direction it was going. It made me feel like I was using you and I don’t ever want to feel that way about you.”

In spite of how much it hurt to hear he was interested in someone else, Libby managed another smile. "You have never used me, Richie. I've never felt used. And you're right. We did agree on no strings. And I know we don't have to sleep together every time we see each other. Especially not if you're interested in someone. Of course you're going to want that to change."

Libby knew she could never tell him how she felt about him. It would ruin things and she would never take that chance. "If you've met some who makes you happy, I'm glad for you Richie. I really mean that."

Surprisingly, she really did mean it. She remembered very well how hurt he'd been during the breakup with Toni and she'd hated seeing him that way. She truly did want to see him happy and smiling. No matter how much it hurt.

"So- All that's out in the open now." Libby sipped her drink and looked at him calmly. "Remember how we talked about needing to adjust when something changed? I guess it's time for us to adjust. I'm pretty sure we can handle that."

Richie sipped his drink, “yeah, we can handle that,” it was a relief to know she understood. He’d feel better about it if she’d find somebody of her own to care about and have that baby.

There'd been enough serious talk and drama for one evening. In spite of the hurt she was feeling, Libby was too drained for anything more. She had to lighten the mood.

"Now- What else do friends do?" She grinned at him. "I guess we could go to a movie or a rugby match or something now and then."

Richie smiled and picked up his drink again ”we could do that, Libby.” He hadn’t wanted to hurt her but the last time he went out with her had scared him a little. It had been a date and friends don’t go on dates. He was afraid she was reading more into their friendship than was there. He’d decided to cool it a little and then there had been Nonnie.

Libby still wasn't ready to go home, but he was being that protective Richie--the one that she loved so much, she reminded herself--and she could tell that he wasn't going to just leave her there by herself. Draining her glass, she smiled at him again (she'd never before realized how much it could actually hurt to smile sometimes) and said, "Guess we should go now."

Richie drained his glass and walked with her up the sidewalk to her flat, “thanks for coming with me today, Libby,” he stopped at the bottom of the steps going up to her door. “You have a good night, kid.” He kissed her drawing it out a little longer than he’d planned.

She'd wondered if he'd kiss her good night. She enjoyed it, just as she always did. Loved the way it went on for awhile, the way it always seemed to with Richie.

When he had drawn back from her a little, she looked him in the eye, "We ARE still friends, Richie. I'm here for you. I always will be. If you need to talk or...or anything."

Richie gave her an affectionate pat on the back, “that’s a two way street, kid. Good night, Libby.” He stuck his hands in his pockets and waited until she unlocked her door.

She wanted to kiss him again, to put her arms around him again and ask him to come in. Then she thought to herself that, even if he did, he might feel guilty over it and she didn't want that. "Good night, Richie."

Richie gave her a little wave and walked back toward Millie’s sighing as he walked, knowing how easy it would have been to follow her up the steps.

Watching him go, Libby felt like crying, but she refused to let herself cry any more. She hadn't lost him, she told herself firmly. They were still friends. She'd see him, talk to him. And she'd still be here if he needed...or wanted...her.