Facing Reality?

By Marie and Beej

Terry hung up the phone and looked across at Max and Ceri.  "Bud says it's okay to head over there now." He got up and headed to his room to fetch his cell and car keys.  "Wish me luck."

Ceri stood and hugged him, kissing him on the cheek. Max gave him a firm handshake which turned into a warm hug, then slapped him gently on the back.  They walked out to the car with him and waved him off, hoping that he could face this on his own.

Bud hung up the phone and looked at Marie.  Fuck, things were going too well lately.

"Who was that, Bud?"

Bud put on his cop face and looked her in the eyes.

"It was Terry, Hon.  He's stopping by for a visit."

"That's wonderful..."  Marie trailed off as she peered into Bud's face.  Something was wrong.

"Terry is alone?"  She knew Bud too well.  His face spelled trouble.

"Is this about M?"  Marie hadn't heard from her in a while and had become worried.  With everything going on at the farm she hadn't pursued contacting either Terry or M as she'd wanted to.

Bud cursed under his breath.  She was too fucking intuitive.

"Yeah, Hon.  It is.  Wait till Terry gets here to explain."  Bud braced himself.  Marie hated to not get things straight on right away.  Her face flushed and her mouth opened, but then she closed it again.  She was silent for a moment.

"Okay, I'll be in the kitchen making some tea and coffee."  She turned around with a crisp military-like pivot and rapidly disappeared into the kitchen.

Bud shook his head.  Marie already knew it was something awful and had decided to not face it for a few minutes longer.  He strode out onto the porch and sat down on the swing to wait for Terry's arrival.

Terry could see Bud out on the porch as he drove closer.  Pulling up outside the house, he looked at his reflection in the rearview mirror.  He sighed at the sight.  He had dark circles under his dull and lifeless eyes, his hair was a mess and he was in need of a shave. "You look like shit, mate." he told himself before killing the engine and stepping out of the car.

He straightened his back and stretched a bit before making a move. When he saw Bud rise from the swing, he walked towards the porch.  Holding his hand out towards Bud he spoke.  "G'Day, Bud.  Thanks for letting me come over at such short notice."

"Sure thing, Terry.  It's good to see you."  He took in Terry's appearance.  He wasn't looking too good.  It didn't take a fucking detective to see he was going through a rough time.  Bud shook his hand.

"Come on inside.  Marie is making coffee.  Sit down and take a load off your feet." 

Bud showed him to the couch in the living room.  He knew there was something seriously wrong, but didn't know the specifics.  Terry hadn't elaborated over the phone.  Just that he wanted Bud there when he spoke with Marie.

"Uh, let me tell Marie you're here, Terry."

At that moment Marie emerged from the kitchen with a tray.  She placed the tray on the coffee table and looked at Terry.  The smile faded from her face when she saw his appearance.  Immediately she sat down on the couch beside him, leaned over and gave him a kiss on his cheek.  She took his hand in hers.

"Tell me what's happened, Terry?"

He held onto Marie's hand so tightly his knuckles turned white.  He released his grip realising that he could easily break her fingers, looked at the red marks across her hand, and ran his fingers through his mussed hair.  "Sorry," he murmured. Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, he rested his elbows on his knees and focussed on the coffee table.

"You'd think I could do this easily; it's part of my job after all...speaking to the rellies."  He stopped talking for a moment as he heard Marie gasp quietly.  "Marie, Bud, I need to tell you something serious.  It's about M..."

Terry stopped abruptly, trying to stop the sob from escaping.  He failed, and before he knew what had happened, he was wrapped in Marie's arms sobbing against her chest.

Bud ran his hand across his face.  He figured it was something like this.  M was dead.  Marie was holding on tightly to Terry to comfort him.  She stroked his hair and whispered soft words to him.  Her gaze caught Bud's.  It was one of devastation, loss and shock.  All her instincts as a nurse had kicked in and she would be strong for Terry even though tears now slipped down her cheeks.

He knew his wife.  She wouldn't push Terry for information or details until he could talk and was ready.  In the scheme of things they didn't mean a fucking thing anyway.  Except when you were a cop.  Then they were of great importance.  Bud kept his mouth shut.  His job wasn't to be a detective here.  Dead was dead and this was family.

Terry could hear Marie whispering to him, in his present state he couldn't understand what she was saying, but the tone of her voice brought him comfort, and her hand stroking his hair reminded of how his mum used to comfort him when he was a boy.  He felt safe in Marie's arms and was content to stay wrapped in her arms absorbing her comfort for as long as she would allow.

It must have taken about ten minutes for his sobs to subside, and he lifted up his head.  Marie sensed he was almost ready to talk and relaxed her hold on him a little.  He wiped his eyes with the back of his hands and kissed her temple. "Sorry," he muttered.  "I guess I let the tea go cold." He looked at Marie and realised she was crying.  He reached for a tissue from a box on the coffee table and gently wiped her eyes.

"Marie, Bud...I need to talk with you about M.  She went off to join Medicine Sans Frontiers a few months ago.  I was selfish and didn't want her to go; told her I needed her.  You both know what she's like; she was quick to tell me there were hundreds, if not thousands of people in Darfur who needed her more than I did, and nothing I said would make her change her mind.  She promised to call me, and I jotted down days and times.  She was annoyed, thinking I was keeping tabs on her, but she agreed, and actually kept to the schedule.  Then the calls stopped, and every time I tried to call, her cell was off..."

Marie nodded.  She knew about Medicine Sans Frontiers.  M and she had actually talked about it.  Marie had never considered it.  Perhaps she was selfish too.  She couldn't leave Bud for all that time especially after her miscarriage.  And with the news from Darfur she had encouraged M not to consider it either.  You couldn't help people if you were dead.  M wouldn't have told her when she left.  She knew Marie would have tried to talk her out of it. 

God, she sounded like such a realist.  Perhaps that was part of living with Bud...or maybe it was part of her all along and something the two of them had in common.

She cradled Terry's hand in hers.  Marie liked this big quiet man so much.  How could M have left him?  But with Terry's job he was gone a lot too.  And to places that seemingly might have no return.  Was M missing and presumed dead or known dead?  Her thoughts strayed to Dino.  She'd met Terry's crazy fun loving partner more than once.  He'd have Terry's back on this.

"Is she gone, Terry?"  She swiped a tear off her cheek.  Her cousin who wanted to save the world's sick.  "Is Dino helping?"

Lifting Marie's hand to his lips, Terry gently kissed it; he held on, unconsciously rubbing the spot above her knuckles where his lips had touched. "Dino broke the news to me, Marie.  I flew out right away but just fell apart when he took me to the last camp.  I could feel that M had been there, it was too much for me to handle.  Dino refused to let me stay, sent me back here under guard."  Terry stopped before he swore, accepting a mug of tea Bud had remade.  He took a couple of sips before continuing.

"There's been no word, Luv.  No ransom demands, no proof of life...nothing.  Dino is still out there with his troops,  said he won't come home without her; if anyone can find the missing medics he can.  It's not just M, all of them were taken.  Dino is working on the assumption that M's alive; it's the best he can do right now.  I just wish I had his faith."

Bud stood, watched and listened.  If he was Terry he'd be going fucking nuts.  He'd rip the world apart to find Marie.  Terry had certainly felt the same way with M.  Marie was never going anywhere without him.  He didn't care if he had to tie her down to stop her.  There were enough people for her to help here where he could watch out for her.

It killed him just to watch the tears wash down her face and know he couldn't stop them.  He saw her face transform as the glimmer of hope took hold.  No, that shouldn't be there.  Her cousin was dead.  Sure as shit Bud knew that as a detective.  There'd have been a ransom demand by now if she was possibly coming back alive.

"Yes, Terry."  Her fingers stroked his hand.  "Dino will find them, Terry.  If M is injured...or hurt."  She swallowed knowing what could have happened to her.  "He'll bring her home where she can heal." 

They could help her heal.  Please, God.  She desperately wanted to believe.  Marie wanted to believe with all her heart that M could still be alive.  For the shattered man before her and for herself. 

Terry and Bud glanced at each other, exchanging a silent message.  Terry nodded slightly; he knew what Bud was thinking, and much as he wanted to deny it, he was thinking the same.  Dino had called telling him that the trail had gone cold, but that he wasn't giving up until he knew either way.  There was no way he was going to tall Marie that he'd all but given up hope for a good outcome; he couldn't do that to her...yet.

"Marie, please don't think I'm being disloyal, but I can't stay in the big house alone; it's too painful right now.  Max and Ceri have been brilliant letting me crash in their guestroom, but I can't stay there indefinitely.  Before you say anything, I'm not trying to get an invite to stay here; I have to take care of myself.  Toni Roberts has an empty house going to waste now that she's moved in with Travis.  She told Ceri and Bron that it's mine if I want it.  I'm going to give them a call to look it over.  It will be closer to you two, so perhaps I can drop by from time to time...if that's okay with you, Bud"

Marie gave him a firm hug.  "I'd never think you were being disloyal, Terry.  I can understand not wanting to be alone in the house by yourself.  Are you sure you wouldn't like to stay here for awhile?  We'd love to have you.  There's plenty of room.  She glance at Bud and he nodded.

"Sure, Terry.  You come over anytime.  And stay for a while if you want to.  We have room."

Bud could tell Marie was already starting to nest and if Terry agreed she'd be taking care of him by the end of the day.  It was just her way.  He figured that was why she was a nurse.  The only thing he'd never figured out was how in the hell she'd fallen in love with him.  Bud didn't care why.  He was just glad she had.

"And if you like Toni's house and decide to stay there we'll help you move your things there.  I could stock the kitchen for you."

Bud knew that meant she'd stock it with full meals.  He suppressed a grin.  It also meant he'd be eating well along with Terry.  She'd already be cooking for Ashley and Lachlan when they came home from the hospital.  He knew she'd say what's a little more food.

"Ta, Luv; I really appreciate the offer.  I don't want to upset Ceri by moving out to come here though, they both said I can stay as long as I need.  I'll sure take you up on the other offers though.  I'll need help with my stuff, and your offer to stock up the kitchen is accepted without reservation."  Terry leaned over and kissed Marie before getting ready to stand up.  "I'd better head back, Ceri is getting like a mother hen where I'm concerned," he smiled, it didn't reach his eyes.

Marie nodded and threw her arms around Terry to give him a hug.  She figured they both needed one. 

"You thank, Ceri for me.  We all need a mother hen sometimes, Terry."

She released him and kissed his cheek one more time.

"Let me know if you decide to stay in Toni's house.  And..."  She swallowed and swiped a tear off her cheek.  "Let us know any news you hear."  Bud moved forward and put his hand on Marie's shoulder.

Marie had the sudden feeling she shouldn't let Terry leave.  That if he did M would slip away forever and be truly gone.  She choked back a sob knowing that the feeling was pure emotion and not based in any fact.  Bud's grip on her shoulder slightly tightened.  He read her so well.  They walked Terry to the door. 

Terry hugged Marie once more; kissing her forehead, then shook Bud by the hand. He walked to his car and got in. Starting the engine, he looked over to the couple standing by their front door and gave them a small wave before heading back to Ceri and Max.