Libby's Letter to Richie

My Dearest Richie,

I love you. I never get tired of saying that. I never thought I'd have anyone to say it to after my dad died, but then you came along, and I discovered just how good it felt.

I'm so sorry to have been the cause of so much pain and so much trouble for you. I never thought that my loving you could be anything bad for you. I didn't even know I had the capacity to love someone so deeply as I love you. But my presence and my love only seems to bring you problems and to make you feel bad and, as much as it hurts me, I want to fix that for you.

Part of this letter won't make sense until you've talked to Max Skinner, and he'll be getting in touch with you soon. I hope you won't be angry with me for what I've arranged for him to do. He was kind enough to do me this huge favor and I owe him much gratitude for doing it. The keys in this envelope are for my house and car, which I won't be needing any more. Max will explain that part to you too.

The little hand-carved wooden heart in with this letter was a gift from my father when I was a little girl. He brought it back from a business trip for me. After that, I'd give it to him sometimes when he had to go away again. I'd tell him it was "my heart" and that he should take it with him, so he'd know that somebody loved him while he was gone. Now that he's gone for good, you have the fortune (or the misfortune, depending on how you see it) to be the one who possesses it.

It belongs with you now. You've had my heart for a long time now, Richie. Even though you couldn't love me, I know you'll take good care of it, because I know that you, of all people, know how much it means to me to be able to give it. Maybe...sometimes... you'll look at it and know that someone loves you, even though she's gone.

Other people have tried to tell me that I was wrong for loving you, for trusting you with my heart, but they were the ones who were wrong. I'm trusting you with my heart forever now, Richie, and I know that I'm putting it in safe hands.

I could never talk to anyone the way I could talk to you. All those times after I lost my baby, when you just held me and let me cry, when I could just pour out to you what I was feeling meant more than the world to me. You're a good listener, Richie. I just wish you had been able to talk to me more, but that doesn't matter now. I know you from watching you, from being around you.

I hope you won't think badly of me for the things I've done, for the times I've clung so hard when you wanted me to let go. People have called me a 'messed-up kid' and maybe that's true in some ways, but I think all of us are messed up in our own way. You often told me how messed up you thought your own life was. I wanted so much to help, but you didn't seem able to let me. So I hope that what I'm doing now will help.

Stay in touch with Michael and talk to him a lot. Until you came along, nobody in the world meant more to me than my father, and I know you can be a great father. Trust yourself to be that. Look after Frank. He's going to be hurting and he's going to be angry, and he'll need a friend.

I'm tired, Richie. So tired. It seems as though I've been fighting everyone I know, because they all have some opinion about my being with you. I could keep up that fight forever if you wanted me in your life and never get too tired. But when you said you 'really didn't want to do this', it took away what I was fighting for. So I guess that means it's time to quit the fight now.

I don't know what else to say, except "I love you" again. I'm glad you were part of my life. And please know that you were the best part. The happiest times of my life were spent with you, Richie. I hope you will remember at least a few happy times with me.

All my love, always,

Libby