All Her Fault

By Marie

Bud stalked through the wet grass toward the edge of their property. The rain had already soaked through his hair and was running down into his eyes. He was so mad at her right now. They were having a great night. Enjoying themselves and relaxing quietly together after a long day at work. And she had to ruin the whole night.

He kicked a log and stubbed his toe. Many curses followed under his breath. Finally getting it out Bud took a deep breath and almost drowned. Fucking rain. Wasn’t it ever going to stop?

So now what was he going to do? He was standing here in the dark getting soaked. He could go out and get lost in the woods. Bud could read the fucking headline in The Glen Times on that one. Asshole Acting Sheriff Gets Lost in Bush and Eaten by Rampaging Kangaroos. That’d make her cry.

Had he already made her cry? He glanced back toward their porch and tried to see if she was still sitting there. Or had she run into the house upset? Knowing Marie, she was waiting there for him. He was the one who’d left.

Congratulations, Bud White. Again you walked away from her again when she wanted to talk to you. The last time they stopped talking she’d ended up suicidal. And if Bud was honest with himself, he wasn’t any better at the time.

The real issue here was he didn’t want to try for another baby. Never. Well, at least not right now. No, never. When Marie had been pregnant and he took her for her checkups, he’d wanted the baby as much as her. Every ultrasound he saw and kick he felt made him want that kid more. Then it all fell apart. They lost the baby. Marie almost died. And then they almost lost each other forever.

It pissed the big cop off more than anything that she was moving on faster than he was. She was willing to take the risk again. Put her and another baby’s life in danger. How could she do that?

Because she loved him. She wanted to have his baby and raise his kid who stood a good chance of growing up as fucked up as him. She still would risk it all. He wouldn’t or he couldn’t again. Christ, he was mad at her.

Bud walked back toward the porch. He watched her as he approached. She was hugging herself. What he’d been doing before she started this.

"No." Bud felt tired. He just wanted to go to bed and hold her.

Marie nodded. "I’m sorry, Bud. I wasn’t trying to hurt you or hurt us. I know you’re not ready to talk about this yet. That’s okay with me. I’m not in a hurry." She stood and held her hand out to him.

Bud put his hand in hers and they went inside.

"You’re soaking wet, Bud. We need to get you out of those clothes and dry." She led him toward their bedroom. He didn’t resist.

They didn’t talk as she undressed and toweled him dry. Standing naked before her, Bud pulled her into his arms. He held her close as he buried his nose into her hair and breathed her scent in deeply.

"I love you."

"I know you do, Bud. I love you too." She looked up into his eyes and cupped his cheek in her soft palm. She stroked his skin gently with her thumb.

"Our life together is wonderful, Bud. I want us to have babies together. If it doesn’t happen we’ll still have a fantastic life together. I don’t want us to have regrets when we’re older once it’s too late for us to have children together because we never tried again. I just want to talk about it and for you to consider it, Sweetheart. When you’re ready." She tiptoed up and brushed her lips gently across his.

Bud held her tightly to him and kissed her fiercely. He wanted her to know how much she meant to him. Words weren’t enough. He wouldn’t lose her to childbirth. She had the right to ask him to think about it and talk to her. He owed her that. He nodded and kissed her again, more gently this time.

"Not tonight, Marie."

She nodded as Bud undressed her and led her to their bed. Their hands never left one another’s bodies. They made love and fell asleep together.