The Conversation

By Marie

Marie leaned her head against Bud’s chest as they rocked slowly back and forth on the swing. Bud had been working hard as acting Sheriff while John Biebe had been off on administrative leave. She could tell how happy it had made him. It made their evening time together that much more precious.

She reached for her glass of iced tea and took a sip, offering her glass up to Bud. He took a swallow and wrapped her back up in his arms after she set the glass back down on the small glass porch table.

The rain fell steadily around them. Marie had wanted a porch swing at their home for times exactly like this. The rain was soothing with the sound it made as it bounced off their roof. She could fall asleep in his arms, but there was something she wanted to talk to Bud about. She’d been trying to bolster her courage to discuss it with him ever since the Wade wedding. She wasn’t sure if she was more afraid to hear it out loud herself or for Bud’s reaction.

"I’m glad you had a good day at work. Are you sure you had enough for supper?"

"Mmm. If I ate anymore I wouldn’t be able to move. What’s on your mind, Hon?"

Marie should have realized he’d know when she was trying to lead up to something. She knew when he was although Bud’s way was different from hers.

"I’ve been thinking about something. Something…difficult that I’m ready to talk about if you are." Bud held her just as tightly, but he stiffened slightly against her. Perhaps he already knew the subject. There was only one subject difficult for them to discuss.

"Spill, Hon." Bud’s voice sounded as guarded as his body now was.

"Things are so good now, Bud. We’re settled here and happy. When we danced at the wedding I started to think maybe it was time. Not to start right away if you don’t want to, but time to think about trying again in the near future." She sucked in a deep breath. Why was it so hard to say the words?

"I was thinking we should try again to have a baby. The doctor told me I’m healthy. I have a good doctor here now and he would follow me carefully during my pregnancy…"

Marie was starting to ramble as she rationalized to assuage Bud’s fear. She knew what his fear’s were. Some he’d had since he was a boy. Some they shared. Bud stopped her rambling. His body now seemed like leaning against a piece of unmovable granite.

"No!" Bud stood and picked her up as though she weighed nothing. He deposited her down on the swing alone. Gentle, despite his strength and the pain she sensed brewing at the surface. One look at his face and Marie knew that Bud wasn’t ready to talk about this yet.

She saw all his fear of losing her and the pain of losing their baby in his one expression. Her heart clenched in her chest as she felt and shared his pain.

"No." This time said without anger, but filled with anguish. She watched as Bud strode off the porch and out into the rain. His form retreated into the growing darkness. She pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged her arms tightly around them.

Marie would wait for him here. Bud wouldn’t be gone long. He would speak to her when he was ready. For now she would remain silent.