By Meggie Ward

Warmth…protection…love. These feelings and needs filled her soul, her mind, and her heart as she quickly walked through a wooded area. The smell of pines trees, the clear, crisp call of a robin, and the feel of the soft earth beneath her bare feet surrounded her completely. Up ahead, she saw the small creek flowing endlessly through the green valley. Running now, feeling the wind through her hair, she finally made it into the clearing.

"Jeffrey!" she called, waving her hand at the older man standing across the creek. He stood there, looking around, as if lost in thought or in time. Why didn’t he answer her? Taking a few steps towards the edge of the creek, she cried his name again. This time he saw her, and his blue eyes meet hers, revealing pain, anger, and fear.

She sat up quickly, trembling. It was just a dream…the same dream she had every night. Her heart pounded in her chest, as she tried desperately to keep the sickening feeling from once again taking over. He’s gone, Meggie. Move on…move forward. Pulling the sheets away from her legs, Meggie slowly got out of bed and headed towards her desk. As she walked towards it, she stopped suddenly finding herself staring into an oval mirror on the wall. Her long brown hair was a mess, her blue-green eyes bloodshot, her face still pale. She used her fingers to try to bring some sort of control to her hair, and then continued to the desk. Reaching down, Meggie opened the top drawer and saw what she needed, or rather, didn’t want to need staring back at her.

Sunday…it had been a clear and crisp fall day in October. The leaves offered one last brilliant treat for the eyes, with rich colors of red, gold, and yellow dripping from the branches. Standing on a small bridge over a pond, a man and a woman stood beside each other. His arm wrapped tightly and protectively around the waist. God, she could still feel the warmth of his fingers, the slight pressure she felt from his hand and arm holding her so close to his body. "Jeffrey," she whispered, tracing his face with her fingers.

Another couple in the park that day had offered to take their picture with Jeffrey’s camera. She remembered protesting; saying how much she hated having her picture taken and how she must have looked a mess. But then she remembered his face, those blue eyes filled with happiness and eagerness for a change, beckoning her to oblige. And so she had, and in those fifteen seconds, she realized what she had already known long ago…she was in love with Jeffrey. Not simply in love, but totally, unconditionally, and madly in love.

Then the dark clouds had begun to gather, filling Jeffrey’s mind with doubts about them being a couple. He was too old, too damage. She deserved a better man, someone younger who could give her what she deserved. In the beginning, Meggie had been able to persuade Jeffrey’s thinking with her constant promises of love and sweet kisses. She didn’t care about the age difference, and yes, they both had baggage heavy enough to sink a boat. But she saw beyond that black and white area, into the shades of grey, which Jeffrey often had trouble doing because of his past.

"The Whistleblower," as he was called by the media, and to some a hero. Jeffrey detested that term, saying he only did what he felt was morally right and how his "compass" directed his conscious. Of course, the harassment and smear campaign spearheaded by his former employer, Brown & Williamson, had left him with literally nothing. He had an ex-wife who had taken his two girls away from him and accused him of anger issues and abuse; he had the media and public ready to either crucify or praise him for his outspoken boldness over the dangers of cigarettes and corporate deceit. What Jeffrey Wigand had done cost him so much, and in the process he nearly lost himself.

Then he decided to make a difference, to not remain silent. Jeffrey began speaking with children, teens, adults, anyone who would listen about the dangers of nicotine. That’s how they had met. She worked as a high school librarian and he had come to give a presentation to the 9^th grade Health class. Meggie smiled, ever so lightly, remembering their first meeting. He had just finished talking with several teens and had turned back to pick up his brief case and bottled water. Nervously, she walked up to him and introduced herself, commenting on how much she had enjoyed his talk and as did the students. From that point on, there was no returning or going back to her old life. Jeffrey had asked her dinner, which she agreed to, and over the course of the next few weeks, they began seeing each other regularly when possible.

Still holding the photograph, Meggie walked towards the big bay window, gazing through the curtains. It was going to be a glorious day, sunny with a breathtaking blue sky in the Glen. So why did the world seem to be so streaked by shades of grey, cutting her off from any small amount of hope, of light, of living? She had a brand new home in beautiful Australia, surrounded by dear friends and neighbors. A fresh start, she had called it, ever since the day she had left the States and Jeffrey behind. "Leave me alone…I hate you." Those were the finals words she had said to Jeffrey.

Fighting back the tears that threatened to fall down her face, Meggie turned around and just stared for a few moments at her room. She still had so much to do, to get finally unpacked and begin making "home" feel like "home." To become better acquainted with her neighbors who all lived in the same lovely area. Plus, Meggie finally had the opportunity to own her own horse, something she had longed to do since she was a little girl. And then there was the holiday season right around the corner!

No, today she had no time for thoughts of Jeffrey that pierced her mind and heart. He had made it clear, painfully clear: they could not have a future together. She would learn in time to protect her heart more carefully, to look both ways before crossing and falling hard and fast into Love’s treacherous and cold pit. No, today she would begin living, at least trying. She would begin by getting dressed, working around the house, and then heading over to Millie’s for an early dinner, perhaps getting a chance to meet some of her neighbors.

Looking back at the photograph, Meggie shook her head, trying to convince herself of the words that came from her lips. "Goodbye, Jeffrey, forever," and with that, she tore the picture up and let the pieces simply fall into a wood wastebasket. She’d deal with the torn pieces later, along with the rest of her personal belongings that needed to be unpacked, stored, or discarded.