An Uncomfortable Visit

Toni & Libby

by Atonia & Layne

As she drove toward the Glen, Libby was smiling happily. Just yesterday, she'd made a date with Richie for dinner on Friday night. Their first real date. She had a good start on her new case. Had just spent most of the day in Coffs working on it. She'd have to do more driving to some of the other towns around to finish up, but she was happy with how it was going so far. Nothing bad in life right now, that she could see.

She'd stopped off at the bookstore in Coffs after finishing up her work for a look at new books. She'd been planning on buying a gift for Liana Wade and her new baby and, while she was in the bookstore, she'd seen something that looked perfect. It was a new baby scrapbooking kit, with plenty of room for pictures, writing down memories, and lots of pretty pages and trims.

On impulse, she'd also bought one for Toni. She wasn't sure at all why she felt a need to buy a baby gift for Richie's ex-wife. Almost ex-wife, she reminded herself. Except maybe that she loved babies and baby things, and that she was so happy right now. She'd only met Toni twice, but she hoped it would be seen as a nice gesture. For the two babies, she chose cloth 'First Books'. For Olivia Wade, one about horses that made neighing sounds, and for Cole McGee one about cows which made mooing sounds.

Libby decided to go ahead and drop off Toni and Cole's gifts, since the McGee place was on her way home. She was a little nervous as she walked up to the gate, hoping Toni and Travis didn't find it strange that she would bring a gift. Ringing the bell, she waited for the door to be answered.

Lee ushered her in with a wide smile, “You come on in. I’m Lee and if there is anything you need let me know. Now then, who do you wish to see?” He thought he had an idea from the blue paper wrappings in her hand but he waited for an answer.

"I, uh- I brought gifts for Toni and the new baby, but if this is a bad time-" Now that she was here, she wasn't at all sure it was a good thing to do.

Lee smiled,”Good, she is just in the kitchen feeding him. Come, follow me.” Lee led her into the kitchen where, Toni sat at the old wooden table with a bottle feeding Cole.

“Libby, hi. How are you?” she smiled, “Cole says hi too,” She took the bottle from his mouth so Libby could see him.

"He's so precious!" Libby sank into the chair next to Toni, looking longingly at the baby. "Hi, Cole! How are you?"

"And how are you?" She looked at Toni a little shyly. "I wanted to drop off a gift for you. I hope that's okay."

“Of course it’s okay. Gifts are always welcome.” She put Cole on her shoulder for a burp and reached for the gift and opened it, “Very thoughtful of you Libby, thanks. He’ll love this little book. I guess Travis will try and make a cattleman out of him. So how are you?” Toni put the gift back on the table and began patting Cole’s back.

"I'm doing fine. Working on getting a private investigation business off the ground. It's a lot of work, but I'm enjoying it. I've always liked getting to the bottom of things, figuring things out. It's why I majored in journalism in college."

Libby was still giving Cole longing looks. "Do you plan to go back to work once Cole's older?"

“I’m not sure yet. Travis would prefer that I work here on the station. I’ve staffed the clinic and only oversee it now. And you know,” she laughed a little, “between me and Kyle we’ve got our own clinic going here with the cowboys. Somebody’s always got a sprain or rope burn or something. He’s a trained medic and I’m a physical therapist, so probably not. I’ll have Cole to contend with too as well as Tee and Travis.”

"Sounds like a busy life," Libby commented. "Could I-" She was a little hesitant about asking, but... "Could I hold Cole for a minute?"

“You sure can,” Toni transferred him over. “He’s a good baby. Only cries when he’s hungry and that means hardly at all because he’s picked up before he can utter a meow.” She smiled and looked closely at Libby. She had that look on her face of wanting a baby.

Libby cradled Cole very carefully, as though he were made of glass and would break any moment. Her eyes on him were soft and warm. "I lost a baby, you know," she said softly.

“No. No, Libby I didn’t know. I’m so sorry. That must have been horrible for you.” Toni was surprised and immediately wondered who the father was, but she didn’t ask. “Was this…recently?”

"Just awhile back. I had a car accident. The accident was minor, but it caused me to have a miscarriage. I didn't even know at the time that I was pregnant. It was very early on."

Reluctantly, she handed Cole back to his mother. "I'd never even thought about having a baby before, but something about finding out I'd lost one- It was the hardest thing I've ever been through."

“I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you. I almost lost Cole. I went into labor in my 6th month and had to spend the last three months in bed. You’re okay aren’t you? I mean it didn’t mess you up to where you couldn’t have another?”

"Oh, no," Libby answered. "The doctor says I'm fine, and I can have as many as I want." She smiled a little. "But it may not happen at all. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be."

She'd done a lot of thinking since Richie had gone to Brisbane and brought her back. A relationship with him meant no children. He couldn't father any more, was adamant that he didn't want any more. If she followed through on having a child on her own, it would affect any relationship with him and she didn't want that. So she'd been trying to quietly resign herself to no babies.

“Well you’ve got plenty of time to find the right daddy for your future babies. I’ll tell you why this one is so special, Libby. I can’t have anymore. The doctors told me I wouldn’t be able to carry it to term. I always wanted children, that’s plural, but I’m thankful to have Cole. He’s special in a lot of ways.” The desire for children is what brought her and Travis together in the first place but she remembered Libby was seeing Richie for awhile and so she didn’t say anything about that.

A bit awkwardly Libby asked her, "Do you think- If you and Richie had had a baby, do you think you'd still be married to him?"

Toni cuddled Cole again, “I think it might have prolonged the marriage, maybe.” She smiled a little. “But eventually we probably would have split. There was never enough room in his personal life for anybody but Richie. He’ll make room for awhile, but then he’ll crowd you out, it’s all about him.”

"He took care of me, you know," Libby told her hesitantly, not sure she wanted to talk about Richie with his ex-wife. "After my accident. He'd come over at night and bring me dinner. Hang out with me and just talk. He made the whole thing bearable for me."

“He took care of me too when I had the flu, when I was roughed up in New Jersey during a purse snatching incident outside our building. But in the end, Libby, it was all about him. His wants and needs are number one and that’s fine for awhile, until you begin to feel like you’re just the one who’s there to take care of him. No more important than the electric dishwasher or the washing machine. I loved him enough to marry him after living with him for three years but, I wasn’t the center of his life towards the end. I wasn’t the most important thing to him. I think you have to be in a marriage or a committed relationship.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to get off on him like that.” She didn’t know why she had, except that she thought Libby was still in love with Richie. It was the way she said his name and spoke about him.

"That's okay." Libby was smiling at the thought of Richie. "Actually, I don't mind taking care of him. The family I grew up in-" She halted, not wanting to go there. "Well, let's just say that's what I learned about love, that it's taking care of people."

In spite of not meaning to get into this with Toni, she couldn't seem to help herself. "Sometimes I wish he'd let me take care of him more than he does."

Toni shifted Cole in her lap and looked at Libby for a moment. “It’s not all taking care of someone. Care doesn’t necessarily equal love. I take care of Travis, he’s the center of my world and I know without a doubt that I’m the center of his. Our lives revolve around each other. It’s a two way thing with us. Eventually you’re going to come to a dead end with Richie. I’m sorry, but I know him quite well. He’ll let you take care of him, until one day you stop and think and realize you’re the one doing all the giving and what you’re getting in return is not enough. I wanted to be the sun in his life, but I was the sky. He lied to me about something that was very important to me and he knew it. That lie was never important to him. He brushed it off…but that gave him the excuse he needed to start fooling around.”

"I guess some people are just different," Libby said thoughfully. "They need different things."

She grinned a little. "Do you ever read science fiction, or watch it? Some worlds have more than one sun, you know?" She was thinking about Nonnie, and even the fact that there'd been other women for Richie besides her.

"I think maybe I could be okay being the sky in Richie's life. Or, at any rate, not being the only sun."

Toni shook her head slightly, “What about you, don’t you want something for you? A baby? Someone that loves you instead of uses you?

"I want a lot of things for me, but I know I won't get all of them. Richie does love people in his own way. His way's just different."

"I'm happy for you and Travis." Libby met Toni's eyes. "I really am. But do you really believe that all Richie did was use you?"

“Me…oh no, he loved me as you say in his own way. No, I wasn’t thinking about myself.” She looked down and adjusted Cole’s little shirt. “Like you say, we’re different. But then I was married to him. Perhaps my expectations were higher.”

"But you think he's using me?" Libby was curious.

Toni gave her a direct look, “Yes, I do, since you asked. It’s none of my business what he does anymore but…I hate to see people hurt in his wake. You may think you can tolerate two suns in his sky or just be his sky or whatever, but the day is going to come when you look at what you have and its not going to be enough, Libby. You’re young and I’m sorry, but you deserve better treatment. Richie will take what’s available, but he won’t give back. Unless sex is all you need from him.”

"What about Nonnie?" Libby was still curious. "Do you think he's using her too?"

Toni sighed, “I don’t think he’s using her. She won’t let him. She loves him very much and says he’s told her he loves her too. I wish the best for both of them, if that’s what they want. I’m not taking sides on this. Like I said, what he does is none of my business. There are just some things I know about him. If you give an inch he takes a mile. He’ll take advantage of you if you let him. I think that’s why we got on as long as we did. We were a good balance for each other.”

Toni felt sorry for both of them, Nonnie and Libby. Nonnie because the thing she’d feared was sitting right in front of her and Libby because she was willing to take what she could get from him, instead of what she deserved.

"I think you're wrong about him, Toni." Libby said the words quietly, not wanting Toni to think she was angry or upset. "He may have started out using me. That was the way we both started out. Using each other because we were hurt. Taking comfort from each other. But now-"

She realized that Toni didn't know about her going away, about Richie's looking her up, coming after her, and bringing her home. The whole story was too long to go into right now, but Libby thought there had been some sort of important change in Richie since then.

"Richie's told me that he feels something for me. That he wants and needs to see me."

Toni shook her head slightly, “He might today, but what about tomorrow? I’m sorry, Libby, but I don’t see this becoming the thing you might think it is. Personally,” Toni grinned, “I wouldn’t trust him any father than I could throw him and I know exactly how heavy he is.”

"I do trust him," Libby replied. "I have faith in him."

She returned Toni's grin. "And I don't wanna throw him. But maybe I'll start working with weights like he does. Just so I'll be able to pick him up if he falls."

“Now that’s an odd thing to say…if he falls. You think he’s going to come running to you when he has problems don’t you, and you’ll be there to clean him up and make it all go away? He’ll get up and step on you on his way out the door. I think he’s got his sights set on Nonnie Scott and I know she’s got him hooked…you don’t have a chance, honey. He’ll say what you want to hear to get what he wants. I’m afraid you’re letting yourself in for some big time heartache where he’s concerned.” She held up a hand, “I know you don’t want to hear this, but just remember what I’ve said and watch for the clues when the stars start going out in that sky you want to be…you’ll know.”

Libby stared at her, wide-eyed. Then, she rose slowly from her chair. "That's a very cruel thing to say, Toni. I never would have thought you capable of cruelty. What does Nonnie Scott have that I don't?"

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be cruel to you. I’m being honest and sometimes that hurts. I don’t know either of you well enough to say what one has and the other doesn’t. But she has him. Don’t be mad at me, just remember who you’re talking to. I’m his ex and I’m sure not going to paint you a pretty picture where he’s concerned. I don’t go all starry eyed when his name is mentioned the way you do. I hate it for you, Libby, and I feel sorry for Nonnie.”

Toni stood up putting Cole on her shoulder. “I don’t know how we got off on him anyway. You came to see me and Cole and to bring a gift and I appreciate that, I really do. I’m not your enemy, Libby, and I’d like to think if you need someone to talk to that you’ll think of me. I’ve been there.”

Libby was heading for the door. She felt hurt and she felt angry. She should have known this would be a mistake. "You're right," she answered Toni tightly. "I should have remembered who I'm talking to. You are his ex, and you still have reasons to be hurt and to be mad at him."

Her defensiveness toward Richie was fueling her anger right now. "Why is it that I seem to be the only one who has any faith in Richie?" she demanded. "Why is it that you, and Nonnie, and everyone else around here seem to just sit and wait for him to screw up?"

"I'm not starry-eyed! Nobody has to paint me a pretty picture, as you say. I'm aware of Richie's faults! I know that he's not known for sticking with just one woman and I've never asked him to do that! I just accept him the way he is and look at all the good things there are about him! The rest of you seem to want to turn him into your ideal man. You want to change him and make him into something he's not!"

Toni felt the anger flashing through her, but she held Cole and so she spoke quietly but firmly, “The only thing I ever asked of him was to be my husband and all that that implied. He asked me to marry him. He wanted to be my husband. I fell in love with him as he was, I didn’t try and change him. I was a virgin when I met him and that meant something to him, that I was his and his alone. But he was never mine and mine alone. Right before we were married--it might have been the night before--I broke down because I didn’t think he would be faithful to me and I couldn’t stand the thought of that. The pain it would cause me. He promised me on bended knee that he would never do that to me. You say you don’t care about that…good luck to you, you’re going to need it.”

Libby spoke quietly as well. She was mindful of little Cole, even in her anger. "I didn't say that I don't care. I said I could accept it."

"Ah, Toni! I didn't mean to upset you or to get angry with you. I just get so tired of people telling me what a screw-up Richie is, about what a big mistake it is be in love with him and to trust him. It seems as though, sometimes, it's me against the rest of the world where he's concerned."

“That should tell you something…the rest of the world is wrong, but you’re right.” Toni was still angry. “I don’t give a damn about what a screw up he is. I was only trying to warn you to look out for yourself, but you are so blind it’s not worth my time to try and help you. Go ahead…trust him.”

Tee’s dog Bear came over to her and nudged her thigh. Something wasn’t right here. Absently she reached down and patted his head. She took a deep breath and looked back at Libby. “I’m sorry if I have offended you. I tend to speak my mind especially when I’m upset.”

"I'm not offended." Libby shook her head slightly. "I'm not blind either. But I am loyal. And I do trust him. Somebody has to be in his corner."

She smiled at Bear, protecting his family. "I'm glad you've found what makes you happy with Travis, and your family."

“Thank you, I am happy every day of my life. I thank God for Travis McGee and for the family he’s given me.” She placed a soft kiss on Cole’s head. Bear sat down, still wagging his tail, thump, thump on the floor. “I’m about to give him some of mine and he may not be so thankful. My mother and brother are coming over this weekend for a two week stay. She wants to see her grandson, and Jude has never met Travis. It should be an interesting time.”

"It's good that they want to come." Libby spoke softly. Her eyes dropped to the floor. "I haven't seen my mother or spoken to her since my father's funeral three years ago. My older sister either. I do talk to my brother though. He lives and works in Japan."

“Brothers are okay. Jude and I get on fine, but my mother and I live in different worlds. I’m glad my father has settled here. He’s much happier than I’ve seen him in a long time. I think Miss Peeg is good for him and it looks like he’s going to stay with her, since he can’t live alone anymore. He’s got that nice flat in Coffs and his things are still there. I suppose we should have it all moved out here, we’ve room to store it for him.”

The mention of the flat Toni's father had in Coffs made Libby blush slightly, but she said nothing about it. "Miss Peeg's quite a lady. I think she'd be good for anyone."

"I suppose I should be going now. I've been in Coffs all day today and there are some things I need to do at home."

She met Toni's eyes. "I really am sorry that I upset you. It's nice of you to be concerned about me. But I think Richie and I have to work whatever is between us out for ourselves."

"I am in love with him, Toni. All I want in the world is to make him happy."

Toni smiled a little, “I’m glad you came out today, Libby, and I hope you’ll come again.” She’d said all she was going to say to her about Richie. “Thanks again for the gift.” She opened the door and walked out on the front porch with her and noticed a very dirty and dusty Travis making his way toward the back of the house. She chuckled, “I think I may have to get the hose out and wash him down before he comes into the house.”

She turned to Libby, “Take care.”

Libby was grinning broadly at the dusty Travis. "Yeah, it looks like a hose might be a good idea! You take care too, Toni."

As she drove away, she told herself firmly that she was through talking to other people about Richie. They did nothing but discourage her and upset her, and insult him at the same time. From now on, she was keeping their relationship strictly between the two of them.

Toni went through the house handing Cole off to Lee. She was still a little upset when she reached the back door, “Oh no you don’t…where in the world have you been?” She confronted Travis who grinned from the bottom step.