FOR US, THE LIVING

By Jo and Atonia

The closed white casket sat on its support at the front of the church, just below the step to the altar. Joimus had its top covered in white roses and baby's breath. Alistair paused just outside the main doors, his arm firmly around Ahnna's waist. No one else had arrived yet. He wanted her to have a chance to get used to the sight of her sister's coffin before others came for the service.

"I'm here," he said softly. "I won't let go."

She tipped her chin up to look at his face. "Ever?"

"Not ever. We can do this thing together." He smiled encouragingly at her. "You and I...together."

She blew out a long breath, closing her eyes a moment before he opened the doors. This shouldn't be as bad as the morgue. Could anything ever be so bad as that? Marce on the table in that cold and sterile place. Marce. Marce was really gone. And now she had to say her final good-byes.

"Are you ready, darling?"

She nodded, her hand clutching into the front of his suitcoat. She opened her eyes as he opened the doors and there it was, right in the front. The coffin. Her sister's coffin. Her breath caught in her throat a moment and she could feel Alistair's arm around her tighten. He's afraid I'm going to faint, she thought. But she realized she wasn't. The morgue had been like a sudden, stunning blow, but this was a quieter, gentler place and, hard as it was, Marce's death was beginning to settle down inside her in some deep place cushioned by Alistair's unswerving love.

It was white. She liked that. Alistair had arranged for that, though she didn't know he had. And the whole interior of the small church smelled like roses. She knew Joimus had done that. The two of them walked side-by-side, arm-in-arm, down the short aisle, stopping just in front of the coffin. She rested her right hand on the curve of the lid, letting her thumb rub back and forth over its cool smoothness. "Good-bye, my darling Marce," she whispered. "I love you. I've always loved you."

Alistair guided her to a seat on the front row and sat beside her until the church began to fill. It seemed like the entire Glen had come. Ahnna was glad to see that so many people cared about her sister. A lot, though, had come because they cared about Ahnna, too. Vaguely she wondered if that young man Marce had been staying with would come. She couldn't remember his name right now.

He wasn't going to come and wasn't until an hour ago when Miss Peeg showed up at his door insisting that he come with her. He didn't know why he let her tell him what to do. She stepped into the pew beside him in the back of the church. Hando had never been to a funeral before and had no idea what was to happen. He saw the white coffin covered in flowers at the end of the aisle. White...Marce was in there...no, she wasn't; she would never be in a white coffin...she hated white.

When it was time for Alistair to move to the front, Joimus and Maximus came and sat with Ahnna, one on either side, surrounding her with their protective care and friendship. Ahnna's eyes followed Alistair as he stepped up behind the small table that held the cross. Joimus had put more white roses there, and a single white taper burned in their midst. The low conversations in the chapel ceased and Bridgid left Jack's side, going to the piano and playing Amazing Grace. Looking straight down at his wife, Alistair sang the words, sang them for her.

She thought he was finished, but Bridgid started again and as he sang, Alistair moved around the table and down behind the coffin, resting both palms on it, singing, gazing into Ahnna's eyes, "I once was lost but now am found, was blind but now I see."

The music, the song, stopped there. "So often that is the way of it," he said. "We come only to the understanding of what is there for us to see when our closed eyes open in the realms of Heaven. All unforgiveness ceases, must cease, because it can no longer exist, not there. And it is for us, the living, to know this, that our loved ones harbor no ill will, no misunderstandings toward us. It is for us to take this knowledge into ourselves and find there our rest and our peace." His voice continued for a while, his words directed at Ahnna's heart, and nearly everyone in attendance recognized the utter intimacy of what was passing between a man and his wife.

Hando stared at the ceiling, half listening to what the man in front was saying. None of it touched Marce or who she was...the guy didn't even know her...none of these people here knew her. He felt cold in this place, a coldness that reached his heart. He closed his eyes and shook off  Miss Peeg's attempt to take his hand.

Alistair paused, looking down at the coffin. "Marce became my sister-in-law yesterday," he said, "and I didn't have the privilege of letting her know how glad that would make me. She was a beautiful young woman, lovely like her sister, and what I know of her is what my wife has shared, mostly stories of two girls growing up together in Australia, of how their father would take them to the river to swim, of how they liked to picnic up on the Dorrigo Escarpment, or go into Coffs and watch the sun rise over the ocean. I wish I'd known her myself so that I could speak of the sound of her laughter and of the things that made her smile. But God has made me the gift of Marce's sister and what I can now do for Marce is promise her that I will always love and cherish the girl Marce spent her childhood with and in the doing of that, honor the memory of the young woman who meant so much to my wife.

Marce's sister was here? Hando looked toward the front but had no idea which head belonged to her sister. She'd never mentioned a sister, only that her family was dead. Sound of her laughter...no, you never heard it...Hando thought, looking straight at the man in front...but I did.

Across the aisle from Hando sat Travis McGee and Kyle Corvin. Travis glanced over at the man who had been pointed out as Hando, occupier of the squatter's cabin and boyfriend of the deceased. He wanted to speak to him after the service. He was feeling the weight of guilt today. Without a doubt it was his fault that girl was lying there in a coffin. Without a doubt. It welled up in his throat when he first entered the church and sat down, blinking away tears that threatened.

Alistair said a prayer for Marce then Ahnna stood, walking around to join him behind the coffin, taking his hand, looking directly out at the main part of the church. "I'd like to thank each one of you who came today to honor my sister, Marce." Her voice cracked a little and Alistair's arm went around her waist. "I wish...I...." She couldn't seem to make more words come out of her tightened throat.

Alistair stepped in. "As the newest member of this family, I'd like to add my personal thanks to all of you. I am so pleased about and grateful for the sense of community that has developed so rapidly in this small place. Marce was the first one of us that we lost. My hope is that those of us who remain will draw even more closely together now, appreciate one another even more, and never hesitate to let each other know the fact of that. Again, thank you for coming."

Hando found himself standing. What was this, some kind of fucking joke? No...no, "NO!" It came out loud and the church went silent. "Who are you...what are you...?" He stumbled trying to get out of the row and into the aisle. Righting himself, he looked again at Marce's sister and ran out the door. He couldn't breathe...he had to get some air! He ran over to a tree and held on. Dry sobs wracked his throat...he did not cry, could not. Whatever produced tears was long buried and dried up in him. He was in physical pain.

Miss Peeg ran out behind him. "Hando...Hando! What...are you alright?"

"Get away from me!" he croaked.

She stopped and looked back toward the church where people were coming out and staring.

Inside, both Ahnna and Alistair had been completely taken by surprise. He could feel her trembling from head to toe and led her back to the front pew, helping her sit. "Who was that man?" he asked Maximus, his mouth set grimly. This had been hard enough for his wife and then that man had to go and do some crazy outburst.

"Hando," Maximus answered. "He was the one Marce was liv...staying with. I don't think he had ever seen Ahnna before."

Richie pushed his way through the crowd at the door and ran to Miss Peeg, "Will you please come away from him...leave him alone. He's had a shock...evidently Marce and Ahnna looked a lot alike." Richie led her back to the church.

It took all Hando had to pull himself together and stand up straight. His assumed mask back in place, he turned around and became aware he was the center of attention. His mind was straight now that was her sister he'd seen inside.

 Marce...was...dead.