THE TUNE WITHOUT THE WORDS

When Ahnna woke up in the chapel, she looked around and smiled, seeing Rev. Todd asleep on the bench. She only vaguely remembered his coming in earlier. Sitting up, she brushed her hair out of her face, and with a brief stop by the restroom, hurried back to ICU.  Alistair lay just as she'd left him, still and quiet.

"You'd think I'd be used to it now," she whispered, standing in the doorway, a hand on either side of the framing.

"It's not something our hearts ever want to get used to," a nurse said, coming up behind her.

Ahnna lowered her hands and turned. "Is it...do you think...something I'll have to do?" She remembered the doctor's frightening words about possible brain damage.

"It's too soon to tell, Mrs. Harris. When he wakes up, we'll know more."

Ahnna looked back at Alistair over her shoulder. "How is he doing...really?"

"The hyperbaric treatments were the best thing he could have had," she explained. "But any long-term prognosis will, of course, depend on how long and how completely he went without sufficient oxygen. That his vitals improved overnight is a good sign. Don't give up hope."

As Ahnna walked to take her seat by the bed, she kept hearing that last sentence. Don't give up hope. No, she wouldn't do that. Curling her fingers around his hand, she suddenly remembered an old poem she'd learned years ago and whispered it aloud close to his ear. "Hope is the thing with feathers...that perches in the soul...and sings the tune without the words...and never stops at all." 

She sighed and repeated, "...and never stops at all."  Yes, she would never stop, not ever.

Throughout the entire day, she sat at his bedside, holding his hand, whispering to him from time to time. "Alistair, I need you to come back to me, my darling. Please, darling, wake up and be all right." 

She wouldn't have had lunch had not Rev. Todd come by and literally walked her to the cafeteria. Being away from Alistair wasn't right. She needed to be, had to be, by his side. She picked at a salad, ate a cup of jello, and was back in less than ten minutes.

At dinner, Rev. Todd brought her a tray to Alistair's room, giving up on getting her to eat anything away from him. She sat there, mostly silently, staring at his face. What if he were gone, the Alistair whom she'd fallen in love with, the Alistair who had always known just what to say to her, known just how to be for her? What if the smoke had already taken that away? No, she refused to think about that. She tried to refuse to think about that, but the thoughts of it kept creeping up over and over and once in a while large tears rolled down her cheeks.

One at a time, for that was all they were allowed, Maximus and Joimus came and went, but mostly she was alone with Alistair. He was here and he was still alive, still in her world, and she grasped on to that with the fingers of her soul so tightly that her very being ached.

Around 11 that night, she was exhausted and about to nod off there in her chair, when she felt a slight twitch of his fingers in her hand. Sitting up straight, she stared at his hand. It seemed as if he were trying to tighten his fingers around hers. His eyes were still closed, but his fingers were definitely doing something. "Oh, Alistair," she almost moaned, "I'm here, darling, I'm right here!"

Something on his monitors must have alerted the night nurse because she came hurrying in. "He's trying to hold my hand," Ahnna said excitedly.

After a moment's examination, the nurse smiled. "It looks like he's trying to wake up. Give him some time. He's been pretty far away for a long time now."

Ahnna was crying and smiling at the same time. Alistair was coming back. He was really coming back!