Bonding

by Layne

On the way home the nerves Liana had been restraining since they had got on the first plane came to the surface. The ride was made in almost complete silence as she watched Ben's face in the lights from the car's dashboard. This was something he had recognized in her that first night--the way she became quiet when she was nervous. He knew what was causing it, but he remained silent until he had helped her out of the car in front of their new home.

"You scared of me now, darlin'?" he asked, turning her to face him, running his hands up and down her arms.

"Not scared." Liana smiled tensely up at him. "Just- Nervous."

"Nothin' to be nervous about, honey." His deep voice was gentle, as he leaned forward to brush his lips across her forehead.

"Ben- I need to tell you-"

"No." He interrupted her, brushing his fingers down one cheek. "You don' need to tell me nothin'. I already know. Knew it that first night I met you."

He wasn't sure she'd be here right now if she wasn't still a virgin. He'd never had any trouble finding women for his bed, to relieve all his physical needs. Those women were always experienced and well-versed in giving a man what he needed, what he wanted.

But a man looked for somethin' different in a wife, he had told himself. He was old-fashioned in that sense. Ben Wade had always lived by his own set of rules, and he saw nothing wrong with that, even if the law and other people did. And he saw nothing wrong in expecting to have a wife who had never been used by other men. The fact that Liana hadn't had been part of his attraction to her.

Right now, she was lowering her eyes as if she were embarrassed. "Was it that obvious?"

"To me it was," he told her quietly. "It was part of what drew me to you." Ben saw her look up at him and he went on. "You don' find many women these days who've got enough respect for themselves to wait."

His words were sincere, his eyes confirming to her that he meant what he said. Once again, Liana was surprised by him. This man's rules and morals could be totally confusing--often at odds with one another. Killing and robbing were acceptable. A wife who had slept with another man at any point in her life was not.

She shook her head slightly in surprise. "You confuse me sometimes, Ben Wade."

Leaning down, he gave her a slow, lingering kiss. "You go on upstairs, honey. I'm gonna put away these cars, make sure everythin's locked up. I'll join you in a few minutes."

As he put things away and locked up the garage, Wade thought about his new wife. She puzzled him at times. Liana was pretty and smart. She'd majored in computer science and proved herself to be quite a hacker when it came to getting the paperwork he needed to come to Australia with her done, in a fraction of the time it would normally take.

She was a quiet, sweet, innocent sort--raised by family who adored her, and she was the last person anybody would expect to break the law. Yet she'd done it for him. And she'd accepted the fact that he'd done it without protest or question. Seemed both of them were doing things they wouldn't normally do since they'd met each other.

Back in the house, Ben went up to the bedroom, very much anticipating the night ahead of them. As he entered the room, she looked up at him from brushing her long, dark hair. It cascaded down her back and down her shoulders in front.

A long gown of white lace with thin shoulder straps and just a touch of blue trim accentuated her body. Her chocolate brown eyes sparkled as they met his--from nerves, he thought. Slowly, so as not to make her more nervous, Ben crossed the room to her, tossing the hairbrush away and taking both her hands in his.

"You look beautiful, darlin'," he told her quietly. "Prettiest thing I've ever seen."

"Thank you," she told him haltingly, licking her full, soft lips and gripping his hands tightly in her own. "So do you."

"Well, now, I haven't known many people who'd say that about me," he said with a grin.

"Maybe- Maybe they just weren't looking at you the same way I am."

Ben moved his hands up to cradle her face between them. "I don' think anyone's ever looked at me the same way you do, Liana." It was true. In spite of her uneasiness, she gazed at him with love and trust on her face.

He bent to claim those lips, which drew him more strongly than any food or drink in his life. He'd hungered for her from the beginning. Had held back because he believed it was the right thing to do, waiting until their wedding night. And now, he didn't have to hold back any longer. But he did have to go slowly. The last thing he wanted right now was her afraid of him.

Liana responded to him with a deep hunger of her own. This man--her husband, she reminded herself--made her feel things and do things that were foreign to her. Ben was exciting but, somehow, familiar at the same time.

Her arms went around his neck at the same time his encircled her waist, pulling her tightly against him. His mouth was deepening that kiss, his tongue gently parting her lips to explore the sweetness inside her mouth. As he broke off the kiss, one hand came up to slide one of the narrow straps from her shoulder. Ben's lips caressed her there, and then he laid his cheek against that soft skin, letting his beard and his own skin feel her softness.

Sweeping her up into his arms, he sat on the edge of their bed, placing her on his lap as he continued to caress her with his hands and lips. He felt one of her hands go to the top button of his shirt. Fumble with it. Ben covered her hand with his.

"We'll go as slow as you want to, honey," he said softly.

He'd prepared himself for going slow by following his usual habit of picking up a woman a couple of days before. Wanted to be sure his need didn't overwhelm her the first night. Wade supposed that was another thing people would call him a bastard for, but he didn't see a thing wrong with it. Put him in a better position to take care of Liana's needs tonight and not just his own.

"Part of me wants to go slow." She met his eyes shyly. "And part of me doesn't."

"Just do whatever you feel like doin', darlin'. It'll be all right."

Their caressing and kissing built slowly to the point where need was taking over for both of them. He was excited in a way he'd never been before. All along, he'd had the feeling that to bond with her was to bind himself to this new life he'd chosen. That if he could make himself part of her, then he'd be part of the land, the life he'd always wanted and never been quite sure how to get.

When he'd slipped off the pretty white gown and was undressed himself, Ben looked down at her. She was new and fresh and innocent. The physical representation of this new existence, of everything he wanted and desired. And through her, he could have it.

It never occurred to him that, as well as happiness, there had to be pain associated with getting that new life. That the physical pain Liana was about to feel was also a representation. Of the pain they'd both go through in building a life together.

He never thought about the fact that, just as some small, physical part of her would not survive their joining, so too, some small part of himself and this new life might not survive in the end. Ben Wade took what he wanted, just as he'd always done.

The cry that escaped her when he joined with her startled him. "Shhh, honey," he whispered, brushing her hair away from her forehead. "It's over now. The hard part's over. Nothin' but feelin' good from here on out."

Ben was pleased that she adjusted to his body so quickly. That she moved with him and moaned her pleasure at his movements. And he was satisfied that he'd made it good for her when she whispered "I love you, Ben" as they reached their climax together.

Holding her and caressing her soft hair as he drifted off to sleep, Ben Wade finally had the feeling that he belonged. That his bond with both her and this new life were strong and successful.