Boy was that a tender spot. She could see it in his eyes and she wished she'd thought before she said it. Oh well, the ball was snapped so she may as well follow through with a Hail Mary pass.

"Don't you walk away from me. Not after all we've been through, our dues are paid!"

"Enough, Lonnie," Bud shot back at her.

"No!" she stepped closer to him and put her arms out. Bud shook his head and backed away.

"Listen to me. You had a rough time. I can't say I know how you feel because I didn't see what you saw as a kid, but as an adult I've seen it all. I've seen mothers hurt their kids to get back at the fathers; I've seen kids abused in such ways you can't believe, Bud. I was a cop in Philly, remember? A female cop, the one they bring in to comfort battered wives and sexually abused kids. Baby, my heart breaks for you. If I could have been there to hold you, I'd have done it in a heartbeat...I'm here now."

"I don't need your god damned pity!"

"It's not pity you asshole, it's because I care about you. Can't you see that?"

"Yeah, Lon. And why do you think I want you off the job? It's because I fucking care about you. Can't you see that?"

She lowered her head with a sigh. "I know you're intentions are good, but you have to realize that not all woman need a knight in shining armor. God knows I feel safe with you. Sometimes I need it and sometimes I don't, not at the expense of my independence anyway."

"Independence? Is that what you call it? How do you think I'd feel knowing you're out there, out of my sight in a place where you could get hurt?"

"There you have it, Bud. How the fuck do you think I feel knowing you'll be in the same situation?"

"It's different for a man."

"Why?"

"Because it is! Woman are more....I don't fucking know the word! Vulnerable, maybe?"

"You don't want to test me there."

They circled each other like alphas, but gave a wide berth. Lonnie wanted to take him into her arms and hold him, but he was far too edgy to accept it right now. On the other hand, he wanted to lock her up in the house and throw away the key, but she was too pig headed to accept that ever.

"I need to get out of here," he growled. "Lonnie. I'm scared of you. Sometimes I want to ..." his jaw clenched and he cocked his head.

"To what? Beat the hell out of me? Is that it? Are you afraid you'll do to me what your dad did to your mom?"

His fists were balled so tight his knuckles were white. He stepped forward and looked down at her as his fingers unfurled. Damn he wanted to ring her neck, but that would prove she was right. Was she?

"God damn you!" he lashed as he swept an arm to clear the coffee cups from the table. He was quivering, vibrating, unable to think clearly. Bud turned and stomped toward the door, but he stopped in his tracks as a hurled vase whizzed past his head and shattered against the wall.

"Now you have a reason to hit me. Come on do it!" she challenged.

He turned slowly to see her standing there. She was breathing hard, heaving from the hot blooded mire that pulsed through her veins. Her robe had worked its way open, reminding him all too well of her gender and blood streaked the floor where she'd unknowingly stepped on a piece of a broken cup as she advanced toward him.

"Why are you doing this to me?" his growl turned to a sad kind of whine that stabbed her right in the heart.

"I don't know," she replied, closing her eyes so she didn't have to see the sad dog look on his face. "Maybe we need to get all of this out. You're damaged, I'm damaged. Two wrongs don't make a right."

"We're oil and water."

"No. We're two puddles of gas at Zippo lighter convention. Damaged goods. Bud, we've both seen more than any human being should, but is that a reason for us to give up?"

"Is that what you think, that I've given up?"

She shook her head. "No, Bud. I think you've convinced yourself that this is how you are and who you are. Becoming a man like your father scares the piss out of you yet you see him in you. He hurt you and you are dealing with it by giving it back to others."

He seemed to drift off for a moment. Wherever he went, he came back and his eyes snapped up to her. "I ain't good for much else than beating the shit out of the guys who deserve it."

"You're wrong!" she barked "You're a good cop, a smart cop, but you let the upper echelon use you as a thug. God damn it, Bud, if you had the chance, I know you'd be a hell of a detective. Maybe Thomas just gave us a way to show them."

"Doing fuck all what? Investigating insurance fraud, cheating husbands and finding missing persons?"

"Yeah. Doing all of that. Don't look at it as a low life career cause it's not. There is a sense of accomplishment when you solve a case. The Los Angeles Times isn't going to put you in the headlines for it, but who needs that anyway? Did you become a cop for that?"

They were talking more calmly now. She gathered her robe around her and retied it.

"I don't know why I became a cop," he shrugged. "Seemed like the best place for a guy like me. I got this shit for no good leg, can't do much of nothing else. I ain't smart enough."

"Stop it. It's just another thing you've convinced yourself of or you let that fucking old man of yours convince you of."

"Don't go back there. We're done talking about my old man."

"Okay. I'm sorry, but I need to know something else. Can we sit down? Have some more coffee?" she lifted her foot and half smiled. "If I can find any unbroken cups."

"Sit down, Lon. I'll get it." He pulled a chair out for her and eased her down onto it. Bud fetched two unbroken cups and filled them with coffee. Before he sat down he got a clean towel and ran some cold water onto it. He brought it to her and gently lifted her foot to clean the cut. "What is it you want to ask me?" he asked tentatively as he tended to her.

She hoped she wasn't opening another can of worms but she needed to know about her. "Tell me what she was like, Bud. Tell me about your mom, please."

He raised his eyes to her and she could more than see the sadness in them, she could feel it coming off him like July heat on an airport runway.

"My mother was beautiful. She never hurt no one. She was gentle, kind, giving. Nothing like me."

Lonnie placed her hand on his cheek as she leaned down to kiss him. At least he didn't pull away. "Baby, I hate to keep telling you that you're wrong, but like it or not you've got those qualities too." Maybe he didn't want to admit it because of what happened to her. He could be afraid that someone would take advantage of him if he showed that side. The might hurt or even kill him too. Hell if she'd tell him what she thought.

"I'm like my old man, big, dumb and tough."

"Would your dad have just looked after me the way you did?"

Bud pulled back. He balled the towel up and threw it toward the sink. "Thought we weren't going to talk about him."

Shit he brought it back up, she thought. Using the foot that wasn't cut, she pulled one of the chairs toward her. "Sit. Please, for me."

He looked uneasy but he did what she asked. They sat there sizing each other up for a few minutes.

"You know what? I was a naive little girl. My dad was a cop you know? I watched my mom suffer through long nights when he was on duty. She worried constantly and then one day his partner came to the door. It was early in the morning and I was just getting ready for school. I was happy to see Uncle Mike at the door and I can still here him tell me...go get your mommy honey. I knew something was wrong, but no one would tell me. They sent me to my room and my mom was crying. I heard her scream and I ran out to see what was wrong, but Uncle Mike picked me up and told me to be quiet. They never did tell me that my dad was dead, they just took me to the viewing the next day and there he was, lying in a casket. I was so confused. He promised to take me to the Philadelphia Zoo that weekend but ...he went away and never came back."

Bud reached to brush her cheek and he was surprised to see that there were no tears. "Is it what made you so hard, Lonnie?"

"I don't know. We all deal with things differently and though my father never raised a hand to my mother and he loved us both so much, he still hurt us. It wasn't his fault though. Well maybe in a way it was because he chose the job, but he didn't mean to hurt us. Maybe, in a way you and I have a lot more in common than what meets the eye."

"Why did you become a cop, Lon?"

"I've asked myself that a million times and I think I just came up with the answer. I became a cop because my dad died before the job was finished. The job of taking care of me that is. I had to show the world that I could take care of myself, that I didn't need anyone to protect me. How the hell did I ever end up with someone like you, huh?"

Bud cracked half a smile. "Maybe we're both supposed to show each other something?"

"Yeah? What's that, baby?"

"Hurt doesn't always come at the end of a fist."

"You're right. It must be a hell of a burden for you to think you have to rescue every damsel in distress. Can you still love me and compromise a little? You see, I need the job, Bud."

He nodded his head. "I can try, can't promise."

"That's all I can ask of you. That and when do we get to kiss and make up. You may be a pain in my ass, but there is one department where we're not dysfunctional. My foot hurts, you gonna carry me to bed big boy?"

"It would be my pleasure, ma'am, and yours too I hope."

"Thomas can wait until later for his answer. Right now I want to show you how much of a woman I really am."

"I don't doubt it for one moment. You're one god damned independent fucking woman with a stubborn streak that's thicker than LA smog." He scooped her up off the chair in an effortless lift that made her giggle. Girly giggles, the ultimate aphrodisiac to a man like Bud White.

"You mean thicker then Schuylkill fog!" she corrected him, after all she was from Philly.

"Let's not argue about it. I can't think straight with a hard on, baby."