Waking Up Lonely

Kelly Russell

Her eyes opening slowly as she awakened, Kelly Russell looked around her room at Millie's Bed and Breakfast in the Glen. It was a nice room--walls painted a soft green, wood floors, a green-and-white comforter on the bed. It was lonely, though.

Lying back on her pillow, Kelly thought about the last eighteen months of her life. They'd all been lonely ones. She had her family and she had friends, but she had missed Nick so much. She'd never before realized you could miss someone so much when you'd only known them a short time.

Nick. He looked different from the Nick Russell she'd married. The Nick Russell who had gone into the hospital a short time afterward. He'd put on some weight and she'd never seen him wear his hair so long. Not even years ago, when she'd been just another fan instead of his wife.

Then she grinned to herself. He was still the same Nick, though. At least, part of him was the same. She'd seen it in his eyes. Somewhere in there, he still had the capacity to laugh and to have fun, in spite of everything he'd been through.

She couldn't wait to see him at lunch today. Yawning, Kelly got up and headed for the bathroom and a shower. She hadn't gotten much sleep last night. She'd been tossing and turning and seeing Nick's face every time she closed her eyes. Wishing that he'd asked her to stay there with him last night.

But no. There was still too much to be sorted out between them. They'd barely gotten to know each other before he'd gone away. Now, they had to get to know each other all over again.

Downstairs in the dining room, she ordered coffee and breakfast. She smiled and said hello to a few of the other guests. There was a good chance that she'd be here for awhile and she wanted to get to know people. At the front desk, a guy named Steve told her where a few businesses were in town, including a store named Barrett's where she could pick up a few things for herself.

Steve seemed to be over-the-moon happy about something and Kelly couldn't resist asking him about it. When he told her that his wife had just give birth to their second child a couple of days ago, Kelly smiled.

"Congratulations," she told him, shaking his hand. She felt genuinely happy for him. You couldn't help it. He was obviously so happy himself.

The town was small and she walked, enjoying the air and the exercise. A coffee shop. A lawyer's office--wait a minute, they were called solicitors here--a bakery. It was a quiet, charming little town. The kind she'd grown up in and loved.

Nick had grown up in a place similar to this too, she remembered. But he'd left it at the age of seventeen and never gone back. His life since then had been hectic and overwhelming--in some ways the proverbial sex, drugs, and rock & roll--until he'd gone into the hospital. This must really be an adjustment for him.

Smiling, she remembered Steve's happiness and thought about a baby of her own. Would she ever have that? Would she and Nick ever have that? Another thing it was way too soon to be thinking about. She'd put her life on hold eighteen months ago, and she'd done it willingly. It could still be quite a while before she reached anything approaching normal.

Inside Barrett's, Kelly picked up a couple of new pairs of jeans and some shirts, socks, and toiletries. Still thinking about Steve and his wife's baby, she also picked out a beautiful rattle, shaped like a yellow butterfly. A baby gift for them, she thought. It wouldn't hurt to make some friends around here.

By the time she made it back to Millie's, it was time to leave for Nick's. Changing into some of her new clothes, Kelly raced down the stairs and into her car. Her heart was beating a mile a minute. She'd been less nervous the day she met him.