Family Ties

Prologue

June 177AD, Trujillo, Hispania.

"Come on, Selene, push again, I can already see the head," Celia, the midwife, encouraged, and the dark haired woman gritted her teeth and obeyed, a little cry escaping her lips.

At her side Livia, Selene's mother-in-law, immersed a piece of linen fabric in the cold water of a basin and then cleaned the younger woman's sweaty face, squeezing her hand in support.

"It is almost over, darling, and soon you will have your baby in your arms," she said and Selene flashed her a little smile, before another contraction made her grimace.

Livia stood up and walked around the bed, ready to wrap the newborn in a white sheet, feeling so impatient to hug another grandchild against her breast. So many years had passed since Marcus was born, and it was time for a new baby to populate the big farm. Livia was hoping for another boy, who would be able to carry and transmit to another generation his father’s great name: Maximus Decimus Meridius. The old woman smiled as she thought about her son: he had been so happy to discover his wife was pregnant again, so full of enthusiasm at the prospect of another child. Maximus adored Marcus and Livia could not wait to see her strong, sturdy son cradle another baby in his arms, with a gentleness not many people would associate with such a powerful figure. However, that would not happen for only the-gods-knew -how -long a period. Livia had always been proud of her son's accomplishments, but his position as Commander of the Armies of the North brought a great deal of duties along with the honours, and Maximus had not been able to leave Germania to attend his child's birth, the situation at the frontier being too serious to allow him to go away for some months.

"Arghhhhh!" Selene's cry recalled the older woman back to the present and she walked near the midwife as Celia said aloud, "Here he is!"

Livia felt a slow grin appear on her face as she heard the child was a boy, but the smile left her as time passed and no wail rose to break the silence of the chamber. She saw Celia's face pale and her throat constricted.

"What's going on?" Selene asked with a weak voice, "Where is my son Celia?"

The midwife turned to look at Livia and shook her head: she had seen so many mothers giving birth to dead children, but she was devastated to see it happen to a friend of hers.

"I am sorry, Selene, but...but.. he was stillborn."

"No...it cannot not be...that's not true..you are mistaken," the young woman raised her pleading brown eyes to meet her mother-in-laws', "Please tell me it is a mistake.."

Livia could only shake her head and whisper, her voice betraying her own pain, "I am sorry, darling..."

Large, brimming tears streaked down Selene's tanned cheeks as her body began to shake uncontrollably.

In two steps the older woman was near the bed, sitting on it and taking the distraught mother in her arms. "Cry, Selene, cry, let it go.." Livia soothed, caressing the weeping woman’s back. She too wanted to cry but she had to be strong for her daughter-in-law.... and for the task she knew awaited her: she had to write the letter that would inform Maximus of the death of his child. A letter that would be carried to Germania by Cicero, her son's trusted manservant and friend, who had been sent here to help during the last month of Selene's pregnancy and who was now waiting, as the rest of the household, behind the chamber's closed door.

Time passed and after a while Selene stopped crying and her body slumped against Livia's, won by grief and fatigue.

"She is asleep," the older woman whispered to Celia. The midwife walked to the bed and together they pushed Selene down on the mattress. Then they quickly cleaned her, removing the majority of the blood streaking her legs.

"Is she all right?" asked Livia.

Celia nodded, "Her belly is still swollen, probably she has yet to expel the placenta, but there is nothing to be worried about. The best thing for her now is a long sleep...and then to have little Marcus near her when she wakes up."

"You are right." Livia said. She sighed then added, "Come with me: we must take care of the child's body... and I must write a letter to my son."

Celia nodded and, taking a sheet, wrapped the little body in it, then followed her friend out of the room.

June 177AD, Trujillo, Hispania, two days later.

*Bang! Bang! Bang!*

The sound of someone pounding on her door made Annia Livia Camilla Meridia wake up with a start.

"Yes? What is it?" she called.

"Mistress?" it was the farm steward, "Lady Selene is not feeling well, she is asking for you."

Without losing time, Livia left the bed, crossed the room and opened the door, quickly following the man to a chamber in the other wing of the house. When she stepped inside the bedroom, she was appalled to see how pale and sweaty her daughter-in-law looked.

"Selene!" she called, rushing to the bed and kneeling next to it, "Please darling, tell me what is going on."

"I-I don’t know....It feels like I...I am going to give birth...another... time," Selene squeezed her eyes and grimaced. Then she added, "In the last two days I had some bleeding but...but I thought it was normal.." Her face twisted in pain once more and Livia turned her head and spoke to her servant, "Quick, send men to town to fetch both the doctor and the midwife, then tell the maids to bring me hot water and clean sheets at once."

"As you command, mistress!" The man rushed away to carry out her orders and Livia returned to concentrate on Selene. She turned back the bed covers and bit her lip as the saw blood staining the sheets and the other woman’s white night shirt. She tried to stay calm, not wanting to even think about the possibility Selene might die.

"It will be all right," she soothed, brushing the black curls away from the sweaty forehead, "everything will be fine.." and while she said so, she prayed to the gods the doctor would arrive soon.

*****

It was midmorning when the doctor opened the door of Selene’s room. The man had insisted he did not want anyone except the midwife with him, and Livia had reluctantly obeyed. She now jumped to her feet, a look of wonder on her face as she saw the squirming bundle the man was carrying in his arms.

The woman accepted it and stared for long moments at the tiny face of the newborn. Finally she regained the use of her tongue and asked, "How- how did it happen?"

The doctor, a grey haired man of Egyptian ancestry, shook his head and said, "I am not sure, lady Meridia. This baby might be a twin to the other one lady Selene delivered a few days ago, but since Celia told me its much smaller than that dead child, perhaps she got pregnant from her husband on different occasions..." the man was clearly embarrassed, not knowing how to express himself.

"You mean like cats?" Livia said, trying to understand.

"Yes, exactly like female cats, that can have cubs by different sires at the same time."

"Oh. I did not believe it could happen to women too."

"It is an extremely rare happening...till today I had only read about it in books...and even now I am not sure this is really the case...But it is a possible explanation I can find..." the doctor ran his hand through his hair.

Livia nodded and returned to look at the newborn, noticing how little he or she was. "Is the child all right?"

"I don’t know," the man sighed, "He seems to be, but I don't know if he had reached his term or if he was born prematurely. As you can see he is really small, but that could mean nothing... or everything. I am afraid we can only wait and see how he will progress." The physician shook his head, frustrated to be so powerless.

The woman nodded again, "I understand." She adjusted her grip on the baby and then asked, "What about my daughter-in-law, is she all right?"

"Lady Selene is fine and she is resting. Apart from its strangeness, the delivery has been very easy, with no complications." The man's face widened in a smile, pleased to be able to give her some good news.

"Wonderful," Livia looked at her new grandson again and then said, "Thank you doctor, for everything." Then she asked him to follow her and led him into the kitchen for an abundant breakfast.

*****

Selene caressed her son's little head as he suckled hungrily from her breast. He was so small, but he looked perfect, with his dark hair and eyes, and tiny hands and feet. "Maximus," she breathed, thinking both about her husband and the baby now carrying the same name.

Near the bed Livia observed the serene scene with concerned eyes, trying to find a way to say aloud what was troubling her. Her worry did not pass unnoticed and Selene's voice intruded her thoughts, "What is it? You seem disturbed."

"I am... I was thinking that perhaps we should wait before alerting Maximus about this new child.."

The younger woman arched her eyebrows in silent, stupefied, enquiry and Livia continued, "We don’t know for sure if this baby is all right and I think it would be cruel to raise false hopes in Maximus...By the time the courier reaches Germania, Maximus will already know the son he was expecting was stillborn and.." the woman stopped, trying to find the right words to explain her concerns without hurting her daughter-in-law’s feelings. She wanted to protect her son from suffering another blow: she knew, all too well, how common it was for babies to die in their first months of life, she had seen it happen to Maximus' older sister and brother, and she wanted to spare her son from that pain, but not at the expense of Selene's feelings.

However her worries turned out to be unjustified because the younger woman nodded her head, "I understand, Livia, and I agree. It would be cruel to say to Maximus he has another son and then be obliged to tell him this child too did not survive, especially when he is still mourning for the other baby." She took a deep breath to dispel the lump in her throat, "It is better we wait and see how the child is going to progress before sending any kind of letter." Selene lowered her gaze and then caressed her son's sleeping face with her fingertips. "Maximus," she breathed again, praying to the gods to look after the baby as they were looking after her husband.

July 177AD, Vindobona, Germania

General Maximus Decimus Meridius jumped to his feet, pushing the chair back and almost spilling the ink on the desk, as his ears heard Cicero's voice greet the groom who had come to take care of his horse. With a few long strides he was out of his tent, looking hopefully at his just arrived manservant.

Cicero saw the way his commander and friend was staring at him and felt his heart constrict, knowing how the other man would suffer from the news he had to give him. He wanted so badly to be able to spare him from that grief, but it was impossible.

Maximus walked to his friend and said, "Cicero, welcome back." He had a slight smile on his lips, but it disappeared as he took note of the drawn features of the scarred man, "What’s wrong?" he asked as his heart began to race.

"Come inside, Maximus," Cicero pushed aside the tent flap and entered the tent. The general followed him, his face suddenly pale, for the manservant never used his first name if not for very serious matters.

Once inside, the two men faced each other and Cicero knew he could not wait anymore, "I am sorry, Maximus, but the baby was stillborn."

The Spaniard felt all of his blood leave his face as he whispered, "Stillborn..."

"Yes..."

"And...and," Maximus swallowed hard, "and my wife? Is- is she all right?" He withheld his breath as he waited for the answer.

"Yes, she is all right, there were no complications."

Maximus nodded slowly, and slumped on the nearest chair, staring unseeingly in front of him, his hands on the table. Unchecked, tears began to spill from his eyes and Cicero lowered his head, unable to witness his friend's pain. He wanted to help him but he knew Maximus was a very private man, used to cope alone with his problems. The only thing he could do for him was to leave him in peace and make sure nobody disturbed him. And thus Cicero walked away, never seeing Maximus lower his head on the table as violent sobs were shaking his frame.

July 177AD, Vindobona, Germania

Maximus dipped the pen into the inkpot and stared hard at the white sheet of papyrus in front of his eyes. The general twisted the stylus in his hands, trying to collect his thoughts: he needed to find a way to reassure his heart-broken wife everything would be fine and to try to cheer her up a little, but it was not easy, especially when his own heart was still crying for his child's death. A child he and Selene had desired so much, the little brother and playmate Marcus had wished for. Maximus sighed. During the days he acted normal, organizing and superintending drills, studying the scouts' reports and writing orders to the generals of the other legions, but during the nights his suffering returned to assault him. At those times he wished he was still a mere optio, as he had been when he had received the news his beloved grandfather had died. Then, he had been free to cry and to be hugged by his tent mates, but now he was denied that little bit of comfort, because a general could not allow himself to show pain or grief to his men. He must always be perfect, invincible, never showing fear, or a crack in the armour. He must be an anchor for his men, a reference point... he did not have the luxury to be simply a man, even when grief threatened to break his heart in two. He always had to be the one comforting, not the one comforted....

Maximus sighed again, louder than before. How he longed to be back home, in Selene's arms... then he would have been able to let go, to stop being a general to be only a man. But Hispania was far away and Selene needed his help, now more than ever, so he had to be strong for her too. And thus he lowered his hand and began to write...

I

October 180 AD, Trujillo, Hispania.

"Livia! Livia! Is that you?" a voice called in the market square of the city.

Annia Livia Camilla Meridia turned her head around and saw a running woman coming in her direction, a hand keeping her palla in place, the other waving frenetically.

"Livia!" she called again and the matron squinted her eyes against the sun to see who she was. When the figure was finally near enough, her heart began to race, as she recognized the stranger... It was no stranger at all, it was her little sister!

"Livilla!" she cried and, hugging the toddler in her arms more tightly, she walked towards her.

The two sisters stopped at a few feet of distance to another, looking deeply into each other's eyes for the first time in almost thirty years.

"Livia."

"Livilla." They said in unison and then grinned at each other, as if the long separation had never existed.

"I-I can't believe it is you," finally the older of the sisters said, "I thought I'd would never see you again."

"Me too. I am here for the fair with my husband. It is the first time we leave Terraconensis to come here to Baetica."

Livia nodded and took a good look at her sister: Livilla was dressed very well, in fine and elegant clothes, and her ears, neck and wrists were graced by gold jewels, "I see father was wrong about Mauritius' lack of talent for business," she said.

"He really was," Livilla's smile fell as her voice filled with regrets.

Livia sighed. Thirty years and it still was an open wound: she remembered, as if it were yesterday, the terrible fight between Livilla and their father when the old man had refused to let her marry the boy she had fallen in love with, the argument that had happened in Livia and her husband Marcus' house, during a family gathering. She also remembered to have been awakened in the middle of the night by a weeping but determinate Livilla who had told her she wanted to leave with Mauritius. She remembered how she had tried to make her change her mind, but how, in the end, she had let her go, because she knew their father was wrong to deny her to marry only because her chosen one was the son of a former commercial rival. After that the family had lost every contact with the younger sister and Livia had wondered - and worried - many times about her silence.

A sharp tug at her hair snapped Livia back to the present and she turned to look at the serious little face that was staring at her.

"Na-na," said the boy, not liking not to have his grandmother's attention all for himself.

"Shh, Iunior, I am talking, don't you see? This is your Aunt Livilla."

The boy frowned, not understanding what 'aunt' meant. Livilla stepped closer and watched the boy with attention, before turning to his sister and saying, "He looks like his father when he was his age, except for the eyes. I suppose he got them from his mother."

"Yes, he has his mama's brown eyes. Her name is Selene and she is a wonderful wife and mother."

"I see. Is Maximus all right?" Livilla asked.

"Yes... or at least I hope so. Almost three years have passed since the last time I saw him."

"Oh my.... Why?"

"He is stationed in Germania, near Vindobona, very far from here."

"I know where Vindobona is, Mauritius has a very good friend and commercial partner living there, but I don't understand what you mean by 'stationed'?" Livilla's face was puzzled.

"Oh gods, forgive me! It is only that I feel so much at ease with you, as if the last thirty years had never passed, that I forgot they really did pass and that you don't know Maximus is a general of the legions." Livia's smile was apologetic.

"A general? Well, big sister, you must be really proud of him. Listen, why don't we find a quiet place where we can talk? As you said, thirty years have elapsed since we last saw each other and we have a lot of things to talk about."

Livia smiled and nodded, "You are right, and be prepared to give me a good reason to explain why you never wrote in all this time." She cast a meaningful glance at the other woman, before adding, "But first, let me speak with the driver of my chariot: I will tell him to return to the farm to alert Selene I am going to be late, and then tell him to return here to take me home later in the day."

"There is no need for your driver to return: Mauritius and I will take you and the little man here back home, what do you think? This will give me the opportunity to meet your daughter-in-law and visit the farm again."

"This is perfect." The two sisters smiled at each other and then began to walk across the market to the public stables.

*****

The sisters spent several wonderful hours catching up with what had happened in their lives since the last time they had seen each other, then boarded Livilla's cart and headed for the Decimi farm on the hills just outside Trujillo. As it had happened with her sister, Livia had no problem at all to bond again with Mauritius - they had been friends in the past and they were friends now. The man was gentle and caring, and she thought it was a pity two nice persons like this who clearly adored each other, had not been blessed with children. Livia could see the longing in her sister's eyes as she cuddled the sleeping little Iunior and felt a lump in her throat. She looked in front of her, at the golden and bronzed fields that surrounded them, trying to dispel her sadness and frowned when she saw a group of riders proceed in their direction at full speed.

Mauritius had barely the time to rein the horses out of the paved road and down in a field when the galloping men stormed past them.

"Irresponsible! Why don't you look where you are going?" shouted the man, but his voice was swallowed by the thunderous noise of hooves. And perhaps it was better this way, because the riders were all dressed in black and purple, the uniforms of the Praetorians, the often-infamous imperial bodyguards.

Livia and Livilla watched the riders disappear on the horizon and, as Mauritius carefully steered the cart back on the road, she said aloud, "I wonder what are they doing here." She did not like the guards very much for she had acquired a part of the distaste her son, as a soldier, felt for them. Husband and wife had no answer to give to her, but she had not expected one.

"Na-na?" the child's voice made Livia lower her head and she saw little Maximus was now awake, his dark brown eyes wide with a mixture of fear and curiosity.

"Yes, little one?"

"Wh- who are th-they?"

"They are soldiers, darling." Livia caressed the boy's brown-black hair.

"Sol- sol- diers? Li-like pa-papà?" The child freed himself from Livilla's embrace and sat up, staring at the road behind them with interest. Iunior had yet to meet his father, but he knew he was a soldier, even if it was not really clear for him what a 'soldier' was.

"Yes, just like your papà." Livia smiled.

"Oh," the child pressed his little fist to his mouth, then looked back at his grandmother, "A-are we ar-ar-arrived? I-I wa-want my Ma-ma."

"You will see her soon, don't worry." Livia took him in her arms and whispered, "Now try to sleep again. The journey will be short."

The boy nodded and did as he was told.

Livia exchanged a look with her sister and Livilla slipped to sit closer. "He is a wonderful child, a pity he stutters. The older woman nodded, "Yes, it is a pity, but the doctor I visited this morning told me there are good possibilities he will improve with time."

"Oh, but this is wonderful!"

"Indeed. He said it is a pretty common problem with children born before their terms, but since the boy is perfect in every other aspect, he believes he will be alright." Livia smiled, "I can't wait to see Maximus' face when he will discover he has two sons instead of one!"

Livilla and Mauritius exchanged a puzzled look and the man asked, "What do you mean?"

"It is a long story," Livia began, and then proceeded to tell them exactly what had happened and why she and Selene had decided not to write to Maximus about the second child.

Mauritius nodded, "You did well. I am sure your son will be-" the sentence died on his lips as his eyes saw a black column of thick smoke break the blue of the sky. "What the-?"

Livia followed his gaze and she felt her blood freeze. The smoke was rising from the location of her farm and it was too much to be caused by a bonfire. "Oh my gods! What is happening?"

"Hold thigh!" said Mauritius whipping the horses, and soon they were galloping along the gravel-covered private roadway that led to the Decimi farm. The more they approached the little hill where the villa was, the more Livia felt panic assault her. What had happened there? All around her she could see burned fields and trees, broken flowers-pots and scared animals on the loose.

And then they saw it: the contorted, blackened, barely recognizable shape of a human body.

"My gods," whispered Livilla as the stench of burned flesh reached her nose and Mauritius slowed down the horses, as he frantically tried to understand the situation.

Livia's chest and throat were so constricted she was barely able to breathe and her arms tightened so much around the sleeping child that little Maximus moaned in protest.

Along the road that led to the villa, the distraught group encountered numerous corpses, and by the time they reached the master building they already knew what kind of spectacle was going to greet them: broken, blackened pink-stoned walls, still burning wooden furniture, a devastated courtyard...

But nothing had prepared them for the terrible sight of two crucified, burnt bodies, hanging from crude crosses planted in the middle of the kitchen garden.

The bodies of a woman and child.

The bodies of Selene and Marcus.

"Na-na?" Iunior's sleepy voice shook Livia from her horrified trance and she pressed the boy's head against her shoulder, not wanting him to see the horror around them. "Shh, darling, sleep..." Her voice broke in a sob.

Livilla and her husband exchanged a horrified glance and nodded to each other. Then Mauritius began to turn the cart around.

"Wait! What are you doing?" cried Livia.

"We must go away, as soon as possible." Replied Mauritius, his tone betraying his fear, "This is not the doing of a group of bandits... this was done by the Praetorians we met along the way."

"How can you say so?" asked his wife.

"The crosses...and the jewels...they did not steal her jewels..." the man tilted his head to Selene's broken body and shook the reins on the horses' backs.

"Stop!" Livia shouted, "Stop! We cannot leave them there... we cannot.. we must bury them..." her face was streaked with tears as she looked at her daughter-in-law's and grandson's poor remains. Upon hearing his Nana's cries, little Maximus began to weep and Livilla wrapped her arms around her sister, both to comfort and restrain her.

"Let me go to them! I must take them down!" Livia tried to break free but her sister did not let her go.

"They are dead, Livia, dead! You can no longer help them!" she said with urgency, shaking the older woman's shoulders, "You must now think about the living! The living, Livia! Your son, your grandchild..."

Her words and Iunior's weeping seemed to finally penetrate Livia's shocked mind and she nodded weakly.

"Yes," she said in a barely audible whisper, "we..we .. must go, take the baby to a safe place...I must write to Maximus..."

"Yes, darling, we will do so," Livilla murmured, caressing her hair, and then dragged the crying woman and child into her arms, as her husband whipped the horses again and again, driving the cart away from Trujillo.

The little group was so lost in pain or busy to put as more distance between themselves and the villa as possible, that no one noticed a man on a chestnut horse launched in a neck-breaking run through the dusty country roads leading to the farm...

October 180 AD, Trujillo, Hispania.

Nothing, not even the worst of the nightmares that had haunted his sleep during the long, interminable ride from Germania to Hispania had prepared Maximus for the actual devastation he encountered when finally, fevered and weak, because of his infected shoulder wound and of lack of food, he reached his farm. Rising staggering from the spot his horse had collapsed, the general ran along the lane that led to the courtyard and the house. The acrid and nauseous smell of burned flesh did not promise anything good but still, in the depth of his terrified heart, Maximus conserved a flicker of hope.

But that hope was shattered when his eyes saw what awaited him in the middle of the remains of his kitchen garden: Selene and Marcus, their bodies contorted, burned and almost unrecognisable, nailed to two crude crosses.

Maximus felt his throat constrict and, unable to breathe, he sank down on his knees.

Tears began to run along his cheeks as he felt himself drown in his grief, felt his heart break in his chest. Drawing strength from unknown sources, he rose back to his feet and walked to the bodies, touching and kissing what remained of his wife's feet, silently begging forgiveness to her for not having being there to protect her and their son, before falling to the ground again and surrendering to the pain in his chest.

*****

The sun was already disappearing behind the hills, when Maximus finished to pat down the earth on the mounds now covering Selene and Marcus' bodies. He was on the verge of collapse, more than once he had risked to faint while he had dug deep graves in the shade of the poplar tree where he and his wife had spent so many hours watching their son play, but now he was almost ready to let it go....or almost so. While, with loving hands, Maximus was putting bougainvillea flowers on the two tombs, a thought crossed his fevered mind: he had to find his mother’s body and bury her too. But he was too weak, too tired. He lay down between the graves, and fell immediately in the oblivion of an exhausted sleep, with the hope the infection would kill him, sparing him the agony to wake up again to a life that had become unbearable.

But the gods were not so merciful to grant his wish and Maximus was still alive when the slaves' traders arrived and dragged him away from his dead family.

February 181AD, Tarraco, Hispania.

Livilla approached the edge of the atrium and stopped just before passing the threshold that would lead her on the porch. She crunched the letter she had in her fist as she tried to steel herself to do what she had to do: inform her older sister her beloved son was dead, executed for treason. But how could she do so? The woman looked at Livia, watching her as she walked in the indoor garden, while little Maximus chased a butterfly between the jasmine bushes. She seemed to have aged ten years in four months but today there was a gentle smile on her lips, and Livilla hated to be the one who would transform that brief moment of joy into agony.

But she had no choice: as Mauritius had told her just after they had received the report from their friend in Germania, Livia and Maximus Iunior were in potential danger and certain steps needed to be taken to ensure their safety.

And so, her heart already weeping for her sister, Livilla stepped in the porch, silently motioning to a maid to follow her.

*****

Livia raised her head when she heard the steps echoing on the marble pavement, and she saw her sister come in her direction followed by a servant girl. Livilla's face looked tired and pale and Livia felt a shiver run along her spine. Scooping her grandson into her arms, she walked till she and her sibling were face to face. They stared at each other for few but interminable seconds and then Livilla murmured, "We got news from Germania."

Livia's eyes widened, as she adjusted her grip around the child, "What- what did it say?"

Her sister bit her lower lip, "It would be better if you give Maximus to Delia..."

The older woman did not protest and entrusted the child in the girl's arm, watching as she took him to the other side of the garden. Then she returned to face Livilla, "Please tell me.."

Livilla opened her lips but no sound left her mouth. She swallowed hard and tried again, but still her voice refused to obey. In the end, feeling like a coward but not being able to be the one inflicting the final blow to her sister’s hopes, she reached out her hand and gave the letter to Livia.

Terrified by the younger woman's behaviour, Livia took the papyrus and began to read. Her eyes scanned the first lines and soon an expression of pure agony appeared on her face, as tears slid copiously from her eyes and her breath became laboured. But still Livia continued to read, slowly sinking to her knees as the terrible truth entered her mind. She slid to the floor and Livilla hurried to kneel down with her dragging her into her arms, as Livia cried all of her tears, her shaking hands letting go of the letter, which fell to the ground. Livilla threw a look at it, reading again those few lines that were now cause of so much desperation:

To Mauritius from Marius Varinus. Salutem dicit!

I am sorry I cannot give you good news, my friend. Your relative, General Maximus Decimus Meridius, is dead. It happened months ago, just after the good, old Marcus Aurelius died. But unfortunately it does not end here. The General had been executed for treason by order of Emperor Commodus. Rumours claim he refused to obey to the new Caesar, but I could not have them confirmed. My questions were beginning to attract too much attention and I did not want to answer to queries from the soldiers. My friend, we both know what is the destiny of the family of a man condemned for treason and thus I beg you to never again ask questions about General Maximus and to keep your relation with him hidden, I would hate to see something bad happen to you or to your lovely wife. I know it will be hard, but with this new Caesar it is necessary to be very careful. Very careful indeed.

I hope we will be able to meet each other soon and in lighter circumstances,

Ave atque vale,

Marius Varinius.

II

August 182AD, Trujillo, Hispania.

"Do you need something else to eat, domine?" a sweet voice asked and Maximus Decimus Meridius raised his head from his plate to look at the maid standing near his table.

"I don't need anything else, thank you." He answered with a slight smile.

"Some more wine?"

"No, my cup is still full."

The girl tilted her head to the side and her voice dropped to a sultry whisper, "Then, perhaps you might like some company..."

It was a clear invitation, an invitation Maximus had heard many times in the last year of his life, never liking it. However he did not react to it with irritation, as he usually did, but he simply shook his head and softly said, "No, thank you, I wish to stay alone."

In the semi-darkness of the room he saw the girl nod and then walk away, one of her hands lightly brushing the top of the tables, and then he returned to concentrate on his plate of lentils, but found that his appetite was gone. Maximus played with the food for a few moments, then put down the spoon, sighed and looked outside the tavern window, as he lost himself in thought.

"I am going home", he said to himself for the umpteenth time. How will it be like? Will I be able to live there again? He had formulated those questions many times but as usual he had no answers. He sighed again. When he had left Rome, he had been sure that to return to Hispania was the only way he had to regain some peace of mind, since it was clear he was not ready to give up and simply die. Maximus had discovered it in the hard way, battling fever for more than five days as he struggled to survive Commodus' stab wound. It would have been so easy to let it go, so easy to choose to remain in Elysium with Selene and Marcus - he had visited them many times during his delirium - but something inside him kept on repeating he was not ready to die, that there was something he still needed to do. And that strange sensation, that awareness, had remained with him even when he had finally woken up. In the beginning he had thought it had to do with his duty to Marcus Aurelius and Rome, but after almost a year spent in the Capital's political arena, feeling like a fish out of water, he had finally understood Hispania was the place he was meant to return to. He had given orders to his caretaker, telling him to rebuild the villa, and left Rome as soon as he had been informed the house was once again standing. And so here he was, eating in a tavern in Trujillo, anticipating and dreading at the same time the next day, when he would see his home again. He could have seen it that same evening too but he had not wanted to risk that, in the darkness, he or the men composing his escort, might unintentionally step over Marcus and Selene's graves.

A sudden noise interrupted Maximus' line of thought and he turned around to see what it was: in a corner of the tavern, in front of the customers' indifferent eyes, a man, probably the owner of the place, was beating a girl, the maid that had spoken with the general minutes before. Maximus watched the scene for a few seconds more and then, just as the innkeeper unbuckled his belt, clearly wanting to use it to hit the girl, he stood up and crossed the room with rapid strides.

Maximus reached the pair and, stepping behind the man’s shoulders, gripped the innkeeper's arm before he could whip the maid.

The tavern owner whirled around and found himself face to face with two furious blue-green eyes. "Are not you ashamed to treat a poor defenceless girl in this way?" Maximus growled.

The other man tried to free his wrist and snapped, "Mind your own business! She deserves it!"

"Why?"

"Because she is not able to earn money for me!"

Maximus frowned and looked at the girl again, realizing she was being beaten because he had refused her 'services'. "It is not her fault, I simply don't require anything more."

"Her job is to make the costumers want more!" said the man and kicked the girl, who was still on the ground, facing her defender with a hopeful expression.

"I told you to stop," hissed Maximus, as his voice became threatening.

The innkeeper stared at him with defiance and snarled, "This slave is mine and I can do what I want to her. But since you are so interested in her, you can buy her!"

Led by emotion, Maximus did not blink an eye and loosening his grip on the other man's wrist, curtly asked, "How much?"

"Eight hundred," the innkeeper smiled maliciously, knowing the price was exorbitant.

However the general did not hesitate: he pulled out the money pouch tied to his belt and gave eight golden aurei to the man, who took them with greed, biting them to be sure they were not false, "She is yours," he said, tilting his head at the girl and walking away.

Maximus bent down to the maid and asked, "Are you all right?"

"Yes, domine," she whispered, massaging her bare forearm, where a bruise was already forming.

"Good," Maximus smiled gently, rose to his feet and then reached out a hand to help the girl to stand up. But she did not take it, and Maximus frowned. In the beginning, he thought she was afraid of him, but something in the way she moved her head, jerkily like a bird, made a bell ring in his head. He bent down again and, with a hand on her cheek, turned the girl’s head to face him, scrutinizing her gazelle-like brown eyes with attention. There was something strange in them, an uncommon fixation.

"Are you blind?" he finally asked, even if he already knew the answer.

"I am, master," she said, lowering her eyes.

Maximus bit his lower lip and sighed. He did not need this new problem, he had enough of them. He had only wanted to protect her because he felt somehow guilty for causing her beating, but now it was clear his first idea, to set the girl free and find her a job, was no longer an option: willing or unwilling as he might be, he was now responsible for her. That was what happened when you let emotions rule your actions.

The general took her by the elbow and said, "Come on, stand up- Hey, what's your name?"

"Sabina, domine."

"It is a beautiful name," Maximus said with sincerity and for the first time the slave's lips curved in a slight smile.

"Thank you, master."

Sabina then stood up and let Maximus lead her out of the hall.

Sabina woke up when something wet and cold touched her cheek. Her first reaction was to scream in panic, but as soon as her brain began to work properly, she realized there was nothing to be scared of: the strange sensation had been caused by a canine nose sniffing her. She smiled and reached out an arm, her fingertips brushing a warm and soft fur. "Hello Dux," she whispered and was rewarded by a warm tongue licking her palm. Sabina giggled and then pulled the big dog towards her. The animal did not complain and soon he was cuddled at her side, his muzzle resting on her chest. As she stroked him between the ears, enjoying the softness of the fur, she thought he was very easy-going to be a war-dog: they had become friends merely minutes after their master had introduced them.

Their master. Maximus.

Sabina tensed her ears and, hearing him snore softly from the other side of the room, decided it was safe to abandon herself to some musing about her new owner. She did not know very much about him except his name, that he owned a farm, and the fact that he was a very gentle man. She had sensed it in his voice and in the way he had behaved with her once they had reached his room at the second floor of the inn, the evening before. She had half expected him to throw her on the bed and claim his rights as her owner, and instead he had treated her like a lady, with courtesy and respect, giving her the hope for a better future. Sabina smiled as she remembered their conversation.

They had sat in front of another, he on his bed, she on a chair. Even if she could not see him, she had sensed he was nervous, hearing the slight noises caused by his shifting his weight and smoothing the sheets.

In the end his deep rumbling voice had broken the silence, "Sabina," he had begun, "I will be sincere with you. I don't know what to do with you. I protected you because I cannot stand violence, I have seen too much of it in my recent life," he had paused for a few seconds, "I bought you to take you away from that man, but now..." and his voice had died.

"I am sorry to cause you problems, domine," she had dared to say, her eyes lowered.

"Don't be," he had replied, and by the slight change of his tone, Sabina had thought perhaps he was smiling, "You are not causing troubles." A pause, "Is there something you like to do? Some kind of job-"

Outside whoring and serving tables, she had completed for him. "I can sew, domine, and cook. I can even write if someone dictates to me."

"Oh," she could hear from his tone Maximus had been surprised by her skills and admired them, "Well, if it is, so, you will surely have plenty to do at my farm. We are going to get there tomorrow."

"I will do my best to be useful to you, domine." She had smiled.

"I am sure of it."

She had then heard her master move and instinctively had stood up.

"Here come with me, I want to introduce you to someone and show you your bed."

Sabina had grinned at his choice of words and followed him to another room, where she had met the big dog now sleeping with his muzzle on her chest.

The girl smiled again, and then, feeling her eyelids drop, she decided to imitate the animal and return to sleep.

*****

The following morning Maximus, Sabina and his escort left Trujillo and covered the few miles separating his farm from the town. The Spaniard felt his agitation increase with each step his horse took, and he was almost trembling by the time the little party left the main road to take the private lane. Maximus slowed down his mount to walk as he looked around him. To an unknowing eye, the farm could have seemed perfect, with its orderly rows of vines, olive trees scattered on the hills flanks and still maturing wheat and oat fields. But even if all the signs of destruction had been erased, Maximus could still see the scars left by the fire. Scars that not everyone could see, just like those in his heart.

And finally, the dreaded moment came: near the newly rebuilt villa, in the middle of what had been the kitchen garden, Maximus saw two grass-covered little mounds. The general stopped his horse, dismounted and, moving like a sleepwalker, crossed the courtyard and dropped to his knees near Selene and Marcus' graves.

"I am home," he whispered, putting a hand on each of the mounds, "I am home." Then he bent his head and prayed.

*

The silence that suddenly fell on the little party caused Sabina to frown in puzzlement. She was sitting on the driver's seat of a wagon full of supplies, next to a centurion called Tullius. The man, like the other soldiers escorting the general, had been courteous and talkative during the entire trip from Trujillo and thus she was surprised by the sudden change of mood.

She tensed her ears, trying to get a clue about what was going on, but she heard nothing except the sounds of the countryside and the horses shaking their heads to loosen the pressure of the bits.

"Poor man."

The driver's whisper sounded like a thunder in her ears and Sabina could not restrain herself from asking, "Who?"

"The General."

"Why?"

The young woman felt the centurion shift his weight on the wooden seat and then reply, with his voice very low, "He did not tell you anything about himself? About what happened to his family?"

"No," Sabina shook her head and added, "He only told me he owned a farm."

Tullius sighed and went on, "The General had a wife and son he adored. They were killed by the Praetorians almost two years ago. He is now kneeling and praying on their graves." The man's voice trembled a little.

"Oh," Sabina turned to face what was in front of her, not wanting to disturb the solemn moment any more. It was clear the soldiers respected and loved their commander very much and that gave her another clue about the man who now owned her, a man whose gentleness and charisma had already conquered her heart, beginning to heal the wounds seven months spent as Aulus' slave had inflicted on her soul.

*****

Maximus walked in the large up-hill wheat field, trailing his hands over it, with the swollen spikes grazing his palms, his feet bare to better savour the sensation of symbiosis with his land. A smile of pure joy crossed his handsome features as, for the first time after more than two years, he felt in peace with himself and the world, finally convinced he had been right in wanting to return home, to a place where he was surrounded by nature and life. He still missed his family, he would always do, but his desire to die had indeed disappeared, giving space to a new sense of purpose in his heart. Maximus had been afraid that living on the farm would have brought back bad memories, regrets and grief, but, even if it was sometimes true, he was not feeling haunted by the ghosts of his past. Instead he felt like Selene and Marcus were always near him, encouraging him and approving of everything he did, their presence gentle and reassuring, especially while he slept and enjoyed his first nightmare-free sleep since that terrible night in Germania. The only one he was not able to 'sense' was his mother, and Maximus thought it was so because he was feeling guilty for not having buried her too. He had built a monument for Livia near those of his wife and son, but he still seemed unable to connect with her... The Spaniard sighed and pushed that thought away from his mind, returning to enjoy his walk. He whistled aloud, recalling Dux, who had been chasing rabbits nearby, at his side. As he crossed the small lane that separated the wheat field from the vineyard, the breeze carried to him the sound of a joyous song and he tilted his head to hear more. It was a female voice and Maximus was willing to bet it belonged to Sabina. A gentle smile appeared on his face as he thought about the girl, about how much he liked her, her always-cheerful mood and will to please, and then he went to inspect the vines, his dog trailing happily behind him.

*

"What a wonderful voice!" Silvia commented, as she sat on the wooden bench set in the courtyard, a bunch of onions in her hand.

Sabina stopped singing at once and blushed in embarrassment, "I am sorry, I thought I was alone. I did not want to disturb you."

"You did not!" the cook reassured her, "I really meant it: you sing very well."

"Thank you," Sabina flashed her a smile and returned to her task, cleaning and polishing metal trays, plates, spoons and other tools, sensing with her sensitive fingers where they were dirty or not.

"I am surprised you did not hear me arrive," Silvia said, looking closely at the blind girl, as her hands cleaned the onions.

"I was... lost in thought," murmured Sabina, rubbing the rag over a silver cup energetically.

"Yes, sure, thinking about the master!" The cook watched her companion, smiling in triumph when she saw her blush.

"Silvia!"

"Oh, don't try to deny it! I see how you behave when he is present, every excuse is good to have him come near you!"

"That's not true! It's not me who searches for excuses to have him near, it is him who wants to help me because he is afraid I cannot manage by myself," Sabina exclaimed a bit defensively.

"Yes, of course," Silvia commented with irony, "So you are going to tell me you don't like to have him near!"

The other girl's lips moved but no answer came out, because Sabina did not want to tell a lie, but at the same time she did not want to say aloud, even to her best friend, she was in love with Maximus. It was not appropriate - he was of senatorial class, she was only a former slave he had bought and freed - and, in a certain way, it was even scaring. She still was not used to that emotion - she did not even know when her gratitude had changed into something deeper - and to the sense of belonging, joy and peace she felt every time the general was near and she could bask in his gentleness and charisma. Silvia looked as her friend struggled with her emotions and, her teasing mood forgotten, refrained from telling Sabina her face showed all her feelings.

They remained silent for some minutes then the cook said, "Would you like me to describe our master to you? I don't think we have ever talked about it, as surprising as it is."

Sabina nodded slowly: how many times had she wanted to ask about Maximus, but never found the courage to do so! The girl put down her work and turned to her friend, her face full of expectation.

Silvia smiled, then fixed her eyes on the horizon and the figure slowly coming in their direction and began, "The master is tall, with broad shoulders and a slim waist. He is sturdy and muscular but not overly so. His hair is brownish-black and he keeps it cropped very short in military style. He sports a well-trimmed beard that outlines his jaw and mouth. He is not beautiful in the classical way, like the Greek statues, but very handsome all the same."

"What about his eyes?" Sabina interjected as the other woman paused.

The cook turned her head and looked at her friend's rapt expression, "I was keeping the best for the end," she grinned, "His eyes are the most beautiful blue-green pools I have ever seen. They are very gentle, sweet, a bit sad, and I have been told they can be very menacing when he is angry. His eyes are able to speak even when his mouth is closed...It is truly a pity you cannot see them, because they are his most intriguing feature."

Sabina nodded again, as in her mind she tried to picture Maximus' face: it was a difficult task, even if she had not always been blind and thus she had some reference points. It would be much easier if she could touch his face and body....At the mere thought of caressing Maximus, the girl’s face blushed crimson, causing Silvia, who was observing her, to laugh aloud.

"I won't ask you what are you thinking about, even if I suspect what it is. However I suggest you to control yourself because the object of your lusty reflections is coming this way."

"What?" Sabina almost squeaked out.

"The master is about to reach the courtyard," the cook's voice dropped, "You should see him now: he has finished an inspection in the fields, he wears only a white tunic with a leather belt. He is barefoot, and his skin glows under the sun...his body hair is almost blond..."

"Stop it!" hissed Sabina, "How can I control myself if you keep telling me such things?"

"Ah-ah! So you finally admit you are interested in him!"

"Yes, I admit it, I am very interested in him," the blind girl capitulated, "But promise me to keep it to yourself."

"Of course," any trace of teasing was gone from Silvia's voice when she added, "Why don't you try to make him see you are interested? He likes you a lot and perhaps, with a little encouragement..."

"No, absolutely no." Sabina interrupted her, "For one, he is still mourning his dead family and for another, I don't want him to think I am still a whore. If something happens between us it will be because he started it." Her voice, so sure and determinate, was a far cry from her usually gentle tone and her friend understood nothing would make her change her mind. And probably she was right: the master was not a common man and needed to be treated accordingly.

Silence fell on the two women as they both returned to their tasks.

*

Maximus stepped into the courtyard and immediately recognized the two women sitting on a bench, busy in their jobs. As it always happened when he watched Sabina involved in one of her tasks, he felt a flash of wonder at the way she moved and acted. She was so sure of herself, so self confident, it was almost unbelievable she was blind. Since her arrival at the farm, she had made herself irreplaceable, helping in many tasks around the villa. Maximus did not have many servants in the house, but all the men and women he employed were great workers. Many of them, like Sabina, were freed slaves he had bought at the market and subsequently freed because he could no longer tolerate the idea a man could own the lives of other human beings, and he still felt guilty about all the men and women who had died with his family two years before.

Maximus pushed the thought away and walked towards the bench.

"Good afternoon, ladies." He greeted them.

"Good afternoon to you, domine." The women replied in unison, rising to their feet and he motioned them to sit down again.

"At ease, go on with your work." He looked at the cook and murmured, "What are you going to feed us tonight, Silvia?"

"Salad, olives, roasted pig with a wine sauce, boiled fennels and onions, cheese and biscuits."

"Uhm, sounds very appetizing. And you Sabina," Maximus turned his head, "do you plan to have us dine from that silver service?"

"Well, domine, I would prefer it to remain clean and polished, but since silver has the bad habit of becoming opaque even if you don't use it, I suppose it is better to make it dirty by eating from it... at least my job will have had a sense!" The maid said with a deadly serious tone, but the general could see the corners of her full mouth twitch upward in mirth and so he abandoned himself to a hearty laugh.

"In this case we will surely eat from it, so you will feel useful, all right?"

"All right." She raised her head to face him and not for the first time Maximus thought she was beautiful. Her hair was black as a raven's, straight, waist-long and it had blue reflections. Her face was lovely formed and so full of intelligence. Her mouth was almost always shaped in a smile, and he was happy her slavery had not ruined her nice disposition.

Since he was remaining silent, Sabina took it as a signal to return to her work, and so he observed her for a while as she was rubbing a tray with energy and determination, the tip of her tongue sticking out as she concentrated on her job. Maximus watched her wet her lips and suddenly felt the almost irresistible impulse to bend down and kiss her, to discover the sweetness of her mouth. The thought shocked him, as he became aware his body was reacting to Sabina’s beauty in other ways too.

Embarrassed, he turned on his heels and walked away, not realizing that Silvia's knowing eyes had noticed everything and she was now smiling to herself, as she nodded in understanding and satisfaction.

*****

It was early evening and Maximus went in search for Sabina. He had just returned from town with a still hot cake made with honey and raisins and wanted to share it with her and the other servants of the house.

Finally he found her at the pond that was situated behind the villa. She was sitting near the shore, her arms hugging her knees, her face reverted to the sky. She heard him approach and immediately began to rise to her feet. "Domine.."

"Don't," Maximus stopped her, "stay as you are, there is no need to stand."

Sabina nodded her head and sat down again as the Spaniard walked towards her and asked, "What are you doing here?"

"I am enjoying the sundown, domine." Came the soft reply, as she faced him.

"How do you know?" The slow descent of the sun had just begun and Maximus was surprised by her perceptiveness.

"The air is becoming cooler and I can hear the song of the nightly birds join those of the daily ones."

"Oh."

Sabina smiled and turned her head away, pointing at the horizon with her arm, "I can see the sky colour itself in pink, yellow and orange as the sun disappears behind the hills."

Maximus was stunned. He sat down next to the young woman and murmured, "So you have not always been blind?"

"No, domine. I lost my sight when I was eleven, when I hit my head falling from a tree. This was eight years ago."

"It must have been a very bad fall."

"Everyone thought I would die, but my master had the best physician of the province assist me. If you touch the back of my head just over the nape, you will feel a small lump, another memento of that incident." Sabina bent her neck and Maximus probed between her hair with his fingertips, retreating his hand at once as he became more interested in the softness of her black strands than in the lump. He cleared his throat and commented, "You were lucky your master cared so much for you."

The young woman nodded, "He had always been gentle with me." She paused and frowned for a second, as if she was debating about her next words, "I was a verna, a slave born in the house and...well, even if my mother never said anything, I think I was the master's daughter."

"Oh my gods!" Maximus knew about the practice of bedding the female slaves, but, since he had never followed it, he had never stopped to think about the possible consequences. "Did he know?" he finally asked.

"Yes, probably he knew."

"And still he considered you a slave?" Maximus was outraged.

"He never treated me like one, he even had me learn how to write and read. And one day he told me he had provided for my freedom in his will. But-" Sabina's voice died and she swallowed hard before continuing, "But when he died, his wife destroyed the will and lost no time to sell me to Aulus, the innkeeper. She had never liked me, probably because she knew I was her husband's daughter."

"I am sorry," the general said, considering how inadequate his words were and amazed that after such a betrayal, Sabina still conserved her gentle and trusting nature.

"However, I was lucky, I remained Aulus' property for only seven months." She turned to face him and flashed him a smile, "Thank you again, domine, for taking me away from him and for giving me my freedom."

"You are welcome," Maximus lowered his eyes, embarrassed by her almost adoring expression, and then looked at the sky, searching for a way to change the topic. "Would you like for me to describe the sunset?"

Sabina's unseeing eyes turned to him as her face lightened up. "This would be wonderful, domine."

Maximus nodded, "All right. Now let me see: on the right side of the sky, the colour is pink with little streaks of red that becomes orange. The sun is still visible and a flock of birds is flying in front of us...Can you hear them?"

"Yes," Sabina smiled in pure delight and added, "These are wild geese."

Maximus shook his head in amusement, "You are amazing," he said, before reaching out a hand and gently caressing her cheek, unable to restrain himself. When he realized what he had just done, he froze on the spot, waiting for her accusing stare, but there was none. Sabina seemed to stare at him with curiosity, as if she was waiting for his next action, but there was none. Maximus dropped his hand, and returned to look at the sunset.

They remained silent, lost in their thoughts, until the Spaniard suddenly remembered why he had looked for Sabina.

"Come with me," he curtly said standing up. "It is time to go inside."

The young woman obeyed and followed him back to the house, while the general continued to struggle to understand his emotions. What did he feel for Sabina? Was it only the physical desire of a man who hasn't had a woman in years, or was it something deeper?

And if it were the latter, was he ready to let his heart love again and confront the possible pain caring for someone brings with it? Till only a few months before, the mere thought would have been pure madness...but now? Moreover, and even more importantly, how would Sabina react to his attention? She seemed to like him, but in truth, she liked everyone in the house, male servants included. Maximus was also concerned that, if he made his feelings known, the young woman might feel obliged to submit to them, to reciprocate him out of gratitude or duty, and that was something he absolutely wanted to avoid. And thus he decided to stay silent and not to do anything, at least for the moment.

*****

A month later Maximus and Sabina went to Trujillo together.

It was a holiday and all the members of the farm household were on vacation, resting or visiting the fair as the blind girl and her master were doing. Silvia had offered her to go with herself and her husband, but Sabina had thought they deserved to spend some time alone and so she had declined the invitation. But she had not said 'no' when Maximus had proposed her to visit the fair with him: instead she had been delighted and excited by the prospect of spending time alone with him, of talking, and of learning more about him. And thus here they were, walking side by side, her little hand posed on his bent forearm, as they strolled among the stands full of merchandises, pottery, food and jewellery, with the general describing them in detail to his companion.

*

Maximus was feeling so happy it was almost incredible. He loved to talk with Sabina: she was intelligent, educated and with a dry sense of humour that was simply irresistible. He also loved to feel her so near to him, even if the casual brushing of their hips was a bit frustrating. He was still struggling to understand his emotions but her presence was not exactly what he needed to think about Sabina with a clear head.

The fat drop of water that hit him on the nose caught the general by total surprise: lost as he had been in admiring the stands and his companion, he had not noticed the sky had darkened in a threatening way.

"Oh no," Sabina exclaimed as other drops quickly followed the first one and chaos erupted in the streets, as the stands owners hurried to protect their merchandises while the visitors were running to find shelter under the porches and inside inns and shops.

Maximus took her hand and proposed, "Why don't we go to the baths? They are near here and we can conclude our day there."

"It's a wonderful idea, domine," the girl approved.

He nodded and said, "Let's go."

They walked between the crowd, moving as fast as they could given Sabina's blindness and the confusion surrounding them, until Maximus stopped, so suddenly that the girl slammed into his back.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Did you hear? Did you hear those screams?" he asked her as his eyes scanned the area.

"What scr-?" Sabina's words were interrupted by a piercing cry. "I heard this! It's coming from that direction," and she pointed her finger to their left.

Maximus moved again, always keeping hold of her hand, leading her through a series of small roads, until they reached a little square where big poles had been planted in the dirt along with cages of many sizes. The general's eyes took in the scene in front of him as he realized where they had ended up, in the area of the fair used as a slave market. Not minding the still falling rain he watched as a child of about six years was dragged to a little cart while a woman, obviously his mother, was pushed in the opposite direction. They were both screaming with all their forces and trying to resist, but they had no chance against the men pulling their chains and brandishing whips. Tears began to streak Maximus' cheeks as with his mind's eyes he saw Selene and Marcus instead of the poor mother and son. He was so lost in his nightmare he almost jumped when Sabina touched his arm and asked, "Are you all right, domine?"

He turned to look at her concerned face and, grateful she couldn't see him, hastily brushed away his tears. "Yes, yes, I am all right," he replied breathing harshly, "It's just that I can no longer stand scenes like this."

"They make you think about your family," Sabina commented softly, having surmised what was going on by listening to the screams. Then she tensed, afraid of having overstepped her limits, but Maximus squeezed her hand in reassurance.

"You are right. But also I cannot bear to think that I might have caused a scene like that while sending war prisoners to Rome or when ordering my administrator to buy a new slave for the farm."

The woman's unseeing eyes fixed on him and said, "You are peculiar in this aspect, domine, not many landowners have your sensibility."

Maximus laughed bitterly and commented, "Nine months of living as a gladiator, with no choice other than killing or being killed, made me see slavery in a very different way."

Sabina frowned, not sure she had understood, "Are you telling me you have been a slave?" she asked slowly.

"Yes."

*

"Oh," Sabina was shocked. How could it have been possible that such a powerful man, a general of the army belonging to the senatorial class, could have ended up as a slave? A hundred questions formed in her mind but before she could ponder if it was appropriate to ask them, Maximus said, "We have to go, the rain is increasing."

She nodded and felt his arm surround her shoulder, as he tried to protect her from the downpour with his cloak. The contact made her blush and she lowered her face so he could not see the reaction his nearness had caused to her.

When they reached a porch, Maximus let go the hem of the cloak, but since the place was crowded he pressed her even more tightly against him as he opened a passage for them. In that position Sabina's nose caught a whiff of his body scent and it went directly to her head. He did not smell of tart sweat as some of her past 'clients', nor he was covered by perfume as some others. Instead he had a clean, masculine scent, with just a hint of horse, leather and earth. So very manly and so reassuring. So Maximus'.

Suddenly the desire to touch his face, to feel how he looked like became almost unbearable and she bit her lower lip till it bled to distract her mind, never knowing the effect her breath on the skin of his neck was having on Maximus.

*****

"Well, well, well, look who is here." The voice made Sabina jump with surprise: she had heard someone approach the cart where she was waiting for Maximus' return, but she had thought it was one of the public stable grooms, or another costumer retrieving his horse. She had never expected to hear her former owner's voice.

"Well slave, don't you say anything to your lord and master?" commented Aulus, stopping so close to her that she could sniff his bad smell of rotten teeth and wine.

"You are no longer my owner. I am a freedwoman, now." Sabina replied proudly, but she twisted the basket in her hand nervously.

"I won't be so sure about that: I never signed any contract concerning you." Aulus laughed maliciously as the girl's eyes widened in alarm. "But there is no reason to be afraid, mea columba, I am sure I and the general will reach an agreement about you- a very profitable one. I saw how well dressed you were the other day at the fair and I have no doubt the man will have some money for me too."

"You want to blackmail him!" said Sabina accusingly.

"What a word! I just want the money for your purchase."

"He already paid you 800 sesterces for me!"

"That may have been enough for a skinny maid, not for the beautiful whore you are now... because I have no doubt about how you obtained your freedom and your pretty clothes." Aulus pressed closer to her, trapping Sabina between his body and the cart, and then his hands caressed her in a vulgar way.

"Let me go," she cried, as she tried to get free.

"Oh no, we have to wait for your man....and I have a wonderful idea about how to spend our time."

As his hand slipped under her tunic, Sabina cried, "Help! Someone help me!"

"Shut up whore!" snarled Aulus, pulling at her hair and kissing her to stifle her cries.

She instinctively reacted to the invasion by biting his tongue. The innkeeper cried out in pain and then hit her with a backhanded blow on her face, pushing her then on the stable straw.

"Stupid! Now I will teach you who is the master here!" And speaking thus he ripped her tunic, pulled away her loincloth exposing her lower body and then fumbled with his clothes. He was so intent on getting them off, that he never heard Maximus enter the room.

The general's military training asserted the situation at once and without letting fear prevail on him, he jumped on Aulus and pulled him up and away from Sabina, slamming him against the wall of the stable. The innkeeper tried to defend himself but was no match for the furious Maximus, who rapidly reduced him senseless with a few fist blows and kicks.

*

Maximus felt the body getting limp in his hand, and let it fall to the floor, his attention all revolted to the woman sitting on the ground, weeping softly as she tried to cover herself. Maximus dropped to his knees near her, whispering, "It's me, Maximus," as she startled violently at the touch of his hands on her shoulder.

"Maximus!" she cried and she threw her arms around him, burying her face in the hollow of his neck.

The general felt panic grip him. Was she hurt? Had Aulus raped her? He tried to push her away to be able to examine her, but the girl tightened her grip on him, and thus he stopped his action. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her back, pressed her pliant body closer against his own and whispered, "It's all right, darling, it's over. Shhh....calm down, my love, calm down," he repeated again and again, until she stopped trembling, relaxed in his arms and then stepped back to face him.

"You called me...my love," Sabina commented with a curious tone.

Maximus blushed: caught in his worry, he had not realized what he had said until it was too late. But perhaps it was better this way: the terror that something might have happened to her had been as strong as the one he had felt regarding Selene and Marcus and he was now certain what he felt for Sabina was much more than mere lust. It was time to let her know: life was too brief, too precarious, he knew it better than anyone, and you had to grab your chance for happiness and must not let it slip away. "Yes," he said, "I called you so."

"Why?"

"Because-" he took a deep breath, "Because I love you, Sabina."

"What?" her whisper was barely audible.

"I love you." He repeated, putting all his heart into the words. "And I have for a long time."

*

He loves me, Sabina thought, Maximus loves me. Her almost impossible dream had become real.

She raised a trembling hand and touched his lips, "Please," she murmured, "say it again."

"I love you." He repeated for the third time, punctuating the sentence with a kiss on her fingertips.

"I love you too, Maximus," she whispered with sincerity and awe, finally deciding the time had come for her own confession, "I think I began to love you since the evening we met." And with her fingertips still on his mouth she felt him smile. She imitated him and then laughed aloud in pure joy when he squeezed her against his chest, "Oh my love!" he said, before his lips found hers for their first kiss. It was sweet. It was tender. It was passionate. Sabina was grateful they were sitting because her knees trembled with the intensity of her and his emotions. When they separated, she did what she had been dreaming to do for a long time. She raised her hands and cupped Maximus' face, her sensitive fingers and thumbs learning about him, adding her own perceptions of him to Silvia's description.

"What are you doing?" he asked, a bit of surprise in his voice, even if he did not try to move away.

" I am trying to find out if the image I've had of your face based on what Silvia told me, resembles the real thing." She exclaimed, as her fingers ran along his bearded jaw, before sliding up to touch his mouth, his straight nose, his cheekbones and brow, before losing themselves in the softness of his hair.

"And does it?" Maximus enquired.

"Oh no, reality is so much better than fantasy." She said in a whisper. They grinned at each other, and then Maximus repeated her actions, caressing all of her face with his hands, before kissing her again.

"Will you marry me?" he finally murmured.

The question caught Sabina totally unprepared and she stiffened at once.

"What's wrong?" asked Maximus, concern clear in his tone.

"Maximus... we cannot marry," she babbled confused, "I am a freedwoman, you belong to the senatorial class: the law does not consent it. You know it as I do."

The general nodded, "You are right, the law forbids it. But it allows marriage between two freed persons....as we are." He grinned when he saw she understood what he was saying, "I might have more than the one million of sesterces necessary to be listed in the senatorial class, but I still am a former gladiator-slave."

Sabina's unseeing eyes brightened with joy and awe, "I forgot it...So we can really marry..."

"Of course...as soon as you tell me 'yes'."

"Yes. Yes. Yes." She cried with joy throwing herself once again into his arms.

"Oh, my love!" exclaimed Maximus once again, hugging her with all his strength, "My wonderful love."

They stayed in each other’s arms for a long time, until a moan coming from the other side of the stable reclaimed their attention: Aulus was regaining his senses and it was time to settle the question once and for all.

*****

Sabina was waiting in her bed - in their bed - for Maximus' arrival.

It was late evening and soon the guests would return to their houses, leaving her and her new husband alone. In spite of her enormous love for Maximus, the woman was feeling nervous about what was soon going to transpire in that room and thus, to distract herself, she thought back at what had happened during the last ten days, from the moment Maximus had obliged Aulus to sign the contract sanctioning her sale, and threatened to kill him if he ever tried to come near her, to the joyous reception the news of their engagement had received from the household’s members, to the beautiful wedding of only a few hours before.

Maximus' voice saluting someone, brought her back to the present, and Sabina tensed her ears to catch even the slightest sound in the villa, her previous nervousness having returned. She was not afraid her husband would hurt her in any way, she knew him too well for even thinking of it, but she feared her reaction to his touch. She had not had many 'clients' during the months she had spent as Aulus' slave, but she shuddered as she remembered some of them, those who had taken a perverse pleasure at the knowledge she was blind, enjoying the fact she could neither see nor predict what they were going to do to her. She had only been lucky that she had never been really raped, but still a lot of ugly things had happened since her first experience with physical love, a youthful affair with a slave boy in her first master's house. Sabina tensed as she heard the creak of wooden steps and floorboards outside the room and then a sudden gust of air alerted her the door had been opened. Maximus was there.

Sabina almost stopped breathing as she was waiting for her husband to move and join her in bed.

But when he moved, Maximus did not come near her but began to tour the room, making strange noises Sabina, in her nervous state, was not able to place.

"What are you doing?" she finally asked when the waiting became unbearable.

"I am closing the shutters and blowing out all the lamps," was the quiet reply, "I don't want any light to break the darkness of this room."

"Why?"

"Because, for our first night together, I want us to be equal, my love," Maximus walked to the bed and sat on its edge. "I will have many occasions to see you and admire your beauty, but for tonight we will both be in the dark: you cannot see me, I cannot see you...we will have to use something else other than the eyes to discover each other...like...hands...lips..."

His words were a mere murmur, as he scooted up the bed, and the last ones were whispered near her ear, before he kissed it and hugged her. At that first gentle touch, Sabina's tension melted like snow under the sun, and a thrill ran along her spine: she knew that, in a totally darkened room, she and Maximus were not really even. She was in advantage, and she suspected he knew it too. He was giving her a sort of control over his body and that filled her heart with love and excitement, pushing away all of her remaining worries. With a smile, she began to cover Maximus' face with kisses, and she slowly reclined back on the mattress, pulling his pliant body with her, as they lost themselves in pleasure and love.....

III

April 194AD, Tarraco, Hispania.

"Maximus!"

The voice echoed in the large expanse of fields until it reached the young man in the vineyard.

"Yes?" a black head called back, emerging from the thick vegetation.

"Come here, Mauritius needs to speak with you!"

"All right. I will be there in a minute, Grandmother, just let me finish to tie these plants."

Livia nodded and watched as the head disappeared again behind the vines leaves. Few minutes later, his task completed, the boy stepped onto the grassy path that divided the fields, and went in her direction.

As she watched him approaching, Livia felt her heart twist in her chest: how much alike his father he was! The same body build, the same way of walking, the same dark hair and determined chin. The only notable difference was in his eyes, which were dark brown like Selene's. As it often happened, the old woman had to fight the tears when she thought about how proud Maximus would have been of his son, and how unfair it was he had never known about that boy who looked so much like him. Iunior, as Livia continued to call him in her mind, to delude herself her son was still alive, had inherited much of his father's behaviour and disposition. He had always been a quiet child, while Marcus had been livelier and a sort of little earthquake. But Iunior's seriousness had been trigged, as it had been in Maximus himself, by what had happened when they were both 13 years old. At 13 years of age, Maximus' life had changed forever when his father had died tossed by a furious bull and he had become all of sudden the pater familias and chief of the whole household. At 13 years, like history repeating itself, Iunior's adolescence had ended when she had told him what had happened to his family. It had been a shock for the boy, since he had always believed to have lost his parents and brother to the plague, but it had been necessary to explain to him why he had to keep a low profile in public life and why he could not join the legions as he had wanted to do. Livia had been terrified when he had expressed his fascination for the army life, afraid he would leave her and never return as it had happened with his father, and her fear had made it easier for her to bear the decision to tell him the whole truth. It had been a terrible blow for Iunior, and it had changed him forever, as the boy became a man in the space of a few hours.

Livia sighed as she remembered that far away afternoon and then a smile appeared on her face as her grandson stopped in front of her, the vision of his tanned and youthful face blowing away her sad thoughts.

"I am here," he said widening his arms.

"I can see it." The old woman reached out a hand to ruffle his hair - an action made possible by the fact he had yet to climb the three steps that led to the porch where she was standing - and she did so, as the young man made a half-hearted attempt to duck his head, his eyes telling her he was grown up now.

They smiled at each other, then he asked, "What does Uncle want?" His voice was deep like his father's, but lacking Maximus' commanding tone and authority.

"He did not tell me. We will discover it together as we listen to him." And speaking thus Livia and her grandson entered the villa.

*

Maximus Rufus Namatianus followed his Grandmother into the tablinium where his uncle Mauritius was awaiting them. The old man rose from his chair with some difficulty, since he was suffering from a bad bout of gout.

"Here you are," he said, greeting the boy he loved like the son he never had with a warm glance.

"What can I do for you, Uncle?" Maximus Rufus, sitting down on a chair in front of the desk, as Livia lowered herself on a couch near the wall.

"I've been informed by my good friend Helvius Tertius that a shipment of North African hammered copper and dyed leather is going to arrive at Malaca. The quality of the merchandise is very good and it could fetch high prices here in Terraconensis or in Gaul."

The young man nodded in understanding, knowing well how appreciated the fine African metal plates and cups were, "Did you tell Tertius to buy some stock on our behalf?"

"I wanted to ask him but unfortunately," and he absentmindedly fingered the open letter in front of him, "he has not enough cash at hand now, since his money is invested in merchandise he has yet to sell. We need to go there in person. Or better, you need to go there, because I cannot travel in my condition and you need to depart in two days to catch the first ship to Malaca."

Livia, who had been silent till that moment, felt her blood leave her face as she understood what she had heard: Mauritius wanted to send her grandson alone on a lengthy trip, back to the harbour from where, fourteen years before, they had sailed away, leaving behind a slaughtered family and a destroyed home. "Is it really necessary?" she asked, unable to conceal her tension. She did not want to see Iunior leave, especially not alone and not for Baetica! What if someone noticed his likeness with his father? What if something happened to him? Livia could not bear to even contemplate the thought: the boy was her sole reason of living, the reason for which she had survived the deaths of her beloved son, daughter-in-law and other grandson, and had arrived at such an old age.

Maximus Rufus noticed the panicked expression on his grandmother's face and leaving his chair, he dropped to his knees in front of her and took her chilly hands in his, "I know what is bothering you, Nana, but I promise you, nothing will happen to me. I am grown up now, and you know we need some additional income, since last year's crops had been ruined by the drought."

Livia smiled shakily, "I know, Maximus, I know. It's just that I am afraid that something might happen to you...It is something stronger than me and I-" she did not complete her sentence, but merely shook her head. She was too old to be embarrassed, and she had seen and suffered too much to have to justify her feelings.

The young man nodded and added, "I will be very, very careful and I will be back as soon as I can. You will barely notice I was gone. Trust me." He smiled at her and she imitated him, while she thought it would not be possible for her not to notice his absence. However she refrained from telling it aloud, but simply squeezed her grandson’s strong hands, drawing strength from him.

*****

Maximus Rufus Namatianus sipped his wine and watched as life was unfurling in front of him along the docks of Malaca harbour, lost in thought about his next moves. Till that day his commercial trip had been a total success: the voyage from Tarraco had been fast and quiet and he had been able to buy the leather and the hammered metal for less than predicted, thus ensuring a nice profit for his family. However that very morning he had been informed the ship that should have taken him back to Tarraconensis had been damaged by a sea storm, and required extensive repairs before it would be able to take to sea again. And that meant a twenty days delay to the boy's schedule, because there was no ship departing sooner and going his way. The young man sighed and left the inn table, going to take a walk along the docks full of activities. As he strolled, observing the world that surrounded him, he absentmindedly stroked his bearded chin and throat. He liked to sport a beard because it made him look older, but he refrained from wearing it because he knew it made him look too much like his father and that was painful for his grandmother.

"My father, General Maximus Decimus Meridius." He whispered and lowered his head to look at his reflection in the clear waters of the Mediterranean Sea, trying hard to imagine himself with just a little bit shorter hair and blue eyes, but without much fortune. It was not the first time he tried to picture his father, but since he had arrived in Baetica, his thoughts about his dead parents and brother had become more and more frequent, perhaps because he was so near the place where they had lived- and died. Maximus Rufus kicked a stone and sent it splashing into the water, destroying his image, as he resolutely pulled his mind away from the direction where it was going. He had promised to his grandmother to never return to Trujillo and to never ask questions about his family’s brutal destruction.

The young man walked back to the inn where, in his room, a fresh piece of papyrus awaited him to write a letter to alert his Uncle about the delay and to tell him their merchandise was safely kept in Helvius Tertius' storage building.

While he was walking, his mind concentrated on what he had to write, his eyes fell on a small in scripted block of marble, a milestone signalling the beginning of the road to Emerita Augusta, capital of Baetica, and the distance to that town. Emerita Augusta, the nearest city to Trujillo, the name of which also was indicated there... Maximus Rufus could not take his eyes away from those letters, as his mind whirled around. Trujillo, the place where he had been born and lived with his mother and older brother. He stared at the in scripted stone with an intensity that attracted other persons' attention, even if he did not notice it. Trujillo: that name was luring him like the sirens' song, calling him, telling him to go there. He bit his lower lip: he had promised his grandmother to never make his past public, but now he just wanted to take a glimpse at the place, and not to ask questions around. It was safe and certainly more interesting than to lose time in Malaca doing nothing as he waited for the ship to be repaired.

Having taken his decision, Maximus Rufus sped up his steps and quickly returned to his room, excited for his imminent adventure.

*****

Maximus Rufus reined his hired horse to a halt and observed the expanse of well cared-for estates that stretched out all around him. He could see wheat fields, vineyards, olives groves everywhere he looked. The landscape was different from the one he was used to. The terrain was not flat but moulded in gently rolling hills. The cultivations were basically the same but the trees were different: there was no trace of the large pine nut-trees he was accustomed to see, while it was full of poplars, since the land was enclosed between two large rivers and lack of water was never a problem for the area. The air was different too: it was sweeter, perfumed, without the saltiness coming from the nearness to the sea.

The young man's eyes were wide with awe, amazed as he was by the largeness of all the farms he had encountered along his travel. The one he was looking at now was even bigger than the others, but it had attracted his attention because of the giant poplar standing near the gate. Maximus Rufus clearly remembered his grandmother's words regarding the farm where he had been born and she had often mentioned a very big poplar standing by its entrance. He led the horse back and forth the road, stretching his neck to see more of the place, as he slightly shivered. Was it possible this was his family's old farm? He looked closer and squinting his eyes he caught a glimpse of a pink-stoned building surrounded by tall cypresses. Once again it fitted his grandmother's description. But this house was intact and the fields were striving, quite a different spectacle from the terrible scene she had described to him. Almost without being aware of it, he pushed his mount onto the private roadway and entered through the gate. As he proceeded slowly, his eyes scanning here and there for some kind of evidence the place might have been victim of a great fire years before, he began to elaborate an excuse to justify his presence in case someone noticed him. For precaution he had shaved off his beard, so nobody would notice or remember a likeness between him and his late father, and thus he thought about keeping his explanation as simple as possible: he would claim to have lost his way and ask for indications to return to Emerita Augusta, no matter how dumb he would have looked because only an idiot could have gotten lost in that area.

He was still grinning about his plan then he first noticed it: a tall, white flower-pot that looked like a big drinking cup. Maximus Rufus quickly stopped the horse, jumped down the saddle and went to examine it better. The elaborate flower-pot looked somehow familiar and its base was blackened, as if flames had licked it. As he reached out an arm and touched it near a decoration, his big, square hand flat against the ceramic, he was invaded by the strange sensation of having already done the same action, but the hand he was seeing with his mind's eye had been much smaller....the hand of a child.

"Do you like it, Iunior?" a voice whispered in his ear and he turned his head to meet a woman’s face, with long black hair, soft dark eyes and a gentle smile on her lips.

"Mother," he murmured in awe. He raised his hand to touch her, but he encountered only air. The vision disappeared and Maximus Rufus blinked his eyes as he found himself staring into the vacuum. Shaken by the experience, he took a deep breath to calm himself. He had no more doubts now, he had really found the farm that had belonged to his parents. Closing his eyes, he could almost feel, palpable as the warm beams cast by the sun, his mother and brother's presences. He could also feel his father's, which was even stranger, since they had never met and he had not died at the farm with the others.... The young man bit his lower lip. What should he do now? A part of him wanted to get nearer to the villa, to see how it would feel to be there again, while another part told him to go away, that it might be dangerous to stay there.

However, he never had the time to take a decision because, attracted by a whinny echoed in the quiet valley and coming from the farm stables, his horse raised its head from the grass it was munching and galloped away to search for other animals.

"Hey, you!" called Maximus Rufus, "Stop! Stop!" The beast did not relent and the young man began to run behind it, all the while berating himself for not tying the horse to a tree.

*

When Maximus Rufus finally caught up with his horse, he grabbed the reins, pulled them with force and then dropped to his knees trying to recover his breath. While he was bent down, he felt the distinct sensation of being observed. He slowly raised his head and his face became scarlet as he saw that, lost in the pursue, he had not noticed they had already covered the entire roadway and entered the farm courtyard. He was now almost lying in its centre, under the curious glances of about ten people. Blushing even redder at the spectacle he had just offered with all his running, puffing and yelling to his beast, the young man rose to his feet, hastily brushing the dirt away from his tunic and knees and arranging his toga better. Then he faced the assembled crowd, cleared his throat and began, "I am mortified. I did not want to disturb you in any way, but my horse escaped and so..."

"There is no need to worry," exclaimed a dark haired woman, rising from the bench where she was sitting and walking near him, "you did not bother us. At the contrary, my servants enjoyed your little show." She smiled warmly but Maximus Rufus blushed even more.

"I-I thank you for your kindness, domina. But now it is better if I go, I am already late." He said, as he tried to cover his embarrassment by checking and re-checking the buckles of the bridle. The woman nodded and he walked to the horse's side, ready to mount and go away. A part of him would have liked to remain there for some more time, to have a good look at his surroundings, but he was too embarrassed, and he only wanted to go away. However he was happy to ascertain that the villa, the stables and the kitchen garden were clean and well tended. He was pleased to see the house where he had been born was so cared for. Well, it was not really the same building but it was not important.

Maximus Rufus bowed his head a last time to the woman he believed to be the mistress of the place, put his hands on the horse's back and flexed his knees, ready to jump on the beast- It happened in just a few seconds: two little girls entered the courtyard running and shouting "Catch me if you can!!" to each other and, in the precise moment the young man was going to jump and his body was unbalanced, the horse, not at all pleased by the ruckus, bolted sideways and threw its rider back to the ground. Maximus Rufus landed badly on the gravel-covered path and felt a fierce bout of pain in his left ankle.

"Ah!" he cried as he tried to stand up and put weight on his limb.

"Are you all right? Are you hurt?" asked the black haired woman, stepping nearer to him.

"There is something wrong with my ankle," he grimaced, massaging the afflicted area with energy. He tried to stand up again and was able to do so, but only the quick reflexes of one of the farmers crowding around him prevented him from falling again when he tried to move a step forward.

"I think you might have broken your leg," the worker said and Maximus Rufus gritted his teeth to stifle another cry of pain.

"Take him inside," the lady ordered to her servant.

"As you command, domina." He replied and began to move across the courtyard to the house, soon joined by another man that helped him with the limping young guest. As they were reaching the door, they heard their mistress ordering to another man to ride to town and fetch the doctor.

Few minutes later Maximus Rufus found himself in the villa porch, sitting on a triclinium with his sound leg on the floor and the injured one on the couch.

"Thank you," he gratefully said to the men who had helped him and they replied to him with a slight bow, before walking away and leaving him alone with the mistress of the house and the two children who had caused the ruckus that had spooked his horse. The young man observed the trio walk in his direction and thought there was something strange in the way the woman moved, with her head slightly tilted to the side as if she was listening to something only she could hear, while her eyes never looked at him, until she stopped in front of him and lowered her head.

"Sir," she began, "I am so sorry for what happened. My daughters should have known better than run around horses-"

"But we did not know there was a horse in the courtyard!" exclaimed the older of the two girls, who seemed to be about ten years old.

"Silence! I told you many times I don't want you to interrupt me." Maximus Rufus heard the woman's severe tone, but something in the expression of her attractive face made him think she did not like to be so hard with her children.

"Yes, Mama." The girl lowered her head.

"You could not know there was a horse in the yard but you know that there are often animals in there and that your tata has told you many times not to run there." The voice was stern but not too much.

"Yes, mother." The girl replied again, imitated by her sister.

"Good." The woman smiled, then put an arm around the youngster’s shoulders and pushed them forward till they were near the couch. "Now Maxima, Livia, apologize with our guest for having caused his fall."

The girls looked briefly at each other, lowered their dark heads and said with small voices, "We are sorry, sir: we did not want to spook your horse."

Maximus Rufus smiled, feeling touched by their contrite expressions. "That's all right, I know you did not want to. You are forgiven."

"Thank you, sir!" Maxima and Livia raised their heads, their blue eyes shining with relief.

Their mother nodded in approval and said, "Now go out and return to your play. And be careful not to cause any more trouble!"

The girls nodded eagerly, smiled, and seemed on the verge to break into a run, but then decided to leave the porch in a quieter pace.

When they were alone, the lady took a chair and sat in front of the young man.

"How is your leg?"

"It is throbbing," he replied with sincerity.

"I am really sorry. Is there anything I can do for you? The doctor will need an hour or so to arrive here. Would you like a cushion under your ankle?"

"You are very kind, domina, I am fine. I don't want to bother you more than I’ve already done. I have already caused enough problems."

"That's not true." The woman smiled and then asked, "What's your name?"

"Maximus," he simply said, not wanting to reveal his gens and family name.

The lady's smile widened at his word, "My husband's name is Maximus too. I am Sabina."

"I am honoured to meet you, domina." Maximus Rufus said, bowing his head. He then tried to adjust his position on the couch and gasped with pain.

"Are you all right?" Sabina asked with concern.

"Yes... It's just I moved my leg too much."

"In the kitchen we have a herbal that should ease the pain. Would you like a cup of it?"

"If it is not causing too much trouble.."

"Not at all. I will be back soon."

"Thank you, domina, you are very kind." He said gratefully.

She smiled, rose to her feet and, walking in her peculiar way, went away from the porch, leaving the young man alone, who was thinking of how curious it was the house now belonged to another man called Maximus, a notorious rare name.

"It is destiny," he whispered to himself, "pure and simple destiny..."

*

"Well, young man, you are lucky. The ankle is not broken, merely dislocated." The doctor said, his examination complete. Maximus Rufus sighed in relief but his happiness was partially dispelled by the physician's next words. "However, I would advise you to rest for at least seven days, because the ligaments and the muscles took quite a strain." The young man opened his mouth, wanting to protest he could not stay in bed for so long, but Sabina, who was standing at his bedside, preceded him, "I will take care of it. He will be our guest until his ankle is well again."

"Domina-" Maximus Rufus began, but the woman ignored him and asked the doctor, "Are you going to bind it?"

"Yes, domina, it will speed up the healing."

The young man let the physician work without trying to protest again, because he had already understood Sabina was a stubborn lady, and nothing he could say would have her change her mind. Thus his thoughts turned to how he could find a way to contact his family and Tertius and let them know he was going to be late... Or perhaps, he thought, I might just wait until I’m alone and sneak out of here. I have seen where the stables are, it should not be difficult to find my horse.... Thinking about the misbehaving animal made him swear under his breath and brought him back to the present, to discover that he was alone in the room. Sabina had probably left with the doctor... Without losing time, Maximus Rufus swung his legs off the bed and tried to stand up. It was easy enough, now that the ankle was bound, but when he tried to walk, a sharp pain gripped his leg, from the foot to the hip. He was barely able to avoid a fall and he slumped back on the bed.

"What is happening here?" Sabina exclaimed, opening the door and facing him with her hands on her hips.

"Nothing," he replied.

"Then why is your breath so hurried?"

The young man frowned: how could she have noticed it? He was not puffing or panting, and turned as he was on his side, with his back to the door, she could not see his chest rising and falling rapidly.

Sabina smiled knowingly and said, "I am blind, Maximus, but the gods have given me a better hearing."

"You are blind? I did not notice it." His eyes widened in awe, as he finally found an explanation for her way of moving.

"Indeed I am and from the strain in your voice, I bet you tried to leave the bed but your leg sent you back with vengeance. Am I right?"

"You are right." He rose up to a sitting position and went on, "But you see, domina, I was thinking that my family will be very worried if they don't see me return as scheduled. Not to mention I have merchandise stored in Malaca I need to load on a ship five days from now." His tone must have sounded more worried or desolate than he thought, because Sabina sat on the bed next to him and put an arm around his shoulder. "Listen to me, you can write a letter to your family, telling them what happened to you and that you need to rest for seven days and thus you will be late. Then you can write to the man who is in charge of storing your merchandise.... Do you think this man is trustworthy enough to load your stock on the ship for you?"

"Sure...."

"Then it is settled: you will tell him to do so and then alert your family to get to the harbour to retrieve the merchandise, while you will follow as soon as you are healed. By the way, where is your home? I need to know it so I will be able to summon the right courier."

"I live near Tarraco, in Hispania Tarraconensis."

"It is very far from here."

"Yes, that’s why I insist you let me pay for the courier-" Maximus Rufus began, only to be interrupted again.

"We will discuss that later."

"Madam! You are doing too much for me."

Sabina laughed softly, "I love to have guests, even the unexpected ones." She smiled at him and he blushed, happy she could not see how much he liked her.

However honour and concern made him say, "But your husband? Will he agree to have a stranger in his house?"

"Sure! Maximus will be delighted to meet you." She squeezed his shoulder in reassurance, then stood up. "Now I am going to fetch some papyrus from the tablinium so you will be able to write your letters."

He nodded, "Thank you."

Sabina smiled at him, then walked away, leaving Maximus Rufus alone to analyse her feeling for her: he liked her a lot, but not in an erotic way, even if she was beautiful. He liked her as a friend, and admired how she was able to cope with her infirmity, and be always ready to smile. He also liked the idea to see his former home belong to her family. He just hoped her husband was worthy of her and the farm.

IV

May 194AD, Trujillo, Hispania

It was almost midnight when Maximus Decimus Meridius, former general of the Felix Legions and the 'Savior of Rome', slowly pushed open the door of his bedroom, not wanting to wake his wife. But his plan did not work because, as soon as he stepped inside, Sabina’s voice broke the silence.

"Is that you, my love?" It was a rhetorical question, but she asked it to have yet another chance to call her husband "my love."

"Yes, it is me. I am sorry, I did not want to wake you." He crossed the room to the bed.

"You didn't. I was not sleeping. I missed my favourite pillow." She joked referring to his chest.

"Oh well, give me a few seconds to get rid of these clothes and I will be completely at your disposal." He shed his garments on the floor and slipped beneath the covers.

"Uhm," his wife murmured appreciatively, as she settled down in her preferred position, with her head tucked under his chin and his arms around her waist.

"How was the trip to Emerita Augusta?" she asked.

"Almost a total waste of time, I am afraid. There were not enough good horses to be bought. I purchased only one filly, instead of the planned five-six."

"I am sorry."

Maximus shrugged, "Things could be worse. I will be luckier next time. What about you? How was your day? Did the little bundle here bother you?" and speaking thus he caressed the little swelling of her belly.

"Not at all: I didn't have any nauseas and it is far too soon for him to begin to move."

"Him?"

"Yes, I am sure this time it will be a boy." Sabina nodded with her head against his chest.

After a few seconds her husband murmured, "I trust your judgement, but I want you to know I will be perfectly content if it turns out to be another girl."

"I know Maximus," she whispered, "that's why I wish so badly to give you a son: you deserve one."

Maximus was silent for a long time, not knowing what she meant or how to answer her. In the end he cleared his voice and asked, "So I guess nothing important happened today?"

"Well, we had an unexpected guest this afternoon, a young man that arrived in our courtyard chasing his horse on the loose. They told me it was quite a funny scene...until our daughters caused him to get hurt by spooking his mount when they burst into the yard running and yelling as if pursued by the Furies."

"Oh no! I hope it is nothing serious."

"Just a badly dislocated ankle. Philippus bandaged it and advised the boy to rest for seven days. He is now sleeping in the guest room at the ground floor."

"Well done," Maximus kissed her temple, "But I trust you to have put a servant to guard the door."

"Of course! Even if I doubt that would be able to make more than a few steps, the doctor said his ankle looked twice its size."

"Uh-uh, but you know the old adage: trusting is good, but not trusting is better!"

he commented squeezing her gently and Sabina nodded, sobering at once. How many sorrows would she and Maximus have avoided in their lives if they had not been such trusting persons! Had she done the right thing with her guest? Was he really what he appeared to be?

Her husband sensed her sudden change of mood and kissed her temple, to call her back. "Don't worry, darling, I am sure everything will be fine. In fact I am feeling very curious to meet this young man, even if I don't know why."

"He seems to be a nice lad.... and he bears a wonderful name." Sabina smiled.

"Eh?"

"Yes, a truly beautiful name: Maximus, just like a fantastic man I happen to know..." And speaking thus, she turned in his arms, slid up his chest and kissed him deeply, putting an end to their nightly conversation. And Maximus was more than happy to indulge her...

*****

The following day, Maximus woke up and went immediately to see his daughters before they began their lessons with their tutor, an old Greek freedman. He adored them and loved to hear them tell him about their plays and their discoveries, and was determined not to miss out on a single moment of their lives, since the gods had been so merciful to give him a second chance to have children and see them grow.

Maxima and Livia were outside in the kitchen garden and they both ran to him when they saw his broad shape turn the corner of the house. They all sat on a low stonewall and as usual the two girls did their best to impress their tata with the progresses they had made in their studies.

When the meeting ended, and the tutor came to fetch his young charges, Maximus went to the tablininum to check the farm book keeping and his eyes caught sight of a couple of letters awaiting in the tray on the table where they usually put the correspondence that needed to be sent with the fastest couriers.

'These must be our guest’s letters,' he thought, remembering his wife's words, earlier that morning, and he picked them up to see where they were addressed. One was directed to Malaca, which was the nearest harbour to Trujillo, while the other, which was heavier, was directed to Tarraco, at the other end of the Iberian Peninsula. He distractedly looked at the addressee's name and his heart almost skipped a beat when he read the name written with few sure strokes: Annia Livia Camilla.

It was his mother's maiden name.

Maximus fixed the letter with intensity, wondering about this unknown woman that bore his beloved mother's name and his already keen curiosity for their guest was piqued even more and he decided it was really time to pay a visit to him.

*****

Maximus reached the guest room and knocked on the door twice.

"Come in," called a strong voice and he lost no time stepping inside.

"Good morning, I am the master of this house." He introduced himself to the young man sitting on the bed near the window.

"I am honoured, sir, I am Maximus Rufus Namatianus." He slightly bowed his head in greeting.

The older man smiled, his white teeth flashing in his tanned face. "You are the first man called 'Maximus' I've ever met in all my life. My mother used to say it was a rare name, and she was right." Maximus walked nearer to the bed as the boy spoke again, "My grandmother always says the same thing." He looked straight at his host's face and the former general's world ceased to exist as he lost himself in the younger man's eyes.

Eyes he knew very well. Eyes he had not seen in more than twenty years and that he had only dreamed to see again. The dark brown, fathomless pools that seemed to enclose all the mysteries of the universe.

He had no doubt, they were Selene's eyes.

His late wife's eyes.

And that meant-

Maximus could not complete the thought as he felt himself grow deadly cold and began to tremble. The young man on the bed noticed it and asked worried, "Sir? Sir? Are you all right, sir?"

Maximus threw him a spirited glance, nodded hurriedly and bolted from the room, slamming the door behind his back.

He stormed along the villa corridors, barely noticing the people moving around him, until he reached the front door and exited the house. Then he continued with his fast pace until he arrived at the former kitchen garden and dropped to his knees near Selene's tomb.

"Why did you not tell me?" he asked with a broken voice, before lowering his head till his brow touched the grass. And then he cried.

*****

"Sabina?" The cook called and the lady of the house stopped to give instructions to a maid turned to face her servant /helper and friend.

"Yes, Silvia?"

"Is there something wrong with your husband?"

The general's wife frowned, "Wrong? What do you mean?"

"Well, a few minutes ago I saw him storm from this house as if he was pursued by a horde of barbarians and he was white as a sheet. He is now kneeling at his first wife's grave and he seems very distressed..I-I think he might be crying." Silvia swallowed hard and added, as she watched her friend getting pale, "May I do something for you?"

"No...Yes. Please accompany me to Maximus. I am afraid I am too worried and upset to find my way to the tombs." Sabina took a deep breath to calm her galloping heart and shaken nerves, then reached out a hand that Silvia took at once.

"Here, let me guide you...."

*****

Maximus heard the sound of approaching steps and jumped to his feet, just in time to see Sabina motion Silvia to leave.

He hastily brushed his tears away, cleared his throat and asked, "Sabina! What are you doing here?"

"I was worried for you, darling, Silvia said you were acting strangely..." She slowly made some steps in his direction, moving with caution because she did not know the ground well enough. Maximus approached her and wrapped his arm around her waist, burying his face into her neck. "What's wrong?" she asked, feeling him tremble.

"I have just received one of the greatest shocks of my life...Our guest..I...I ...I believe he is my son..." his voice was muffled and confused.

"Your son?" Sabina was stunned and not even sure she understood well, "How can you say such a thing?"

Maximus stepped back from her and staring at her he murmured, "I have seen his eyes, Sabina... they are Selene's eyes, I have no doubts."

"But your son died..." her hands were now cupping his face, caressing his cheekbones in a soothing rhythm.

"No, not Marcus. He-he is too young to be him...but...but.. I am sure.."

"Listen to me, darling... you could have been mistaken. How many years have passed since you last saw Selene's eyes?" Sabina continued her caresses, happy to feel that her husband was stopping to tremble and his voice was gaining strength.

"It is not only his eyes. It is also the letter... and his name."

"The letter?"

"Yes, one of the messages to be sent with the courier. It is addressed to Annia Livia Camilla. It is my mother's maiden name. And it is a very rare name here in Hispania, because the gens Camilla comes from Italy." Maximus rubbed his eyebrows as he thought aloud, "I never found my mother's corpse; I built that monument over there, but there is no body buried under it. Perhaps she was not here when the Praetorians came, perhaps she was away...with the child..."

"But what child, Maximus?" Sabina wanted to keep him firmly grounded.

"I don't know. About three years before her death, Selene gave birth to a second boy, but he was stillborn...or so it was said to me." He ran his hands along his dark, grey streaked beard, then shook his head. "I don't know what to think: something inside me keeps on saying I am right, the boy is my son, but-" he let the sentence die and widened his arms in desperation.

Sabina faced him for a long time and said, "If you want, I will go to visit him and try to discover something more about his family and past. I am less involved than you and I might keep a cooler mind about this whole matter...."

"Are you afraid I am imagining things?" Maximus cocked his head.

"No, but you are very emotionally shocked and perhaps you need some more time to calm yourself."

"Thank you for the offer, but I must do it." He flashed a smile and Sabina was able to sense his change of mood in the undertone of his voice, "Talking with you, listening to the 'voice of the reason', recalled me back to the ground. I am much calmer now and for this I am very grateful to you."

"There is no need. I love you, I want you to be all right and I am happy to help you." She returned his smile and then stepped into his waiting arms. They embraced for a long time, then they left Selene and Marcus' resting place and returned to the house.

*****

Once inside, Maximus kissed Sabina on her temple, squeezed her hand and walked to the guest room. He stopped in front of the door, took a deep breath to calm down his nerves and collect his thoughts, and then knocked softly.

"Come in," the young man called as before and Maximus entered the room, a slight hesitation in his steps. He smiled at his guest and then took a chair from the corner and dragged it near the bed, finally sitting down, his eyes locked with the boy's dark brown ones, which were staring at him with curiosity.

Maximus remained silent for long minutes, before breaking the silence with his deep, rumbling voice.

"I am here to apologize for my previous behaviour. I know it must have seemed very strange to you, but fact is you bore a striking resemblance to someone I used to know long time ago, and I was shocked by it."

The young man nodded his head, "I understand, sir. Something similar has happened to me too...not a long time ago." He paused, biting his lower lip, and Maximus had the impression he was battling inside himself, trying to decide how continue. In the end he said, "My grandmother always tells me I look like my late father."

The Spaniard took a deep breath, and looked at the younger face even more intensely, trying to discover himself in the other's features, but being able only to see Selene's eyes looking back at him. Conscious he was not behaving politely, he cleared his voice and changed the topic, "Your letters have been sent," he informed the other.

"Oh, thank you." The boy smiled, but Maximus had the impression he was disappointed he had changed the topic. 'How is it possible I can read him so well?' he wondered, before saying aloud, "I gather you live near Tarraco."

"Indeed."

"Do you live on a farm or in the city?"

"On a farm, sir." The boy smiled in remembrance, "but it is not as big as this one, it is much smaller. This place is wonderful."

Maximus grinned with pride, "Thank you. These lands have belonged to my family since Emperor Trajan's times, almost 100 years ago." He had just finished to talk when he saw his guest frown and squirm on the bed where he was sitting with his wounded leg propped on two cushions. "Is there something wrong?" he asked.

The boy nodded distractedly, "Yes...It's just... Excuse me, sir, but are you really sure these lands belonged to your family for so long?"

Maximus' eyebrow arched in surprise: what a strange question! And then his heart began to run as he reasoned. Was it possible the boy knew something about his past? Was it possible he had arrived at the farm on purpose and not by chance? There was only one way to know. "Of course I am sure... Why are you asking?"

The boy's dark brown eyes locked with his and they stared at each other for a long time. The tension in the room was so thick you could have cut it with a knife, as if now both men were conscious something very important was going to happen.

"Because I believe ..believed..these lands belonged to my late father's family..."

"And...and who was your father?" Maximus' voice was a barely audible whisper.

"A-a soldier, sir, just like you." The boy seemed hesitant to say the man's name, and thus the former general decided to push ahead.

"Was he Maximus Decimus Meridius?" he asked, before he almost stopping breathing as he waited for the answer.

"Yes, he was." The boy lowered his eyes and took a deep breath, as if he was exhausted.

"Maximus," the older man called very softly, "Maximus....I am Maximus Decimus Meridius."

"What!" the boy's head snapped up and his eyes widened in shock. "That's not possible! He was killed in Germania! My grandmother told me so!"

"No, I did not die in Germania. I should have, but I escaped my executors....my name was later restored, and I returned here..." the former general looked at his son with pleading eyes.

The young man shook his head, "No, my father is dead. I know it."

Maximus could not fully understand why the boy continued to deny the evidence. A part of him was thinking that perhaps the shock was too strong for him, that he was shaking the fundamentals of the youngster's life, but another part of his was so incredulous, so happy for that extraordinary gift from the gods, he could not let the matter drop. So he pressed on, "I am not dead," he insisted, "I am here. And I am sure you are my son... Annia Livia Camilla is my mother's maiden name...and you have your mother's eyes, I could recognize them everywhere." His voice choked as he continued, "I cannot believe I found you...I-"

The young man's hand rose and silenced him. "Please, sir," he stammered, "Leave me....I..need to think...I need to stay alone..please."

Maximus' heart twisted in his chest. He did not want to leave the boy, not now and not ever, but he knew he had to do it. Young Maximus seemed so distressed, on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and his request to stay alone was not so surprising, all considered. He wanted to comfort him, to hug him, to help him, but could he do it, when he was as shocked as him? They both needed time to think, to rationalize what had just happened. And thus he nodded, rose to his feet and walked away on stiff legs.

*****

Maximus Rufus did not know how much time he spent staring at the closed door through which the man who claimed to be his father had disappeared, his mind lost in thought, but he startled badly when that same door opened and Sabina put her head inside.

"I wanted to check how are you doing," she said softly, almost apologetically, "I did not wish to bother you."

He blinked his eyes and replied, "You will never disturb me, domina." He hoped his voice sounded strong and clear, and did not betray his inner turmoil, but his host's next words informed him he had failed.

"Can I help you in some way? Do you want to talk?" she said gently.

He stared at her hard. Could he trust her? She was his wife...But she was also the gentle woman that had helped him the day before, keeping him company while he ate and gave him a pain-killing tea to help him to sleep. And he really needed someone to listen to him.

"Yes..."

Sabina smiled and walked inside the room, sitting on the chair previously occupied by her husband. They stayed in silence for a long time, with Maximus Rufus unable to find the right words to begin, until he finally decided to take the bull by the horns. "Do you know what is going on?"

"Yes, Maximus told me. He- he was so shocked after he first visited you...."

"I see." The boy said in an unemotional, cold tone.

If Sabina was surprised by it, she did not let it transpire. "He truly believes you are his son...and from what he said to me, I think he is right, even if he does not know how it could be possible."

Maximus Rufus snorted, "So he does not know, eh? How nice." He was shocked by the sudden bout of anger that had shaken him, but it was too strong to contain it.

The woman at his side narrowed her eyes and then asked, "What do you mean by this? Maximus never knew he had a second son."

"Yeah, of course. It is so convenient. So easy." If it were possible Maximus Rufus would have risen to his feet and paced back and forth to try to dispel the emotions which were tormenting him, but since he could not, he unleashed them with his voice, saying things without control, things he would have never said if he had been calmer. "I grew up as an orphan, knowing my family had been destroyed when I was a baby. For seventeen years I've dreamt about my father, that brave father my grandmother said had been wrongly killed, mourning him and the life we never had together, longing for him... And now what do I discover? That he is alive, that he has always lived in the place where I was meant to be, sharing everything I should have had with other children. I have a life for myself and now he arrives and destroys everything by telling me he is my father! But what use do I have of him? I needed him years ago!" He closed his eyes and bit his lower lip till it bled, as he remembered a day of several years before, the first time he had unleashed his anger against destiny and his father. He had accused him of not caring for his family, of having caused his wife's and son's deaths, while condemning his other child to grow up parentless...and for doing so he had been hit by his grandmother for the first and only time in his life. Livia had been furious that day, standing straighter and taller than he had ever seen her, telling him coldly to never again speak in that way of his father, that he had no right to do so since he did not know him and did not know how strong the love was he harboured for his wife and son. The old woman's eyes had been full of tears and conviction and Maximus Rufus had accepted her words, never again doubting his late father's love for his family. And he still believed it: what he had just said aloud was not true, it was just the result of his shocked state, and he knew it. He still needed his father, desperately. He valiantly tried to restrain his tears but it was not possible and soon sobs of deep shock shook his frame. In a rapid move Sabina rose from her chair and, sitting on the edge of the bed, pulled him in her arms, rocking him as if he were a small child.

"Shhhh, shhh," she soothed him, caressing his hair. "It's all right. Cry, free yourself, I know you are shocked."

He yielded to her arms and did as she had said, letting go of all his pain. In the end, he could not tell how much time had passed, he calmed down and listened to his pounding heart slow down, as he became conscious of what he had just done: he had had a nervous break down in front of an almost total stranger.... and he had cried like a baby in the arms of a woman! Maximus Rufus blushed to the roots of his hair and tried to free himself from Sabina's embrace. She felt him move and let him go, listening as he straightened on the bed and blew his nose.

"Domina....I...apologize for my behaviour.." he began, his tone betraying how ashamed he was.

"It is not necessary, you were emotionally shaken." She smiled reassuringly.

"Yes, I was. I am. But that did not give me the right to say what I did...especially since I know my words were wrong.."

"Eh?"

The young man stared at his companion, pain clear in his eyes, "I know my father never knew about my birth, my grandmother told me so."

"If Maximus had known about you and that you and his mother had survived the fire, he would have turned every single stone in the whole empire till he found you... I can swear it to you."

"I know...Oh how I know! I am not angry with him...I am angry with the gods who kept us apart while we could have been together all this time..."

Sabina nodded in understanding, "But it is not too late." She smiled and the boy weakly imitated her gesture and echoed her words, "No, it is not too late." Spurred by the emotion of the moment, they embraced once again and Sabina cupped his face with her hands. Maximus Rufus was at first surprised by her touch, but then relaxed, as he realized what she was doing, and let her complete her examination. When she had finished, she said, her tone full of wonder, "You look exactly like your father... except you don’t have a beard, of course."

"And the eyes. Mine are dark brown, while his are blue-green, just like those of my grandmother."

Sabina nodded and then, suddenly turning serious, she said, "Why don't you go to speak with Maximus?"

"Now?" An edge of panic resounded in the youngster's voice.

"Are you not feeling ready?"

"No, I don't think I am. I am still all upside down."

"Maximus too is feeling the same...and I think you two might help each other."

Maximus Rufus considered her words for a long time, then he nodded, "You are right. We need to talk to each other. Where I can find him?"

"He is in the former kitchen garden...the place where he buried your mother and your brother."

"Oh," he swallowed loudly, before forcing a smile. "I think it is a very appropriate place to talk..."

Sabina nodded her head, "Indeed it is."

He took a couple of deep breaths, then swung his legs to the side of the bed and stood up. His ankle was still hurting, but not enough to deter him from reaching his father. His father.... Maximus Rufus smiled and, limping towards Sabina, murmured, "Can you take me to him?"

"Of course." She stood up, smoothed her dress and then linked her arm with his, leading him out of the room.

******

For the second time that day, Maximus Decimus Meridius raised his head from Selene's tomb at the sound of approaching steps, and he could not contain his stupor when he saw young Maximus standing at few feet away from him. They stared at each other for a long time, until the boy's eyes caught sight of the two flower-covered little mounds.

"I barely remember them," he whispered with sadness, "but I miss them so much..."

Maximus nodded, his throat constricted and the boy walked to him, bending slowly until he was sitting near him. "I remember Mama's smile and how she carried me around the farm.... I remember Marcus playing with his little wooden soldiers, the way he lined them up under that poplar...How angry he became when I threw them down..." Maximus Rufus smiled weakly and raising his eyes he saw his father was crying in silence, large tears rolling down his cheeks to disappear in his well-trimmed beard. He was staring at the boy with an intense look, as if he was trying to burn every detail of his expression into his memory. The boy took a deep breath then added, his voice trembling but deadly serious, "What happened here?"

Maximus sighed, shifted his weight to sit more comfortably on the ground and began to talk.

It was a long, terrible story. He told everything to his son, from the day, so long ago, when Marcus Aurelius had asked him to become his successor, to the afternoon he had found Selene and Marcus' broken bodies, from the moment he had discovered he was a slave, to the morning when he had almost died in the Colosseum after killing Commodus. He bared his soul as he had never done, even with Sabina and when he had finished he raised his eyes to meet his son's, a mute question in his gaze.

"He is begging my pardon," Maximus Rufus realized with shocked wonder, "He is still feeling guilty for what happened here. But it is not his fault... he was betrayed..." Now he could see how wrong he had been years before to accuse him of not caring enough for his family. He could now see how a part of Maximus had died the day he had discovered his wife and son's bodies and how he had never truly forgiven himself. The young man took a deep breath and then looked straight at his father, putting all of his understanding and forgiveness in his glance, because he was not able to translate his feelings into words and he was pleased to see the older man relax.

A long moment of silence followed, as they both stared at the graves, and then Maximus broke it by whispering, "I never knew about your existence.... Do you- do you know why?" His fingers were gently combing the grass and the flowers that covered Selene's resting place.

"Yes, I know why. Grandmother told me."

"Can you tell me?"

Maximus Rufus nodded and, as his father before him, he told aloud the story of his existence, from his troubled birth and early infancy, to his life in Tarraco with Livia, Livilla and Mauritius; from his first childish realization his mother, older brother and father had gone forever, to the terrible discovery of how they had died and the grief that had accompanied him since then.

Maximus listened with rapt attention to his son's often-whispered words, and his heart constricted in pain and guilt when he heard the longing in the boy's voice as he spoke of his childhood. The general was happy and grateful that his uncle Mauritius had taken such good care of his son and mother, adopting the boy, giving him his name to protect him, but he could still hear how Maximus Rufus had longed for a real family- and he still did. Maximus grieved inside of him for the time they had lost: he adored his daughters, loved to play with them but still he had missed the presence of a son to whom he could have taught to ride, to tend the land, to hunt...

"I am sorry I was not there when you needed me," he said with sincerity and honesty.

"Me too," replied his son with a sad smile, before his dark brown eyes met his own blue-green pools with great seriousness, "For quite some time I have been angry with you, thinking it was all your fault if I was parentless, but now I see I was wrong. You suffered as much as me and, if you indeed deserved a punishment for what you did - and I don't think so - I believe your pain and grief was enough to pay for all your debts."

Maximus was stunned: how was it possible the boy were able to read him so well? To see inside his heart with such accuracy? He had no answer and he did not really care about it. The only important thing was that with just a few words Maximus Rufus had freed him from his burden of pain, regret and guilt.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"You are welcome."

They looked at each other for a long moment and then, without knowing who made the first move, they bent forward and hugged each other, in an embrace that was at first awkward and hesitant, but that gradually became surer, stronger, warmer.

And in the moment it happened, both father and son had the clear sensation that someone was looking at them, smiling with happiness. They turned their head in unison, staring at the slowly descending sun, both aware that in Elysium, standing in a wheat field so much alike those surrounding them, Selene and Marcus were sharing their joy, because their family was together again.

Epilogue

July 194AD, Tarraco, Hispania

Livia was sitting under the porch on Mauritius' villa, her hands methodically freeing the lentils from their leaves. Her old fingers found the task a bit difficult, but the required amount of concentration enabled her to forget, at least for a little while, the concern for her grandson. Almost three months had passed since Maximus Iunior had left the house and, even if she had received many letters from him stating he was fine, she could not help but worry about him. And how could she have acted differently, knowing from the courier the letters came from a farm near Trujillo, where Iunior had injured his ankle? What was he doing there? Why had he disobeyed her? Livia would have liked to shout at him, but her worries by far outweighed her anger: she only wanted him to be back home, safe near her.

Livia sighed and then grimaced: her fingers hurt more than usual that day, and she put even more attention on her job, thus not noticing the small caravan that had just left the main road to step on the private lane leading to the farm.

*****

Maximus Rufus squinted his eyes against the sun, and smiled when he saw the figure sitting on a bench under the villa porch. He knew, by its position and stance, it was probably his grandmother and that realization pushed him to throw a sidelong glance at the man riding beside him.

At his father. Maximus Decimus Meridius.

He was atop his horse as if he had been born there, proud and straight, and his polished armour shone under the sun, causing a bout of awe in the young man. And it was not the first time it happened: he clearly remembered how stunned he had been when, few days before their departure from Trujillo, an imperial courier had arrived at the farm, bringing Lucius Septimius Severus' personal greeting to General Maximus, the Savior of Rome, former commander officer and friend of the newly crowned Emperor.

Maximus Rufus smiled as he thought back to the past month and how his father and he had slowly come to know each other. It had not been easy, they were both very reserved men, and there had been many awkward moments, but now he could honestly say his parent was no longer a stranger arrived in his life to put it upside down, but a very welcome figure. A sort of older friend...No, the boy reasoned, more than a friend. But perhaps not yet a father. He called him by his first name, and Maximus never called him 'son', but he sensed it was going to happen, sooner or later. Blood was not water, and they both felt its pull. And also there had been Sabina, always ready to listen, encourage or give advice when the boy and the man had needed it. Maximus Rufus' grin widened as he thought about his father's wife: he had never seen her as a step-mother, as a woman who had come to usurp his mother's place, which would have probably led him to resent her, her daughters and the baby she was carrying in her womb, but he considered her a friend, who had been instrumental to bring father and son together, and he was happy she and Maximus had found peace and happiness with each other.

The young Spaniard loved his newly discovered family and he looked forward to introducing Sabina, Maxima and Livia to his grandmother. But first he had to be sure the old woman was not going to have a heart attack upon seeing her only son was still alive. The thought made him turn serious, and he stopped the horse, turning to look at his father.

"Please, wait here till I motion you to come near, I need to prepare Grandmother."

The general nodded, "Of course. We will wait for your signal."

They exchanged a bow with their heads, then Maximus Rufus rode away.

*****

Maximus Decimus Meridius watched his son's back and marvelled once again at the extraordinary gift the gods had given to him, presenting him with a wonderful young man, who was not only intelligent and loving, but was also a perpetual memory of the love he and Selene had shared. The Spaniard sighed and turned to look at his wife. He was so happy she was not jealous of his son, but instead seemed to consider him as a younger bother. In truth, he should have not been surprised, she had always had a very generous nature, but her behaviour and the way she had helped both him and his son, had made him love her even more. He turned to look at her and, from the covered wagon where she and their daughters were travelling, she seemed to sense his inner turmoil at the fact he was soon to meet his mother again, because, even before he could rein his horse nearer, she reached out her arm. He clasped her hand tightly and brought it to his lips for a quick kiss.

"Everything will be fine," she said quietly, even if he could sense she was excited too by what was going to happen. Maximus knew she was anxious about how Livia would react to her presence, about what she would think of her son's second wife, but not as much as to want to stay behind in Trujillo. In fact she had insisted to travel along her husband in spite of her pregnancy, and she had been fussed over non-stop by both father and son, but there was no way she could be away from Maximus in such an important moment. She knew he was a very strong man, physically, but very emotional when his family was concerned, and she had wanted to be near him, in case he needed her.

As if he was reading her thoughts, Maximus whispered, "Thank you," before returning to stare at his son. How much he loved him! How much he longed to call him son. But it was still too soon. The boy was very reserved, a trait he had taken from Maximus himself, and he needed time to adapt to the new situation, just like his father. The general was already very happy the young man had agreed without reservation to let himself be adopted by him, thus regaining his real name, Maximus Decimus Meridius Iunior. The ceremony had not yet been performed, in respect of Mauritius Rufus Namatianus, because both father and son wanted to first ask for his blessing and permission, even if it was not necessary, but it was only a matter of time. Maximus also wanted to thank the man for how he had raised his son, and protected both him and his mother.

His mother.

Maximus could sense Livia's presence on the farm, as much as he had never felt it back in Trujillo, and he wondered for the umpteenth time if the nagging sense of having left something to do, which had pushed him to fight death after his duel with Commodus, was not somehow connected to what had happened in the last weeks and was going to happen now. He had thought about it during all the navigation from Malaca to Tarraco and now that the moment was near, he could barely restrain himself from running to the house. But he did so, and reining both his horse and his impatience, he waited for his son's signal to approach the villa.

*****

Livia raised her eyes from her work at the sound of hoof beats and narrowed her eyes to have a better view. She felt relief sweep over her like a sea wave as she recognized her grandson. He had returned to her: safe, alive, smiling.

The old woman almost spilled the lentils in her haste to rise and go to Iunior, but she did not care: the only thing she wanted to do was to take him in her arms and forget the worries of the past months.

Grandmother and grandchild met in the middle of the courtyard and embraced for a long time, Livia's frail body cradled in the strong and tender arms of her Iunior. They separated after a while and the woman stepped back, looking at him from head to toe.

"You look wonderful," she said.

"You too, Nana." He replied with a smile.

"Don't lie, Maximus. I look old and tired. You don't know how worried I've been...especially since your letters came from Trujillo! What were you doing there? You had promised me to never go there..." Livia's voice broke, she had told herself not to attack the boy with questions and reprimands, but it was difficult to do so.

Iunior's face turned serious again and he whispered, "I am sorry for any distress I caused you, Nana, but as you can see I am fine. Nothing happened to me, except a dislocated ankle."

"But it could have happened! Someone could have recognized you as Maximus' son and reported it to the authorities!" Livia was trembling, as she voiced all her fears and the young man bit his lower lips, before taking her gently by the elbow and motioned to the bench.

"Come with me, Grandmother, I must tell you something really important I discovered while being at my host's farm."

The old woman followed his lead and soon they found themselves sitting side by side in the porch, where she looked at him with eyes full of expectation.

*****

Maximus Rufus stared at his grandmother for a little while, then took a deep breath and began, "Nana, the first thing you must know is I was never in danger while being in Trujillo, and not because nobody recognized me. I was safe because my father's good name and reputation were restored more than twelve years ago."

"What?" Livia whispered.

"He was totally pardoned by the Senate. He never betrayed the Empire, it was Commodus the one to do so and after his death, my father's name was freed from any accusation. And even more, he is now known as the 'Saviour of Rome'."

"Maximus' name was restored...he was never a traitor..."Livia repeated slowly, with wonder.

"Yes.."

"And- and he is now known as the 'Saviour of Rome'?"

"Exactly, Nana. It has a nice sound, don't you think, Nana?" Maximus Rufus could not disguise the pride in his voice.

"Indeed." His grandmother smiled with a mixture of joy and sadness, then asked, "But what did he do to deserve such an appellation?"

The young man took another deep breath, trying to calm himself, since he knew he had to move on very slowly from now on. "He freed Rome from tyranny. He killed Commodus."

Livia frowned at this thought, "But how is it possible? I know that Commodus was killed in Rome, many months after Maximus' death in Germania. My memory is not as good as it used to be, but I am sure of this."

"In fact you are right, Nana. But you see, my father was not killed in Germania. He escaped the men sent to execute him."

"Oh." The woman fell silent for several seconds as she digested the information, then she said, "So Maximus escaped his assassins and then went to Rome where he killed Commodus?"

"Yes, it was so." It was not the real story, but Maximus Rufus knew there would plenty of time to tell her the whole truth.

"And how did he die?" Livia asked in a whisper, but it made him almost jump on the bench.

The young Spaniard swallowed hard: the moment had arrived. "He did not die, Nana."

"What?" The old woman almost squeaked.

"He did not die, grandmother," he replied slowly, "My father is still alive. I met him in Trujillo."

Livia's lips moved but no sound left her mouth. She looked utterly shocked, wide eyed, with her skin pale, and he took her chilly hands in his own, massaging and warming them with his thumbs as he waited for her dazed brain to absorb the importance of his revelation. His gaze briefly left her face to look at the road where Maximus and his family were waiting and was almost surprised to hear his grandmother ask, with an incredibly firm voice, "What are you looking at? Who is there?" And then before he was able to formulate an answer, she added in a whisper, "Is that him?" Incredulity, shock and hope mingled in her tone and the boy was so moved by it he was barely able to reply. "It is him. He is waiting for my signal to come near. We-we wanted to be sure you were ready."

Livia nodded and declared, "I am ready."

Maximus Rufus bowed his head in acknowledgement and, understanding that further delays would have only agitated his grandmother more, he raised his arm and waved his hand. He had just completed the gesture when the man on horseback began to move, slowly but surely covering the distance that separated them.

*****

Livia rose to her feet, barely noticing her grandson doing the same, and walked to the edge of the porch, as her eyes stared hard in front of her, never leaving the approaching horse and rider. Had Iunior really told the truth? Was her Maximus still alive? She hoped the boy had not been mistaken, because if it was true she would be able to bear the enormous joy of seeing her son whom she believed dead again, she was also sure she would not have been able to suffer the blow of discovering the man coming to her was not really Maximus.

Her heart threatening to rip her chest apart with its hammering, the old woman stood in her position and her eyes gradually became wider, as they got a sharper view of the man on horseback and tears began to fall on her cheeks as she recognized all the beloved features of her son...Paralysed by emotion, as if afraid that the slightest movement might have caused him to disappear, Livia watched as Maximus stopped the horse, dismounted and then walked to her. He stopped in front of her, as mesmerized as she was, and let her look at him, so that she could really see he was not a dream or a vision. He looked older than she remembered, the once black hair now streaked with grey and the lines around his eyes and mouth deeper, but the blue-green irises, now shining with tears and his blinding smile were the same. He was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.

"Maximus.." she murmured.

"Mother," he replied, his low rumbling voice washing over her.

Livia raised a trembling hand and caressed his bearded cheek and soft hair, finally dispelling her last remaining doubts. Her son was alive in front of her, it really was not a dream but a gift from the gods. Her old features widened in a smile, as Maximus opened his arms to envelope her.

With her nose buried in her son’s neck and her frail body pressed against his sturdy, warm one, Annia Livia Camilla Meridia slowly closed her eyes, to savour that perfect moment better. They stayed so for a long time and, finally stepping back from each other, they both turned to look at Maximus Iunior, noticing how he was brushing away his tears. Mother and son smiled at the boy, and reached out their hands to call him nearer. The young man approached and let himself be dragged in a three-way embrace. Then he exchanged a look and a head gesture with his father, before both men took Livia by the elbow and escorted her to the wagon that was just entering the courtyard.

She looked at it with a frown and Maximus said, "There are some more surprises for you, Mother."

"Yes, Nana. Great and wonderful surprises. Are you ready for them?" Added Maximus Iunior.

The old woman looked from herself to her son and her grandson without understanding, but she nodded nevertheless.

The two men grinned at each other and then the trio began to walk, the shining Spanish sun surrounding them with its warmth, as they moved to introduce Livia to Sabina and the girls, and thus tie the last remaining loose ends of their family.

THE END