Saved At Any Cost

by Ilaria

NOTE: The story switches back and forth between points of view.

Prologue

Love. Hatred.

They probably are the strongest feelings a man can experience. And I have experienced both: a love so deep that I was actually one with my beloved, two bodies but only one soul, and a hate so strong that drowned my heart in a black pool of blinding fury and desire of revenge.

Some people say love and hate are sides of the same coin, and that you can come to hate the person you first loved and vice-versa, but I have never truly believed it. However I must attest I now love a person I believed I hated with all my being, even if she never hated me.

I am speaking of my wife, the woman who saved my life, not only in the most material way - taking me away from the danger to be killed every day - but most important, rescuing my soul from the deep abyss it has fallen into because of my hate for Commodus.

*

I think everyone knows by now about my story: the general who became a slave, the slave who became a gladiator, the gladiator who killed an emperor and became Rome's master.

Everyone knows about what Commodus did to my family, and I won't write about it in these memories. Even if it happened many years ago and even if I found happiness again, it is impossible for me to put in words what I felt when I discovered Selene's and Marcus' broken bodies, because it is indescribable. Only someone who had my same experience can understand my emotions and, frankly, I hope no one among the persons reading these pages will ever suffer such a terrible tragedy.

So I will start this little writing from the moment I met the woman I thought I hated with all my being and who I now love more than my life itself.

I

It was the second night after the 'Battle of Carthage' and my appearance in front of Commodus.

It was a quiet night, with a pale moon, the silence broken only by the occasional words exchanged by the men guarding the Ludus Magnus.

I was sleeping in my cell but still I was vigilant. The many years spent on the Danube frontier or in some other forsaken place had me able to jump awake to the slightest noise. It is a habit I still have, even now, after years of peace and quiet, when the only attack I might suffer is from one of my children wanting to start me awake by tickling me.

It was not so that night in Rome. Then I feared the hooded arrival of an assassin, sent by Commodus to finish what the Praetorians had not be able to do in Germania. I was still in a phase of mourning when I did not mind to die, if that enabled me to join my family in the Elysian Fields, so my fear was not connected with me being killed - after all, as Marcus Aurelius once said, "Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back" - but to the fact I would not be able to have my revenge, leaving Lucilla and her son prey of her brother's cruel hands.

Having said this, it was not surprising I awoke at once when a strong commotion entered the cell from the courtyard. I quickly sat up on my straw-filled bed and squinted my eyes in the dark, trying to understand what was going on outside. From the noises I was able to recognize, it seemed as a cart had arrived and stopped in the indoor yard of the Ludus Magnus: I could hear the pawing and the snorting of the horses and the creaking of the wheels.

My ears still concentrated on the sounds coming from outside, I turned to look in Juba's direction. My Numidian cell mate and friend was almost invisible in the room, his black skin having the same color of the darkness enveloping us.

"What is happening?" he asked.

"I don't know," I replied, a thousand of possibilities dancing in my mind, none of them pleasurable.

Suddenly the door was open and Proximo, my lanista, come inside the room and said, "Dress up, General, we must leave this place soon."

I was stunned. "What's going on?" I enquired but the gray haired and bearded man did not answer.

"Be quick and silent." Two guards took his place as Proximo left the cell and I could not do anything but obey. My heart was full of worry as once again my thoughts returned to Selene, to my son, to Marcus Aurelius' dream and to his daughter and to what would happen if I was killed then. As I dressed I felt Juba's eyes on me, silently asking what he had to do but I had no answer to give to him.

Few minutes later Proximo returned inside and threw on my shoulders a dark robe with a hood. Then he said aloud to the guards, "We are ready; take the Spaniard to the wagon."

With a final glance to my Numidian friend, a glance which wanted to express all the words I had no time to say, I was led outside by the guards, but to my surprise I was not pushed to the wagon but near a darkened corner of the building, where Proximo was staying, he too dressed with black clothes. From that position I saw another gladiator getting up the wagon and, as the iron door was locked behind him, a man loudly said, "The Spaniard is on board."

To that Proximo clearly replied, "Good; take him to Tibur, I will follow shortly."

"Yes, master."

As that exchange continued I shifted my gaze from Proximo to the cart. It seemed evident the lanista wanted to create a diversion for the Praetorian Guards who were probably surveying the Ludus Magnus, but of course I did not know WHY he was doing so.

We stayed silent, pressed against the wall for a long time, watching the cart depart and waiting till the gladiator school was once again quiet. Then Proximo spoke softly, "Come with me."

"Where are we going?"

"It is not the moment to ask questions, General. Just let me say nothing is going to happen to you. And now be silent and follow me."

I pursed my lips and I began to walk behind him, the two guards always at my sides. We crossed the compound, always careful to stay near the walls, till we reached a stair. Proximo grabbed a torch, lit it, and lightened the way for us. The stair led to an underground tunnel with a stone pavement and bricks walls.

I don't know for how much time we walked inside it but finally we met another stair which led us back to the surface.

Outside the landscape had changed. There were no buildings in sight, but only a clearing with bushes and a solitary oak in its center. And near the tree I saw two human figures standing near several horses. One was smaller than the other, but their long cloaks made impossible to discern some other detail.

Proximo approached them and said, "He is here."

"Good," replied a male voice. "Have him mount a horse, we must leave for Ostia at once."

Ostia? My heart began to beat wildly when I thought about the city. Even if I had never been in there I knew it hosted a military camp and my mind began to wonder if it would have been possible for me to reach the castrum and learn where my men, my legion, were. The guards seemed to read my mind because they suddenly put chains to my wrists. Then they helped me to mount one of the horses and we were off on the road.

*

The travel to Ostia was very fast, because we stopped midway to change the horses and before the sun began to rise we reached the great harbor, the smell of the sea and the cold air sharpening my senses. I was weary and tense. During the ride, Proximo had been totally silent I had no clues to what was happening. I have always hated to be left without information because it leaves me powerless to evaluate the situation I am on. I felt like a lamb led to the slaughterhouse, Proximo's earlier words forgotten.

When we finally arrived to the port, one of the figures we had met outside Rome pointed to one of the ships whose shapes were clearly visible in the pale light and said, "That's the one. It is only waiting us for depart."

"Good." said Proximo.

I was terribly confused. Things were moving too fast for me and my brain was barely able to register what was happening around me. It seemed clear we were going to board that ship but for what end? Were we going to return in Africa?

The horses stopped and the guards dragged me not too gently down the saddle. My instinct finally rebelled and I began to resist to them. I was tired to be treated like a sack of flour and I had no intention to board that ship till I knew where they were taking me.

Proximo walked near me and said, "Now, General, don't be stubborn. I told you nothing bad is going to happen to you."

"Where are we going?" I hissed glaring at him but he simply motioned the guards to drag me away. One of our 'guides' joined the two men. With the three of them pulling at my chains and pushing my back it was impossible to me to resist for long. And so, even if I fought along every inch of the way, I finally found myself on the ship and closed in a small cabin, my chains fixed to a ring in the wall. I pulled at them, trying their strength, and in the end I sat down the bed which was the room only furniture along with a basin, trying to understand my situation. From the noises coming from outside it looked like the ship was preparing to leave the dock.

Suddenly the door opened. I sprung on my feet as I recognized Proximo.

"What is happening?" I asked for what seemed to be the tenth time.

"This is a farewell, General. Our paths are going to follow different roads."

"What?"

"I am no longer your master....You have been sold, Maximus."

I was shocked, my mind trying to gasp what he had just told to me. "S-sold?"

"Yes. To someone who does not want to have you ever again put a foot in an arena....You are going to have a very good life from now on."

"Why? Why are you doing this to me?" I asked, cold fury having replaced my surprise.

"Doing this to you? Aside the fact I am your owner and I can do everything I wish with you, I am not sending you to the salt mines of Carthage. I am sending you in a place where you will be safe."

"I don't want to be safe!" I roared furious, stepping forward till the chains stopped me. "You know what I want!"

"Yes, I know what you want. You want to stay in front of Commodus and kill him, to avenge your family and Marcus Aurelius but, unfortunately, you won't be able to do so, because someone has bought you just to avoid seeing you killed." He was beginning to lose his patience but I could not care less.... "Proximo.."

"I am sorry, General, but I am an entertainer. And an old one too. The money I was given for you will allow me to live in comfort for the rest of my life and it was an offer I could not refuse. And maybe you will feel better if I tell you all of your fellow gladiators are now freedmen...I no longer need them and they had earned their freedom."

I stayed silent, glaring at my former owner. There was nothing more to say. Everything had been already decided. I was acutely aware I was powerless, totally at the mercy of the gods and other people. Also, inside myself, something was breaking.

Betrayal.

Once more I had been betrayed by someone I considered a friend.

"I had been a fool to trust you," I darkly said.

Proximo stayed silent for a long while, biting his lip as if refraining to say something, and then whispered, "Goodbye, General. May you have a long life."

I did not reply but turned my back to him in the most offensive gesture I could make as a slave. Few second later I heard the door open and then close.

*

Time passed.

I was aware the ship had left Ostia and it was now in open sea, I could feel it by the gentle rolling of the vessel. From the light entering a small window in the higher portion of the wall I knew it was now full morning and even if I had not sleep all night I was not able to settle down on the bed.

I kept on pacing back and forth like a caged lion, too upset and angry to even contemplate rest.

The door opened again to admit two men who looked like guards. One of them was tall and slim, the other shorter and sturdier and was lame to his right leg. They were both armed and one of them, the taller one, turned a spear in my direction, pressing its point against my chest.

"Be still and stretch out your arms," said the other man, a familiar Spanish accent in his voice.

Powerless to do anything else but obey to his command, I watched with some surprise as the man freed my right wrist by the chains, leaving me tied to the wall only by my left arm. The change gave me more freedom and made me very perplexed. After that the guard exited the cabin leaving me under the control of his colleague with the spear but he returned soon carrying a wooden tray full of food.

"This is you breakfast," said the man, "Eat it, we will be back to retrieve the tray in a hour."

I did not even glance at it. "I am not hungry. I want to see the person who bought me." I asked.

"Your new owner is busy now."

"Tell him I want to see him!" I shouted. I was so furious that I forgot my situation was that of a chained slave.

The stocky man smiled, "Calm down, General. There will be enough time to meet your new master. Now eat and rest....the journey will be long."

Speaking thus they both backed to the door and left, leaving me once more alone and without answers.

I walked to the bed and inspected the food on the tray: there was honey-dipped bread, cheese, fruits and milk. It was a very abundant breakfast and that, added to the reduction of the bindings, seemed to confirm Proximo's words I was going to be treated well. But that did not assuage my rage, nor my anxiety. I was so agitated I could not eat. I needed to know who my new owner - oh how strange those words sounded in my mind! I needed to look in the face the man who had deprived me of the only chance I had to be so close to Commodus, to avenge my family and carry on my emperor's last command. After having been so close to reach my goal, I could not bear to be taken away. I wanted to watch the person who had done it and show him all the hate and the contempt I was feeling in my heart.

II

*****

I did not bother to rise from my couch when I heard the door open, fully expecting to see the two guards coming to retrieve the untouched tray full of food they had left a hour before. I was used to this routine and so I only opened one eye to check what they were doing, ready to return to my nap. However this time there were three persons in the room. And one of them was a woman. She was very young, around her late teens, tall and with a shapely figure. Her air was dark blond-light chestnut and her eyes were blue. She was beautiful by any standard but I was not in the mood to appreciate it. I slowly rose to a sitting position and belligerently stared at her. I knew I should have stood up and bowed to her but I was too angry and resentful to be polite and respectful.

We stared at each other for a long time and then she broke the silence, "I have been told you refuse to eat and that you wanted to meet me." she said with a quiet voice.

I quirked an eyebrow, "You lady? I want to speak with my new owner, your father or your husband, I presume."

"My father is dead and I am not married," she said matter of factly, "I am your new owner."

"What?" I stammered. I was so stunned. "Why did you buy me?"

"I have my reasons, nothing which concerns you, General." She replied.

The cold, almost unfeeling tone of her answer made my temper snap. That woman had taken away any chance I might had have to obtain my revenge and she had the audacity to refuse me to say why. I felt my anger escalate to dangerous levels. I stood up quickly, staggering a little because I was weak for the lack of food, and moved against her, until the chain stopped me.

"Tell me why!!!" I shouted to her and the guards reacted by pushing their spears against my chest. I did not care, my eyes burning in the woman's.

She stepped back and after few seconds she said, "You are such a beautiful man....It would be a useless waste to have you killed in the arena. Especially since I have other plans for you. Much more pleasurable plans, I might add."

She was looking at me with a calculating look I did not like a bit and I felt a shiver run along my spine at her words. I knew women seemed to be morbidly fascinated by the gladiators....Lucilla too has used that excuse to see me in the Coliseum.

"What do you mean?" I asked, my voice very low.

She stared boldly to my body, as if she was evaluating a horse she wanted to buy, and said, "I own a....breeding facility in Melita (Malta) and I need a good stallion for it. And I think you are perfect for the job. I am sure you will father many strong and beautiful babies." She smirked at me and then fell silent, all the while watching at me with a look of....expectation? The guards seemed to think I was going to react badly because they grabbed they spears more tightly, as if fearing an attack.

But I did not react in that way. The anger that I had felt till that moment had disappeared, replaced only by calm and deadly determination. The future that woman was planning for me might have sounded like paradise for some men but not for me. It was such a debasing, contemptible and humiliating prospect that I could not even consider it.

Till that moment, even if I had lost my freedom and everything which mattered to me, I had retained my dignity, my self esteem and my honor. But what that woman wanted to do to me, to transform in a stallion was the last straw on a weary back, the final indignity for me, for my wife's memory and for my ancestors. I felt nauseous. 'What we do in life echoes in eternity' and I did not want to be branded as a chattel. I wanted to be able to meet ancestors in Elysium keeping my head high.

My gaze hardened as I decided there was only a thing remained to be done. I had to die. And I wanted a Roman's death. Feeling calmer than I had been in months, I slowly turned my back to the guards and the woman and collected my strength. Then, quick as lightning , I spun on my heels and threw myself against the spear still pointed against my chest. I closed my eyes as I felt the blade enter my flesh. I sank to my knees...The last thing I remember before I succumbed to the horrible pain was the bout of satisfaction I felt when I heard the woman scream at the loss of her prized stud.

*****

III

*****

The first sensations I became aware of when I returned to consciousness were the painful throbbing of my left shoulder, the loose grip of a hand around mine, and the coolness of gentle fingers smoothing the beard on my cheeks or my hair.

Then I heard a voice speak near to me.

HER voice.

"Please General, don't die," she was saying, "What I told to you was a lie, I have no intention to transform you in a stud...Please believe me... please..."

I stayed silent and motionless, keeping my eyes closed as my tired mind tried to absorb what I had just heard. The woman had lied...I was not going to be forced to mate...but could I believe her? Weariness enveloped me again and I fell asleep before I could answer to my own question.

*

The next time I woke up I was once more received by the woman's soft voice. I took me some moments to realize she was reading something aloud... a philosophical treaty. I stayed with my eyes closed for a long time, listening to her and ascertaining my conditions. My shoulder did not hurt anymore, but it was a poor consolation: I was still alive, still bound to become a stallion...still...That line of thought was interrupted when I remembered what I heard the woman say the first time I woke up. She had said she had lied to me..

I frowned and, with a determined effort, opened my eyes, deciding it was time to get some answers.

*****

*****

I was stunned by her declaration. Marcus Aurelius' daughter! I tried to sit up and was able to do it with her help, resting with my back against the headboard of the bed, idly noting I was no longer chained. Still speechless at her revelation, I stared at her young face with awe. Now that I really looked at her I noticed her hair was of the same shade as Lucilla's and her cheekbones were as fine as her father's.

"You are little Pseca?" I asked in wonder.

Her face widened in an excited smile, "You know about me?"

I nodded. "Your father spoke a lot of you...." I lost myself in memories: cold nights in Germania...the wolves howling between the trees...the wind blowing the narrow paths in the castrum....a warm tent...the flames dancing on Marcus Aurelius' face as the old man told me about his youngest daughter whom he loved so much he affectionately called 'My Pseca', My Little Breadcrumb.

Aureliana smiled and replied, "He spoke a lot of you too. He loved you like a son and I know many things about you...You are like a best friend for me, even if I never met you before, and I cannot allow Commodus to kill you, not when I have the means to save you."

Her words brought me back to the present. "My lady, Aureliana," I began with concern, "what you did is very dangerous. Commodus wants me dead, he will search for me. You put your life in great jeopardy."

"First of all, General, my life was in danger since the moment my half-brother became Caesar. Commodus hates me, he never forgave his father for having taken a lover after his wife died. He was morbidly attached to his mother...and resented the fact I and my father were so close. It was only a matter of time before he ordered me killed or exiled. So I removed myself before he could do it. The night of our escape several ships I inherited from my mother's family left Ostia directed to different harbors scattered along the empire, so it will be difficult to track down the right one. We are going to reach Melita and then move in an estate belonging to my mother. Nobody except my father and another man I trust with all my being ever knew about it. We will be safe there." Aureliana stopped talking and looked at me, her clear eyes betraying her search for my approval. She was a clever woman, but inside her still lived the child she had been till a short time before. I suspected the sudden death of her father and Commodus' rise to the power had her grow up very quickly.

"But what about Rome, my Lady?" I asked her softly.

"Rome?" she frowned in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"You told me you and your father were very close, so you must surely know that for him nothing was more important than Rome and the well being of its inhabitants. He died for it....How can we leave Commodus on the throne, free to destroy everything Marcus Aurelius did?" I spoke with sincerity and seriousness, trying to appeal to the more responsible part of her being.

Aureliana turned her head away, avoiding my gaze.

"Let me return, Aureliana," I coaxed her gently but at the same time urgently, squeezing her wrist with my right hand, "I am the only one able to stop him."

"No." Her eyes returned to lock with mine, full of stubbornness. "No, I won't let you sacrifice yourself. You will come with me in Melita and stay there while Commodus lives. Then you will be free to go away."

"Aureliana...." I tried again to reason with her, but she stood up, freeing her arm from my grip.

"That's all, General," she said with a tone that reminded me so much of the one used by her father while issuing orders when he made his mind about something, "there is nothing more to be discussed. Now rest, you need to recover before we reach the island because my estate is in the mountains and difficult to reach."

And speaking thus, she whirled on her heels and walked away, leaving me alone and desolate.

*****

IV

Well, I don't think now I really hated Aureliana back in that period I spent in Melita, but I certainly resented her and what she had done. I think it was natural. I intellectually know - as I knew then - that my chances to kill Commodus in the arena, after my first attempt had been aborted because of young Lucius' presence, were more than scarce because, of course, he would have taken all the precautions, but still I was furious I had been dragged away from what I believed was my final mission. I was still in a phase of deep mourning, blind to everything but revenge and pain. I now realize my singlemindedness was more of an obsession, and I am deeply grateful for the time I was forced to spend on the island because, slowly but surely, I emerged from the black abyss where I had fallen and I began to see the light again.

But it was not easy and, as I said, it took months.

Since the moment I first arrived in Melita and for a long time, my mood shifted from depression, to dark resentment to rage, with Aureliana and Titus as my primary targets. They were smart enough to leave me alone, letting me brood all the day, while keeping an eye on me, as if afraid I might try again to kill myself. There was no need, I was too angry to want to die. In the first days after my arrival, I had tried to speak with Titus, a former legionary, asking him to let me go, for the good of Rome, but he had been clear: he was totally loyal to his mistress, no help would arrive from him. And so I could do nothing else than toil all the day under the unmerciful sun, tiring myself enough to fall into exhausted sleep every night.

*

One afternoon, while I was sweeping the hay away with a pitchfork, my lips set in a hard line which underscored my determination not to succumb to tiredness or heat and to finish the job I had begun, I heard soft steps approaching me from behind. Even before she spoke I knew it was Aureliana, and I forced myself to continue to work as if she was not even there.

"What are you doing, General?" she began.

As usual her voice made my temper flare but I checked my reactions, "I think, lady, that you can see it by yourself what I am doing." My voice was very cold, not at all encouraging a conversation.

She stayed silent for a while then added, "I know what are you doing, but my question was another.... Why are you doing that? There are slaves to do the job."

"I am a slave, lady, I case you have forgotten it." I said and then went on with my work, pointedly ignoring her.

"You are a guest here."

"A guest?" I almost spat out, finally stopping to work to glare at her, "A guest who cannot leave? Who is locked in his room at night? I think you have a strange idea of hospitality."

Aureliana pursed her lips, "You are locked at night for your own safety, but you are not a prisoner here. There are many things you can do here: you can ride, you can swim in the lake, you can exercise in the gymnasium or read in the library..." her tone was gentle and kind and it made me even more furious.

"But I cannot do what I really want!!" I shouted to her, letting the pitchfork fell to the ground.

*****

*****

Thinking back, I believe that attack, that kiss, represents the lowest point I touched during all of my ordeal, because it made me think I was behaving like an animal. As I walked away from Aureliana I berated myself for what I had done. I always liked women and I had always respected them. In the Spanish countryside where I grew up, women had a great importance in the families and my father brought me up with the example of his respect and love for my mother. I was ashamed of myself. I, who had always been gentle and considerate even with the lowest of the slave-whores the empire put at the soldiers' disposal, had been brutal and violent with an innocent young woman whose only fault was to have wanted to save my life! I cringed inside, wondering what Selene was thinking of me in Elysium. She, whose opinion I valued more than anybody else's, would surely be shocked by my actions.

But despite my self-deprecation, I did not ask forgiveness to Aureliana till much time later, when something happened to bring us together, as if all the hostility I had harbored for her had never existed. But when that event happened, I had already begun to change, I had already begun to re-emerge from my gorge of anger, I had already begun to look at Aureliana with different eyes, seeing what remarkable young woman she was. And all because that brutal, punishing kiss, because having touched the bottom I could only start to climb up again.

V

About a month after that episode, I was walking in the garden directed to my room. It was late afternoon and I was tired but satisfied, having spent the day helping the field workers to pick the oranges from the trees, longing only for a bath, a meal and my bed. I was not happy -- that feeling was such a distant memory I barely remembered what did it mean -- but at least I was not feeling totally miserable as I have been till not much more time before. When I realized that, I stopped a moment in the garden, savoring the new sensation and the peaceful atmosphere of the place.

I looked to the central fountain with its pool full of little fishes, the splash of the water like a beautiful music in my ears. I looked past the well trimmed fences to the mountains and slowly descending sun, almost surprised I still --or perhaps, again -- had the sensibility to admire such spectacle. The view brought me memories of other evenings spent watching the sunset with my arms wrapped around Selene and my nose buried in her hair. But this time the memory did not raise the heart-breaking pain of the past, but a sweet sense of nostalgia. And I realized I was beginning to heal.

I no longer wanted to die to be with my wife and son, because I knew they would always be with me in my heart, but still I was feeling bad because I was not able to keep faith to my promise to avenge them. I also knew I would not be totally over my past while Commodus was alive. As long as he lived I would not able to forget I had failed my Caesar's last command nor that I failed to protect my family. While he lived I won't be really free to begin a new life.

Thinking about the tyrant made me look to the villa, to the first floor terrace overlooking the garden where Aureliana spent much of her time.

She was there, but she was not reading, writing or sewing as she usually did in that time of the day. She was crying instead, her small form shaken by sobs, as her arms hugged her own chest.

In spite of myself I was moved by the desperate picture she displayed... She looked so lost and fragile and I felt the overwhelming need to go to her and enquire about what happened to her.

I practically ran up the marble stairs, slowing down as I stepped in the terrace. Aureliana heard me and raised her head, stiffening when she saw who it was and hastily brushing away her tears. I felt a pang in my heart at her reaction and at the timorous look I saw in her eyes, and once again berated myself for my shameful conduct in her regards. That brutal kiss had destroyed the trust she had in me and since that fateful day she had avoided being alone in my presence. Even now I could see her scan the terrace, looking for one of her maids or one of the guards.

"Don't be afraid, my lady," I said stopping few yards away from her. "I won't come closer."

She nodded but didn't speak, but her expressive blue eyes seemed to ask, "Why are you here?"

"I saw you are distraught, my lady, and I wanted to know if I can help you in same way."

Aureliana nodded again and I saw her eyes fill once more with tears that soon began to run along her fine cheekbones.

"What happened?" I urgently asked, overwhelmed by her pain, a nagging feeling of foreboding gripping my guts. "Tell me, please, I might be able to help you."

*****

"Yes, you are. Marcus Aurelius was strangled. And this is another reason we cannot leave Commodus on the throne."

*****

Aureliana stayed silent for a long time, clearly lost in thought as she pondered my words.

"How do you propose to eliminate him?"

I shook my head, "I don't really know." I sighed in frustration, then added, "You said you have a friend in Rome...the one who sent you the letter..." She nodded. "Could he be able to help me to discover where my army is?"

"Your army? You would be ready to march on Rome?" she was not shocked, merely awed.

"If it should be necessary, yes, I would do it."

"Well, my friend is a senator, I am sure he will be able to locate your men."

"Good." I smiled briefly and fell silent, as I watched Aureliana struggle with her feelings. It was clear she wanted to help her half-sister and nephew, but she still wanted to keep us safe in Melita. Finally she sighed and say, "All right, General, you win. We will return in Rome and do everything to save Lucilla and Lucius."

"Thank you, my Lady," I said squeezing her hand with relief, "But it would be better for you to stay safe here...I just need a letter of recommendation for you friend the senator and.." she stopped me by freeing one of her hands from my grip and raising it in an imperious gesture so much alike Marcus Aurelius'.

"I will come with you and nothing will make me change idea. Also I have another condition for let you go..."

"Oh?"

"You will swear now, on the thing you value most, that you will take every possible precaution to don't be killed."

"What?" I was stunned by her request.

"Yes, I want you to swear you will do everything you can to survive. I know it might sound childish, but my father said you are a man of your word, General, and that you always keep your promises."

I looked at her face, noticing one more the strange and fascinating blend she was... The scared child was still present in the woman and now needed my promise to assuage her fear. Slowly I nodded and solemnly said, "All right Aureliana. I swear on my wife's and son's memory that I will do everything I can to stay alive."

"Good," she said and suddenly the child disappeared leaving room only to the woman, "Sit with me, General, I need your help to organize our journey."

Impressed by her determined tone, I stood up and settled in the chair in front of her, my mind already planning my next 'campaign'.

VI

The journey back to Rome was completely different from the previous trip to Melita.

First of all, I was no longer a slave locked in a cabin but a freedman able to walk everywhere on the ship. Then I was no longer full of rage and resentment against the world in general and Aureliana in particular but I was feeling again purposeful and concentrate, my desire of revenge bridled by political necessities and calculations, by the need to save Lucilla and Lucius and to keep Aureliana safe. I was no more a gladiator, I was again a general, ready to serve Rome as I have always done, even if I no longer wore its uniform.

I spent much of my time with Aureliana and Titus, revising our plans. The basic idea was to contact Aureliana's friend, a senator called Gracchus, and ask for his help to locate my army. I harbored the hope my men could be in Italy because it was where they had been originally scheduled to go after the end of the German war. The idea to march on Rome with my legion and to face the Praetorians did not scare me, my only worries were for the civilian populace which might be caught up in the fighting.

That was the reason I hoped Senator Gracchus - who Aureliana assured me was a very good politician, really concerned about the well-being of the people - might had some other idea. Titus too was the same opinion. I liked him, he had surely been a competent centurion, with a practical and cold head, and I respected his inputs because he knew Rome and Italy better than me. We became good friends during that travel, and we still are.

By common agreement we decided not to go to Ostia, but to dock in Neapolis, where the harbor was less controlled, and then proceed by land, pretending to be merchants.

But not all the time was spent plotting: Aureliana and I engaged each other in long conversations or in dice games, making long days of inactivity seem shorter. During our discussions I discovered many things about her and her family. Her mother, Flavia Caspia, had been the only child of a rich merchant but far from being raised as a spoiled child, had been educated to succeed her father as if she were a boy. Her grip of economics, politic and philosophy had caught Marcus Aurelius' attention during a dinner were she had accompanied her father.

The emperor's marriage was falling out because of his wife Faustina's liking for gladiators and he found comfort in the friendship with a woman who was not only interested in fashion and burly fighters. After few years of being friends, they became lovers when Faustina died of illness and they had a daughter, Aureliana. Marcus Aurelius could not adopt her for political reasons but cared for her deeply, visiting her often when he was in Rome and often taking Lucilla with him. Aureliana's mother had died three before, leaving her daughter heir to an immense fortune which included estates scattered along the empire and one of Rome largest commercial fleets.

The more I knew about Aureliana, the more I liked her. She was still young and a bit naive but had a clever brain, with a great gasp for economic matters. In politics she was smart, but too much of an idealist, not having the calculating edge of Lucilla. She was still pure, uncorrupted...it was so refreshing to speak with her, to laugh with her now that everything was all right between us.

And then, almost suddenly, I realized I was attracted by her.

It happened one day, while we were on the deck looking at the sea. The wind was blowing strongly and the ship broke a wave with strength, causing some water to splash on us. We retracted from the railing with a cry and began to laugh as children and then my eyes fell on her breasts, to which the wet silk of her dress clung like a second skin. My laughter died as I felt my body react to the sight and I turned away embarrassed and confused. I imposed myself to ignore those new feelings: Aureliana was so young, I was not yet totally over what happened to Selene, and we were traveling to Rome to kill its emperor, even if we did not know how many chance we had to do so. It was hardly the time for a romantic interlude even if I had been the kind of man who enjoy passing affairs, which I was not. However I had to repeat that to myself a lot of times, especially when Aureliana flashed me that little smile I was beginning to adore.

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