Saved At Any Cost

by Ilaria

VII

Once that the ship had docked in Neapolis, we bought some horses and a wagon stocked with silk and disguised as a commercial caravan we began our journey to Rome. I did not take the role of merchant but as one the guards escorting the merchandises, while Titus and Aureliana posed like a father-daughter team.

The journey lasted twelve days and it could have been beautiful if not for the tension caused by our mission and the presence of Praetorian squads along the way. They kept on asking for our papers and searching the wagon but luckily they did not cause more trouble than shaking our nerves. These occasions made me admire Aureliana's cold blood and the way she had commanded all her servants' loyalty. In that aspect she was truly her father's daughter... And the more time I spent with her, the more I found her difficult to resist. As impossible it would have been only six months before, I was falling in love with her but I forced myself not to act. I did not know what was awaiting me, us, in Rome and I did not want to hurt her. And more importantly, I did not know if Aureliana would welcome my attentions...I can now admit I was not aware of her feelings then; so much time had passed since the last time I had fallen in love, I could not recognize the signs...

Until the evening Aureliana made very clear what she thought of me...

*****

But unfortunately peace lasted only few minutes, as the clouds which had followed us for all the day accumulated over our heads and the distant rumble of a thunder broke the silence. I have been scared by the storms since when, only four years old, I saw my nurse being killed by a lightning just few steps away from me. I consider myself a grounded person but thunders and lightings seem to bring out the irrational first lighting I saw by jumping to my feet and running to the forest, trying to find a refuge. Which of course is the worst thing do during a storm because everyone know you must stay away from the trees, but as I told you, my mind ceased to creature which lives in me. That day was no exception: I reacted to the function as terror gripped me so much I even forgot that the area around us was full of treacherous marshes.

*****

When I saw Aureliana spring on her feet and run away I was surprised and alarmed. Had she heard or something strange? Something which may be a menace to us? Then a flash of light made me suddenly remember a conversation I had with Marcus Aurelius during a stormy night in Germania, when commenting on the lighting he had told me his little Pseca was terrified by them.

I left the horses, confident they would not run away, and threw myself in her pursuit, calling her name aloud. During the day we had seen some little spots of marshy ground and I was afraid she might fall in one of them.

Aureliana ran fast and wild like a scared gazelle but finally I was able to reach her and grabbing her arm I brought her to a stop.

"Aureliana!" I said, turning her around to face me. "Aureliana!"

Her eyes were wide and unfocused and she tried to struggle away, saying almost imploringly, "We must escape! We must find a shelter! The lighting will kill us!"

"Shhh..." I soothed her without loosening my grip on her, "Calm down and look at the sky....do you see? The storm is moving away, not coming in our direction. There is no reason to be frightened." I pulled her in my arms and pressed her head against my chest, caressing her hair and back, feeling her small body slowly stop trembling.

*****

*****

That was the beginning: as a river breaking its banks, our feelings, so carefully hidden from the other, and perhaps even from ourselves, in the past months, broke free and overflowed us, making impossible for us to stop the tide until the waves of our passion spent by themselves.

Care, admiration, attraction and desire mingled together to create a storm of emotions which submerged us. We made love there, in the middle of the forest, with the tall and tender grass as our bed. I tried to be as gentle as I could, conscious of Aureliana's innocence, and even if it was not easy to keep my body under control after so many years of abstinence, I think I succeeded to make the experience good for both of us.

When everything was finished I looked deeply in Aureliana's eyes, silently asking how she was feeling, and she replied with the brightest smile I ever saw in my life. I answered to her with the first genuine, joyous laughter I experienced in nearly four years, before rolling on my back and hugging her little body to my chest and stayed there for a long time.

Our troubles were far from over but for the moment I was in peace.

*****

VIII

The next evening we arrived in Rome.

We were all nervous to cross the city gates but we worked hard to keep our feelings under control, not wanting to arouse suspicions in the guards. However the Praetorians were distract in their job, barely checking our documents before motioning us to move away. Aureliana thanked the gods for our good fortune, but I hoped the careless control was due to the fact the sentries were not caring a lot for their emperor.

Once inside the walls we found a inn with annex stable where Titus and the other men settled down, booking rooms for all of us while Aureliana and I went immediately to Senator Gracchus' house.

The politician lived atop the Viminal hill and I followed Aureliana across the city, surprised by how easily she was able to orient herself in that maze of streets and little roads. In the end we climbed the Vicus Patricius till we reached the gates of an elegant domus.

"Here we are," she whispered and knocked on the door.

"Who is there?" asked a servant, opening the door just a little.

"Tell Senator Gracchus Lady Pseca is here," Aureliana said. The servant, a heavily painted young Greek, arched his eyebrow upon hearing the name but obediently scurried away to inform his master.

We waited for few minutes and then the door was opened again, this time by a distinguished old man with short grey beard and hair. The man stared at Aureliana with shock, and then, took her by the elbow and pulled her inside the villa, indicating me to follow her, and then looking nervously in the street before closing the door.

"My child, what are you doing here?" he asked as soon as the bolt was safety in place, "Why have you returned here, now that you were safe in Melita?"

"You know why I returned, I could not stay away knowing what Commodus is doing to Lucilla and Lucius." Aureliana said fiercely.

Gracchus smiled bitterly, "You are such an idealist, my child. And how do you propose to help them?"

"I do not presume to know how to eliminate Commodus, but I know someone who might be able to help.."

"Oh?" Gracchus raised an eyebrow, "And who might be?"

Aureliana touched my arm and signaled me to step closer to her, "Senator, let me introduce you General Maximus Decimus Meridas." I let hood the hood of my cloak slid out my head and bowed to him, "Senator Gracchus."

The older man moved his unbelieving eyes from me to Aureliana and back to me and sputtered, "What? Don't tell me he was in Melita with you?!?!"

"I was there," I answered in her place, "She bought me from Proximo and took me away from Rome."

Gracchus was too stunned to reply but recovered quickly. He cleared his throat and said, offering me his hand, "Well, General, it is a pleasure to meet you. I have heard a lot about you."

"Good things, I hope."

"Good things, General, and from the persons I trust and trusted most...Marcus Aurelius thought very well of you."

I nodded. "Senator, I have something very important to tell you about the late Caesar, but perhaps it would be better not to stay here in the atrium..."

"Oh my! Forgive me, I have totally forgotten where we are...Please follow me..."

Gracchus led us up a long stair till his elegant and large tablinium where he offered us chairs and poured three glasses of wine, before returning to the matter on hand. "What you wanted to say, General?"

*****

"Marcia, his mistress, and the Prefect of the Praetorium are going to poison him. As you perhaps know, tomorrow is a day of vacation in celebration of Jupiter. All the offices will be closed and all the slaves, clerks and many Pretorians will be off duty. But Commodus will stay in the Palace because he has to train with a gladiator - he wants to be 'perfect' for his appearance in the arena," Gracchus snorted and went on, "He always trains alone with the fighter and Marcia plans to put the poison in his wine. It will be something very slow because Commodus has someone always testing his food and drinks, but the physical extersions of the fight with the gladiator will speed up the effect..."

*****

The trip to the tavern was quick and uneventful, and we did it in silence, both of us lost in thought.

When we arrived, we joined Titus and the rest of our party and explained them the situation. It was decided we would leave Rome very early in the morning, return in the country and wait for news encamped near the road for Ostia.

After that, we eat and then departed for our rooms.

I escorted Aureliana to her chamber but I did not move to follow her inside.

"Don't you want to come in?" she asked me shyly, lowering her eyes, before looking at me by behind her eyelids.

I smiled at her, feeling desire mount in me but suppressing it firmly. "I would love to join you, my little Pseca, but it is better not. Tomorrow will be a long day, we need to be well rested and you know we did not have much sleep last night." I winked to her and she blushed as she remembered our past night activities. Then she smiled, "You are right."

I grinned and then pulled her in my arms, for a warm hug and a kiss, putting in them all the tenderness and the feeling I could master. It was a long kiss, as if I wanted to fix the sensations in my memory. Then our lips parted and I looked in Aureliana's shining eyes, I felt the desire to tell her I had changed idea, but I could not. So I roughly said, "Good night, Aureliana."

"Good night, Maximus."

She turned around and entered her bedroom and I waited till I hear the bolt slid in place. Then I marched down the hallway, but I did not go to my room, I stopped in front of Titus' and knocked.

"Yes?" he replied at once.

"Titus, it's Maximus. I need to talk to you. It's urgent."

The former centurion opened the door and asked worried, "What is it?"

"May I come inside?"

"Oh, forgive me, General. Come in, come in." He moved aside and let me pass.

I paced back and forth in the room for some moments then I looked at the older man, "Titus, I must ask a favor to you."

He looked at me curiously.

"As a soldier you know the importance of honor," I began and he silently nodded, "and I think you were a good centurion, always fighting with his men and not shouting orders away from the battles. Titus nodded again, "I too was that kind of officer, even when I was promoted to general I still kept to lead the cavalry charges..."

He stared at me and said, "General, where are you getting on?"

"I am not leaving Rome with you, Titus. I am going to stay here to assure that Commodus won't see another day." I replied finally voicing aloud the thought which was tormenting me from the moment Gracchus had revealed his plan.

"What?!?"

"I cannot risk that he survives the poisoning, it would be too dangerous, not only for Aureliana, Lucilla and Lucius, but for everyone in Rome. If he survives he will unleash his rage on everyone and everything. And he will become so paranoid it could be impossible to get another chance to eliminate him." I was brutally frank with Titus, and the former centurion nodded.

"You don't have to convince me, General, I have served Rome for twenty five years and I don't want to see it in ruins because of a madman. Do what you need to do, I will keep the mistress safe. I will take her out the city and wait for you near the cross-road for Ostia."

I smiled, "Thank you Titus. Now I must go, I need to make some enquires."

"All right. Good luck."

"Good luck," I said as we shook hands, "and, 'strength and honor'".

"Strength and honor...and General?" Titus' tone made me stop with my hand already on the doorknob.

"Yes?"

"Return alive: I can protect Aureliana, but I won't never be able to heal her broken heart if you don't come back."

"I will be back, Titus. Tell her I will be back."

And speaking thus I exchanged a last glance with him before leaving the room.

IX

Finding where Narcissus lived was easier than I hoped: everyone seemed to know he was the emperor's sparring partner and it was not difficult to find a boy ready to take me to his house in change of same copper coins.

The gladiator lived near the Suburra, at the second floor of a six stories high insula. Since the price of the rent is higher for the lower - and safer - floors than for the higher, I deduced my old acquaintance was making money and having a good life. One more reason more to keep him away from what was going to happen the next day.

Perhaps it would be better if I tell you something about Narcissus. He was a gladiator because he had been sentenced to the arena for killing a man. In reality he never did it but was fixed by his wife and her lover, a rich landowner in Zucchabar. A basically gentle man, he had been forced to fight for his life and used his great agility as former gymnast as a weapon in the ring. He had always been friendly with me and I hated the idea of seeing him used as a scapegoat. He had been already saddled with a crime he had not committed, and he deserved better than it.

*

I spent the night sleeping with my back resting against the wall of Narcissus' apartment, covered with my cloak. I woke up at the first light of the new day and after stretching my sore muscles, I knocked on the door.

"Who is?" thundered a voice from inside.

"A friend from Zucchabar." I replied. The door was thrown open with force and Narcissus appeared on the threshold. He was not wearing his helmet and his horribly scarred face showed all of his surprise.

"Good morning, Narcissus, do you remember me?"

There was a moment of stunned silence and then he smiled, "Maximus! What a pleasure to see you!" He embraced me quickly, before leading me inside his house. "Where are you been? We were so afraid something had happened to you. What have you been doing?" He covered me with questions, clearly happy to see me again. I too was content to see him but unfortunately that was not the time for a friendly reunion.

"It is a long story, Narcissus, and I am going to tell you all of it as soon as you close the door." He obeyed me, made me sit at his kitchen table, and then I told him exactly what had happened to me and what was going to happen that day. The gladiator was first comprehensibly shocked by the fact they wanted to use him as a scapegoat and then he became enraged, "I won't let them trap me another time!"

"Of course not, because you won't go to the Palace today. I shall go."

"What?"

"I will take your place Narcissus. I will kill Commodus, finishing what I was not able to do in the Coliseum." I said with decision.

"But it is dangerous..." My friend was really concerned and it warmed my heart, even if did not change my mind.

"I know it but I cannot do otherwise. It is my duty to my family and my emperor... and it is my destiny."

We locked gazes and Narcissus slowly nodded, "I understand. How can I help you?"

"I need you to explain to me your exact activities and movements in the Palace. From where do you enter? Where is the gym? Do you speak with the guards? I need to know everything. I have been told you always wear a helmet during your training session....is it true?"

"Yes, the brat cannot stand my face." Narcissus smiled then suddenly got up, "Wait me here, I want you show something you will find interesting."

He walked to another room and came back few seconds later carrying a metal item in his hands, "Here, this is the helmet I use."

I took it and grinned broadly when I looked at it: it was the same helmet I wore during the Battle of Carthage. I seemed like a sign of the gods and I laughed aloud remembering Commodus' scared face in the arena.

Narcissus briefly joined me before returning serious; "You won't be able to carry any weapons with you, Maximus."

"I know, but I will use my bare hands if necessary."

"If you say so....All right, what do you say about breakfast? It is still too early to go to the Palace and I can tell you what you need to know while we eat." He quirked an eyebrow in enquiry.

I smiled and shook my head remembering how Narcissus had the reputation of always being hungry, and then helped him to set the table.

*

We ate in an amicable atmosphere, and Narcissus was very exhaustive in his explanations about the Palace and his usual activities in there.

Then he helped me to dress: luckily we were almost of the same size and the fine tunic Commodus had given to him fitted me well. Our eyes met as Narcissus put the helmet over my head and I saw tears brimming in his. "Please don't die," he said in his very low voice, revealing once again the gentle heart he his under his ferocious features, "I would never forgive myself if something should happen to you."

"Nothing will happen to me," I replied, "I have a promise to keep."

He did not understand my reference but nodded all the same. We shook hands again and with a final, "Strength and honor" I left his apartment and directed to the Palace and my appointment with destiny.

*****

Writing these lines is extremely difficult for me because it makes me experience again the emotions I felt that distant morning, when anger and fear gripped me in their strong arms. And even if many years had passed, I feel the urge to smack Maximus, to punish him for what I suffered that interminable day.

It had been Titus to tell me what Maximus intended to do and my first reaction had been to go and find him, to bring him back with us outside the city walls. However Titus' cool head bested my frantic mind, making me reflect it was too late to stop Maximus: making enquires about Narcissus could have risen suspicion in the Praetorians or in Commodus' spies scattered in the city. Thus I could not do anything else but agree with my old friend and prepare to leave the city, with my heart crushed by worries and my lips silently praying the gods for Maximus' safe return.

X

Entering the Palace was almost too simple.

There were only two Praetorians guarding the servants' entrance where Narcissus' explanations had directed me, also telling me to stop in front of them, bow my head and stretch out my arms so I could have being searched for hidden weapons. I did exactly as I have been instructed and everything went fine. As the guards let me inside with a distract wave of their hands, I wondered if their slack attitude with which the search was carried of, so similar to whose of the sentries guarding the city gates, was merely due to the fact they were upset to be on duty while all of their companions were enjoying the vacation or it was a symptom of Commodus' decreasing grip on his men.

Once inside the building, nothing but empty corridors and halls greeted me. I moved quickly through the deserted rooms, remembering the way Narcissus indicated to me, and I reached the gymnasium in only few minutes.

Narcissus had told me that since Commodus spent a lot of time inside that room - surely much more of that he spent doing his job of ruler - it looked more like a reception hall than a simple gym. I pushed the door open and stepped inside an ante-chamber with chests and coat pegs were to hang the clothes. The room was beautiful, decorated with green and pink marble but I had not much time to look at it better because my attention was attracted by an angry voice coming from a door which opened in the wall in front of me. I recognized it as Commodus' and a shiver of revulsion ran along my spine. Silent as a cat I walked across the pavement and pressed against the wall, poking my head to see what was going on in near room. It was the real gymnasium, with low mattresses on the floor and other kind of athletic tools, but in a corner there was also a low table surrounded by couches and divans, put there so people can recline on them as they observed the athletes working out.

However the room occupants were not enjoying a boxing match... As soon as my mind realized what was going on I understood the plan to poison Commodus had failed. Not only he was in full health but he was aware of what had been tempted against him. He was standing near the couches, pointing to one of them, speaking angrily to another man, who I recognized as Quintus, the Prefect of the Praetorium and my former friend.

"-- She tried to kill me!" Commodus was saying, "And she will now pay the price of her treason!"

"It's not true!" cried a woman's voice, coming from one of the couches and I stretched my neck to see better. There was a black haired young woman sitting on the divan, her body almost obscured by Commodus' and Quintus' and she looked fearful as she added, "Please believe me, you are feeling unwell because you eat something which didn't agree with your stomach."

"Really? Then, my dear Marcia, you will be happy to ease my doubts by drinking the wine you served to me." Commodus' voice was falsely sweet.

"But, Caesar, it could have not been the wine, it had been tasted before...." Now it was Quintus' turn to speak, and I could hear from his tone he was scared.

Commodus noticed it too. I saw his back stiffen and he shook with rage, "You too, Quintus? You too are plotting against me?"

"No, Caesar...I.."

Commodus thrust a cup to the Praetorian and ordered, "Drink it!"

"Caesar..."

"DRINK IT! Or I will have you killed even if the wine should prove innocuous! Drink!"

I saw Quintus take the cup to his lips, but his hand was shaking so badly he spilled most of its content. He made the move to drink but then he threw the cup to the floor, the clangor of the metal hitting the marble echoing in the silence. Quintus stood in front of Commodus with a resolute expression on his face, ready to die as a soldier.

"You are dead, Laetus," said Commodus coldly, unsheathing the sword he had with him.

It was then I made my move, stepping out of my hiding place and walking quietly across the gymnasium. My boots echoed on the floor and Commodus turned around sharply.

"Ah, Narcissus, here you are." A slow, cruel smile appeared on his face as his eyes blazed insanely, "There is a change of program today...I want you to first kill my former Prefect of the Praetorium: he has betrayed his emperor."

My eyes shifted from Commodus to Quintus and then to the sword the younger man had in his hand. I nodded, bowed my head and, trying to imitate Narcissus' low voice, I said, "As you command, Caesar."

Commodus smirked but instead of giving me the sword he gripped it more tightly, in the stance of a man ready to strike, "I changed idea, Narcissus. I want this pleasure all for myself. Now wait here, I will be ready to begin our training session soon...." He turned his back to me and ordered to his intended victim, "Kneel!"

Quintus refused to obey and Commodus reacted by slashing him along his calves, bringing him to his knees with a pained cry.

It was enough, I could no longer wait.

I jumped on Commodus from behind and pulled his sworded arm on the side just before the blade connected with Quintus' neck. My move was sudden but he recovered quickly from his surprise. "What are you doing?" he shouted turning around, "How do you dare to strike me?" As Quintus slid away we began to fight for the sword, with me trying to disarm Commodus and he trying to stab me. In the end I kicked him on his fingers and he let the weapon fall to the pavement, where I pushed it away with my foot.

I and Commodus stayed still for several seconds, staring at each other, my breath extraordinary loud in my ears. He probably noticed something different in my eyes because he asked, "Who are you?"

I lost no time to remove the helmet, "My name is Maximus Decimus Meridas and I am here to finish what I was not able to do in the Colosseum." I should have felt satisfaction seeing the scared expression which appeared on his face, but I only felt sadness and determination.

I saw Commodus urgently scan the room to see where the sword had ended up and then sprint in that direction. I jumped on him and we fell heavily to the floor, rolling together in a deadly grip. We stood up and threw against each other, the struggle which followed being the most brutal one I ever saw or was in. We were bare-handed, but hands and feet can be terrible weapons. Fists and kicks flied in abundance as we fought as furious wolves, my superior strength matched by Commodus' greatest fastness. But in the end, I don't even remember how it happened, I found myself straddling Commodus' chest, my hands wrapped around his neck. As I began to squeeze, he pummeled my back, stomach and face with a rain of blows, but I was insensible to pain, even when he hit me above my eye, breaking the skin, and the blood began to pour down my face, obscuring my view, and falling on Commodus' white armor as his attempts to freed himself became feebler and feebler.

And then they stopped.

I stayed with my hands around his neck, hearing my labored breath and pounding heart echo in my ears as I stared to Commodus' purple face. He looked like his father's and I wondered for a second if he had thought about it before he died.

Slowly I calmed down and I became aware of Quintus' voice speaking to me, "Maximus? Let him go, Maximus, it is finished." He kept on saying that and I finally understood. I stood up and shaking my head I looked around me. Quintus was standing, leaning heavily on his sword to stay upright. He saw my eyes rest on the blade and he reacted by limping till he was near me and offering it to me. He was putting his life in my hands, but I found myself without desire of revenge, as if Commodus' death had freed me from it. Quintus' betrayal had wounded me deeply and I knew we would have never returned to be friends, but I had no desire to kill him. Instead I needed his help.

XI

The following hours passed in a blur of activities....So many things to be done and so little time! Luckily the conspiracy - even if it would have failed without my arrival - had been well organized. The Praetorians on duty that day in the Palace were Quintus' most trusted men and they not only blocked all the accesses to the imperial residence, but were also dispatched to summon Gracchus and other senators who had opposed Commodus.

While we waited for the Senators' arrival, Marcia - a remarkable young woman, I must say - took care of Quintus' wounds and then we went to free Lucilla from her prison, a wing of the Palace which looked like a gilded cage. I was shocked by her appearance: her face was pale and drawn, her body too thin, her eyes dark circled . She looked much older than I remembered but - and I cannot help to smile even now - she transformed when she saw her son, who, I was informed later, she have not seen in months, run in her arms. They embraced for a long time, then Lucilla stood up and looked at me with wonder. I tilted my head in salute and she smiled, before returning to be the skilled politician I knew. It was clear she wanted to ask me questions but both of us knew it was not the time.

When Gracchus arrived, he and Lucilla appointed me back to my rank of general of the Felix Legions, which Lucilla told me were encamped in Ostia. I was delighted to hear about it and a messager was sent to alert my men of my return.

In a private meeting it was decided to tell the mob, at least for the moment, Commodus had died because of a heart attack, leaving the empire in his sister's and the Senate's hands. I would have acted as warrantee of peace and public order.

I worked with Lucilla and Gracchus for the greatest part of the day, as we sorted out the most immediate steps we needed to take. I wanted so badly to go to Aureliana, but it was impossible and so I had to use one of Gracchus' personal servants to carry her a message to tell her everything was all right. It was not what I wanted to do but Rome needed me.

*****

*

Epilogue

All of this took place ten years ago.

Many things happened since that day. The attempt to restore the Republic as Marcus Aurelius had asked me failed because of the ambitions harbored by many senators who wished to become emperors themselves.

Lucilla, Gracchus and I tried everything to get the politicians work together and not against each other, but in the end we had to admit defeat: Rome needed a strong man on the throne and that man was me. I did my duty and served as Protector for eight years until I left the reins of power to Lucius Septimius Severus, another provincial general who I hope will do well for the empire.

Now I am here back in Melita, enjoying the simple life and work I dreamed of while I was in Germania. These fields are different from those in Hispania but it is better so. I have returned in Trujillo only once, to give a deign burial to Selene and Marcus and to have the villa rebuilt. I have entrusted the lands to friend and I don't know if I will ever be back, too many sad memories are connected with that place. My home is here now, on this little island where there is no arena and where Rome and its politics seem so far away.

Aureliana and I married two months after our return in Rome and our union is beautiful and blessed by the birth of three children, a boy, Maximus Iunior and two girls, Annia and Flavia. I love all of them so much and I am so glad I can stay near them all the time. Someone will think I am crazy, because I given up power to retire in a little corner of world, but I don't care.

I am happy. And, even more importantly for a man who had spent much of his life fighting, I am in peace, with myself and with the world.

What else I could ask for?

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

The End

Historical note: In 192AD Marcia, Commodus' mistress and the Prefect of the Praetorium Quintus Aemilius Laetus tried to kill the emperor by poisoning him. However it was not to eliminate him and the help of the wrestler Narcissus was required. He killed Commodus by strangling him.